Tuesday, December 13, 2011

10 Reasons Why I I'm Not Your Facebook Friend

Facebook. Hrmmm. I have a love hate relationship with the 'book. I recently did a huge cull of "friends" and freely admit to be being too chicken to delete more.

For some of the defriends, these were my top ten reasons.

1. We went to school together and we weren't friends then, definitely aren't friends now, and are highly unlikely to actually be proper friends at any point in the future. It was nice to get on and have a look at how fat/skinny you are and how cute/fugly your children are, but it's time to put it behind us. However, if you transition to Twitter, let's be BFFs.

2. Every single update is emo and attention seeking. I get it, really I do. Sometimes you need to vent about how shit your life is. Heaven forbid that I, the ultra crazy gal, would deny anyone the right to talk about their mental health or lack there of. But if it's all you write, it's a bit of a downer. Get a therapist.

3. You bitch and moan about how little money you have thanks to your deadbeat ex who never pays child support and ask for people to lend you petrol money, then post pictures of your brand new Great Dane puppy from your brand new iPhone while you're getting a pedicure.

4. You mention, in detail, your child's toilet habits. I don't enjoy dealing with my own child's shit, why would I want to hear about yours' in all it's festery detail. The same goes for "Yay Ashlynella-Lou just did poo in the potty!". I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! If you put a photo up, Google God help you because I will hunt you down.

5. I don't actually know who you are. If you blog under a pseudonym and then add me under your real name I simply have no clue who the hell you are. Same goes for if we met at a party and spoke for all of five minutes. I don't add randoms - that is what Twitter is for.

6. You fill up my feed with your latest and greatest cold/flu/sinus infection/ear infection. Does the word hypochondria mean anything to you? No? Look it up, your photo is there. If you really are that sick then I suggest skipping the GP and heading straight to a major hospital because it's obvious you have some sort of diabolical immune disorder.

7. You send me requests for farm animals/plants/potions. It's bad enough that you fill up my feed with all this crap but you make it ten times worse when you send me a personal message asking for a freaking spanner to repair your coffee machine in a cafe game. The only fucking spanner I'm going to give you is one to shove up your arse. Go to a real cafe like a normal person.

8. You comment on every single one of my status updates and photos. The sanctity of Facebook revolves around how easy it is to stalk people - you're doing it wrong if you make it so bloody obvious. It is entirely too freaky if you comment multiple times on a single photo of my son. I know he's cute, I'm his mother. Plus I have an entire blog full of information, why stalk on Facebook when it's all right here?

9. You publicly chuck a hissy fit when someone deletes you, even though you weren't really friends to start with. Then you turn around and delete people a week later saying you simply don't want to share everything with everyone and would people please grow up, it's not the end of the world. HYPOCRITE!

10. You ask information you should be finding out through more appropriate means. Facebook is not for street directions, movie reviews, weather updates or the seeking of medical advice so stop requesting it. That is what Google, and to a lesser extent a doctor, is for. Every time you ask your "friends" if your symptoms require a trip to the hospital, a puppy dies. True story.

Why aren't you a Facebook friend?

56 comments:

  1. Don't think i could have said those tips better myself lol :-) x

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  2. Agreed to all of the above! I do regular cull's, but there are a few people, actually one, that I keep purely for entertainment value (is that mean?). I am over hearing about your whinge with the housing commision, and how centrelink has stuffed up your payment, and how bored you are being a SAHM. If you don't like the house that housing commision has put you in, for a pitance of rent, then spend your money on a house you are happy with like the rest of us. Centrelink is there to help you, not support you, and stop breeding or find a job if your so freaking bored!

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  3. I survived!!!!! Just went to make sure,lol!  (I thought I'd come under Number 6). Thank you for keeping me! 

    I get very, very irritated with 3,4,7 and 8.

    And am about to do (though I feel bad about it, it's for the same reason you're doing it) it for 5.  I have a LOT of people who I know I must be 'friends' with because I follow their blogs. But if they blog under a different name, and nothing on their personal status gives me an idea of who they are, they're going to have to go. There must be a good 30 of them on my FB.

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  4. ROFL! I have around 40 FB friends, and half of them still shit me to tears with most of the above!

    I also very much dislike people who send me umpteen friend requests and then walk past me in the supermarket as if I'm not there. It makes me want to share their highly embarrassing high school dress up social photos.

