Tuesday, September 6, 2011

In Which I Tell A Giant Telco To Bugger Off

There are a few things in life that were mildly annoying before, but now, since procreating, have become rage-worthy. They make me a rageaholic (I'm addicted to rageahol).

Right now, at the top of my list of people to make evil eyes at (because that's about as scary as I get) are people who wake my sleeping, sick bubba.

I'm a tad peeved at Hellstra Telstra right now. Actually if I was to speak bluntly, there would be words that rhymed with duck and, since I'm so cranky, probably hunt too. I'm such a lady.

Every month, without fail, some random guy with a Telstra shirt and and an I'm-So-Important clipboard will knock on my door.

They always manage to time it when Tricky is asleep. And they always manage to wake him. How do they know the exact moment?

And why do they always try my door first to see if it's open before knocking on it? Were you just gonna waltz on in, Telstra man?? You'd be met by a rather stabby mama bear if you did. 

Rather sick of it, I did what any self respecting passive aggressive Twitter addict would do and tweeted them:




(link was to the Do-Not-Call Register)

Customer still unhappy? Just repeat what you said earlier and hope they give up...
Yes, Telstra, I "seriously do not want unwanted door knockers". That's why they're called unwanted. Duh.

So I will play your game, oh mighty, monopolizing one, and I will put up this lovely sign on my door:

Do you have a stack of seriously not wanted unwanted doorknockers in your area? Do you pretend you're not home or release the hounds?

97 comments:

  1. Well at least Luis from Telstra replied to your Tweet! Seriously though, who puts a sign on their door? No-one wants the Telstra dude with an important clipboard, and NO-ONE wants him monthly! Hope your lovely sign works x

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  2. We have a sign, and they STILL came. I try to be polite anyway, figure they're just doing their job. But the last one got me when I had a migraine. And I explained to him that a)I was too sick to talk about my electricity account and b)that's more Joel's area anyway. He just changed recently.

     And he wouldn't go.So I explained again about the migraine and the sick (obviously green & snotty) children. And he still kept going.

    Until I stopped hm and said "I'm sorry. Did you honestly not see this sign?  This one right here that you cannot possibly miss when you knock on this door?" 

    At which point, without a word, he turned on his heel and walked away! Not so much as a goodbye, have a nice day! RUDE!

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  3. Ok, well, I had to google it.  Loved it :)  Definitely recommend the sign, works for us.

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  4. Love that I did not have to Google it to know what it meant.  It's duck hunting season!

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  5. My local member (politician person) has signs in his office that we can take and display.  Apparently if the hawker knocks we can report them and the company gets fined. It's been peace ever since mine went up :o)

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  6. I manage to avoid them in the house we are currently renting since moving town... I have a lockable front gate... they can't get past that to knock on the door!  I feel your pain, I despise people trying to sell me stuff simply because when I want to buy something, I know where to find you so bugger off & leave me to get on with my day!

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  7. OMG we are the same but it's Integral Energy... And get this, they had the audacity to send us a letter outlining that they wanted to serve their customers better & one of the top peeves they get is about their door knockers. Now logic says let's not do the door knocking any more but no, their response was to include a butt ugly sticker to put up on your door to the effect of no unsolicited door knocking. Um cheers for that guys! Not!

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  8. It's annoying enough them ringing on the phone let alone bugging you at your front door where you can't pretend to have lost connection.

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  9. Yep, I had one just yesterday who wanted to show me some great products for my car and then proceeded to head to my car to start cleaning the windows. I told him I wasn't interested and to not clean my windows and he got all thingo at me and I said well now that you've woken my baby I'm doubly not interested so you can just rack off now.

    That said, the look of disbelief on his face was priceless.

    I hate doorknockers.

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  10. I find having a rather large french mastiff greet them through the fly screen helps. Strange how all of a sudden they don't want me to open the door hehe and I'm not going to tell them all he wants is a pat.

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  11. Fortunately (?!) I can't speak 'gibberish', ("Heavy accents" that is) - I NEVER open the screen door, despite them trying it (yep - what IS that about??), so, after I tell him (it's usually a "him), I don't understand him, I close the door - FIRMLY. Also we have a German Shepherd 1 year old puppy. The last man who knocked at the door & told me to "put the dog away", very nearly had the dog let out to greet him!!! Watch him run lol. (Pity about the new dog laws in Vic ). You could take the screaming baby with you to the front door & say to the idiot in the other side "Here, you hold the baby that you've just woken up & we'll have the conversation. OK?". Watch him run lol.

