Thursday, July 7, 2011

The Dreaded Unfollow

There's some rather childish stuff going on in the world of Facebook at the moment. Shock, horror! Facebookians being childish?! Well I never.

As a result I don't really go on my private account very much and have limited what most people can see. And yes, I'm aware of just how counter productive that sounds considering I put my whole life on a blog. But I reserve the right to be contradictory mmkay?

Instead I spend all my time on Twitter. It's way better. Don't ask me about Google+ just yet, I've only been on there twice.
Ding ding!
Yes it's confusing when you start, but right when you get over the whole "I'm talking to myself" thing is when someone will actually start talking back and, hey presto, you've got some new mates.

The difference between the two, for me, is that it all comes down to The Dreaded Unfollow! You Facebookians would know it as The Dreaded De-Friend! Dun dun duuuuuun.

You see, when you're on Facebook you go about your merry way and your friends list stays the same unless you go in and manually remove someone (or they remove you...). With Twitter though, there is random unfollows.

It's like Twitter goes premenstrual and just ditches some of your best mates without asking you and then demands a kilo block of chocolate and a Drew Barrymore flick.

Now even though everyone knows this happens, I still get that sinking feeling every time it's brought to my attention with a "I tried to DM you but you're not following me..." Always with the ellipses, like it's just hanging there waiting for the YOU BITCH I'M NEVER TALKING TO YOU AGAIN to be tacked on the end.

My head starts to spin: They'll think I don't like them! Will they now unfollow me now? Have I offended them? OMG they're gonna think I'm a snobby cow! Noooo!

Oh the shame! What happens next is a quick dance of re-following, public damning of twitter and assuring said person that it was definitely just a glitch in the matrix system.

All the time knowing that when it happens the other way around, yes I do wonder what happened, then shrug my shoulders and think mah, it's the internet, real life is what matters.

Do you panic when you've found yourself victim of The Dreaded Unfollow/De-Friend?

59 comments:

  1. Oh I totally freak out! I want to say "Um, not that I'm a stalker or anything but I noticed you're not following me anymore.Have I done something to offend or are you just too cool for me? WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME" but I don't because I don't want to seem totally needy and shit. 


    Ahhh, social media ... It can be a bastard of a thing, can't it?

    P.S; You ever unfollow me and you better believe I'll be outside your bedroom, watching, lurking, waitinggggg xx

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  2. I was defriended on facebook recently. I knew who it was and it made me laugh.

    I would however cry if you de- friended me. I need a little it of glow!

    I may have a blog but 99% of people on facebook wouldnt know about it. Twitter is way more fun.

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  3. Being dumped on Facebook. Nothing like finding new, technological ways to feel humiliated!

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  4. It has happened to me a few times with the Blog, I usually assume that I offended someone :)

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  5. I have a love/hate thing with Twitter. Some days I get it & other days I just don't. And there's some people who I wonder why they're following me at all, like the guy in Berlin who clearly tweeted in German (short-lived, he unfollowed me after a week). But there we go.

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  6. Fussy Eater's MumJuly 7, 2011 at 9:10 AM

    I keep finding that I've dropped off lists I know I connected up to so I am forever hitting Follow and Like. Sad really, but that's how it is.

    I've been avoiding fb recently because I had seen too many rude comments on other people's pages. I guess it was like walking around a group of arguing idiots; I didn't want to get caught up in it. This doesn't appear to happen on Twitter as you have to be a bit more succinct.

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  7. I have to say, I'm a little bit put off by the "I see you've unfollowed me...." tweet. Sometimes they really do come off super-needy and a little bit insecure! I figure not everybody would want to hear what I have to say in real life, so why would I expect them to listen to me on Twitter? I'm not offended - I'm not for everyone.

    However if any of you Digital Parents biatches ever unfollow me, I'm with Holly... outside your bedroom, watching, lurking, waitinggggg!

