Thursday, October 13, 2011

10 Reasons Why I Don't Read Your Blog

I had a really nice post to go out today. It involved cheesecake and was so lovely you would have been drooling on your keyboards. But last night as I lay in bed hacking up my left lung and throwing up I got cranky I had to write so I whipped out the iPad and stabbed away at the screen and this is the result.

This is the first in a series of "why I don't" posts. I'm about to get my snark on so sit back and relax and enjoy the ranty pants.
 
10 Reasons Why I Don't Read Your Blog

1. You have no idea how to use spell check. Sure we're all guilty of a few your/you're slip ups but come on. In most cases it's an automatic feature - how can you put up with squiggly red lines everywhere? And don't say it's part of your charm, it's not at all charming. Charming things are cute little graphics, lovely posts that make you go all gooey and anything in relation to George Clooney.

2. You have no idea of the basic rules of grammar. Use a full stop and a capital letter for once, for the love of Google! Even a lowly comma would be appreciated. For more information see point #1.

3. Your return key appears to be broken. They say the eye likes space so once in a while, how about starting a new paragraph. If your return key truly is broken use the HTML code for breaks.

4. You have almost zero original content. I read a LOT of blogs, my reader is an unforgiving mistress who must be obeyed. Chances are I read the blog you're stealing from. It's OK to be inspired by someone and link them, and sometimes we are all talking about the same thing... But when it happens over and over again? Nup, no thanks. I just get cranky.

5. You rehash press releases word for word. Every PR's dream is for their press release to appear "in the wild" verbatim... and you're doing it for free. I know it's a copy/paste job because I got the same press release and all of a sudden you're not breaking rules 1-4. I want to know what you think, I want a review and regurgitating someone else's work is not a review, that's an ad. If I wanted to see an ad I'd look in your side bar.

6. Your RSS feed is knackered. I do the majority of my reading at night in bed in an effort to keep my chronic insomniac brain somewhat entertained. If I can't see your full post (none of this partial feed crap) then I won't know you have a new post up.

7. You're not on Twitter. If I don't read through my Flipboard I click through from Twitter. If the thought of joining the addictive Twittersphere sends shivers up your spine, then at least add social media buttons to each post so other people can easily tweet it.

8. You tell me about your day like it's a shopping list. Tell me a story!!! Tell me your feelings, invite me in to your world. "We went to the park. There was a big dog there. So we left." If it seems like a kid's book that would have Tricky's eyes glazing over then I'll click away.

9. Your side bar is really messy. I'm a simple girl and I like clean lines. Learn the HTML code for centering so when you grab someone's button you can line them up neatly. This plays havoc with my OCD and if your side bar is super messy I will never click on it. Never clicking = no cash for you.

10. Your words are written straight on to a background image that means I can barely see them save for one tiny little bit at the top of the screen. Now I'm sure your background image of your child is lovely but if I have to scroll for every three lines then I'm going to click away.

There you have it. Stay tuned for 'Why I don't follow you on Twitter' and 'Why I don't comment on your blog' in which I let out my inner bitch.

Why don't you read a blog?

Sunday Grumble at Madam Bipolar

115 comments:

  1. I'm sorry! I don't understand HTML code so I still don't know how to shift stuff.... *grovel* I shall google it in the hope you read me :)

    Quite a few of these bug me too.

    BTW, your ranty pants are quite cute ;)

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  2. I HATE partial feeds too! Have unsubscribed from mre than one blog for that reason alone.

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  3. Very fair points made Ms Ranty Pants! I can't understand why people write blogs at all if they don't have basic spelling and grammer skills.
    Can't wait for your next tirade :)

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  4. Well, I know you read my blog (at least sometimes), so I think I may only be breaking one or two of those rules. Ha! You know, I have been known NOT to put a button on my blog because it was too big and didn't line up with the other buttons like a good little buttony-button should. No paragraphs, no punctuation, poor grammar and text speak shit me to tears. I'm also a bit of a font fanatic and if it's too squiggle or too big. bold, and blunt, I'm put off... Aesthetics people, look it up!

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  5. Poor grammar. I can't follow your story if it doesn't make grammatical sense.

    I don't mind a brain dump, but spend a minute or so tidying it up... it's your blog and you want it to be the best it can be, so have a little go over and make sure we're not going to be confused, and that it flows. I know a lot of bloggers aren't professional writers, and that doesn't bother me. But if what you're writing doesn't flow then I click away.

    I hate messy sidebars too, and just scaled mine back like a razor comb to a mullet. It gets distracting and yuck.

