I hate

I hate that I ruined an otherwise perfect day

I hate that something that seemed so small and insignificant was, in fact, a major trigger and set me spiraling out of control

I hate that you saw past the facade and met the real, twisted me; the me I have worked tirelessly to keep hidden

I hate that I couldn't control my breathing, let alone my thoughts, and wanted to run out in to traffic to make it all stop

I hate that, in that very moment, it was the only way I could see out, so clouded was my head with white noise, fear and pain that being alive was pure agony

I hate that I was so afraid to ask for help from the person who understands me and can, within a few moments, direct me to safety, that I didn't call her, didn't text her, just sent her a DM on Twitter that I knew she might not get, so terrified I was of inconveniencing her

I hate that afterwards I found out she'd had a shit of a day and I felt even worse for asking for help

I hate that I see things so black and white while you see things in wonderful shades of grey and brilliant colour that I can only dream of

I hate that you had a glimpse in to my mind and how it works, how fucked up it really is

I hate that you saw how quickly I go from seemingly normal to psychotic and in need of urgent care when faced with a triggering situation

I hate that you saw me at my most vulnerable, slumped on the pavement, my body heaving with sobs and guttural moans, looking anything but Glowing

But most of all, I hate that you told me to snap out of it and stop crying

I hate that when I tried to explain, you said I just wanted to be molly coddled when what I needed was validation and a chance to calm down in a safe environment

I hate that when I begged and pleaded with you to stop saying it you ignored me and said I needed to hear it


That is more painful than anything else

Holiday baggage (under my eyes)

I've just spent a week at a beach shack with Map Guy, Tricky and my inlaws (and Sprocket, can't forget him).

Other than the initial hiccup, it was sorta like a week with a live in nanny, cook and cleaner because they tend to not let us do anything when we stay with them... which suits me very well. I'm sure in a previous life I was uber rich and had servants because it just comes so naturally to me to let people do stuff for me.

Some people call it lazy, I call it delegating.

But I don't come back from holidays looking rested and serene with an ethereal glow (as opposed to an ethereal Glow, because I'm obviously that all the time). I come back looking knackered; the bags under my eyes morph in to an entire matching luggage set and take on a slight purple hue.

See the problem is, whenever I have a little holiday and get to sleep earlier, my brain all of a sudden decides that it must try to reduce the sleep debt I've built up after years of insomnia coupled with 20months of child rearing. Which basically means I'm tired the whole damn time I'm away and take every opportunity to go back to bed and add to the puddle of drool on my pillow or fall asleep in the car giving myself a lovely double whammy of a crick neck and a side double chin (double goiter?).

That translates, roughly, in to me looking like the least involved parent in front of people who I'm still trying to slightly impress.

But rather than continuing to bang on about my holiday that went from soul destroying to rather pleasant (if somewhat anxiety provoking), I want to hear what it would have been like for you:

Finish this sentence: "A week on holidays at the beach with my inlaws would be..."

The Vlog About Nothing

Kinda like Seinfeld, but, you know, not at all.

FlogYoBlog Friday: The Nomophobia Edition

Hey Flogstars,

I'm jittery. And it's nothing to do with spending a night in a repulsive holiday home with a mouse infestation.

It's because up here, I have no phone coverage. Nothing, nada, zip, zilch, zero (have you noticed that N and Z completely steal all the words meaning nothing? Letter hogs!!!).

I have Nomophobia. It sounds like the fear of yummy things, but it's not... it's the fear of being without your phone. Dun dun DUUUUUN!

Whilst I do actually have my phone with me, I have no signal because my provider don't have any towers up this way. I could use another tower but the 4S doesn't let you turn off 3G - first world problems, right? Hey, after spending a night inhaling mouse shit, I'm allowed to be a bit shirty, gimme a break.

What makes it so much worse is that I have people emailing and tweeting me saying "Did you get my text?". Nooooo I didn't! What did you say? Was it important? Was it funny? Please don't think I'm ignoring you!!! Don't leeeeaaaaveeeeee meeeeeeeee!!!. Or *ahem* you know, something like that. 

