Thursday, June 14, 2012

Backseat bitch

Map Guy came home early from work the other day to visit the doctor. I decided to go with him because if driving to the local surgery with your husband isn't quality time I don't know what is.

I used the opportunity to update him on the state of the Blogosphere, seeing that he has just STARTED A BLOG! Normally any mention of blogging results in a smile, a nod and a few strategically placed "oh yeahs" while his eyes glaze over, so it's safe to say I was taking advantage of having a captive audience.

"I just use The Weekend Whine vlogs to have a bit of a bitch session" I sighed.

From the back seat, Tricky chimed in...

"Bitch, bitch, bitch."

Map Guy wasn't happy. "Did your son just swear?". Because he's my son when he's naughty and his son when he's awesome, obviously. I felt so ashamed.

"Ah FUCK!" OK, so that probably wasn't the best response. I expect my Mother of The Year nomination any day now.

I'd only just mentioned on here that he has a bit of a speech delay and he decides it's time to start parroting every. single. thing. I say and his words have exploded as if a switch has been flicked. Getting through a serve Alphaghetti now takes half an hour because he insists on naming all the letters before eating them!

To be honest, I swear so much that I'm surprised it has taken this long, speech delay or not. One of Tricky's first ever words (other than mum and dad) was duck when he was about ten months old. For half a second before we followed his line of sight to see a rubber duck, we were convinced he'd dropped the F bomb as his first proper word. Now I know I'm a bit bogan but I'm not that bogan that it's something I'd be proud of.

In the days following the backseat bitching he's also tried to say bastard after some idiot said it in front of him. OK so it was me again, shuddup. But because he didn't completely say it I'm not even going to count it - because if I can't change the rules to suit myself, what's the point?
I'm in a box, bitch
When did your child first swear? What did s/he say? Do you make up flowery words to cover your filthy mouth?

46 comments:

  1. They've only began recently at home.  I'm pretty sure they do it at school, at least the 9 yo, but not nearly as much as other kids.  We talk a lot about "grown up" words ;-) and how even though I might used them, they're not allowed to.  Works pretty well.  Until of course I smugly say so on the internet and they come home swearing like troopers :-)

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  2. My daughter took it up before she turned 2 - the f-bomb repeatedly from the backseat, I was driving with a friend and we just looked at each other, knowing full well that the only reason my children would have a potty mouth would be from me! It was fucken hilarious!! Luckily they don't seem to swear so much now (at 3 and 5) but they are known to drop the odd "dickhead" from the backseat at appropriate moments in traffic!

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  3. My daughter, sweet, angelic, blonde hair flowing down her back - when she was very small kept saying Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck.

    Now, I don't say the F. word.  Her father promises me he doesn't say it around her.  I have no idea where it came from.  I used to work in a wool shop, and she would come to work with us.  And she would drop it when surrounded by Grannies - without fail.

    Now she is seven, she says 'sex' in a very whispered, I know I'm being soooo naughty voice. 

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  4. My son swore for the first time in January, I think it was on NY's day. He said 'Fahkinnel' (fucking hell). A couple of weeks or so ago he was walking around chanting "Fuh fuck's sake" which eventually became "Fuck". I was embarrassed when they teacher told me he broke into a song with it.

    I tried everything and the only thing that worked (he's not saying it now unless angry) was when I told him that he was "hurting mummy" when he says naughty words. and because he doesn't like hurting me he stopped.

    We're trying to get him to say "Oh dear" and "for God's sake" instead, lol. 

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  5. The funniest thing ever was when my 'known to swear at times dad' remarried and we were visiting his place one day.My toddler half brother opened the fridge door.stared in and said "oh no fuckin milk."
    We all burst out laughing which I know was not the right things to do but it was hilarious as he spoke it with such conviction in his little cute voice.x

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  6. Bluey, 3 years old "Fuck mate."
    I will admit it because that soooo isn't something I would say. I'd just say fuck.
    Greenie, 2 and a half "You're a bastard dad!" After I called my GHD a bastard while he sat on my bed watching me. Yeah, laughing afterward probably wasn't the smartest move.

    Have heart. Neither of my kids are dellinquents or have filthy mouths. Shit happens. Kids repeat it. Then they get over it just as quickly. Just don't laugh unless you leave the room. Whatever you do!

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  7. Mr 5 first swore when he was around 3, in the car. We were driving along when some person that could not drive, pulled in front of me and I slammed on the brakes. Mr 5 piped up "Fucking Idiot!".  Do  not know where he learnt that from ;-) (he was quite correct in his summation too)   Mr 17 still doesn't dare to swear in front of me, Miss 15 swears like a trouper, Miss 12 and 11 are still too scared, although I did overhear them swearing at each other during an argument the other day for the first time ever.

    Flipping Heck and blooming hell was something my Nan always used to say when she was really, really, really mad - I must say it a lot my self because Mr 5 has picked up on that too.

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  8. Ellie's first swear word was a clear Fuck! when she tripped and fell, surrounded by my family, who at the time, were all still perfect. It was shocking and cute and hilarious all at the same time. She wasn't even two! Now, she only uses it on special occasions, like when yelling at her sister to "get in the fuckin' shower!".

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  9. My little one pronounces 'sit' as 'shit'. We've had some classics.. "Mummy! The baby is SHITTING on the carpet!", "Daddy! You SHIT there!", "I'm SHITTING on the seesaw!"... 

