Tuesday, May 31, 2011

iCame, iSaw, iConquered... iPad

Apologies to any Julius Caesar fans for bastardizing his famous quote for the sake of an iPad... but, ya know, it's an iPad and with it, all things are possible, including ruining famous latin quotes.

Do you remember waaaaay back when I won a little thing called the Aussie Mummy Blogger with the X Factor Award??? It was a collaboration between Home Loan Finder and Aussie Mummy Bloggers (now Digital Parents). There were caricatures and votes and tweets and Facebook likes...   No? Well, I did. Apparently, I have X Factor, which translated to everyday speak is the ability to get people engaged enough to vote. So massive thanks to everyone who voted!

And my prize was *drum roll* a framed certificate and a personalized iPad2!!!!!!!!! (need more exclamation marks) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iHave iStuff iNow!
On the back it says:

"Glowless - 2011 Mummy Blogger with
the X Factor Winner - Home Loan Finder"

Which does allude to their being a 2012 version too... hrmmmmmmm.

Until it arrived last week, I was an iVirgin. Before that, the only Apple products I've touched have been of the Granny Smith variety.

Yet here I am, proud owner of a freakin iPad!

It arrived in a massive box of bubble wrap, which I'm pretty sure was an extra prize (who doesn't love bubble wrap?) and I opened it up and discovered that iPads are super thin and light (you knew that though) and that I have no freakin clue how to operate one.

Have you noticed how things don't come with physical manuals any more? I would always read a manual first - well not the whole manual, I'd only read the 'Quick Start' section and get on there and figure the rest out myself. Manuals are inside things these days so I didn't even know how to turn it on and had to confess my iTechnodouchery on Twitter in an appeal for help (thanks, Louisa!)

Who knew you had to have iTunes first?! All I wanted to do was fire this baby up and I had to bloody wait while iTunes downloaded and installed then tried to take over the iWorld.

So after major delays I finally got the thing started and did what all the people who've had iEnvy for so long do... went to the App Store to get me some free shit! As a result I'm now on Instagram and bombarding everyone with photos of Tricky (ooh look, Tricky sitting at the window, Tricky on a swing, Tricky standing up...).

My only problem with the iPad is that it has wooed my Mother-In-Law with it's e-reader and Chicktionary to the point where she has asked for one for Christmas...

Do you have an iSomething? What Apps should I get? Or do you have iEnvy?

Monday, May 30, 2011

My Beanie Baby

It's finally getting chilly in Perth! It even rained over night - that's practically unheard of!

So it was time to get Tricks a cute baby hat from Beanie Designs to keep his funky noggin warm.

Beanie Designs specialises in handmade children's hats and headpieces and their pieces are oh so cute! The company is a SAHM success story, with the creator, Yacine, crocheting to relax (after being taught by her husband!) then becoming obsessed with all the gorgeous things she could make. It's now a much bigger business with the headpieces being made in the USA and some work outsourced to other countries.

I poured through the online catalogue wondering which one to get, they're all so cute it was hard to choose.

I ended up choosing the Lil' Mouse Hat because Tricky wore a very similar hat in his newborn photoshoot but we didn't buy any of the photos that featured it as someone thought it was a little silly. 

So here he is, in all his Lil' Mouse glory:

Nawwww hello Lil' Mouse!!!

It's so adorable. It fits perfectly right now but I'm not sure how much longer that will be the case. It is sized 12-24 months, but kids do kinda grow quickly!

If you'd like to grab a sweet little hat or headband for your cherub, check out Beanie Designs online and on Facebook.

Disclaimer: I received a free hat from Beanie Designs to review.
No monetary compensation was offered or accepted for this review. All opinions are my own.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Dude Where's My Rapture?

So we know there was no Rapture right? Well we're all still here so it's either there was no one worth saving or it didn't happen.

Old news, I know.

But now is one of those times when I wish I was a more organized person because Map Guy actually went out and bought a second hand filing cabinet (so we can become more organized people) last Saturday, but only yesterday did we bother to look in it and find it's hidden treasures (a whole week too late to blog it but I'm doing it anyway).

Unconcerned with all things Rapture, Map Guy ventured over one suburb to pick up a second hand filing cabinet from an elderly gentleman who had white hair, a white beard and small silver spectacles. He would have been a spitting image of Santa Claus if it were not for the wonky glass eye.

So the Santa wannabe offered Map Guy all the manila folders in the cabinet, and since we're tight arses frugal, he jumped at the chance.

The cabinet and all it's folders has sat, untouched, for a week in our junk room study.

Today when we opened it we realised exactly why this guy was getting rid of all his stuff...