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  8. Nope, doesn't phase me at all.
    I just think it's like real life. You meet some people, you seem to get along ok, but then you either realise you don't have that much in common or you just drift apart.
    It happens, so I don't worry about it too much.
    But if someone de-friends me for not agreeing with something I've said, then good! They can get the fuck out of my life :P

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  9. I'm rather guilty of this..
    Its such a hard thing because I know if I'm talking to someone every now and then.. and then I see they've unfollowed me, I DO wonder why. But I always seek 'closure'. Probably me taking things too personally. Its bad. But equally, if I am bored, not entertained, or just bummed out by whingey, negativive tweets; I unfollow. And I do it quietly. (MOST times; Though I do name and shame if someone has been a proper bitch to me. Pardon the language. )

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  10. It depends who it is.  And then I begin to question whether in fact it was ME who did the unfollow/de-friend

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  11. Oh there is going to be a whole wave of psychologists cashing in on social media de-friending! It's funny how much we hold onto some random follower we havnt met. They are probably really an 80yr old man with an eye twitch and nothing better to do...

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  12. Yes yes, I've also been a victim (I use that word lightly hehe) of unfollowing.
    However I don't mind, obviously what Im writing isn't having an impact on the reader. I'd rather have a loyal band of followers at the end of the day.
    Unfriending someone because of a difference in option is questionable, it is healthy to have a difference in opinion. But unfollowing out of spite is super lame :)

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  13. This may explain why only the same few people (who actually know me from doing the rounds) ever reply to me. Maybe the others - it may or may not be coincidence that it seems they are all the Kooler Kids - just dropped me because of a random Twitter unfollow event.

    I'm still sceptical. But I do know it is a strange phenomenon that seems to happen a lot. Maybe I ought to stop making the voodoo dolls now. You have a good point.

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  14. If it was an actual close friend then yeah I would follow it up. But if it's someone I went to highschool with, who I've seen a grand total of 2 times in over 10 years... then nup, I really don't care. I will wonder, but not enough to do something about it.

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  15. Twitter has unfollowed people I've become proper friends with... then I feel bad for clicking follow knowing they'll get email notification and then maybe they'll think "hrmmm she unfollowed me?????" hehe waaaay too much thinking!

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  16. I agree, Holly. I think a difference of opinion is a healthy thing to have between followers and friends. If we surround ourselves with only people who agree with us 100% life is no fun and isn't challenging at all.

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  17. I was unfollowed by a company I was in full on sponsorship talks with... that made me feel marvelous. Then, they ended up sponsoring me and I had to chalk it up to a random unfollowing.

    I know one person on twitter, who most definitely would be considered one of the Kool Kids, had a mass random unfollowing a few months ago. I watched it play out and it was rather awkward, and I actually do believe that she didn't do it on purpose... especially since one of the unfollows was a BFF of hers!

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  18. I swear blogger has unfollowed blogs for me! Found out I wasn't following one of my favs a while back, but didn't notice for a while because I still had them in my list on my blog! Weird! 
    Pretty sure twitter has done it to me aswell! WTF.

    And I die a little inside when I see that someone has stopped following my blog!! Like, unless I'm totally annoying, why bother? :) ha ha

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  19. Exactly, people do drift apart... all the time.

    I admit to seeing people with 500+ FB friends and thinking yeah right. I have about 250 and I can tell you that of them, only about a dozen are real, true friends, the rest are just random acquaintances, people I went to school with, people I've met once at a party and got on really well with but then it fizzled out.

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  20. I've never figured it out when someone has unfollowed me... I guess I don't keep track well enough. I see my number go down but how am I meant to figure out who it was if I wanted to ask them. Wait don't tell me, there's an app for that?? :P

    I'll give you my address so secure am I in my own veggiemama stalking that you will never been unfollowed (least not on purpose).

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  21. It happens way less on twitter, and because the stream moves so fast a lot of it is lost for everyone except who it was @replying. Though I did put in a search term the other day to watch the Dooce bitch fight. GO DOOCE!

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  22. Hi my name is Glowless and I'm a Twitter Addict.

    Spam follows just annoy me. Why would a custom beard trimming equipment company in Michigan want to follow me? Bugger off!

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  23. With me it's quite likely I've gotten drunk and offended them... oops.

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  24. Ouch, that's gotta burn. Change your relationship status to "It's Complicated" or "Single" before telling your partner is lower than low in my books. (I hope Map Guy is reading this comment and taking notes)

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  25. Like Meeeeeeeeeeeeee! Like meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
    And anyone who thinks they're too cool for you, Hols, is obviously insane. You can't get cooler than Miss Homemaker.

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  26. Ooh yes that's happened to me too! And they don't come in my reader so I just assume they haven't been blogging, then I go back and I've missed everything including births, deaths and marriages. Feels terrible.
    I've only ever unfollowed 2 blogs, both were US ones that became one sponsored post after another and really spammy. 1 of them keeps popping back up in my reader no matter how many times I unfollow!!!!

