Wednesday, September 21, 2011

He Did What!? Wednesday - By Parental Parody

Tight-Ass Tampons - By Parental Parody

I love my husband dearly.

Just let me get that out there before I launch into my He Did What?! rant story.

#1 Hubby phoned to say he was on his way home from work, and did I need anything?

Translation : Really not ready to pass the point of no return threshold and have you launch the kids on me just yet, so I’m hoping to kill some time by appearing helpful in offering to go to the shops, while giving myself a legitimate excuse to wander around, have a coffee, and make some unnecessary purchases, before I head home.

Totally wise to his game, I thought I’d test him.

Me : Yes Dear. Can you please get me some tampons.

Silence on the other end of the phone.

#1 Hubby : Erm…ahhh….okay, yep sure.

Me : Are you sure?

#1 Hubby : Yeah, yeah, okay, okay. Sure thing.

Me : Great, do you want to know which ones to get?

#1 Hubby : No, no. I know.

About an hour later, #1 Hubby arrived home looking calm.

I admit, I was a little disappointed by this. I was expecting to see him all red in the face, sweaty brow, completely frazzled after being confronted by multiple brand and size options in the tampon aisle of the supermarket.

He starts unpacking the shopping - the other “essentials” that he couldn’t pass up because they were on special.

There’s chips, chocolate, soap and toothpaste. Clearly he’s gone down 2 aisles only – junk food and toiletries.

Then he pulls out the tampons.

Are you ready for it ladies?


HOME freaking BRAND!

Now I’m not a brand snob. I’m quite partial to a Home Brand discount. In fact, I don’t recall the last time I bought staples like flour or sugar in anything other than Home Brand.

But lady products? Something that is going to go in there? Hell no!

He has spent more on a 2pack of soap, than he has on my tampons!

I am so freaking disgusted that I can’t even deal with him. Seriously. How does one explain – to a man – that, of all the areas to skimp on price, to buy the cheapest product you can find – feminine hygiene, something that goes inside your bloody body like TAMPONS – is a complete no-no.

So, instead of starting World War 3 while bitch slapping some sense into him trying to educate him to the enormity of his error…I’ve immediately sat down, fumed over my keyboard, and put it into a He Did What?! post for the awesome Glowless. Because she has more followers than me, and therefore ensures maximum “name and shame” exposure for #1 Hubby’s serious faux pas.
___ . . . ___ . . . ___

Aren't we cute?!
Georgia from Parental Parody is the bomb. Seriously. When she comes anywhere near you, you'll get a warm fuzzy feeling in the cockles.

She speaks fluent sarcasm and can often be found drinking wine out of a goon bag in order to maintain some form of sanity after wrangling a five year old tween and two year old twin tornadoes.

Most importantly though, she laughs at my jokes and convinces #1 Hubby to give me a lift home after we've been out partying together.

Stalk her on Facebook... you know you want to.

 Send your S/He Did What!? submissions to


  1. Oh. My. God. Can we all line up and bitch slap him?

    I hope you went out, leaving him with the kids, while you went to the shops for an hour, buying something reasonable for your lady bits, and a handy cask to whack him in the head with! (Which of course, serves two purposes....)

    Maybe he was trying to teach you a lesson about teaching him a lesson. In which case, he needs some life insurance...

  2. Good to see you are onto his game! lol.  Glad you decided to share with us, it eases everyone's pain when their husbands do incredibly stupid things and we know others do too. :P

    I am so lucky in this area. My husband always got pads and tampons for his mum and sisters before we even met (his dad left when he was a teen, so he kind of became the man of the house and did everything needed.)

    He would never in a pink fit even if it was the only brand on the shelf buy Homebrand, he would drive to another store to find mine. His mum did me so many favours! 

  3. Home brand tampons, for real? Oh my, perhaps you should test his loyalty to the the non-brand with some Home Brand condoms!

  4. Yes. Yes we can. And I believe in letting everyone have 2 turns.

    I have saved it up for when I want something sparkly, alcoholic (still haven't dropped enough hints about wanting to try fancy pants expensive champagne for his clueless self), or a romantic weekend in a hotel, no kids - SOLO.  Rest assured, I will have my revenge...

  5. If he could make a bullet point list of 'what to do' instructions, I will laminate it and put it in #1 Hubby's wallet for next time.

  6. So tempted, but knowing our luck, we'd end up with triplets....

  7. But she'll never ask him to buy tampons again.  We know what were doing!

    Cranky Old Man

  8. God this made me laugh. My dear old Dad was regularly sent on the menstration run & would dutifully return with the goods - probably after a long & agonizing chat with the girls at the pharmacy (agonizing for them). Sadly the old adage that you marry your father does not apply for me. DH has four sisters & claims to have been traumatized as a child. As a result he won't even walk down "that aisle" :) I see potential for some serious torture in his future now that our daughter is 12 :D

  9. I love this! Though you know if you want something done right....

  10. Oh man oh man. I would totally send him back to refund that shit. That would ensure the red in the face sweaty brow return.

  11. Hehehehe, hate it when I think I've outsmarted the husband, only to find he's (perhaps unknowingly) outsmarted me and foiled my plan.

  12. If he could make a bullet point list of what to do' instructions, I'll really admit that he is a genius!

  13. Oh god... I've never even thought of this happening! I can't get my head around this!

    I did send my love out one day post-partum for some pads... definitely came home with Tena Lady incontinence pads, bless his dear little heart :)

  14. I meant threaten him with not actually use :P

  15. Oh I thought mine was the only one who did stuff like this! And I'll bet the chocolate is the best quality available? And I'll bet he only works 10 minutes from home and spent the other 50 'shopping'!

  16. Ha thats halarious!  Its like he almost tried to do you a favour. 
    hmmm lets see she'll only use them once so i'll save us some money and get the cheap ones - she'll be so proud and i have an extra 1.20 for a mars bar!

  17. OMG...she'll only use them once - that is so totally how he'd think.  I'm not sure what to do for revenge, but I was considering booking him a colonoscopy.  Just for fun.

  18. And, clearly, he is leading a double life and has 2 families - because you've just described him perfectly.  No wonder he has to scrimp on tampons if he's buying for 2 wives.

  19. Best threat ever.  Buy them.  Give them to him.  Then tell him NO

  20. Hilarious! I too sent mine out for post- partum pads. He came back with breast pads! Bless their stupid cotton jocks.

  21. Oh My.... I have not laughed so hard in ages! 

  22. They are the same tampons in different packaging.


Comments are blogger crack.
Comments are taken through Disqus. If you don't see that here then please try another browser or device. Thanks x


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...