Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Sharp pointy things near my mouth scare me

I'm a bit scared of the dentist. Not a particular dentist, just dentists in general. Actually anyone who comes at my mouth with sharp pointy things. Not phobic though, I reserve that for feet. Though I imagine a dentist's feet to be particularly scary. 

The last time I went to the dentist I was 146 weeks pregnant and the hygienist looked distinctly worried I was going to give birth there and then. I was having a widsom tooth removed and was wondering what was going to be more painful, this or squeezing a child out of my vag. For the record, child birth hurt more but I got a cute baby afterwards - after my extraction all I got was a bloody tooth in a jar and a jaw ache.

My teeth have been feeling a little extra sensitive lately and I had a mild toothache the other night. I needed to bite the bullet (but not hard enough to break a tooth) and actually see a dentist. Knowing I would never have the guts to book in myself, Map Guy rang up and made an appointment then let me know when it was (thanks, MG!).

This morning I rocked up and I was instantly transported to back to my school days and a Catholic confessional. I wasn't sure if I was meant to bless myself or not, but I had to tell them my "sins". And my sin is a shocker: for 12 of the last 17 weeks I've barely brushed my teeth.

Yes, let's just sit with that feral thought for a moment, shall we? Rank.

ARGH! All the pointy things!


The thing is, putting anything in my mouth would make me spew. And you get no points for making blow job jokes here, because I've already made them all. Maturity, I haz it. So the toothbrush would come out twice a day and get a mere flick over the teeth until such point that I gagged. Usually around the 10 second mark. Not exactly what you'd call good oral hygiene.

You don't get absolution from a dentist for your oral hygiene sins. Instead, you get reminder that dental floss was invented for a reason and two tiny little fillings.

Or at least I will when I go back to get them in a few weeks time (already booked the appointment, now I just have to not cancel it).

I was also told I brush my teeth way too hard and am brushing off the enamel. I didn't even know that was possible! It's not bad, but if I want it fixed now before it gets worse it'll cost a cool grand... and THAT hurts way more than any dental work.

Are you afraid of the dentist? Do you feel like a dick wearing a bib or do you just pretend you're at a lobster restaurant?

19 comments:

  1. They told me that I was brushing too hard & taking the enamel off too. Maybe it's a dental conspiracy to get us to spend even more money. Sneaky bastards

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  2. F*ck!!! At least you can sit in the chair at the dentist i have not been in 18 yrs i have a phobia about dentist that's why my teeth are rotten :-(

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  3. I feel your pain - after a bad experience (which I won't share ;) about 9 years ago I avoided the dentist until 2 weeks ago when I forced myself to go - I have to have 3 fillings replaced and the roots of my undeveloped wisdom teeth 'lifted' (that's just another way of saying removed isn't it ...? ) - trying very hard not to cancel the two 40 min follow ups to have this done ;( - not sure why I'm having to comment as Facebook user - it's Sarah Mac from Fudge.

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  4. I think my fear of the dentist is firmly tied up with the cost of the dentist. I really can't see how they can charge so much.

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  5. Lifted?! I've never heard of this before... totally just another way of saying removed, Sarah! (Never seen it come up FB User before, weird!)

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  6. That definitely adds to the fear. If my job involved people's smelly breath and a very real possibility of having my fingers bitten off, I'd charge a lot too.

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  7. Eeek! Phobias are sooo hard to deal with. I'd totally have a general anaesthetic if it didn't cost a fortune! No fear when unconscious!!

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  8. I wouldn't be surprised! They said I should get an electric toothbrush (which they didn't have for sale surprisingly), is that what they told you?

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  9. I abhor dentists. I've been there many times during childhood. Fillings and things. I chipped my two front teeth (in awkward places no less) and another one of my teeth has all but gone so I have to see them again. Oddly, my Wisdom teeth haven't caused me any troubles.

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  10. Not enough people use the word abhor. Thank you for bringing it to this page. I will use it for about a week then forget I like it again :D

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  11. Oooh, think I've sorted the problem - just checking.

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  12. Terrified of the Dentist.
    Last time, I built up the courage (and money) to go, he gave me two fillings on the same side. I was good and brave, right until the second one, which was filling in an old one that had fallen out. He said I wouldn't need anaesthetic and did it without any. He was right, but the fear and anxiety ... Wow! "what if it does hurt and I flinch and he drills through my mouth?"
    Not fun.

    That must be so frustrating about the gag reflex. Our friend has that problem and has a General everytime he needs dental. :-o

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  13. Haha, glad I could be of assistance. =P

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  14. I broke a back tooth on a chicken Kiev in April 2011. I have been chewing exclusively on the other side ever since. I may grow a pair this year to get it pulled. Once I have a suitable stash of Valium.

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  15. I think "putting anything in my mouth would make me spew" is a very underused phrase in blogland.. good luck with that 2nd appointment

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  16. I agree, Glen, it should be used much more often!

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  17. NO WAY?! Dude if I can get a broken wisdom tooth pulled when preggers and unable to take extra pain killers, you can do it too (with all the valium, obviously!). xx

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  18. I didn't even know you could get a General unless it was super-huge-we're-pulling-out-all-of-your-teeth kind of dentistry! I shall request one next time!

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  19. I see you Sarah! No more Facebook User :D

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