Do you have Nomophobia? Will a bit of a Flog help???

How to FlogYoBlog

1. Follow Where's My Glow?
2. Bow down at the alter of Mummy Time; Blog-goddess, all round groovy gal and creator of FYBF
3. Grab the FYBF button and post it on your sidebar or in the post you're linking up
4. Link in your favourite/best post from the week (don't just put your homepage URL)
5. Follow at least 1 linkyer/blogger then be nice and spread the comment love

<center><a href="http://www.wheresmyglow.com/search/label/FlogYoBlog"><img src="http://i695.photobucket.com/albums/vv316/mummy-time/FlogYoBlog/flogyoblog-1.jpg " border="0" alt="FYBF" /></a> </center>

get the InLinkz code

Super Easy Creamy Chicken Riga-Tricky

This is the lucky last recipe of my week of scheduled Gourmet Glow posts (that were so rudely interrupted by my post on our horrid holiday home experience).

See, I was offered the chance to win sponsorship to BlogHer by whipping up some recipes using the new Kellogg's All Bran Fibre Toppers, so I've jumped at the chance. The opportunity to win a trip to New York to attend BlogHer by writing about some recipes I've created using a product that adds fibre plus vitamins and minerals to your diet? I CAN DO THAT! I'm a crunchy mama, this stuff is right up my alley and since I'm loving experimenting with cooking lately, it seems like this competition was made for me. You can check out all the recipes submitted by searching the #AllBran hashtag on twitter.

So back to my recipe - what do you serve for dinner when you want a home cooked meal but are too tired to put in much effort beyond a bit of grabbing things out the pantry and stirring? Chicken Riga-Tricky!

This is one of those great dishes that is so simple because it's based on pantry staples and whatever veggies you happen to have on hand. It's also great to make at the end of the week to get clear out all the veggies that are almost passed their prime in the fridge so that you don't throw it all out and waste it.

Tricky loves this stuff and it's on pretty high rotation at our place! Because it freezes so well, I always make a large batch and divide it up for Map Guy's lunches and last week made up a batch for my friend who has just had a new baby. Plus it only uses one pot and and one pan so it's definitely a winner!

Creamy Chicken Riga-Tricky

Can't really see the Fibre Toppers - they are in there though!

Ingredients (serves 6)

• 500g chicken, diced
• 500g rigatoni 
• 1 onion, chopped
• 150g spinach
• 5 mushrooms, sliced
• 1/2 zucchini, sliced
• 1 jar of pasta sauce
• 1/2 tub of reduced fat cream cheese
• 1/2 cup of Kellogg's All Bran Fibre Toppers (which contains 33% of your daily fibre requirement!)
• 1 teaspoon of chilli (optional) 

 

Method

• Prepare pasta according to directions and set aside - don't overcook it or it will be Chicken Riga-Flatty
• Cook onion and chicken in a large fry pan until well browned
• Add mushrooms and zucchini, fry gently for two minutes
• Pour the entire jar of pasta sauce and stir until well coated
• Add handfuls of spinach allowing it to wilt - if you put it all in at once it will go every or *ahem* so I've heard
• Stir in the cream cheese allowing it to melt and turn the sauce from a bright red to a creamy orange
• If you're going to add chilli, do it now! I like mine to have a nice kick  
• Add in your Fibre Toppers now so they retain some of their crunch, if you do it too early they'll dissolve a bit and won't be visible in your photo (d'oh!) but you'll still get the nutritional value from them so don't panic
• Combine the sauce and the rigatoni, stir through and serve as is or with shaved Parmesan on top

**For a lower fat version you can just leave out the cream cheese and throw in a few olives**

Click here to see a nutritional panel I created for this meal - I should get points for the effort of making one of these panels, right??
This is NOT a sponsored post, but it is a competition entry for Kellogg's to win sponsorship to BlogHer