Wednesday, March 16, 2011

When She Loved Me

This weekend my Inlaws are coming to housesit. Every time they come I go in to a mad panic because even after all these years I’m still trying to impress them – I don’t know why, I’m pretty sure they like me, I gave them an awesome grandbaby after all. So a massive clean out was ordered. With that, Operation Furiously Unclutter and Clean the Kitchen (acronym, anyone?) commenced at Casa de Glow.

As part of the Operation, Map Guy and I decided it was time to donate some of our stuffed toys.

I was never a big fan of stuffed toys when I was a kid – I was a Barbie Girl (life in plastic, it’s fantastic) through and through so never really saw the point in them. You couldn’t dress them up, you couldn’t plait their hair, bor-ring.

Fast forward to my late teens and early twenties when my mental health was rapidly declining; Out of nowhere came the desire to cuddle a teddy bear. Call it a need for nurturing, call it regression, call it pathetic. But it was what it was and for a few years AS AN ADULT I found much comfort in my little blue bear, Sullivan. Why was he blue? Well, because I was too.

After those few traumatic years I grew stronger and I moved on from Sulli. But he never left; he just migrated to the bookshelf to watch over me. I think he may have even given the “evil teddy eye” to Olli, the new bear in town, who I cuddled every night of my pregnancy (the perfect bump pillow).

So when the time came today to part with Sulli, I couldn’t just chuck him in the garbage bag, it seemed so wrong. I had to cuddle him; kiss him; say thankyou and finally, say goodbye.

I then proceeded to wail like a banshee.

I cried so hard over a silly stuffed bear who was always losing fluff no matter how many times I mended him. A silly bear who has a half missing mouth because I used to twirl the cotton of his sewn-on smile. A silly bear who could barely sit up any more because years of teary cuddles had compacted all his stuffing. A silly bear who, for a time, was my friend.

I did for a minute consider taking him out of the bag and putting him back on the shelf, but the time had come for us to part ways. There is, after all, no worse fate for a toy than to sit on a shelf or in a box not being played with. Toy Story and Sarah McLaughlin taught me that.

Sulli has started a new chapter in his life now at the local Good Samaritans store. My hope is that he will bring joy to someone else. That someone will find him and take him home, and love him just as much as I did. As much as I do.

And I will start a new chapter of my life, too… right after watching this and crying some more.

Do you have any toys that you’re emotionally attached to? Or is it just me who projects characteristics on to inanimate objects?

Meet Glowless at the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to


  1. :(

    I slept with the teddy bear my Dad gave me as a new babe right up until the Bug was born. Comfort, security, daddy issues - I don't know, but Ted served me well and he is tucked away in my memory box under my bed.

    A big hug to you for moving onto the next chapter, you can do this x

  2. I have one from my very early Childhood (back when we went to school together! Eep) which I refuse to get rid of. It reminds me of my late Nan and also reminds me of a time when I was innocent and happy. Before turning into the angry young Woman I am today! :op

  3. You poor thing, I hear ya. I still maintain Astroboy (1980s series) is the best cartoon ever made. Why? Cause it had heart and emotion. Each episode also had a valuable lesson and taught us kids some good morals. Compared with how to use Pikachu to kill some DigiMon.

  4. Lovely blog. I really enjoyed this post. It had just the right amount of sad and sweet and it pulled at my heartstrings a little because I can relate. Hope it's only onwards and upwards from here.

  5. I still have my teddy that was given to me when I was a baby, he's faring pretty well and still gets pulled out and played with by various family members... You poor thing, he was your friend and I'm sure he'll have a wonderful new life giving joy to another person that needs it. Beautiful post. Big hugs xx

  6. I cried like an absolute idiot at the end of Toy Story 3 so did Hippy Brad, our 5 kids were staring at us like WTF is going on? So i can understand how you felt parting with dear Sulli xx

  7. Nope, not getting rid of wackabrown my teddy anytime soon, he's in the cupboard, but i love him still :-)
    Will you follow me?
    I'm kinda new to this, like as of this week

  8. Oh my, that clip is sooo sad! You just made me cry like a baby too. I hope Sulli finds a very special new owner. Big hugs to you! xo

  9. Toy story gave me a bit of a complex,lol. I do feel guilty having my bears shoved in the cupboard, but I will give them to my daughter when she is old enough to not destroy them.

  10. I havent slept with my teddy since I was a little tacker (prefer sleeping on my own, husband included) but he still sits next to my bed by my bedside lamp. And he is OLD... poor bugger. Not parting with him, ever.

  11. Yes, I still have my childhood teddy up on a shelf and a doll called Lucy May. Lucy may was one of those dolls that taught you how to button, lace, zip and tie. She had long locks of bright yellow hair, a green dress and in true 1970s fashion, a bandana. When I was about 5 my Mum cut my hair. A bob to be exact. So Lucy May got a hair cut to, because "it was going to grow back" just as I had been told. So long before it was fashionable, Lucy May sported a punk styled spike hair-do. Love her style.

  12. Tara@OurWhirlwindAdventuresMarch 17, 2011 at 2:05 PM

    Did I just cry?
    I am sure Sulli will bring immense happiness to someone else, Glowless.
    Good luck with the new chapter xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

  13. Yeah, I can't watch Transformers. Why? Because some movie maker decided it would be a great idea to give cars and trucks feelings. When the yellow car got captured by the bad guys in the first movie I was a blubbering mess. The cinema thought I'd lost my mind, my friend moved seats she was so embarrassed and my husband tried to climb inside the popcorn box.
    Now I feel bad every time I use the car, like I'm causing it pain or something by making it carry us around.
    Thanks Transformers. On top of working mother's guilt now I have car guilt. Why don't you just make a movie about clothes and shoes having feelings? Then I'll really be up shit creek.


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