Yep... the Santa guy was one of the believers. There were about 50 of these files, but these were the best/weirdest. From top to bottom they are:
Understanding the Apocolypse
Are you prepared?
Rapture of Transformation
Seven things God was doing
The Echad of God
The Early Christian Meal
Origin of the Secret Theory - Rapture

At first I just laughed. Then I cringed. And then... well then I felt a bit sad. Felt guilty for poking fun.

I think Mr Claus was one of the believers; his folders (some of which had a few reams of heavy rapture reading material in them) and the giving away of his possessions kinda point to it. Either that or it was just a freakishly timed bout of generosity. And if he truly believed he was being saved then it must have been a major disappointment when 6pm rolled around and there was no tremors and no big shiny lights (or whatever a Rapture is meant to be like).

What must that feel like? For something you have been looking forward to, praying for, depending on... to just vanish before your eyes. I can't even comprehend it.

Friday, May 27, 2011

FlogYoBlog Friday - The Oprah Edition

Morning all,

Have you been watching the Oprah farewell shows? I've been... well... busy. Washing my hair or something.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit interested, but I can get the highlights through the constant bombardment on Twitter and every. single. ad. break. on channel 10.

I never watched any of the Australian tour shows either... apparently that means there is something wrong with me.

I realize she's awesome, she's changed lives and blah blah blah, but if I've got no interest in watching everyone piss in her pocket and claim to be her BFF... I mean, she doesn't even have a blog...

If you're new here, check out The Rules and join in - you don't need to ask permission before hand, just go for it and FLOG!

The Rules
(As stolen from Lori, thus making Baby Jesus cry... sorry)
  1. Follow Where's My Glow? 
  2. Bow down at the alter of Mummy Time; Blog-goddess, all round groovy gal and creator of FYBF
  3. Grab the FYBF button and post it on your sidebar or in the post you're linking up
  4. Link in your favourite/best post from the week (don't just put your homepage URL)
  5. Follow at least 1 linkyer/blogger (Be nice and spread the comment love)
  6. The list will be open for linkyers on Fridays (and for the foreigners Friday as well)
  7. A new and fresh linky list will open every Friday. And you will have to link up AGAIN. The previous link list does not carry over to the following week
  8. Because I live in Dullsville Perth the list will open around 7am AWST - I'm not getting up at 5am and the last time I scheduled a post it didn't work.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Silence is not Golden

I have a little problem with men. Some men? Most men? All men? I don’t know. It’s a problem I’ve had with every single one I’ve ever met, but having not met a large percentage of the world’s men it’s obviously presumptive of me to say all men. But screw it, it's my blog and I’m gonna say it any way. All men.

You just don’t bloody speak up. And we all know what can happen when the hiding and the bottling up gets to breaking point.

But I’m not talking about the mental health side of things, I’m talking about the physical body and how anything wrong is kept quiet. Out of embarrassment or machismo or sheer stupidity. If it’s Man Flu you don’t bloody shut up but if it’s anything more? Silence.

When my Dad was in hospital after his open heart surgery, he fell squarely in to the sheer stupidity section – He was experiencing unusual tingling in his left arm and didn’t say a thing for almost 24 hours. We all know what that tingling can mean, even he did.

But he chose to stay silent; Didn’t want to hassle the nurses, didn’t want to make a fuss. Dickhead.

The only way we found out was when he whispered it to me when my Mum left the room. I yelled at him and paged the nurse.

This morning it has come to my attention that the entire time I was with him yesterday he was experiencing severe chest pains. He mentioned it in passing to my Mum last night. So let me just reiterate in case you missed it; Dickhead.

So, Dad, I’m going to make you read my blog for the very first time, and this bit right here, well it’s just for you:

At what point does it become acceptable to ask for help? Must you be lying on the floor gasping your last breath and clutching your chest? Cos if you ask me, that’s a bit fucking late. Or is a grave marker how you'd like your grandson to remember you?

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

She Did What!? Wednesday - By The Bloke in the Shed

It's Not Me, It's The Baby - By Julian aka The Bloke in the Shed

Earlier this year, there was university research released supposedly showing “baby brain” does not exist.

We all know baby brain _ the condition pregnant women face whereby their unborn eats away at their brain cells causing incidents where mobile phones are placed in the fridge and a block of cheese is plugged into the phone charger.

Well, some uni geek spent time and no doubt taxpayer money trying to disprove this “supposed” condition when all of us husbands/partners have been compiling evidence for years.

In fact, since the birth of now six-month-old Princess Holly (a sister for three-year-old Princess Ella), I’ve been working on my own research to prove “baby brain’’, in fact, lives on long after the birth.

Yes, six months on and I think Holly is still causing the condition in my good wife, Princess Kel.

In fairness, my studies have concluded the probability of the lack of sleep our party animal baby is causing Kel is only causing the baby brain to be more acute.

Nevertheless, baby brain it is.

Case in point: grocery shopping the other day.

