Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The thirty before 30 recap

I figured it's about time I sat down and assessed how I did with my Thirty before 30 list of goals. I've been avoiding it the way you avoid swimming at the beach immediately after dry shaving your legs... because I know I will feel the pain of salt penetrating a thousand tiny, self created wounds.

I rarely set goals because I'm so bad at finishing things and I end up feeling like I've failed because, well, I have failed. Even when I go all gung-ho and promise myself I do it this time, I just don't. Things get in the way; pregnancy, child wrangling, work, life. But mostly my fucked up head.
I have a room full of redundant supplies bought each time I decided to try some new activity or set a goal because I don't do things by halves. I am committed to failing in the most spectacular way possible. This year I will do more art = a room full of canvases, paints and paintbrushes. This year I will start my own makeup business = a metric tonne of eyeshadow and false lashes. This year I will meditate and spend more time on me = three books on Buddhism and mindfulness plus a fancy pants meditation CD. All gathering dust.

The final result is that I'm left feeling like a tool for yet another year of not accomplishing anything with the added bonus of feeling guilty about wasting money on so much stuff I never use. Especially when I could spend it on important, expensive things like wine or medication or other useful things.

Having the goals written down, even on the internet, doesn't spur me on, doesn't motivate me. So the list has sat here, for almost a year laughing at me, mocking me. So, rather than get all emo about it (oops, too late) I'm pulling on my big girl pants and assessing the list. Let's see what I failed to do, and what I managed to do despite being the Queen of Procrastination thus surprising us all, mmkay?

1. Finish renovating the house
Fail. OK so we're not starting off well. Our walls are still without paint and our yard is a disgrace. I had huge plans for a vege patch - I was so excited. Sadly the excitement diminished when I saw how expensive it was to buy soil to replace our barren sand.

2. Buy a new pair of shoes
I achieved this. Three times over. I will consider this a spectacular example of when goal setting goes well. Yay me.

3. Go on a holiday with Map Guy and Tricky
Check! Ten days in paradise with my boys was amazing.

4. Attend my Dad’s 60th birthday celebration and spoil him rotten with presents
We had a surprise dinner for my Dad's 60th. Because my mum didn't want to ruin the surprise, when he got dressed in shorts and a tshirt she didn't tell him to get changed, meaning he rocked up to the restaurant, where everyone else was nicely dressed, looking rather bogan. He was so embarrassed and I was furious at my Mum.

5. Start dancing lessons with Map Guy
Fail. It's a double fail because I bought us lessons and we never attended. And I wonder why I never have any fucking money!?!?

6. Expand Where’s My Glow?
When I wrote the goal list I had 106 followers on the widget and I wanted to get to 200. It ticked over to 600 just the other day. I know it's not a real indicator of success or anything, but I'm not going to lie, seeing that number makes me feel good.

7. Ask for help when I need it
Went back on medication, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah. I'm awesome.

8. Read and comment on more blogs
Half Fail. I did this for a long time. I would read and comment on every single post that was linked to FlogYoBlog Friday. And then a combination of working on the conference, getting a writing job, Tricky becoming an adventurous toddler and still wanting to have some semblance of life (combined with poor time management and kick ass procrastination) means I now hardly read any. Not even the ones I subscribe to. I am a bad, bad, blogger.

9. Get my hair done
Woo, I did this! That drag stripe was getting huge.

10. Cook more food from scratch
Just call me Martha. Quiches, slices, gingerbread, shortbread, and cake pops! I even made up my own recipe for Cheesecake and Oreo Macaroons because I was feeling smug.

11. Attend the Aussie Bloggers’ Conference
Ooooh yeah. And it was amazing. Almost time for the next one!

12. Clean out my kitchen cupboards
I did this twice. Surely I can cross something else off because I did this more than was necessary? C'mon, gimme a break!

13. Have a facial
Fail. I didn't even get a facial in Kota Kinabalu when it would have cost $3.50 for an hour. Shame on me for not exploiting a poor country and an awesome exchange rate.

14. Keep breastfeeding Tricky
I've considered weaning Tricks at least once a week for the past few months. But breastfeeding is bloody handy - it's so damn easy to comfort him when he falls, lull him to sleep if he's unwell, and gives me a moment to just sit and be with him. I don't want to be still feeding him when he's at school, that is a little much for me... but I don't know when he'll wean. He's a boob man, I don't see him giving it up without a fight.

