Tuesday, June 26, 2012

This one time, I went to Sydney just to go to a party

It would appear that I'm making a little habit of whirlwind trips to other states. This weekend I threw off the confines of the SAHM title and partied like it was 1999. Well, actually, more like it was 2000 because I was 17 for all but two weeks of 1999 and sure as shit someone will send me an email saying I'm a terrible role model encouraging underage drinking if I don't spell out exactly what I mean.

My partner in crime (which is JUST A SAYING) was the inimitable Real Jive Turkey. The Jive and I had never traveled together before and I wasn't sure what to expect. It was suggested I vajazzle my vajayjay as one must be prepared for everything, including body cavity searches by airport officials, but I stopped short and just threw a handful of glitter at my crotch instead.

The red-eye flight over was uneventful, that is unless, of course, you consider inhaling other people's farts, singing along to our respective iPods and a dismal attempt to vlog at 35,000 feet to be a highlight.

We touched down in Sydney at 6am, having not slept, and decided, since we couldn't check in yet, to hit the ground running and do all the standard cliche touristy things like eat McDonalds for breakfast, take photos of a bridge and a building we'd both seen many times before and sit in Starbucks charging our phones like wankers.
Starbucks, nuts (!!!) and ironing RJT's shirt using a GHD - highlights in anyone's book

The delightful Mrs Woog offered to leave a key out at her house for us to go and crash but I became so overwhelmed with which room I would snoop through first I felt strange to visit someone's house for the first time when they weren't even home, so we declined. This was a huge mistake and the dark rings under my eyes grew two shades darker in protest. Though apparently if I say they grew fifty shades of grey darker all the mums reading this will spontaneously orgasm.

I hit the wall at about 11am, having been awake for 27 hours, and decided that a giant can of carbonated caffeine and paying someone to rub my body would be the only way forward. I sat in the massage chair at a place called Unwind in Erskine Street and had THE BEST massage of my life. I had to restrain myself from groaning in pleasure as she pummeled my muscles in to submission and when she was finished I felt like I should kneel down and worship her. I didn't because it would mean getting down and getting back up again and, really, who has time for that when free drinks are waiting for you?

We pressed on to Bungalow 8 for a fab, slightly liquid lunch with some Bloggy friends. The Jive's list of female blogger friends has just increased ten fold because despite the fact that the conversation veered towards vaginas for a while, he appreciates how dedicated we are at pretending we don't have kids and getting drunk partying.
Liz, Zoey, Kristie, Rah, Me, JJ, Fi, Salz, Alyce, Nicole, Denyse, The Jive, Lily & Cassie

We couldn't keep our eyes open any longer we headed to our "hotel" at the official check in time. I was in charge of booking the hotel and it's safe to say that that responsibility will never land in my lap again as it became glaringly obvious I had booked us in to a dingy backpackers with convent-like rooms. The shower screen was broken, the shower head was broken, the windows didn't close (and it was FREEZING) and the beds were actually lumps of concrete covered in a blanket so thin I've seen layers of dust that have been thicker. But it was clean, it was cheap and it was central.

I closed my eyes and laid there, in the cold, trying to will myself to sleep for two hours before I decided it was pointless and that Twitter would be much more interesting than the insides of my own eyelids. I was right. Y'all are very entertaining.

Fast forward through what seemed like hours of serious hair styling from The Jive and we rocked up at the party that we were in town for. StMurphy's 40th. The atmosphere was electric and it was so exciting to meet people I'd been chatting to on Twitter for ages (like McDimples!), a whole bunch of new people that I'm now actively stalking, catch up with my faves Mrs Woog and SawHole, and, of course, give the birthday boy a hug and an awesome (if I do say so myself) card.
Card created using MoonPig.com.au

Mrs Woog started introducing me as one of Australia's best mummy bloggers to all her celeb friends who were there and despite me telling her she was full of shit, she continued. So I did what any self respecting new media junkie would do and let her carry on safe in the knowledge that the darkened room would be enough to camouflage my flushed cheeks and the massive headswell that was occuring.
Celebrity whoring it up (with a super bright nose removing iPhone flash) with StMurphy, Julie Goodwin,
Mrs Woog, Saw Hole, McDimples, Charlotte Dawson, The Jive, Natarsha Belling and Jo Thornley


I managed to embarrass myself by discussing the pros and cons of female urinals with Jo Thornley, complete with actions, and reverted to very similar miming tactics when my voice, which had been failing all day, completely gave up around 1:00am (after over 40 hours awake). A development that left me with the rather unenviable moniker of *ahem* "cock throat" for the rest of the weekend shenanigans.