We’re standing at a crowded and cramped checkout with a handful of groceries and Baby Holly is starting to throw a wobbly (cue: grunting, squealing and general unpleasantness).

I tell Kel I’m heading out of the store to wait outside with Holly and make a hasty retreat, leaving her with the well-behaved three-year-old and three light bags of groceries.

Minutes later, I’m standing cuddling a now entertained and happy bub when Kel and Ella walk blissfully from the store.

It’s as they stroll happily up to me I notice there is something missing ……….. the groceries.

Seconds later, out of the building comes a red-faced shop assistant screaming at the good wife “you forgot your groceries’’.

The looks of peace on Kel’s face turns suddenly from “wtf, how did that happen?’’ to “omg, I’m such an idiot’’.

I can’t help it but to break out in hysterics.

What follows is plenty of excuses “I thought you’d taken them earlier”, “I was getting them home delivered” and “they were going to email the groceries to us’’.

Yeah, right. Baby brain, guilty as charged. Take that, uni geek.

___ . . . ___ . . . ___ 

Julian blogs in The Shed, a virtual room inside his wife Kel’s blog Three Li’l Princesses. Known as the Bloke in The Shed, he is also a newspaper deputy editor and dad to Princesses No. 2 and 3. 

He is married to his iPhone and is finding a thinner version of himself via the Nintendo Wii. You can sometimes find him hanging out on Facebook, but refuses to join Twitter.

 Next Week: See if The Calm Blue Blogger remains calm with projectiles

Send your S/He Did What!? submission to Glowless@wheresmyglow.com

Glowless rocked the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Mappy Anniversary

On this day three years ago, Map Guy and I became Mr and Mrs GlowMap or MapGlow. Or something.

We didn't have the traditional type of wedding because we're not traditional type of people. It started with having three bright yellow Ford GTs as our wedding cars and continued from there.

I wasn't walked down the isle by my Dad... I didn't want to be. It was not something I had dreamed of since I was a little girl; I had not imagined myself in a giant puffy dress, walking next to my Dad while he held back tears as he proudly escorted me to my waiting beau. No matter how much mainstream media told me I should want for it, I didn't. Not even once.

It didn't sit well with me to be given away as property - even if it is just a silly tradition that holds no weight any more, that's what it felt like for me. I would be a possession. An object. There was no way it was going to happen.

So instead, Map Guy waited at the bottom (or is it the top?) of the aisle for me to arrive, and we walked up (or is it down?) together, to symbolize to our friends and family in attendance that we had chosen to "give ourselves away" to each other.

Because I was acutely aware that my Dad might have dreamed of giving his daughter away, but would never have voiced his disappointment, a few minutes in to the ceremony BOTH sets of parents were asked to stand and "give away" their child - If I had to be given away then he bloody had to as well!

We continued on with the non-traditional by having a somewhat unusual choice of song for our bridal waltz, "Shut Up and Kiss Me" by Fiona Horne and Paul McDermott (yep the guy on Good News Week who always sings),  then the bridal party joined us and "Icecream" by Sarah McLachland played. It was definitely very "us". As was the fairy bread the bridal party had between ceremony and reception. What? You know all the best parties have fairy bread!

Photo by the divine Jen Regan of Anna Rose Photography

Happy anniversary, Map Guy. Because we always seem to gravitate towards music, I will quote Spiral Staircase when I say  "I love you more today than yesterday, but only half as much as tomorrow ". The past year has been amazing and I would be nowhere without you. I love you xxx

Did you do anything different to the norm at your wedding? Would you do anything differently if you had the chance?
Glowless rocked the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to

Friday, May 20, 2011

FlogYoBlog Friday - The Rapture Edition

Quick, Jesus is coming, everybody look busy.

Welcome, Floggers, to which may very well be your last ever FlogYoBlog Friday...

If the reports are true, tomorrow the big guy, the Grilled Cheesus himself will be coming back for an encore showing.

And so begins the Rapture... which is why I said it might be your last FYBF and not my last one - I'm a heathen so there is little chance I'll be one of the chosen ones. I'll be here til October when the world is apparently going to end at which point I'll be a little bit pissed that I didn't get to have my totally kick-ass 30th birthday party.

So, if you're a crackpot believer that there is coded messages in an two thousand year old book that says tomorrow is The Day even though the calendars have changed since then, you've probably got a few loose ends to tie up (like organizing for someone to look after your heathen dog once you're gone) so I won't keep you any longer. I wish you the best and please say hi to Elvis for me.

If you think tomorrow is just another day or you're just too busy to be bothered with all this end of the world stuff, be you Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Atheist, Agnostic, Pagan, Church of the FSM or Jedi, let's Flog, baby!