15. Enter more competitions
Again this is one that I did for a while, then stopped doing, especially for blog competitions. I felt bad commenting on a blog that I hadn't been to for a while just to win a prize. "Oh hi! No I don't read your blog, but I'd love some free shit!"

16. See some amazing live music with Map Guy
Fail. I blame Perth for being so far away.

17. Clean out my wardrobe
Fail. Though I did technically do this... it morphed in to a floordrobe and that's how it's stayed for months and months. Piles of clean clothes on the floor of the bedroom and the (walk in) robe. How can I have so many clothes and bugger all to wear?

18. Hang photos up on the walls
Fail. Oh dear. Three in a row. What makes this worse is that the box of frames has been sitting in my kitchen for about 18 months now, gathering a thick layer of dust. I would dust them but going near them reminds me I haven't hung them up yet and makes me a sad panda.

19. Have a nice 1st birthday party for Tricky
It was brilliant. Including the cake I made that had people oohing and ahhing. Is it bad that looking back on that cake makes me swell with pride? I remember the cake more than the day... bad mama.

20. Write some poetry
Fail. Unless you consider a poorly written limerick that won me snow cone maker from Mrs Woog.

21. Spend some time in Albany so that Tricky gets more time with his rellies
We've made the six hour trek to Albany a few times in the past twelve months - Me, Map Guy, Tricky and a giant, farting dog. The last time we sung Old MacDonald for three hours and I was convinced that driving in to a tree would be less painful... until we passed a double fatality on the highway and realized a few hours of singing to entertain a bored toddler is NOTHING and I will do it again and again and again without (much) complaining.

22. Clean out the Man Cave (the study where Map Guy spends most of his time
Fail. Errr... kinda. Cleaned it out, moved the desk so it was almost empty and it became the 'guest bedroom' (if you can call a mattress on the floor a guest bedroom?) for when my inlaws stayed over. Then it became the laundry room which morphed in to the junk room. Which is how it is now but with the desk that was removed, crammed back in.

23. Lose weight
So technically I achieved this. Although it only really happened because I got extremely ill, lost the ability to swallow anything (including my own saliva) and wound up in hospital. BUT I'm going to hold on to it because after I lost it, I didn't gain it back and then lost a teeny little bit more too. YAY ME! Even though it goes past my birthday, I didn't put on any weight over Christmas for the first time ever. EVER!

24. Make a new friend
I have made lots of new friends in the past year, and as someone with a major psychiatric illness and an anxiety disorder this is HUGE.

25. Keep seeing a counselor (keep’s the craziness at bay)
Fail. Although, after the bullshit that happened with the last crackpot was declared me cured after four sessions that consisted of drawing a picture, telling her about my favourite childhood TV character and being told to have a lolly jar and dive in to it whenever I wanted to reconnect with my inner child (even though I was obese - What. The. Fuck?), I have given up for a while and am flying solo. This may prove to be my undoing, let's wait and see.

26. Go on a date with Map Guy
I know I did this... but I can't remember where we went. I think it was to the movies.

27. Be more assertive
I'm going to chalk this up as a success. I'm not great at it, but I'm getting better. I can even say no now... granted it's only in situations that don't matter and to people who I don't know but that's not the point. Baby steps.

28. Keep attending Mothers’ Group
Love my gals. Can't believe I ended up with a group of women who all get along so well. Now two of them are up the duff again I wonder how it's going to change our dynamic. Will we all keep meeting up or will life get in the way? I hope we keep meeting, it's something I look forward to every Friday.

29. Go swimming
I swam. Both in pools and the ocean (in Australia and Malaysia)... in front of people! This was actually a much bigger deal to me that I thought it would be. When I first published the list I mentioned I used to swim for a club... I didn't mention why I stopped though and blamed my lack of recent swimming on body issues. It ran a lot deeper than that, and now I'm going to be annoying and not tell you why because I'm not ready to. Sorry.

30. Plan a kick-ass 30th birthday party
Until two weeks before my birthday I wasn't going to have a party because we'd decided to go to Malaysia instead. But then I decided I cannot turn 30 and not have a little gathering, so we went to the beach for a sunset BBQ with about 20 friends and it was lovely. What was even more lovely was my awesome cake - proof that I've been baking from scratch more!

So there we have it. 20 out of 30 aint bad, right? Right???