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  12. Are you kidding me? That's bordering on harassment as far as I can tell. Of course, if you just slam the door that gives them more time to harass everyone else. You need to start something in your neighbourhood where everyone occupies say 15-20 minutes of their time before telling them to take a hike. Seems there percentages would go down soon enough. Or, answering the door naked might help, or does that only work with the religious types? 

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  13. Tell him next time he comes that he has to pay you $20 for the inconvenience and then you will listen, thats what I tell them and they leave.  Yours had a clip board?  Ours was very swanky last week and come prepared with an I-pad to show me all the deals I could have.  Swanky!!

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  14. We do get them and I tell them exactly the same thing every time (which happens to be a big fat lie but I don't care) "I work from home and my company pays the phone bill and the internet bill so I have no idea how much we pay, who we are with, go off and annoy someone else.  

    Many moons ago, a door to door guy came to our house and after leaving our gate open so the Rock God had to chase our whippet 3 blocks down the street (those things can move!) he then stood at our door and asked if he could have some of our dinner!  (This was also Telstra).  I phoned up to complain later but they just fobbed it off and said they outsource all these people to another company and blah blah blah frigging blah.  

    I hate telco's AND internet companies with a passion.

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  15. You are bloody hilarious. I had David Jones tweet me today about my post, asking me to filll out a feedback form.  I replied saying all the feedback they needed was on my blog,  along with quite a few fucked off customers.

    It is just total laziness. We are fucking sick of such poor customer service by big companies. Telstra, you can also bite me.

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  16. F.O.A.D - love it!! Might use that one. I had a sign that I would put out when Bub was in bed that said ' baby asleep please be quiet' which used to work pretty well. Our telstra man always comes around 6pm and I can plead ignorance and say come back when my hubbies home after 7. Never happens.

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  17. I look forward to my monthly PMS from hell more than the monthly visit from Telstra.

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  18. Just have your husband answer the door naked a few times. That will do it.

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  19. Oh lawd. So signs don't work then huh? I know they're only doing their job and it's a different guy every time so there's no point in getting snarky at the poor schmuck cos he probably wouldn't know it happens so often. So I quietly fume and vent on blog instead!

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  20. Well now you know what it means :P

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  21. Ooooh I like the sound of reporting :) I am a shit stirrer from way back.

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  22. I'd looove a front gate for this reason alone! I feel the same, if I want something, I will go get it/order it/do it myself, I don't need someone to hold my hand.

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  23. *schschsch* I'm going thr... a t..nel *schschsch*

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  24. I quite possibly would have let him clean my car then told him no...

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  25. They told you to put your own dog away?!?!? Bloody cheek!

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  26. My dog is huge but he's an outside dog. Maybe when I see them coming I'll bring him in :) He has a MASSIVE bark but like yours, just wants a pat or to lick you to death.

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  27. I haven't tried the naked thing yet. Most times I'm in my PJs though and that doesn't put them off, just makes them look me up and down strangely, which makes me want to stab them with a butter knife and scream "You try getting up 8 times a night to a sick child!!!"

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  28. Oooooh they're iPadding it up now?!?! How impressive. They wouldn't do that in my neighbourhood; the likelihood of them being assaulted to get the iPad is quite high.

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  29. I pull the dumb housewife card "my husband handles all our accounts I've got no idea". I had one tell me that the company we were with for internet that we were moving our mobile phones over to soon didn't actually have mobile services... ummmm yeah they do, I've signed up. Do your research pal!

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  30. I freakin LOVE your response. All hail the almighty Woog!

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  31. I have seen a few of these signs lately :) I hate doorknockers with a passion. But my front door is right up the other end of the house to the living areas so unless I am expecting something I don't bother answering
    xx

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  32. we only get the religious ones but they come in teams so they are easy to spot and try to pretend we're not home when we clearly are. 

    I get plenty of phone calls...my favourite are the ones trying to get me to change my power provider...I live in a mining town where the power provider is the council...hubby suggests I dare them to try but I don't the patience so I just hang up on them.

    Love the 'seriously do not want door knockers' line...because of course you were just screwing with them and actually love the monthly visit...dickheads.