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  5. I love a good cull and regularly a good laugh at those people with hundreds of 'friends'.

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  6. Brilliant, love it! I have another one to add: "because you keep copying and pasting those horrible bigoted, racist, not to mention ignorant status updates about asylum seekers, immigrants taking our jobs, greenies locking us out of fishing spots, etc, etc. I'm not interested in your political stance, especially if you have NFI what you're talking about!"

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  7. After checking that I made the cut, I am now free to say I love this post and could not agree more. 

    Seriously though, if it weren't for interstate family/friends, I would have gotten rid of the bastard a long time ago. Texting cute photos of my kids to everyone would cost a fortune, and I am a tight arse. 
    That is all.

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  8. I think I have more "pages" now that I like then friends. I did a huge cull last week - and have 58 friends - most of them are actually family. I use facebook now more for getting snap shot information about something I like or are interested in, as opposed to finding out whatever so and so is doing. All of those reasons that you listed is why I first hid someone's feed, and now have deleted them. It was rather refreshing actually.

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  9. I regularly do a Facebook cull I think if people don't at least interact with me at least once a month then they get culled in the next cull!!

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  10. i agree with every point, I have culled and culled and then debated about culling more (do I really need to be friends with people I'll never see again?).. I cull usually once a month. My hubbytobe has 79 friends, and continues to delete!! I don't think he really wants to be on facebook but does check it everyday.

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  11. Bahahaha!!  So true and so awesome!  Just the other night I was thinking about how I could defriend some people without them ever realizing it.  I was too chicken-shit to go through with it. Sometimes I think about shutting the whole thing down, but I enjoy stalking and judging people way too much.

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  12. "but I enjoy stalking and judging people way too much"... I think we are kindred spirits

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  13. No way, there is a difference between genuine chronic illness and just always complaining that you have the lastest virus that is going around!! BIG DIFFERENCE!

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  14. They shit me to tears! Didn't add it to to this list because it was in my Twitter list and didn't want to double up :P

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  15. I've got lots of family on there too... plus a little bit of stalking is keeping me on there.

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  16. I don't do FB at all.  I do not have a profile and I don't plan to register.  Its one big debauched hook up place.

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  17. that is the main reason I have deleted people in the past. hate hate

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  18. I got hacked off with it - deativated - went back - deactivated again -  did a cull .....

    Now I just log on to my OWN profile - who cares about the rest of them, it's all about ME ;)

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  19. Love it! I'm still too chicken to do a good cull... but I like the way a friend of mine does it. If she hasn't communicated with someone in some form (irl, Twitter, Facebook...) in the year prior to their birthday she defriends them on their birthday. 

    2,3 and 6 are the ones that really get me... 

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  20. I have accidentally accepted friendship requests from friends of friends only to regret it because of text speak (it's not a mobile phone there's no reason we can't spell things out properly) or because of sharing too many app-driven updates. I hide the apps and if it's really bad, and I don't want to offend, then I hide the person from my feed. Sneaky but effective.

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  21. Seriously, I am hardly there. I'm even bored with the stalking content of my FB these days.
    Am I the only one that gets FB-rage? Maybe I need to seriously rethink who I have on there because I've got some real idiots.

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  22. What about those "put this as your status for 1 hour if you" - support someone with cancer, care about sick kids, refugees etc etc, "I know which of my friends will do this..." implication - I know which ones are heartless bastards (no, really we just find more meaningful ways to show we care!).
    Or those stupid change your status to some stupid random word to show your support for breast cancer???? Really, like that's going to save someone?????
    Ooooh, I think I may have my ranty pants on today too!

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  23. Bahaha! I'm not going to lie to you, I had a little check to see if you'd deleted me ;-)

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  24. I decided that when I had to ring my brother to ask who one of my FB 'friends' was, it was time to quit. I went cold turkey and have not gone back. Even though I no longer know what someone I went to school with 20 years ago had for dinner last night, I seem to be getting on just fine.....

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  25. Just to play Devil's Advocate... I only have Facebook access from my phone. A phone with a touchpad. I'm sure everyone thinks I'm having a stroke with some of the things that I type! 