A sleep in a concrete bed, a walk around The Rocks and a meet up at the pub with some new friends topped off an amazing weekend in Sydney and I was home by 11:00pm on Sunday night. And much like The Jive's luggage, my voice still hasn't returned. But it was so worth it.

31 comments:

  1. Jodie @ parentwellbeing.comJune 26, 2012 at 3:05 PM

    You party hard Glow! Hope you're in the recovery zone right about now!

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  2. It was great to meet you Glow. I had such an awesome time with you guys. You are a star in my eyes and in many others as well.

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  3. Looks like loads of fun - yay to you x

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  4. Real Jive TurkeyJune 26, 2012 at 4:56 PM

    Good times. *scratches crotch*

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  5. Glow, fuck I love you! Thank you so so much for coming, means so much! So glad you enjoyed it. And your card is so spectacular I'm thinking I should have it framed! I ADORE IT! Next time we party like its 1999 lets make it on the West Coast - Woog and I can travel. Love you honey, you are fucking hilarious, and THANK YOU! xoxoxo

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  6. I hope you managed to catch up on some sleep! Oh to be 30 again. ;-)

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  7. Me pinching your bum was the highlight though, right? I've got more star power than someone who might have won a nationally television cooking competition, no?

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  8. Wait! Did you just say the bags under your eyes grew 50 Shades Darker.
    Oh. I just orgasmed.
    Dark circled eyes are so sexy. Mmmm.

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  9. Love you but unless you've par-tayed it up in the dirty Southwest you really haven't lived life on the edge. I do believe I shall be dragging you out this way eventually.
    We do still need to get our drink on together. And I demand RJT be there!

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  10. Wait! Did you just say the bags under your eyes grew 50 Shades Darker.
    Oh. I just orgasmed.
    Dark circled eyes are so sexy. Mmmm.

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  11. Love it! Quick throw Adelaide into your tour list while I'm here! Kxx

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  12. Man, you certainly know how to make a weekend out of, well, a weekend! Sounds like lots of fun was had and great memories made!

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  13. I don't think I've ever had so much fun in such a short space of time!

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  14. If only I'd known I could have feigned a heart attack at 30,000ft and got them to make an emergency landing there!

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  15. Too true! We'll fit in well because we're both from pretty dodgy suburbs here :P

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  16. YES! Absolute highlight! If I'd had a picture of it, it would have been not only put on here but blown up and block mounted!

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  17. I got about 5 hours after the party but had to be up again to check out of the hole. I mean hotel.

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  18. Definitely West Coast next time. There won't be any celebs but I have a trampoline and lots of alcohol... that will do.

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  19. BWAHAHAHAHA *moves away from you*

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  20. So much! And peanuts FTW! :P x

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  21. Salz you were even more adorable than I expected, was fabulous to meet you!

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  22. I still don't have a voice!!!

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  23. kelley @ magnetoboldtooJune 27, 2012 at 2:59 PM

    I would need a month break between outings. You rocked that shizzle.

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  24. You read so many columns on how social media is playing havoc on relationship and here is this post showering love and togetherness among strangers that was only possible with technology !! Hope you recover soon !!

    http://www.hairextensions-australia.com.au/

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  25. It's been a week and my voice only started to come back today - it's still barely audible on the phone and in person I sound like a pack a day tranny

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  26. Mwah awesome lunch. Gllad I made it eventually

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  27. Didn't see this comment, sorry! I can't believe you came so far - I'm gonna pretend it was just to see me and not because you had lots to do in the city that day ;-)

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  28. Given my date texted to cancel half an hour before we were due to meet....


    IT WAS FOR YOU.


    xxx

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  29. What a weekend. You are a rock star. If I pulled off a weekend like that, I wouldn't just be blogging about it, I'd be taking out a full-page ad in Rolling Stone (I don't know if the Australian version even exists anymore, so poor are my rock star credentials).

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  30. You rock star credentials are intact, Rachel, it still exists :) Excuse me while I go call them about an ad...

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