    Then on the road rage front: Lights go green. G shouts "GO! GO! GO!" and "Come on love" if a slow pedestrian holds us up at the lights, and.. my fave "HOLD ON! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee" when we go round bends...

    Oh its a laugh a minute!

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  10. My old friend from Uni and I were laughing about this the other day. When I was a journalist  and in my younger days I used to swear. When I had kids and started lecturing I worked on modifying what I say (ie no inappropriate content) so stopped swearing. My friend teases my now that I never swear! The kids have decided I have to donate to charity every time I swear, which is very rarely. But having discovered FFS on Twitter I can use that safely as most IRL friends/colleagues/kids don't know what it means!

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  11. Yesterday..outside Kinder after dropping Foghorn off, 2 year old Bubble and I were in the car about to drive away.  Another mum decided she would block the road by pulling over to her friends window for a little chat...or a long one, while everyone waited.
    "Come on Mummy," Bubble said impatient to get to her Hi-Dee-Ho class.
    "We're just waiting for this woman to move."
    Without missing a beat she tutted and said "For fucks sake!"
    I was gobsmacked, mortified and ashamed all at the same time as trying to suppress a fit of laughter.
    I ignored it, in the hope that she will forget all about that charming turn of phrase she picked up....somewhere.

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  12. I've got video of my eldest son not deliberately swearing but he was trying to say "Fat Controller" but it sounded like he was saying 'F***k'n troller'. Too funny.

    Love & stuff
    Mrs M

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  13. Oh no, we are not at the parroting stage yet. Luckily I very very rarely swear. Can't in my profession (teacher).

    Also, I get the husband and blog thing, my husband has recently started a blog too so his interest level has increased.

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  14. Mother trucker... that's something I say...
    Mr 5 will quite eloquently telsl me that Fuck is a naughty word and you shouldn't say it.

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  15. haha I was wondering where this post was going! I was thinking you were going to talk about Mapguys blog - instead its about swearing!!

    MissC shut her finger in the drawer today and said Ooowww Shit.. - exactly the way I would say it! haha 

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  16. When my daughter was 2, she started saying 'shit' in context, which my husband blamed me for. Then one day at a large BBQ, with his daughter clinging to his legs, my husband said the offending word, and his daughter immediatly parroted it. Then everyone said OOOOHHH! IT"S YOU SHE"S COPYING!!!!
    Best moment ever.
    xx 

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  17. We still chuckle about the time my daughter was 3, in the backseat of the car, and her dad yelled "F***en clown!" at another driver who cut him off. He cringed as he waited in silence for her reaction. Which came a few moments later: "Where's the clown daddy?" Ah, the innocence of youth.

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  18. Aah, why don't they remember the good stuff!

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  19. My Miss 3 is the swear nazi! Any time the word 'bloody' comes out of my mouth I get told off - which is pretty frequently, oops!

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  20. Ah children! My sister swears like a sailor and when he son was young, he would often just insert swear words into sentences. The thing is, they ALWAYS know when to do it, they get it in exactly the right place and time.

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  21. Like you, I curse a lot. I'm surprised my kids don't let curse words fly more often. They're actually pretty good about it. It's on rare occasions. 

    I'm an atheist so I don't have a moral problem with cursing. I don't believe anyone is going to hell for saying shit. However, my in-laws are both preachers. 

    We were visiting the in-laws for mothers day last month. They decided to have the lunch at my father in-law's church. We're sitting there eating. My son, out of nowhere, yells, "goddamnit".  Ooops.  What's that sound? It's the sound of a whole bunch of eggshells being stomped on. Thanks, son.

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  22. They always seem to say it in context! Hilarious!

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  23. I have no idea how people don't laugh. I nearly choked from trying to suppress it :P

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  24. Yay for not being delinquents!

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  25. Adorable!!! I'm sensing a car theme in all of these sweary situations!

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  26. Oh no! Perfect comedic timing :)

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  27. I had to read this one out to Map Guy. Losing it laughing x

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  28. BAHAHAHAHA another one I had to read out to Map Guy! Not laughing is almost impossible.

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  29. Loving hearing about all these husbands getting in to blogging! Map Guy even asked my advice the other day. When it comes to computers and anything tech he NEVER asks me, it's always the other way around. Was kinda nice :)

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  30. Hahaha I love it when in the most earnest, innocent voice they say "you can't say shit"

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  31. Map Guy's blog is about footy tipping... errr... no comment. I love the way they even copy the intonation :) x

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  32. Ooh that's so sweet, Rachel!!! Love it!

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  33. Takes forever to say please, instantly says bitch. Bugger.

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  34. It's AMAZING how they always seem to do it in context!

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  35. Bwahahaha Kevin that makes me laugh so much! Love it!

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  36. eeerrrr don't think i'll be looking at it then... haha!

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  37. Hehe. They are sponges, aren't they? My now 2.5 year old yelled out, "you're driving like a pussy" from the back seat of the car. I may or may not have used this phrase in exasperation in the past. She has not dropped the f-bomb (yet...).

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  38. my kids came out swearing.  You have met one of them.  I rest my case.

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  39. Why do they only copy the words we DON'T want them to?  My son's first word wasn't a swear word, it was tickle.  He said it as he giggled and grabbed his nappy-less crotch...21st moment right there.

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  40. Oh dear. There seems to be a magnetic attraction between boys hands and their genitals!

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  41. OMG! That's hilarious, Mandie!!!

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  42. So by my calculations, swearing = awesome kids :P

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