The Rules
(As stolen from Lori, thus making Baby Jesus cry... sorry)
  1. Follow Where's My Glow? 
  2. Bow down at the alter of Mummy Time; Blog-goddess, all round groovy gal and creator of FYBF
  3. Grab the FYBF button and post it on your sidebar or in the post you're linking up
  4. Link in your favourite/best post from the week (don't just put your homepage URL)
  5. Follow at least 1 linkyer/blogger (Be nice and spread the comment love)
  6. The list will be open for linkyers on Fridays (and for the foreigners Friday as well)
  7. A new and fresh linky list will open every Friday. And you will have to link up AGAIN. The previous link list does not carry over to the following week
  8. Because I live in Dullsville Perth the list will open around 7am AWST - I'm not getting up at 5am and the last time I scheduled a post it didn't work.

Glowless rocked the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Cheers, baby!

Tricky's been doing something funny for the last few weeks so I thought I'd whip out the camera and document it for future blackmailing purposes.

Yep, that's my boy. My little bogan baby.

It's not actually meant to look like an ad for Pepsi but it kinda does. Sorry about that.

Glowless rocked the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

He Did What!? Wednesday - By Darkly Wise, Rudely Great

I Did What? - Guest post by Darkly Wise, Rudely Great

He is a new father. We’ll call him ‘Damon’, if only because this is his name.

He is idealistic, proud and dedicated to parenthood. He wants what Zorba the Greek called ‘the full catastrophe’: marriage, children, and the thick knot of entangled lives.

When his son wakes, he wakes. When his wife sleeps, he dotes. He cooks frittata, buys tubs of King Island Dairy yoghurt, cleans the house, helps with breast-feeding. (By prodding his son’s chubby chin to wake him up, mid-feed.)

And he is a master of that arcane midnight art: nappy changing.

Or so he thinks.

On one evening, after three hours’ sleep (not consecutive, mind you), he is practicing his craft. His son is on the change table. The new nappy is ready. The old nappy is off. The boy is clean.

But not clean enough.

Mad with sleeplessness, the father decides to keep wiping. There are specks. There are dots. He will clean them. He keeps wiping.


(O hubris, scourge of heroes.)

And then it happens. A hot stream of stinking saffron squirts from his heir’s squirming bum. It burns his eyes. It clogs his nose. Yes, it drips past his lips.

He is literally shitfaced.

He wants to run away to a hot, purifying shower. He cannot – a small nappy-wipe must do. He holds his son steadily on the change table, who is now smiling like a crowned king. He changes and dresses his baby boy, and puts him to bed.

Minutes are centuries. But finally the boy sleeps.

Then he runs away to a hot, purifying shower, which restores pink skin but not dignity.

To paraphrase Nietzsche: sometimes when you stare long into an abyss, the abyss craps all over you.

___ . . . ___ . . . ___

Damon Young is a philosopher, writer and commentator. No, I don't mean a backyard philosopher, I mean he has a PhD in philosophy... that's right, Where's My Glow? has just featured Dr Damon.

He has already published one book and a second is due out next year. His writing has been published in the The Age, The Sydney Morning Herald, The Australian, Herald-Sun, and on the BBC and ABC. He's a regular radio guest, has even been on Channel 7's Sunrise and is also one of the minds behind Reservoir Dad's Most Mentally Sexy Contest... in other words, he's ultra smart and a bit of a media whore junkie.

To find his work, ranging from fiction to poetry to philosophy, visit his website and if that's a little heavy going for you, then check out his blog for bite sized snippets.

Next Week: The Bloke in the Shed spills the beans on Princess Kellie

Send your S/He Did What!? submission to Glowless@wheresmyglow.com
Glowless rocked the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

You've Got Mail

If you've been playing along at home you'd know that a few weeks back I got a snarky letter from Tricky's paediatrician who failed to diagnose his Craniosynostosis even though he had three of the four markers for it.

There was such a great response to the post; comments, emails and tweets of support. It was one of those times I'm so thankful for this tight knit community.

When I sent off my reply to the doctor a few weeks later I tweeted that my whole body was shaking and I felt like crying. The gorgeous Toushka Lee saw that tweet and immediately asked me for my address, saying she'd bought something that day, and after reading that, felt like I needed it more than her.

I was quite taken aback. Someone wants to send me something? Just to cheer me up? How amazing is that?

So yesterday, a full week after it was posted (thanks, Australia Post) it arrived...

It will come in super handy should I receive any further correspondence from the dickead doctor.

Also tucked in the package was not one, but two hand written notes; one for me...

And one for Tricky's paediatrician...

So what do you think? Should I forward it on??? She certainly does get her point across, don't you think?

My darling Toushka, thank you so so so much for thinking of me and taking the time and effort to send it. You have me grinning like a Cheshire Cat and stamping every single piece of paper I passed... and Map Guy's forehead xxx

Toushka is nominated for the Kidspot Top 50 Bloggers - go and vote for her... or you might just get a letter like that.
Glowless rocked the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to

Monday, May 16, 2011

Hullo Eurovision!

