Friday, July 22, 2011

Toy Sale Smackdown

Handing over to this guy for today's post:

Let's get ready to ruuuuumble!

In the blue corner we have Jennifer McManus. She's 160cm tall, weighs 75kg (but she'll tell you she weighs 69kg), can bench press a toddler, and cook a gourmet meal of beans on toast for a family of four while holding her screaming two month old baby. Jennifer holds the title for most bargains found in one day and this is her third year contesting the Toy Sale Smackdown.

Jennifer plans to use the time honoured tactic of dropping the toddler at the grandparents' and babywearing during the sales so she can keep her hands free to grab bargains. It comes with the added bonus of most other Smackdown participants giving her a "baby buffer zone".

In the red corner we have Monica Bradman. At 165cm tall and weighing in at 82kg (but she'll swear 10kg of that is fluid at this time of the month), she has the upper hand being able to bench press twin toddlers and break up fights between her tweens. Monica is the reigning Trolley Wielding World Champion and is our most experienced competitor today, in her 11th year of Toy Sale Smackdown.

Monica's plan of attack is to use one of her tweens so they can infiltrate the aisles from two sides and she will rely heavily on her superior trolley skills to block other bargain hunters and if need be, ram their heels.

And then in the multicoloured couch corner with a few scatter cushions is Glowless. She's 169cm tall and weighs 70kg (though we all know that's a big fat lie). She's a newbie in the Smackdown but has used the power of her laptop to come in and is a real threat to claim the title.

Her plan is to jump online (the only jumping she does) and head to the Target Toy Sale where she can browse through the hundreds of discounted toys, cup of tea in hand, and leisurely pick and choose and start her Early Bird Lay-By online! No fighting children, no trolleys up heels, no scuffle for the last Lightning McQueen and no having to bribe tweens with promises of junk food. She even plans to do it with her trademark unbrushed hair and in her normal uniform of PJs.

Remember ladies, there's no such thing as a nice, clean fight!


Who will win??? What are your weapons of choice for the Toy Sale Smackdown?

This post is part of Product Talk by Nuffnang. I received a Target voucher for it to use at the sale!


  1. hahaha that was great to visualise. Your laptop will also come in handy when you go in-store, for smacking bitches out tha way :)

  2. I so wanted to do this! You did great though. really funny. :)

  3. Sooo love how this is written! 

    In other news we are the same height m'dear. 

  4. Dude fuck the toy sale,  WE SHARE THE SAME HEIGHT!

  5. Love this! I actually ventured into Target yesterday and was quite disappointed that i didn't see any smackdowns or bitch-slapping while I was there. I didn't even have to wait long in the lay-by line...awesome, but weird...

  6. That was hilarious!!! I just love it, I wish I could do humor sometimes :-)

  7. That could definitely work!! And on the plus side I could mention it on Twitter almost immediately!!!

  8. Thanks Karlee, wanted to try and make it more than just a "go buy a toy" post :)

  9. This is obviously why we looked so good doing the Nutbush together 

  10. And now I'm disappointed in you, Kirsty. If there was no sign of smackdowns or bitch-slapping it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to instigate some. Sheeesh! 

  11. Hilarious !  Weapon of choice ?  For me it'd have to be our "City Jogger' twin stroller.  That machine can knock people like they were bowling pins.  True.  Honest.
    Happy Friday :)

  12. I totally could imagine this happening!! Although I was able to do get nearly everything I needed at the Target sales, I was super organised this year and knew exactly what I was wanting! No smackdowns at our shops as well, which was pretty disappointing!!

  13. Remind me never to go shopping with you. 

  14. Oh man! Target has got it all going on. I was in and out of there in about 1.5 hours on Thursday (and the extra half hour was because a friend came late. Smackdown for tardiness I say!). And I can't say for sure how I managed to arrive home at 5pm when I was finished at Target at 10.30 but ...

    The Big W lay-by line debacle was a shocker. There were some seriously cranky shoppers there when that toy sale started. Although, I'm not sure why. Were they expecting it to be quiet the first day of the toy sale?

    Oh and can I just add that the online scenario is good in theory until you realise there is that one fucking item you really needed (okay. wanted) and it's not available online so you have to fight the crowd anyway. I was so ready for the easy online option until I realised none of what I wanted was actually online! 


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