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  27. I didn't realise this could happen! Doesn't surprise me about blogger; today I noticed they dropped a photo off my WW post, and the comments are always appearing and disappearing.

    Gotta agree with you on the spam follows. In one day I got a Melbourne restauranteur and a Florida car salesman, but they have both unfollowed me now. It still kind of hurts a little. Are my tweets that boring?
    But then I've unfolowed people too when they just put up crap all the time...but I still love you Glowless!

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  28. It's happened to me, from both sides. I have realised I am no longer following someone and I have no idea how it happened - I always re-follow and then apologise for Twitters fuckedupedness!

    I have also realised I have been unfollowed by people and giggle about it.If they have unfollowed intentionally I feel sorry I have bored them/pissed them off. But if its unintentional, well, I figure they will come back eventually if they love me?

    I have one of those "twitter unfollow" apps - I used it once to do a massive cull, and pissed a whole load of people off by mistake....one or two have never forgiven me, which I find speaks more of their insecurity, than my crap app!

    xx

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  29. Glowless - check out Formulists - you set up a list of who has unfollowed you (if you feel inclined to keep track).

    The unfollows/de-friends relating to my blog don't worry me at all. I've had 2 friends de-friend me on facebook that I previously considered fairly good friends and whilst I wasn't upset, it did piss me off they didn't have the guts to address whatever their issue was directly. I also didn't feel too bad once I realised I wasn't the only one in our "group" they did it to, so I put it down to pettiness. Have also been trying to tidy up my personal facebook page and get rid of those who aren't really friends or that i have nothing in common with anymore. So you could say I give as good as I get!

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  30. to be honest, I don't notice so I don't give a flying squirrel. But I think if I did pay attention I might obsess about it, being prone to paranoia and such... I need to keep remembering that not everyone likes me and that's ok. Sometimes it's more than ok. but you like me right? you better or me and holly will come and stalk your bedroom. as long as holly still likes me. 

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  31. I believe we were discussing this. 
    I am the same. But then I don't follow people unless I know who they are, so I get a bit worried that people must think I don't like them when all I need is a nudge saying "Hey i'm such and such" and then I know it's not some random bot or something. 

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  32. When user names are different between FB fan pages, blog names, twitter handles, LinkedIn names and now Google+ names I get a bit shitty cos I have no idea who you are. I was playing a game of words with friends for someone for a few days before I realized who they were...

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  33. PMSL, yes I do put up rather a lot of crap, nice to know I'm still loved in spite of it!

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  34. I'd say it speaks volumes of their insecurity! There's a really great analogy about people liking you and liking apples. You might be a bright, shiny, tasty, amazing apple... but not everyone likes apples, some people like bananas (even though they're $50/kilo) and that's OK.

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  35. It's completely different when it's actually a friend isn't it? I would be pissed off that they didn't tell me I'd upset them, at least a passive aggressive message would have been helpful.
    From reading all of this I've decided I'm going to cull about 70% of my list on FB based on if I would try to avoid eye contact if I saw them at the shops.

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  36. Um, yeah, sure I like you, Toushka... *remembers to lock door in Melbourne*

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  37. All I can say is THANK GOD for this post - I was starting to get quite a complex with the "unfollows" I'd noticed creeping into my account.  I was wondering "was it something I said? Something I didn't say? Damn you Twitter and your mind games!

    On that note if I (or likely Twitter) has inadvertently unfollowed you, feel free to tell me to re-add!

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  38. I have no problem removing or being removed by people I only know online, that's cool man, we never have to see each other. In fact, I've done it a few times this week. And only one of them has asked why, which reinforces why I did it in the first place. We don't speak - we aren't friends.
    Having your supposed best friend end your friendship over Facebook then remove you from their blog, Twitter and DP page without one word of explanation however, that shit is whack.
    Not that that's ever happened to me though, I don't know anyone that retarded.