Hullo Europe! Don't yew look bewdiful this evaning!

Have no idea what I'm going on about? Last night was the 2011 Eurovision Song Contest.

I love everything about Eurovision. Tacky costumes, mostly crappy songs, and gimmicky acts - what's not to love? This year didn't disappoint, there were giant pointy hats (Devo on steroids?), dresses so short they were belts, bizarre back up dancers and a fairy playing a clarinet whilst riding a unicycle. I say again, what's not to love?

Because of the time difference the result was actually known by the time we woke up yesterday so there was a self imposed media black out - in past years they've announced it on news websites as "Germany wins Eurovision" which has pissed me off so much. Is it that hard to say "Eurovision Winner" and let someone click through to know the result? Huh? No. You just had to go and spoil it didn't you.

It's tradition for Map Guy and I get together with a group of friends to watch the show in all it's gaudy costume and wind machine glory. But you can't just watch the show, you have to dress up and support one of the countries in the final.

Which is why a bunch of very strange looking people turned up at Casa de Glow:

Mr Moldova (camera and internet shy)

Mrs Ireland and Baby Ireland (with spikey Jedward hair!)

Mrs Germany and Mr Russia

Mr Ukraine
Baby Germany and Mrs Switzerland
Yes, even babies dress up for our Eurovision parties! I made Tricky's lederhosen using GIMP and iron on transfer paper - it's the most creative thing I've ever done, the detailing in the middle is actually our family crest. So I get top points for my efforts and then lose them all because he was in bed asleep before anyone arrived. 

So who won? There was a big upset and Azebaijan took the title with their soppy love song and 'get a room' face touching. Hey, at least it wasn't Jedward.

Do you watch Eurovision like 400 million others worldwide? Do you dress up like an idiot too?
Glowless rocked the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to

Saturday, May 14, 2011

FlogYoBlog Friday - The Saturday Edition

Well, well, well, what do we have here? FlogYoBlog Friday on a Saturday? Has the world gone topsy turvy??

Well, actually, it kinda did. The blogging world at least.

If you're not a blogger or have been out of action the past 36 hours you wouldn't know that the entire Blogger blogging platform went in to read only mode - no new posts, no comments.

Bloggers everywhere, longing to spew forth too much information about their private lives were hyperventilating at their sudden muting and took to Twitter to bitch microblog, but it just wasn't the same. The conversation quickly turned to Merkins. I know, I don't understand either, but it was awesome.

There were reports of some Sydney bloggers going to the Domain Speakers' Corner and reading out their posts, so desperate were they for comments on their lives.

So now the system appears to be restored, albeit it with missing posts, missing comments, and old posts being mailed out to email subscribers. It will be a confusing few days on the blogosphere as everyone tries to get back to normal.

For now, grab your latest post (if it exists!) and Flog it!

The linky will stay open until Sunday 5pm AEST to make up for the missed time.

The Rules
(As stolen from Lori, thus making Baby Jesus cry... sorry)
  1. Follow Where's My Glow? 
  2. Bow down at the alter of Mummy Time; Blog-goddess, all round groovy gal and creator of FYBF
  3. Grab the FYBF button and post it on your sidebar or in the post you're linking up
  4. Link in your favourite/best post from the week (don't just put your blog URL)
  5. Follow at least 1 linkyer/blogger (Be nice and spread the comment love)
  6. The list will be open for linkyers on Fridays (and for the foreigners Friday as well)
  7. A new and fresh linky list will open every Friday. And you will have to link up AGAIN. The previous link list does not carry over to the following week
  8. Because I live in Dullsville Perth the list will open around 7am AWST - I'm not getting up at 5am and the last time I scheduled a post it didn't work.

Glowless rocked the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to


I have Podophobia. It's not the fear of a group of whales, or the fear of peas (though I don't like peas, but that's an entirely different blog post). It's a phobia of feet.

Not scared of, not a bit afraid of, not a dislike of. A full blown phobia - an irrational fear completely disproportionate to the Danger (yes, capital D, Danger). It even got on my
50 facts list.

To me, feet are dangerous, scary bastards that need to be kept in shoes at all times. If they can be funky shoes then even better (how do I love shoes and hate feet?).
I ♥ Shoooooooes

I will dry retch at the sight of a foot, even a picture of a foot. If a foot comes near me, I will panic, my heart will start racing and I will usually cry. I have even been known to request people only use the metric system around me, I will have none of this 6 foot tall business, you are 182.9cm thankyouverymuch. OK, maybe I made that last bit up.

Stoopid right? Yup. I can see you all nodding and making the international loony sign. It's OK, it's appropriate right now.

