Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Yo Mama So Fat

I was having such a good day today. See that little word there? Was. As in, it started well and now it sucks.

My Mum came over and played with Tricky while I did a few things around the house, we went to the shops for a bit and then met up with my Dad at a cafe for a free lunch.

It was free because we'd gone there for my birthday and I'd ordered a pizza that had olives on it and when it came and I bit in to it I bloody nearly broke my tooth because the olives hadn't been pitted. Seriously who puts non-pitted olives on a pizza? Anyways, they gave us a freebie to make up for it.

We're still obviously in the good part of the day here.

So while I was on a high of free carbohydrates and because I had my parents to watch Tricky I decided to have a massage.

And, oh, how things can turn so quickly. It went a little like this:

Tiny little masseuse lady: What you want?
Glowless: Back, neck and shoulder? Can you fit me in?
Tiny little masseuse lady: Yeah we got spot. How long?
Glowless: Just half an hour.
Tiny little masseuse lady (looking me up and down): But you pregnant, yes?
Glowless (wishing the floor would swallow me whole, or just swallow my ass): Um, no.
Tiny little masseuse lady: OK come through

Yep. Not pregnant. Just fat. Niiiice.
In my late teens I was with my boss when she asked a coworker when her baby was due. She wasn't pregnant either. Seeing the crushed look on her face that day, the look she tried so much to hide, made me swear I would never ask someone if they were pregnant. NEVER. I would hesitate to ask even if I could see their baby crowning and there was a midwife telling me to move out of her way.

You just don't do it.

So it has come as a timely reminder that yes, I am fat. And I should do something about it... right after I eat this tub of icecream to make myself feel better.

Has anyone asked you if you were pregnant when you weren't? Or is just me that has a lardass?

Meet Glowless (and her fat bottom) at the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to HealthyChart and Baby Goes Retro


  1. Oh hun, Don't worry i have been asked twice since Logan was born and i tell you its heart breaking!!!

  2. pfft, you're not fat. "But you pregnant, yes?" haha

  3. I would feel a bit shit too if someone said that to me. I too have the rule don't comment on anyone being pregnant unless you have heard it come out of their mouth.

  4. Gawdddd, will people ever learn?

    When the Bug was 4 months old, we had Foxtel installed at our place. The installer was an older Spanish man. While holding the Bug (who was small for her age mind you), he asked "Oh, you expecting another baby? Nice" to which I flatly said "No". Did he learn his lesson and shutup? No. "You drink too much beer?" He asks me, another flat no. He then says "Pretty girl like you, you should take care of yourself."


  5. Just after having my second we visited my family and my youngest brother (now 15) started the visit with "Are you pregnant again?" I run out of the room and cried!
    *Hugs* to you xo

  6. I was 7 months preg with Miss almost 8 and had a super slim hairdresser tell me that she didn't notice I was pregnant just thought I was 'large'. But instead of ice-cream try a dairy free Sorbet. The Coles brand Lemon one is Devine.

  7. It is such a hard one. I have been in the reverse situation where I didn't acknowledge someones pregnancy. She got a bit cross at me and said "Oh my god - you thought I was just fat) !!!!

  8. About a year before I fell pregnant, I was at a wedding. The bride asked if I was pregnant and rubbed my belly (she hadn't seen me for a while and I'd put on weight). I replied with "No, I'm just fat". I also got asked a fair bit about 14 months after my first was born. I hadn't quite lost all the baby weight, but to be fair, I was pregnant at the time, I just didn't know it yet. Honestly though, I find that if you respond with "No, just fat" to that question, that people tend to get a bit embarrassed and leave you alone. :)

  9. i think only the really 'skinny bitches' (or tiny asian masseuses) have never been asked this question - or had someone wondering out loud too nearby... don't take it too much too heart. i have had a bump long before my baby, and now at least i can say it's because i WAS pregnant. Not all of those who ask that stupid question can say that!

  10. I shouldn't laugh, but ... Don't worry, we are all in the same boat (the one that is leaning starboard). I jumped on the scale this morning and to my shock realised I didn't loose a single bit of weight while on holiday (obviously one bite of jam donut per day equals 45 minutes of exercise). So I converted the metric to imperial to see if I felt better about my weight. After I finished wiping the tears from my eyes (I use to be so much thinner in America) I reminded myself that it will take a lot of hard work at first, but then it will just be a matter of maintenance. I'm joining Diminishing Lucy's Fat to Fit thingy too. Come along!

  11. Oh my God. I'm never getting Foxtel!

  12. Nothing like a kick in the fat guts is there. Been there have the shame.

  13. Aw, sorry babe. If it makes you feel any better I have been on a health kick for 10 days - eaten well, exercised a lot more than usual (with usual being nothing it's not that hard). Weighed myself today and found out I've put on 200g. Great.

  14. You forgot the part where you are brilliant... Surely that made your day a bit better again?! LOL

    And :P to the massage lady.

  15. Mmm, yes, someone asked me just that not so long ago. It quickly got me off midnight icecreams.

  16. oh dear - I've been asked if I'm pregnant too and I'm a man - work out how that makes you feel!!

    I've also seen that look of horror on a girl's face as you ask that question first hand - ah well, you live and learn.

    I've always dreamed of getting given a free pizza - you are so lucky

  17. LOL... sorry i used to be asked that lots ages ago either i would just show my fist in the face and go "PUNCH" no words or say a witty/smartarsy comeback:-p

    Now days i am a little better and if someone said you preggies yes? I prob would say yep whats on offer for it?? lol...

  18. oh no! I used to have a purple skirt & every time I wore it people would ask. Got rid of it pretty fast as you can imagine. Now I just run into people who are too polite to ask but not to stare...oh dear :(

  19. OH DUDE. Last year. Mum in hospital bed post hip-replacement. Introduces me to one of her nurses, this is my daughter, these are two of my grandsons, she has four boys!
    Nurse says, OH hello, and you're having another one!
    Um no. No I'm not.


  20. Oh love, laughed my fat arse off reading this!!
    In all seriousness it sounds like your little masseuse girl probably needed a couple of tubs of ice-cream before she disappeared!!
    You're right though, you NEVER ask if someone is pregnant. It's a NO GO ZONE!!

  21. That is why I never offer people I think are pregnant seats on the train unless its a clearly defined belly or of course when they ask. I'm terrified of getting it wrong and insulting them.


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