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  26. bwahahaha

    I'm a FB-skim-reader so most things don't bother me too much but the broke-newshiny-broke-newshiny-broke-newshiny thing irritates me so much.... unfortunately it's my usually my best friend doing it so there's no escaping it even if I delete my FB! lol. 

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  27. You can tell that I haven't a web enabled phone. It didn't even occur to me that's the reason I saw so much text speak from one individual in particular. Thanks for alerting me to this! I'm still hiding his feed though. I just looked and he seems to have found religion and has a daily bible quotes app enabled, which is nice for him, but not my cup of tea.

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  28. That's terrible of you to keep someone just for entertainment purposes... oh wait, I do that too. Oops.
    PMSL stop breeding! I have a few people I'd like to say that to!

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  29. I put up photos for family, do a status update every now and again but nothing much these days. FB-rage is a serious illness - be careful :P

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  30. OMG YES! I don't think I've ever put one of those up. And those crap "It's son/daughter/wife/husband week" things - that go around at least once a month!

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  31. You're safe, you entertain me :)

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  32. I have several entertainment people on my personal FB. 

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  33. Agree with all these !  FB seems to be an escape for many of the delusional, warped and just eff'ed up.  Thanks for reminding me I need to do a HUGE cull on my personal account!

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  34. I love your 10 Reasons Why posts!!
    I deleted a friend of a friend from uni, an acquaintance. Next time he saw me, he was all like "you deleted me" I said to him "I don't see or talk to you... not in person and not on facebook..."

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  35. Guess I better spend more time on Twitter....

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  36. I don't take facebook seriously anymore. It is just another tool for me and that's it.

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  37. Amen to everything one your list. I must admit to having a few people just for entertainment value. Although lately, the most entertaining of them has been rather quiet... Maybe all the drama they posted about was actually true and they've now fallen off the face of the earth.

    Or maybe I've been defriended?

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  38. Who in the world can be friends with 3,269 people anyway?  My easy answer is that I chose not to "friend" people in the first place. I'm a bit exclusive like that. :-)  I suppose I should just delete all those friend requests sitting there waiting for an answer.......

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  39. It's funny how when you first discover Facebook your attitude is quite different to when you are a seasoned user (or is that just me). I am constantly culling and questioning why I added so many in the first place... I agree with all 10 points. 

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  40. Hahahaha! A good laugh as always. Agree with most of that. I've accepted friends request of people who gave me a hard time at school just so I could see what they were up to and if their idea that they were superior to me turned out right! Mostly, the popular girls have put on weight and married a loser! And then I unfriend them.
    Also can't stand people writing things like "love is a journey. The journey of your life." or similar BS! Over and over again. And i thought only I knew someone on fb who asked for petrol money. Her name wouldn't be Sarah by any chance? And while on a roll, I don't like bloggers who write on their fb page things like "MY gorgeous girls" when referring to their likers they've never met. I find that terribly patronizing!

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  41. OMG that is one of the funniest things I have read! how did you manage to mention every last detail about how I feel about FB! Belinda

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  42. Perhaps we're kindred spirits? #LameJokeAwardToMe

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  43. Nope, not a Sarah - there must be two of them!!!

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  44. Very much so! I used to think it was amazing and now it just annoys me (until it's my birthday and everyone writes on my wall and I feel good hehe)

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  45. I used to friend anyone who asked me, but I'm quite picky now!

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  46. There's a few people I just block because I don't want the hassle of being asked why I deleted them... yep, I'm a wuss. I love your friend's strategy, defriending on the birthday takes balls!

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  47. Mostly cos I don't use facebook much, I use Google+ now. Much better, can be private or personal depending on who you are.

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  48. I agree with all of those. I had one woman tell me that the only interaction I've ever had with her was through liking someone else's 'negative' comment directed at her, and for that she is disappointed. ANother 'friend' deleted me because I made a status that I didn't want to read about poo on FB - and she'd just posted about her child doing a poo. I do have a fair few FB friends, but I only interact with a few.

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  49. Fair enough.  Which of these did I fall under?

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  50. Aw man... It's the cesspit of society!

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  51. bahahaha, I think I need to do some culling too. I have way to many people that fit these descriptions

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  52. ellie at emerald pieJuly 19, 2012 at 5:57 AM

    So so so true. :D
    Have you had to courage to go back since and delete a few more?

    ReplyDelete

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