But (there is always a but), there is one set of feet that I love. Tricky's (like that wasn't predictable).

So baby soft with chubby little toes just perfect for playing 'This little piggie' on and making both of us giggle in delight.

I could nibble, kiss and breathe in his feet all day, luxuriating in their pristine, virgin state.

Well I could... until the bugger learned how to walk last month.

The silken skin is gone, replaced with tiny little toughened callouses on the edges of his toes from digging them in to the ground, willing himself to balance for just a few more steps. His heels roughened from the scraaaape of not quite picking his feet all the way up as he wobbles along.

They are now, to someone like me, completely off limits. No more touching, and definitely no more smooches. Ick. Yuck. Vomit.

My entire approach to him, well more specifically to his feet, has changed... and it's not good. In fact, Map Guy has pulled me up on it, told me I better figure out how to get over it before I end up giving Tricks a foot phobia too...

And he's right. Dammit.

I don't want Tricky to be afraid of his feet; to want to run away and cry at preschool when all the kids take their shoes off; to think that feet will somehow hurt him; to hyperventilate every time he tries on shoes because some other revolting foot just might have already touched it.

So every day now I try to touch his feet and not gag. It's working... I'm slowly getting there. There is still Buckley's chance I will be touching adult feet, but, you know, small steps. Pun most definitely intended.

Do you have a phobia? Do you worry about 'passing it on' to your kids?

Glowless rocked the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

She Did What!? Wednesday - By Super Daddy

SHE Did What!? - Guest post by Super Daddy
The first ever SHE!!

In my house the stereotypical male - female roles are reversed.

I’m the one that does the cleaning and cooking. Sure my wife will step in from time to time, on a Saturday or Sunday and make breakfast for the kids.

I am the stay at home parent. The kids and I are accustomed to a certain routine, and if it is altered very much, all hell could potentially break loose. Breakfast at 8am, snack at 10am, lunch at 12pm naptime 1 - 2:30 pm, snack 2:45pm dinner at 5pm, story time at 7pm, kids in bed and asleep by 8pm. Okay so the kids asleep by 8pm hardly ever works out, but it is a goal.

We’ve been having a lot of severe weather here in the U.S. lately. One particular severe storm that was threatening an outbreak of tornadoes was set to hit town at 3am. So, I decided to stay up and keep an eye on the weather. I’m paranoid about such things ever since my home was destroyed by a tornado twenty years ago.

Anyway, I stayed awake until the storm had passed. My wife let me sleep in that morning, being it was Saturday and she didn’t have to rush off to work.

I awoke to the sound of screaming kids and my wife yelling, “It’s breakfast time”.

I checked the time, 9am; I staggered out of bed made my way to the dinning room to find the kids eating hotdogs for breakfast. Please keep in mind there was a number of breakfast items in the kitchen my wife could have made; oatmeal, cereal, eggs, pancakes, sausage, bananas. Okay you get the idea. Hotdogs, she chose hotdogs.
I haven’t bought hotdogs in a long time. I just happened to purchase this package of hotdogs for putting on the grill for a cookout. Instead they were used for BREAKFAST!

I poured myself a cup of coffee and returned to the dinning room, biting my lip, because what was done was done. My wife turns to me and says, “Kids are eating breakfast. I gave them hotdogs so they’d have some protein.”

Yeah, protein. Nothing a sausage link, strawberries and eggs could have given them.

8 points for trying and for the conviction in her voice about the protein.

___ . . . ___ . . . ___

Kevin is a stay at home dad and the author of Super Daddy, a bloghe where he writes about parenting, being a stay at home dad, politics, dandelions, Sid the Science Kid and nothing in particular.

He is the first ever contributor to submit a She Did What!? Wednesday (hurrah!) and says funny words like oatmeal instead of porridge and cookout when he obviously means BBQ.

You can get more of your Super Daddy fix on Facebook and Twitter.

 Next Week: We learn that a shower doesn't cleanse everything

Send your S/He Did What!? submission to Glowless@wheresmyglow.com
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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Lardy McLard Ass

My BMI is so very very close to obese.

It scares the crap outta me.

I know I'm fat but I don't tend to step on the scales, so I didn't know my actual weight - even when I found out my weight I didn't think it would be enough to put me in to the obese category... but it did. No, I'm not gonna put it here, I can't bring myself to do it, but you can pretty much guess it I'm sure. 

If I’m to lose weight before December as part of my Thirty before 30 list, then I need to get a move on. Quite literally. So, I went walking. What did you see? I saw a yellow dog looking at me.

