Wednesday, March 16, 2011

He Did What!? Wednesday - Happy Solo

Stupidest Sickie Excuse Ever? I haz it. 

This, dear reader, is an Ex File.
Some people are just full of shit. My ex partner has the ‘lie’ gene, expressed prominently.

Our whirlwind teenage romance culminated in playing house with a babe in arms by the time I was 17. Don’t Judge Me!

Two months after the birth of said lovechild, ex was in desperate need of a ‘mental health day’. Fair enough right? I thought so.

He made the call to work and they obliged.

Later in the day I asked what his employers had said about him taking the day off. I knew the boss and secretary personally and was duly appreciative of their understanding.

I was perplexed when he replied that they were ‘heaps worried’. (Oh, the descriptive language of teenagers’)

Worried about what? Us being exhausted?

Oh crap, now I needed details:

‘What did you tell them?’

‘I just said you were sick’, he replied.

‘Sick how, exactly?’

‘Had to go to the hospital’, he replied.

‘Um tell me why I am apparently at the hospital?’

I was getting agitated by this point.

He sighed, his eyes went all shifty in a way that never bodes well. He knew I was going to keep up the interrogation, so he spilled the proverbial beans.

‘I said something’s gone wrong and you’re back in hospital. They asked what was wrong and I wasn’t sure what to say (think bullshitting deer caught in bullshit detecting headlights). So I told them your cesarean scar needed re-stapling, or something’…

W T F ?

I was both astonished to discover this little health problem of mine, and ‘heaps worried’ about me too!

2 months after surgery and the scar has suddenly bust open?

The humiliation was epic.

And so I had my first memorable experience of just what happens when someone with the lie gene simultaneously has spades of ‘the stupid’.

Armed with this information, and a series of similar Ex Files as large as the FBIs’ database, I of course made a swift exit from the marriage. (If swift is interpreted as 14 more years and 2 more children later. Yea I’m so decisive.) Hence my Happy Solo Blog www.solomum.com . Hence especially, the Happy in the Solo!)

So dear reader, have you heard a sickie excuse – or given one, that trumps my ex partners?

I’mma predict no… But feel free to prove me wrong… please?
___ . . . ___ . . . ___


Miss Angela Solo is a mama of three gorgeous girls and is relatively new to the Blogosphere, starting Happy Solo in January this year.

Whilst she has been away for a while, she's back in her home state of WA, kicking back and enjoying life as a Solo Mum (but I bet you guessed that from her blog title, right?).


She explores the hard stuff: Grief, poverty, depression and relationship breakdowns because she’s "been there, done that" but then likes to perk it up a bit with the "happies".



Next week: The Fussy Eater's Mum rules the kitchen

Send your He Did What!? submissions to glowless@wheresmyglow.com
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9 comments:

  1. I don't think I can match that one Angela, but I know that a lot of my ex's sick days revolved around my "mental health". I also heard him lie on the phone about why he wasn't in a teleconference, or why some work hadn't been done - his excuses were detailed and extremey believable. Why, oh, why didn't I remember those times when he lied to me, in a completely detailed and believable way?

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  2. Fussy Eater's MumMarch 16, 2011 at 9:35 AM

    No. I don't think I can match that excuse either. Looking forward to reading your blog and wecome back to WA!

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  3. Got absolutely nothing that could top that one. Corker! I mean.. just so wrong! Let me count the ways...

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  4. God, Dorothy, that is just awful :( xx

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  5. What a classic. Said with only the lack of planning and forethought for the fallout and after effects, as you'd expect from a 17yr old.

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  6. Nah, can't match that. Good story though. Hope your scar isn't too big .... all those staples and all ...

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  7. Can't say I've heard one that convoluted before - usually get the old standby of "really bad diarrhoea". What an inventive young man you had there :)

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  8. My ex's grandmother must have died about 6 times over the years.. Poor lady!

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  9. Thankyou for all the comments, and thankyou Glowless for allowing me to contribute to your series. x

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