Part Superhero - where spiders are concerned. But only little ones. Big ones have him screeching like a girl. And he will throw his own kids in front of a snake to block it from getting anywhere near him. True story - I saw him do it...with a LEGLESS LIZARD that was all of 5cm long, and about as wide as 2 pieces of spaghetti.
Part encyclopedia - because he knows everything. Just ask him.
Part wine / beer / anything flammable and drinkable connoisseur - he's spent many years working hard at that one. I have also joined in - in the spirit of finding a joint interest, a shared pastime. In a totally selfless way.
Part Dr Phil - because he can officiate any parental type situation much better than me. Just ask him.
But the big one....
Part Medical Expert / Specialist / Scientist / Most qualified medical type name there is.
Hubby suffers greatly from man-inflictions. Man flu - he ALWAYS has it. Never a cold, always a serious flu. Woe is him.
If I'm ill, instead of "poor you", me comes back at me with "yeah...[2 second sympathy silence]...I've had this really bad migraine for 4 weeks now". This is usually the first I've heard of it - a sure sign it's a man-illness - because he'd be out-whining the kids if he was genuinely suffering for that long.
His favourite is scars. Any slight cut, scratch, indentation or mark on the skin - it's a scar. We've had many discussions re: scars. I've even photocopied the definition from the dictionary. I've set it as his screen saver on his laptop. I've Googled the definition and left the answers on the screen for him. Many times.
What really takes the cake - Hubby is balding (shh...I didn't say that on the internet...), so he shaves his head to something between a 0 and a number 1. There's not much of anything there. And he does this every 2 weeks because he says his hair grows soooo fast that he has to do it this often. With the chrome dome shining on a daily basis, Hubby has taken to assessing the top of his head in the mirror for - you guessed it - scars.
The thing is, he does have a few up there. Also a couple of freckly mole thingies. Nothing much, nothing bad. But it is his moment of triumph when he finds another one, and it is still there 3 days later when his usual alleged "scars" have disappeared. So now that he's got over the heady victory of being right - he's obsessed with his head.
And to the man-point of this post....
I have caught him - more than once - using my concealer on his chrome dome, in a vain attempt at covering up his beloved scars. The scars he so desperately wanted and obsessed over. I have threatened for a long time to expose him for the seemingly scar loving fraud that he is. And I couldn't think of a better forum than on the fabulous Where’s My Glow? site, since I know that a lot of people will read it and it will receive maximum exposure.
So anyway I'm off to hide the rest of my make up, just in case. And also all sharp objects by the time he reads this.
Note to Hubby: I love you dearly, but when you start using my make up, you crossed a line buddy!
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Georgia is parenting by the seat of her kidney-hugging, mummy-tummy shaping underpants. She has a mouthy 5yo (gets it from her Mother) and 2yo twins who are fighting the constraints of gender roles one beheaded Barbie doll at a time.
She avoids spending time with her children by blogging at Parental Parody and can be found lamenting the lack of wine on Twitter.
She's also one of my Bloggy-Besties!
Next week: The Ex Files, Solo Mum style
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