I can’t do as much exercise as some other people. I don’t really talk about it much, but I have a chronic pain condition that means if I go all out and “work through the pain” Biggest Loser style, I will end up in bed, unable to move for the rest of the week even with the help of some very hard core drugs. I’ve even got one of those disability stickers on my car that lets me park in the ACROD bays – it comes in really handy on the days when I can barely move, but, because I don’t limp or “look disabled” I tend to get abused by people who assume I have stolen my grandmother’s permit, so I don’t use it unless I’m desperate and ready to fight off people who block my car in (yes, that really happened).

Chronic pain affects my social life too; if I go out dancing or to a pub and have to stand the whole night, I do it knowing that the next two to three days are a write off… but I still go cos I’m stupid and quite partial to wine young (ish) and want to have fun.

When I do exercise, it has to be very gentle; walking is pretty much all I can do and there can’t be any incline. I even considered joining one of those granny walking clubs once only to find out they walk much faster than I can.

So yesterday I walked and five minutes in to it I knew it was a mistake. Not because I was in pain but because I made the stupid mistake of wearing a g-string, the only clean pair of undies in the house. Every now and again I’d glance around to make sure there was no one behind me and yank those suckers out. I am nothing if not classy.

For today's walk I will be much more prepared and actually wear proper underwear. A bit of walking, no less crappy food, and I'll be on my way to looking and feeling fab I'm sure.

Is your body screwed up like mine? If so, how do you keep fit?
Glowless rocked the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mothers' Day Pity Party

Yup, today was my very first Mothers' Day. Is it Mother's or Mothers'? I can never tell. I'm gonna say Mothers' cos it's for all mamas not just mine.

Anywho, my main wish for my inaugural day of celebrating stretch marks, was to sleep in. That went flying out the window because somebody forgot to inform Tricky, who decided to wake up and scream from 3:30 - 4:30am. Because he's been sick, after every sleep cycle he wakes, realizes he's drowning in snot and screams. Self settling kinda buggers off when there is a glazed doughnut monster around.

Lather, rinse and repeat from 5:30 - 6:30am, at which point I gave up and shoved a nipple in his mouth. Ahhh silence. He then crawls up to my face and... SMACK... headbutts me in the nose so hard I cry.

I hand Tricky over to Map Guy with a "you deal with him" glare and between sobs wish myself a Happy fucking Mothers Day as I fall back to sleep. If there is one thing I'm good at, it's self pity.

Fast forward about an hour and I'm woken by Map Guy and Tricks bringing me breakfast in bed. And because it was "made by Tricky" it was served on his plate with my drink in his sippy cup. Well, he can't reach the cupboard with the proper plates, can he? Nawwww.

Then there was the whole "it's on my plate therefore it's for me... WHY AREN'T YOU FEEDING ME?" screams so I shared my toast with Tricky. But not the bacon. I don't share bacon.

I was presented with a framed family photo (the gorgeous one of us at the Royal Wedding party) which I already knew I was getting because I walked in on Map Guy making it the other day. But that's cool because I hate surprises and it also meant my present for my Mum was taken care of because he'd made one for her too. Score. He gets extra brownie points because he's had ManFlu all week and still had enough forethought to get me something that didn't cost much but meant so so so much to me.

Did you get any presents for Mothers' Day? Or like me do you prefer the gifts that don't cost must but mean the most? 

P.S. My nose still hurts.
Glowless rocked the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to

Friday, May 6, 2011

FlogYoBlog Friday - The Fluffy Slipper Edition

Happy Flogging Friday everyone, and to those of you who are or have been mothers in any way, shape or form, Happy Mothers' Day for Sunday!

This time last year I was HEAVILY pregnant and lamenting the fact that there were no 'Happy Parasitic Host Day' cards... Hallmark never did contact me to buy that idea.

This year I've been sending hints to Map Guy that if he gets me a small home appliance or slippers I will be very stabby. A $5 box of choccies will do me just fine, thankyouverymuch. Actually, just a sleep in would be awesome - that's free and will be appreciated more than any bought gift.

So what do I want for my first ever Mothers' Day? A sleep in and then a few hours to myself to read all your fab FlogYoBlog Friday posts! I'm so easily pleased.

The Rules
(As stolen from Lori, thus making Baby Jesus cry... sorry)
  1. Follow Where's My Glow? 
  2. Bow down at the alter of Mummy Time; Blog-goddess, all round groovy gal and creator of FYBF
  3. Grab the FYBF button and post it on your sidebar or in the post you're linking up
  4. Link in your favourite/best post from the week (don't just put your blog URL)
  5. Follow at least 1 linkyer/blogger (Be nice and spread the comment love)
  6. The list will be open for linkyers on Fridays (and for the foreigners Friday as well)
  7. A new and fresh linky list will open every Friday. And you will have to link up AGAIN. The previous link list does not carry over to the following week
  8. Because I live in Dullsville Perth the list will open around 7am AWST - I'm not getting up at 5am and the last time I scheduled a post it didn't work

Glowless rocked the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Letter to Tricky - eleven months

Dear Tricky,

You're walking, baby! At age 10 months and 15 days you took your first proper steps! In the week leading up to it, you took one step a few times, then a few falling steps, so Mama thought it might be getting close, then when we were visiting your Perth Nanna and Pop you let go of my knee and walked to Pop. We all squealed and clapped and you had no idea what you'd done but clapped along with us anyway.