Now, to make some new goals or not? Hrmmm.


  1. I think you did really really well!
    Greenie was a boob man too, but he self weaned a couple of months shy of his second birthday. I was like you, dreaming of the time he would self wean but still not wanting him to. I was pretty upset when he did though. Hurts a little to know I will never have that time back again.

  2. Wow! Pretty big achievements. The first part of your post resonated so much with me. I was nodding the whole way through it. Definitely make some new ones,but take time to glow (boom,boom) in what you have done ! x

  3. Why don't you buy tickets to a hippy gig, which will give you reason to clean out the wardrobe and if you get close enough to the mosh pit, you might even find the inspiration to write some, like, poetry, maaan.

  4. But good on you for trying, and hey, you got 20 done!! Two-thirds is more than I've achieved of my "NY resolutions"... in fact, I can't even remember what I said. Pht.
    But yay for making new friends ;)

  5. You did better than me...

    I sat down to write a 30 before 30 list the other day... I stared at the number 1 for about an hour before writing "write 30 before 30 list".

    I then got distracted by making a pretty necklace out of different coloured paper-clips.

    Note to self: write 30 before 30 list ;)

  6. I think 20 out of 30 is pretty good going! Welcome to the thirty club! It's pretty good on this side :)

  7. I didin't do too well with my list but I did... because it changed my mindset and made me excited about trying new things and saying "yes" to opportunities... even beyond the "deadline" 

  8. Well done. As Meatloaf said two out of three ain't bad. So Twenty out of Thirty is great.

    Of course this has reminded me that I need to go and check out my Day Zero list.

  9. I reckon you did pretty well. I wrote a list of 40 things to do before I turn 40... and I can't even find where I put it!  I am 41 next month. 

    Epic fail.

  10. I know I'll be upset when the time comes for the same reason. But I'm going through a "I WANT MY BODY BACK" phase :P

  11. I think I will. Sadly 31 before 31 isn't quite as catchy

  12. That is an awesome goal, Chantelle! My new goal is to write a goal list too!

  13. Quick, write a new one and fill it with stuff you've already done - I won't tell anyone ;-)

  14. RE: Veggie patch.... Do what I do. Container gardening! So much easier and easy to rotate the crop. :). 

    Also hit freecycle or gumtree or quokka to see or ask if someone is giving away cuttings for plants, mulch and soil!  I have gotten a few from there and free of charge. ALSO.... ask friends if they would give extra plants away..... I have a friend who constantly gives her plants to friends. I got a chilli plant and tomato plants from her. Hope the fail will turn into a success! It's not to late! 

  15. 20 goals achieved is fucking awesome. 

  16. Jodie - Muddled UP MummaJanuary 27, 2012 at 5:31 PM

    20 out of 30 is great! Well done. I certainly relate as someone who often gears themelf up for a new idea or thing (last one was new runners and heart rate monitor and I havent run once since), fails dismally and then feels guilty about the wasted expense.x

  17. I bought new runners and a pedometer recently... *crickets chirping*

  18. I'm happy with 20, wasn't as bad as I thought!!!

  19. I don't even know how to start!!

  20. Shoot me an email if you really want to do it. I will try to help as much as i can. Its a bit too late in the seaaon to plant anything now but we can plan! Hehehe.

  21. You did well :) I did not make a 30 by 30 list, and sometimes I dont think I have achieved all that much, yet other times I do.
    I have been meaning to say, you have the most awesome hair and lips ever. Supermodel blogger :)

  22. Nawww shucks! My lips are full because I smashed my face on a desk when I was 5 and the resultant scar tissue makes them look bigger - if you look REALLY closely you can see the scars :P

  23. Hi There!
    I just "found" you several days ago and really enjoy your writings.  I think you deserve an...Atta Girl...for even writing 30 before 30.  I, too, am trying to make new friends as I struggle w/ bi-polar (mostly depression) and anxiety.  I don't remember how to.

    Going to read more of your blog.....

  24. Thanks so much! It's a bitch and a half trying to make friends (and keep them) when you have a mental illness. So many people go running when they see the real me, it just makes me want to hide more.

  25. 20 goals is a lot to have achieved in just one year! Way to go! Maybe I should write a list too for my own 30th this year. Although that would involve actually admitting to myself that I'll be turning 30. Hmmm.....15 before 15 (for the second time)?


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