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  6. You know I have politely told two blogs that I like about the partial feed thing - both had no idea they were doing it and changed it asap.

    I still have two more that are annoying me too - I just feel uncomfortable telling them in case they come back and say - yeah thanks, that is my strategy to get people to click over to the website,....only thing is, I just move past it.

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  7. Ha! I'm going to put a post-it note on my desk that says "What would Glow think about this?" 

    ;-)

    Love & stuff
    Mrs M

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  8. I love this... I'm excited for 'Why I don't comment on your blog' because then I'll know what I'm doing that pisses you off :-P haha. Number 1 and 2 are my biggest pet peeves! 

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  9. I love it! 
    So damn true.

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  10. Ahhh... How I agree with point #6! Partial feeds are not your friend, bloggers!

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  11. I have to agree with every point you've made. Mainly with spelling and grammar, it shits me no end seeing those red lines so how can it not bother someone else? 
    Also, I was just speaking with someone the other day about bloggers who seem to copy paste shit in every. single. post. 
    I might not have the most creative content, and I'm definitely not the most witty but at least I know everything I write is mine. 

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  12. you know you spelled 'grammar' wrong, right?  I'm sure it was for the irony...  :P

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  13. Dark backgrounds, word verification, downer blogs and up yourself blogs. x

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  14. Suzi - Under The WindmillsOctober 13, 2011 at 11:24 AM

    Sory that i dont spel or gramma-ise proplee ;) Love the ranty pants image!

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  15. this is a website that I used to teach me (very basic) HTML - http://www.tizag.com/htmlT/

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  16. My sidebar is like a crack whore, messy and out of control!

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  17. those Ranty Pants make your bum look big...  :P

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  18. Ok I only have about 5 RSS subscribers (I'm that lame), so I have no idea bout the feed thing. Must check.

    My biggest bug bear? No capital I's. Seriously, it's not that hard!
    And lol. Don't put lol after every sentence, cause it's not that funny!

    I'm glad Blogpress gave you your rant back :)

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  19. LOVE it!

    Partial feeds are the devil's work... I don't care if you are worried about losers scraping your feeds, worry more about people reading your blog!

    Another reason I won't read a blog... if your design isn't easy to read! Light font on a dark background, too small font, everything centred....  all makes it hard to read, so I don't bother!

    But I'll apologise in advance cause my grammar and spelling suck... even with spell checker and proof reading... but hey, we can't all be perfect! LOL

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  20. And here I was thinking you just didn't like me? x

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  21. OOh, I got all bloggy self conscious after I read this! Totally agree with the correct spelling and grammar etc, but HTML is still a frightening wild beast for me. With your suggestion though, I will endeavour to tame it ;-)

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  22. Eeeek when writing from my computer I always write in lower case, it's just my thing.

    I'm also probably one of those "downer" blogs that Mrs Woog refers to but hey my life isn't rainbows & fairy floss, I have a fucked head and my blog is my release!

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  23. Mine was of the toothless Kings Cross variety. It needed to be shot on sight.

    PS I love your little brain dump typos... and I love that you don't care xo

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  24. Hate downer blogs. Woe is me makes me say whoa.

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  25. I am TOTALLY with you on all of these. If you don't know how to do someting, that is what Google is for. No excuse (as I go off to double check I don't have partial feeds....)

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  26. I'm with you whole-heartedly, especially with the spelling and grammar issues. It amazes me that even some quite popular blogs are riddled with spelling mistakes - not just an occasional typo, the kinds of spelling errors that even my 7yo would find annoying. How is this possible?

    Can't wait for you to follow up with more posts in this series. I like it when you're ranty. :-)

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  27. I'm with ya! I could almost have written your post word for word.

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  28. Nice, I love!!! I have the same ocd with sidebars
    Xx

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  29. Keep left - as in justify all text in a post to the left people, THE LEFT. 

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  30. Dark backgrounds are hard to read.  Also really long posts with no breaks.  I'm a bit guilty of a long post at times but I try and break up with very frequent para breaks and pics. 

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  31. I'm glad I'm not the only one! Here I was thinking I was being a terrible blog-snub! Blog-snubbers unite!!

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  32. Points 1, 2 and 10. Also, too long, too boring, too many cliches, too wishy-washy and too 'me me me'.

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  33. Fiona @ My Mummy DazeOctober 13, 2011 at 11:57 AM

    Hehe, oops x

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  34. Popular post, for sure. I use my spell check but my whole blog started with a spelling error. Now it's a brand of sorts. Don't discount us bad spellers and grammar'ists. We might just sneak up on you and win you over. Ha. 