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  39. You see, only people who are familiar with Twitter and FB KNOW that FB isn't like Twitter where the system can stupidly unfollow someone you've been following. I normally find out when I check who's following me if I'm following them (gosh, this is getting to be such a tongue twister!), that's when I realise, damn twitter unfollowed someone for me! But with FB, you have to de-friend that person yourself. While I sometimes do get offended if someone de-friends me...as in wonder why they have done that, part of me thinks meh, who cares. Unless of course they're a close friend or something. Then I'd email or ring and ask why. But once there was a "debate" on my fb personal wall. I believe person A attacked person B, something I wasn't happy about and I did put it out there to please stop debating on my wall. She continued, but we ignored her. Then person B found out person A had de-friended her. She rang person A to find out if it's because she's somehow offended her. Person A's reply? She didn't realise she had de-friended her. I was like WTF? What a bloody coward! just own up and say yes! Person B believed her though (so gullible) and I know not to get involved so I just kept the truth to myself. The moral of the story here is: If you do did de-friend someone and they found out and asked you about it - own up. That's with FB though..not twitter.

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  40. I can't remember when I noticed the first time, but it someone I would never unfollow and I noticed they'd gone quiet... went and checked their page and sure enough I wasn't following. DAMN YOU TWITTER... not really, I love you Twitter.

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  41. There's a massive shit storm at the moment with people I know who AREN'T friends but did go to school together, and one defriended the other. It's the end of the world apparently. I just want to shout "IT'S FACEBOOK!" and slap people.

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  42. I think if you're defriending on FB and get "caught" it's only polite to say something. You just gotta hope that the person doesn't take the fact that you're culling your list personally.

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  43. Hi nice to meet you. Love your blog! Jody here, came through...oops can't remember now which probably means I should never step through the curtain to the other side...tweeting. I'm always into a bit of conversing with people without having the messy thing of interfacing, but still haven't done the tweet. Now I def won't, as didn't realise about this unfollowing palaver! At least when you facebook people don't realise you are hiding them - or even de friending...

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  44. It used to bother me. But now with my full time work and no time for anything, I couldn't be bothered to be bothered about this anymore. Maybe once I have free time again it'll bother me again ;)

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  45. I don't panic, but there's always that little "aw" moment.  Sometimes I don't even notice someone has unfriended me until I go through and do a bit of a cull and realize that someone I was planning on unfriending because we don't interact at all has unfriended me first.  Haha, I don't get even the teeniest bit sad then!

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  46. hahahaha nup i've got the whole "oh well, your loss BITCH!" attitude lol

    i don't follow people unless i know them from a forum or i've followed their blog for abit.

    *ETA* Woo Hoo!! #400 Google friend thing follower lol

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  47. Actually I am not sure how many twitter followers I have. I know that a ton of people I follow do not follow me back but I really do not care- when I comment on their stuff though they are probably a bit "WTF?"

    i also have no idea of twitter has unfollowed people by accident on me....I know roughly how many FB friends I have but couldn`t even give you the twitter number...Maybe I should check.

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  48. I have not started Twitter yet.  I feel it's getting close.  I may succumb this weekend.  But, now this has stressed me out.  :)

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  49. Wooot 400!!! If I wasn't such a tight ass I would have a prize for you... :P

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  50. Twitter is definitely worth it, even with the phantom unfollowing! Twitter got me partial sponsorship for Blogopolis, has gotten people book deals, and even romance... but most of the time it just brings fun and information

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  51. Ive heard that its been happening on Facebook lately! I actually deleted 60 people from mine that I no longer have contact with or have never spoken too! 

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  52. Today I was sent a message by my sister after I de-friended a mutual friend... I DIDN'T MEAN TO DE-FRIEND HER!!! I think I must have been trying to get the person above or below? She's one of the people who I wouldn't even consider flicking, we're actually friends in real life, she came to my baby shower etc. I feel so bad :(

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  53. Hahaha you crack me up Kristyn!

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  54. I always talk to people who don't know me on there. Sometimes they talk back, most often they don't. Oh well.

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  55. You did it! I sent you a message, but since you're new at it, I'm betting you won't see it for at least a few more days. Figuring it all out takes a bit of time :)

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  56. Oh No!!! I'm sure she'll understand!

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  57. ive had that happen too. I always assume ive said something wrong. Didnt know there was a glitch lol

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  58. OMG Glowless, its happening to me all the time in the last few days!! Everytime I go to tweet someone I panic when their name doesnt come up automatically. I keep Tweeting my apologies as way of axplanation, cause like you, I would HATE for anyone to think I was a snobby bitch when the reality is I'm a Twitter-whore! xoxoxoxo

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  59. Nah, just get on with life, it's much more fun.

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