    Tatum xx

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  33. oh god we get power companies all the time!  And your right.....always when the kids are sleeping! 

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  34. Love it, love it, love it. You could make a killing selling those to people around the country. What an arrogant display from 'Luis'. Typical, really. I have a sign that currently just says "No cold callers". I used to list them - "no hawkers, no preachers, no blah blah blah.. just NO". We got them ALL the bloody time here, the sign has stopped them (mostly), but I really resent being in the position of this No person! I'm a Yes person! :(

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  35. Ummm.... I put a sign on my door. It was the only way.

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  36. But it's as if they think they're going to miraculously change your mind! Are they seriously that nuts or is it just blind hope??? They are a strange breed.

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  37. make me a sign.

    Send it with those mofo cookies you promised.

    Better still, hand it to the dude I am sending over RIGHT NOW.

    x

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  38. You should start selling those signs. Goldmine.

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  39. I get them too! And stupid thing is i'm actually with Telstra #TelstraFail much?
    Also, why is it when they wake your sleeping baby (they do this to me also) do they not let you go tend to the screaming child? I have many a time just had to close the door and hide out in the boys room because FFS when I say "No sorry i'm not interested, and I have to go my child is crying" they just keep fucking talking. STFU!

    I hardly answer my house phone anymore either, because it's always telemarketers and you know what? If I had any interest in your company you just cancelled it by calling me at home when I didn't give you my bloody number! If I wanted to sign up with you, i'd call you myself! Do they really get people who actually sign up that way? I doubt it!

    You tell em Glow!

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  40. Sadly you miss out on the kids doorknocking with chocolate fundraisers... thought that could be a good thing too I suppose :)

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  41. I tend to only get the phishing scam phone calls saying my computer is broken. Better than the calls asking if my fridge is running though

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  42. It's uncanny timing. And by uncanny I mean bullshit.

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  43. I'm not a no person either. I don't mind cold callers if they take no for an answer, they're just doing their job. But sending them to me every freaking month is beyond a joke. Plus if I put up a sign the chocolate fundraiser kids won't come visit me...

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  44. Someone just knocked on my door... I blame you. Actually it was my Dad.

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  45. Haha #TelstraFail indeed if you're already with them! So no one is safe!

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  46. We moved to the country to get away from them.

    But now we get stupid telco people on the phone offering us a better internet deal... ah if only they'd looked at their screen before calling and figured out that they don't actually cover our area then perhaps they could avoid a seriously pissed of woman ranting on the other end of the phone.

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  47. Brilliant sign. I saw a great one on the door to a business - it said it would charge a minimum of $50 to the company if they came through the door. If your sign doesn't work, maybe you could try that??? Now that I've gone back to work, I miss most door knockers, it's also great as I live with my parents and all the bills are in their name!

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  48. OMG Telstra just do not leave me alone.  They were calling me up to 3 times a week every week so i got on the Do Not Call List.  But they still kept calling, so i specifically went to their website and put myself on their own do not contact list.  

    And Yay!! They stopped calling.......and started knocking.  In the last couple of months they've been around 3 times.  One fine gentleman told me i was one of only 2 houses in the street not with them, c'mon he said everyone else is with us.  Well hang on while i get my goggles, i see they're all jumping off the bridge too!!

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  49. I was in a Telstra store for over two hours today trying to sort out my bullshit faulty phone. Its been sent for repair three times in 4 months, which I was told entitles me to an upgrade (as my phone is no longer in stock), but today they tell me I either have to cancel my contract and pay it out - over $1000 - or file a complaint. I opted to file a complaint and I am now without a phone for the 3-5 working days it takes to come to a resolution.
    Telstra can f**king blow me. 

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  50. WTF??? 

    Seriously best thing abou apartments. And only having a mobile.

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  51. 3-5 days? Yeah right. My mum's Telstra mobile is faulty and has been in to be fixed three times - each time they send it back saying they've fixed it and they haven't. How hard can it be?!?! They keep giving her text credit but she's ready to smack someone.

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  52. My MIL is harassed by them on her mobile so much she recently changed numbers :(

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  53. Ducking Telstra!!! Yes, I also hate them - not because they door knock me, (I live to far from a hospital for that) but because they blacklisted me as an identity theaft fraud person because I had the cheek to order three wireless devices from them in the same transaction (mobile for the husband, one for myself and a wireless Internet thingy as ADSL doesn't exist in my part of the world) yet they couldn't fathom that someone would ever want to do this and black listed me instead. Wankers.