    I don't read blogs that are negative {day after day after day}. That is my only thing. But I will mention to the blogger if the font or background or whatever is hard to read. Or the sentence or paragraph layout. I always hope someone would {and they have!} do the same for me. Same with the partial feed thing. Most bloggers have no idea what the default setting is or how to change it. 

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  35. I like full justified. But left is the next best thing. :D

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  36. Fiona @ My Mummy DazeOctober 13, 2011 at 11:59 AM

     I added my buttons into a simple little scrolling gadget. Neatened things up quick smart!

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  37. I lurve you...even when you are being Ms Ranty Pants, because you are correct.

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  38. Fiona @ My Mummy DazeOctober 13, 2011 at 12:03 PM

    What is this partial feed business. How do I check it out?

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  39. Phew!  I think I pass, but I still don't know if you read my blog?

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  40. People who use text/twitter type speak in their written posts. Yes, I'm saying that LOL has no place in a blog post. When I see somebody I like doing it I'm very disappointed because I know I will never read their blog, ever again because it shits me to tears.

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  41. I agree and I only use my reader to click through to the website but still I probably won't click through if it's a partial feed. Go figure.

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  42. That's why I aim for mediocrity. Safe and sound, somewhere in the middle.

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  43. Oh dear, I am so guilty of number 8... And you are so right, emotion is what makes the writing jump off the screen and slap that bitch about the face. Thanks for the much-needed kick to inject some life... Just love a rant post. Can't wait to read more...

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  44. Subscribe to your own blog. It's a good idea regardless. Means you can check your feeds are working and troubleshoot straight away if not.

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  45. I was terrified to see the title in my reader! As a new blogger (about a week) I honestly thought this was a message for me! I don't think I am guilty of many of those things. Thanks for the warning though.

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  46. Hmm, I'm pretty good at not doing those things. I too HATE partial feeds. Give ME the choice. People still don't get it.

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  47. There's times I don't speak proper on my blog. Great post, Glow : D

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  48. Dark backgrounds, 'what I wore' every fucking day {sorry, but I find that boring}, poor spelling/grammar, arrogant posts, and mummy bloggers with really extreme views on parenting & the opinions kinda ... jump right out at you, & feel like they're forced down your throat.

    Oh, & there's nothing more frustrating than reading the most amazing post, feeling compelled to comment, & the captcha steals it.

    But I guess that's your 'why I don't comment' post?

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  49. ooh I can't stand partial feeds. I have subscribed to your blog, please let me read it the way I want to!

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  50. Note to self: to entice a bit o' Glow action towards my blog, add more George Clooney xxx

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  51. I'll take your Point 9 OCD and raise it with 'designer OCD' - I cannot handle messy sidebars and things that aren't centred when CLEARLY they should be!

    Also look at your 'leading' people - this is the space between your lines of text. Increase it pleaseeeeeeeeeee!! When one line is sitting right on top of the one below it, the eye will just skip straight over it!

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  52. Oh dear oh dear... I confess: #6 - I have no idea if mine is a partial or full RSS feed (and don't know how to check if it is or not). So ah, yeah. Sorry if that's me! (is that me? am I "one of them"?)

    I don't read "your" blog because I am skittish. I have probably been to "your" blog, probably in all likelihood absolutely loved "your" blog, but because of my abysmal organisational skills and lack of planning, I shan't be back. Unless you go past me in my Twitter feed or somewhere else I happen to be. Sorry! Most definitely not "you"... it's me.

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  53. lol.

    Sorry. That was funny.

    *taking the piss and running away now*

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  54. This is a very eye opening post.  And I love it!!
    Will now make sure that my blog is correctly done.I don't even know if you visit my blog.

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  55. Clutter. I like negative space and nothing makes me click away faster than solid blocks of text.

    White or coloured text on a dark background. Won't somebody think of the eyes!

    I am a spelling and grammar freak. There are NO excuses in these days of spell check.

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  56. OMG you scary woman you  :O)  Hope you feel better now that's all off your chest.  I am a self confessed dyslexic blogger - so you better give me the skip-a-do.    Still, if you'd like to edit my posts for me - that would be okay too.  Stay happy lovely lady.  Cazx

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  57. And yet you still read [and comment!] on my blog Jayne, I feel honoured! xx

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  58. Naw, you have clean lines and paragraph breaks! You give good blog :))

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  59. I agre wth a lot o f th e stff uv writtn up dr (hehehe).