Then when Dad came home, you did it again! We whipped out the video camera and were lucky enough to capture you doing it a few more times and you can now do about 15 in a row if you're really awake!

But then I made the mistake of trying to keep your feet warm in shoes on the one day it rained and you haven't forgiven me and refuse to walk near me but will still happily walk to your Dad. I'm sorry little guy, please forgive me - I won't make you wear them again.

Perth Pop had a big operation and we went to visit him in the hospital - you knew something was up because you didn't stretch out for him to pick you up like you normally do. It wasn't until he was home again and standing up that you wanted to be near him again. He can't pick you up for another month yet and you're already letting us know that you don't approve of this no-pick-up-Pop.

You like to make broombroom noises when you play with your car and woofwoof noises when you see any type of animal. Your favourite thing to do is to walk laps around the lounge room with your block trolley - you're almost running with it! You absolutely love to go under things, even when careening around with the block trolley and I giggle every single time you approach the table, check it out and then duck your head to go under it.

You've been to three first birthday parties already and there are a lot more to go to very soon - including your own!

Just one more month, cheeky-chops, and you'll officially be a toddler.

Love Mama xxx

Glowless rocked the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to

He Did What!? Wedesday - By SawHole

Some Men are Bastards - Guest post by Sawhole of WoogsWorld

When my Mum died from cancer in 2001, we all went to Lithgow for the necessary arrangements. 

So my ex sat in my former bedroom and watched cricket most of the day.

The only time he was proactive was when he told me he had to go back to work the next day.

I attempted to unleash all hell but I did not have the energy.

All right. Just go. Leave me here alone.

He stayed in Sydney until the day of the funeral, when he had me drive him home after the wake so he could play touch football.

His Mum and sister were with us and I caused a stir he said when I freaked out when I got stuck down the wrong way at Pitt St.

Mother-in-law-to-be made comments about me crying and freaking out.

My reply to him was: "Fuck her. Did she have to cart someone around on the day of her mother's funeral?"

It is almost 10 years since this event and I still strongly believe this - you Mitchells can all go fuck yourselves.

Ahhh feels better.
___ . . . ___ . . . ___

SawHole is the inimitable unprofessional Agony Aunt at WoogsWorld. She is the changer of kitty litter, the singer of karaoke, the bomber of photos and the mopper of dance floors.

I had the pleasure of sitting next to her (and learning her real name!) at the Naughty Table at AusBlogCon and was able to witness her shenanigans first hand until she had to leave to go and wash Mrs Woog's feet.

To hear more from Australia's most famous blogger without a blog, stalk her on Twitter - she Tweets while autographing and kissing photos of Mrs Woog to send out to readers.

Next Week: The very first SHE Did What!? thanks to SuperDaddy!

Send your S/He Did What!? submission to Glowless@wheresmyglow.com
Glowless rocked the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Sick as a Dog

WARNING: On a scale from one to whinge-o-rama, this post is right at the top!

I don't often get sick. Not proper sick. Not stay-in-bed-and-sleep, use-an-entire-box-of-tissues sick.

Yet here I am with a constantly running nose, a thumping headache and a cough that feels like it is ripping my throat out. And the aching, oh the aching!

I've only been sick once since Tricky came on the scene - I ended up in the emergency room being pumped full of FOUR LITRES of fluids because I so dehydrated from throwing up so much.

Because I was so sick last time and could barely move, Map Guy had some days off work to look after me and ten week old Tricks (and then some more time off because I was so caring that I shared my bugs with him), but this time... well this time I'm just normal sick so there will be no 'carer's leave'; no bringing of water, no making of lunch, no time to laze about while someone else watches Tricky and definitely no ringing of small bells when I want someone to fluff my pillows.

Aunty Penny will be so proud I've used a LolCat

I know. Toughen up, Duchess Princess. Mamas do this all the time.

It's a prerequisite of motherhood that you be willing to suck it up and keep going. To soldier on. To cook dinner with one hand while you hold a screaming baby in the other and figure out which way to turn your head to cough. To smile and clap while your child shows off his skills and looks to you for encouragement when all you want to do is curl up with a cup of tea, a box of tissues and hard-core flu medicine.

So my dishes sit in the sink, the nappies remain unwashed, and the entire lounge room floor is covered in blocks and toys. And I don't care. It will all be there waiting for me when I'm better, so why bust my gut doing it now?

How do you cope when you're sick and looking after kids?
Glowless rocked the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to


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