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  54. My mobile phone is in my maiden name so when I get a call asking for that person I know it's a cold call and say wrong number :P

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  55. ok, customer service is out the window, the "i don't care attitude" or hassle hassle hassle is in!!!  I get it on the phone all the time from an international base.... can always tell because of the delay! Here's a response to the man... "where do you live?"... silence.... "how about I come to your door and hassle you "

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  56. I feel the same way about electricity companies. I've never had one come to my house until we moved here. We get one monthly or sometimes twice a month. SO OVER IT! We are in a complex (units) so can't put a sign up. I'm thinking about locking our gate though so they can't even make the door.

    One time I was in my pjs cooking dinner, Jude got stuck under the fence then the smoke alarm went off and HE STILL DIDN'T EFFING LEAVE!

    I think if you tell the company that you don't want them to send you shit, call you or knock on your door they should have to comply otherwise it's harassment. Oh and EXTREMELY poor customer service.

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  57. Since you reposted to say Telstra is reading this... we left Telstra due to really slow Internet & bad customer service, and then they kept calling to have us back!!!

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  58. I get the power companies. I tell them to duck off.

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  59. They wake my kids up too. I cannot begin to share my wild rage...

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  60. Live in the sticks - works for me. Our road isnt even on the map! love it. When we moved in and wanted to out phone on Telstra tried to tell me there was house there or road, I must have the wrong address. No sorry telstra you just disconnected phone lines on the road. (only 2 houses on the road.)
    I have never had anyone come here - we didnt even get a form for census night because 'we dont exist'. Brilliant. people are starting to cotton on though. bugger.
    Anyway, try the sign or the naked husband. or the naked Glow.... or make strange sounds from the bedroom area.
    Video the guy get out his telstra phone to google F.O.A.D (i'll be doing that in a moment) - yep just did that, gold.

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  61. Bloody hell! They are most definitely a persistent bunch! Enjoy the bridge ;-)

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  62. There is an amazing recorded call of a prankster getting one of these calls and he turns it around on the guy and pretends he's at a crime scene and the caller will now need to come in for questioning. Is much funnier than it sounds.

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  63. That sign is priceless. Love it! May have to do the same here, although I usually just ignore them. We do get a lot of religious knockers, each to their own, but really the pushy ones are overbearing.

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  64. They must be under strict instructions to keep talking no matter what! Sooo annoying!!!

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  65. Cos you're a lady, Toushka. Ladies rhyme.

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  66. Are you addicted to rageahol too, Kym??

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  67. You didn't get a census guy come to your house? I hear they bring Fava beans and a nice chianti with them.

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  68. The religious ones annoy me too, but most of the time they take a polite no and leave. Most of the time :P

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  69. I'm nicking your sign for the goddamn bloody electricity/gas people that ring my door while I'm bathing kiddies/cooking dinner/snoozing on the couch. Maybe you could  invent an electro-shock doorbell with a sign that reads 'Telstra reps, press here'. I bask in the Glow of your Rage-ahol! xxxx

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  70. I put a sign on my door once.  It was ripped off!  I now have a glass pane, might attach it to the inside.

    As for Telstra!!!  I want to understand the person I'm talking to and I want to be understood!!!!!  

    And I want ADSL2+!!!!!  Fix it! Don't just tell me, I have to wait for the exchange to be upgraded.  What happened to bloody superfast broadband????

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  71. Have you tried putting a "sleeping baby" notice on your door?  They should respect that at least.

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  72. They're so bloody arrogant about it all aren't they. Put up a sign... as if. I made the dumb decision to switch to Telstra when I moved house last week - only because I was told I'd get the extra fast broadband available in melbourne. When the technican arrived 2 hours late for his 5 hour window to arrive, he informed us our house couldn't get cable (at all). Now after a string of sagas trying to get it fixed and at least 4 hours of my life wasted on the phone being transferred from person to person who can't own the issue, I am still in limbo. I tried to make a complaint today and was told someone would contact me within a week. Great SLA....in my line of work, I'd be out of a job if I was that slow, inefficient and gave such crap advice to my customers.

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  73. I'm so glad this has a like button. Can I like it again?

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  74. I am also another one with a sign on my door. Works for me.