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  60. I find the spelling and grammar bothersome, too. In fact, as an ex-copy editor, I am anal enough to email bloggers I read a lot and like if spelling gaffes sneak into their posts. Yes, I'm that annoying about it.

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  61. hmmm i never capitalize i and i go for Aussie spelling not American so you may think i have issues...

    My pet peeve is a lot... Is it not too much to ask for it to be two words not one? It's A LOT peoples not alot....

    Look forward to why you don't follow me on twitter ;o) although... i think you may... if not FOLLOW ME cause i am your number one stalker x

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  62. I guess this explains it then.

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  63. So this is what i'm doing wrong?!

    You know I feel the same way (although, I think my side bar is busy, not messy, but busy)

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  64. Oh my! I love ya undies love!

    #6. Yes, oh yes, oh yes! I am sick of partial feeds.  I have a metric buttload of blogs that I read - reader is my friend.  though, my RSS needs help.. *slinks*

    #7 recommend me a twitter widget for wordpress?

    #9 OK, OK... I know it needs work. I am getting there!

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  65. I went there...thanks Penny, and I hurt my eyes and brain...so I left. Thanks for showing me, but I am not a patient person....and that was too much. Will have to keep sucking up to people. Thanks anyway Denyse X

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  66. You are in a bad way.
    I am pretty sure I don't break too many of those rules.
    I am going to check my RSS feeds.
    However, I wish to bring up a topic.
    This is just me being whingey.
    I "got my blog's code done as you asked" and sent it to you and still you haven't put it in your sidebar.
    You hate me, I know. Waaaaahhhhhhh

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  67. Omg so this is all the stuff I'm doing wrong?? I don't know what half of that means, I really need to be more tech savvy. I learnt how to use my iPod from my almost 60 yr old Mother. I think I need a glass of wine

    I don't even know how to add a pic to my disqus profile or change the name to dearbabyg. Let alone add disqus to my blog.

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  68. Brilliant! I love it.  Though I break rules 1 and 2 all the time.  I like to think my bastardisation (and often invention of words) of the English language is Shakepearean.... also I am often full of shit!

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  69. Brilliant! I love it.  Though I break rules 1 and 2 all the time.  I like to think my bastardisation (and often invention of words) of the English language is Shakepearean.... also I am often full of shit!

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  70. Oh Crap! Just when I think I am getting somewhere, I find I am ticking most of those boxes - except spelling and grammar - my bugbear - but I definitely overuse punctuation!!!!  I think I need a tutorial! Very interested to read the next posts - get those pants on! xx

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  71. Woo hoo, I have to say that I truly enjoy a Ranty Pants Glow!  Ranting aside, this are all extremely valid points . . . well except for the part about the RSS feed but that might just be because I have no idea what an RSS feed is . . . I mean I see it all the time I just don't know what it is. ;)

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  72. #7 How do I add social media buttons to my posts? I'm not on Facebook or Twitter and never will be, but if that's how you'll get to read my posts, then I'll add the buttons....maybe.

    I don't know if you actually read my blog or not, if it doesn't appeal to you, that's fine. I don't often read what you have put up, it depends largely on whether I have time, if the story is interesting to me, if it loads fast enough. Sometimes it takes a long while for your page to load, so I'll just click away and not come back unless I've got time to spare.

    Spelling and grammar are important to me too. And apostrophe placement.

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  73. Denyse I'm sorry, I haven't put up any new buttons in such a long time! I'm very slack. My OCD means I have to put up three at a time... which is sooo frustrating. Maybe I could just do a swap out and hope no one notices????

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  74. hey will you read my blog and tell me what I am doing wrong :)?

    http://fracturedfamilytales.blogspot.com/

    I am a complete newbie and techno challenged beyond all belief!

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  75. You've made me 'grow'.
    Thanks for posting this. I've linked to this and added my thoughts today.
    I'm now your newest stalker - lucky you!
    cheryl xox.

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  76. chuck mine on too and you've got two down! 

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  77. I tried to comment here yesterday, but couldn't. So here it is again.
    I don't know if you read my blog or not. Perhaps the content isn't your type of thing. That's fine.
    The reasons I don't read some blogs are:- flashing ads in the sidebars, (very hard on the eyes); pages that take way too long to load; pages that won't accept my comments for whatever reason; content that just doesn't catch my attention. The last one doesn't mean I'll stay away from a blog, I'll keep checking for a while, but if the posts are constantly something that doesn't interest me then I'll delete it from my reading list.