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  75. I'm with Liz; why should I have to put a sign on the front of my house to keep people I don't know from knocking on my door to try and sell me stuff? If I want to switch mobile providers, if I want to find religion, or if I want to install pay tv, I will bloody well go out and find out about it myself. The quickest way to ensure that I will never, ever, EVER be a customer of yours is to come to my door.

    Glow, the response you got from Luis was appalling. The Telstra model of customer service via twitter is a good one, but the supporting infrastructure, their policies and procedures, quite frankly suck arse.

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  76. We have loud barky dogs and I  act like they might escape while yelling 'I'm the nanny' Then I slam the door before a child can wander past and call me 'mummy'.

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  77. I put the sign up, I was so sick of door knockers BUT I might add that I don't think I should have had to. I was tempted to put up one that said "Salespeople, beware of the dog but be scared of the owner. Knock at your own risk*...*Owner not liable for behaviour (even if fatal) if disturbed by salesperson"

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  78. I don't answer the door to anyone I don't know.  For me, it is an issue of personal safety.  There was a woman murdered near my mom's house when she opened the door to what she thought was the cable guy.  Since that day, I have never opened the door to someone I did not know or who did not have an appointment again. 

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  79. Hi G. I love the C word that rhymes with Hunt, when I'm really angry. So much power comes from swearing sometimes. Especially when no one expects to hear it from Nice Lina :)

    If you're interested (although I know it doesn't change your situation), here are the laws about what time of day they're allowed to door knock in WA:

    http://www.commerce.wa.gov.au/consumerprotection/Content/Consumers/Buying_goods_and_services/Sales_practices/Permitted_hours_for_contact.html

    Was the guy's name Mike Hunt? ;)

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  80. The rageahol does bring out a certain Glow... probably because there is steam coming out my ears!

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  81. We've happily been with another company for 11 years, you should go with them :)

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  82. I find the fact that I have to put up any sign on my own private property to stop people who I have already asked to stop coming absolutely pathetic.

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  83. That was my experience too when I was with them many moons ago. It appears that no one wants to own a problem there, just keep passing the buck.

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  84. *stands up and applauds wildly* Liz, you are my hero!

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  85. Doesn't it piss you off that you have to have it though??

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  86. I was surprised they replied at all, so I appreciate that Luis did. But to just tell me the same thing and not offer an alternative is where the system fails.

    I agree with you. If I want a new anything I will go and research it myself. The time when people blindly signed up for a deal is surely long gone???

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  87. After seeing your email address come up with this comment it makes it funnier :P

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  88. Oh wow! That's terrible! I have a security door so when I open the big door they still can't get in. It's got that hard to see in mesh so I can see them and they have trouble seeing me - it's funny to watch them looking at where they think my eyes should be.

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  89. Thanks for that Lina! And OMG how did you know his name?!?!

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  90. The very sad fact ladies & gents, is that all these companies stop sending door knockers around once your children no longer need to sleep during the day. I know this 'coz mine are now 23 & 19 & the only time I get door knockers is at dinner time or on a Saturday morning. Go figure. It's easy to resolve the cold phone callers - get a phone with an answering machine. I've had anything up to 6 hang ups in a day & I always tell people I scan my calls because of the number of cold calls I get. Everyone is very understanding of that! It must be working coz I've not had a cold call for a while now. The last one I got, I think she was in Malaysia somewhere, I turned the tables back on her. (I was waiting for my Ma to call - so I answered the phone). She asked "Is this phone number 12345678?", my response - "I don't know, you dialled it". Needless to say, she hung up very quickly.
    Glow - thank you & all your wonderful followers for cheering me up & giving me such a wonderful laugh this afternoon. Love your work :)

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  91. Love your response to the telemarketer - seriously, what a stupid question! I have caller ID & don't answer anonymous calls or numbers I don't recognise. My sister has a blocked number, but knows to start talking on the machine, some of her messages are too funny :)

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  92. I've just gotta focus here on the fact that they try your door handle first!!!! That's just absolutely shocking. Hoping you next tweet to Telstra includes that info!
    Good luck getting rid of them.

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  93. Holy shit, is it just me or was Luis a bit of an arrogant bastard too? Who the hell do Telstra think they are? Not endearing, that's for damn sure!

    I personally wish more Jehovah's would come to my door. I'd enjoy telling them they were wroooonnnnngggggg.

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