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  78. Oh dear.

    Does it matter that most of what everyone is discussing I have no idea about. :/ ...and I wonder if I really want to know....

    Hope you're feeling better soon.

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  79. I also need to learn html/code  pft i shall one day and i know my spelling is crap but hey that is me!
    I think i only have 2 things on my side bar that are not straight i shall fix them up soon sweetie ;-)
    Looking forward to the next rant post .. Thanks Glow xxxx

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  80. Google it! I have no training in anything tech and learned everything I did from Googling. Most sites just give you a bit of code to place in and it's all done.

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  81. Well..... I think I am glad you don't read my blog, my grammar is a shocker! But I think I tell an alright story just the same.

    I also agree with you on so many of the above gripes!

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  82. Sometimes the overuse of punctuation is needed. "Then my MIL said _____!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" is completely appropriate.

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  83. Coining words is a skill, don't stop that one.

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  84. Too much text puts me off.
    Your post was great. New bloggers need to know that stuff.
    Thanks for doing the linky. Xxxx

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  85. Pffft I know NOTHING about Wordpress even though my job requires it of me.

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  86. There's a big difference between busy and messy!!

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  87. Have you seen this blog post? It's gone viral since I first read it (though obviously not *because* I read it) http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html YOU WILL LOVE IT!

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  88. So true, Kirrily. I find myself going in and out of bloggy phases and having to read daily for a while then not going back for months, not because of anything bad, but just because life is busy and I'm working four small jobs on top of being a Mama and doing my own blog!

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  89. I'm quite easily pleased, really.

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  90. Haha no this isn't about anyone in particular though I do know a few that do most of them! It's just my pet hates, doesn't mean anyone has to change what they do. Your blog, your decisions. What one chick says doesn't mean much.

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  91. LOL Zoey ur so right. Thx 4 commenting it's gr8.

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  92. See for you, Suger, I'll make an exception. I've left my negative blog thing for my next ranty post.

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  93. We need a club. None us can read each other's stuff though for fear of getting caught doing any of the above.

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  94. I have learned EVERYTHING from Googling.

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  95. I'm against LOL-ing and using emoticons in posts, but not in comments, which is weird :)

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  96. I've saved a special place for downer blogs on my next list about why I don't comment.

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  97. Kirsty@MyHomeTruthsOctober 16, 2011 at 7:02 PM

    Great points, I agree with every one of them, especially the annoyance of partial feeds and the frustration of not being able to follow people on fb or twitter...

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  98. I copy, resize, rehost then place all the buttons I have because of my hate of misaligned sidebars. It's a lot of effort and I don't have time any more so I haven't updated it in months.

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  99. Awesome! Somebody needed to write what I was thinking!

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  100. Oh my! As a newer blogger I hope my posts are not breaking the rules. Anyone who glances at it is welcome to a constructive critisism. (Did I spell that right? I am using my cell.) I don't want to put someone off because of my format or terrible spelling. (Lucky I can spell my name.) I'd much rather have them seem my content and ideas, AND THEN decice if I annoy them or not. ;o)

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  101. wow, it seems a few have read these comments and decided to contact ME to complain about my sad sack blog.

    Heh.

    You are so very right on all points.  Clearly you stole it all from me. ;)

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  102. LOL, as I am not guilty of any of these (I'm a word nerd with OCD), I'll assume you read my blog. Often!

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  103. Yes! Dark backgrounds, and all centered drives me barmy. And I'm guilty of this sometimes, blog posts that are too long.

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  104. For years I thought LOL was "Lots of Love." I think abbreviations is just plain laziness.

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  105. I'm new to blogging, I'm not a writer or journalist, and I haven't a clue what a lot of the computer talk means. RSS feads? HTML codes? I threw myself into the deep end of blogging and I'm splashing around, hoping the shallow end will find my feet.

    So please bear with me, and I hope I don't tell you something you already know. 

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  106. You'll get the hang of it, Jeanie, took me a long time to know what some of the words mean, still have no clue about some others though!

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  107. I'll click away from a post that is novel-length or far to intellectual, if it takes more than a few mins to read, or if I've got to strain my brain to understand it I'll move on. It's a {web}log, people!

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  108. I just tidied up my side bar lovely ;)

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  109. Ok, seriously, I am pretty sure I comply with all 10 so if you are kind 'n sweet and have 10 seconds, please take a look and me why no one reads mine!? Love quasi kamikaze blogger ( ie. currently seriously considering packing it all in), Park Confessional
    http://parkconfessional.com/

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