Monday, April 15, 2013

I wanna play with your boobs

This is the line I hear at least ten times a day.

Some will be surprised that the words are not uttered by my husband or even a passing pervert, but an almost three year old boy. 

Tricky weaned about two or three months ago. We were down to one very short feed most days but when Bobbin popped on the scene what supply was there dropped right off and every time he fed it would hurt. It felt exactly like feeding newborn Tricks back when I had no real clue what I was doing and lovely case of golden nipples. We returned to cracked nipple central where my toes curled every time he'd ask for milk. Something had to give.

Despite being of the "never offer, never refuse" school of thought for weaning and a supporter of full-term breastfeeding, I started offering milk in a cup more and more. Under my breath I was shouting have-your-milk-in-a-damn-cup-and-leave-my-boobs-alone. It took a week and it was all over red rover. Or red nipples. Whatever.


For thirty-two(ish?) months, my breasts were used as a source of nourishment and comfort. In the later stages they became less about nutrition and, much like the flotation devices they are, more for when the day needed to be saved. Think ass-crack-of-dawn wake ups, the occasional cranky bed time or near-meltdown for a grand total of about five times a week. So basically any time when we all needed some sleep lest we go insane. Hooray for boobies.

Breasts as a source of nourishment... kind of.
These days though? They have transformed (back) in to fun bags.

If my chest is in sight, I hear it. "I wanna play with your boobs". Usually after he has plunged his hand down my top and grabbed a fist full of flesh.

He likes to cuddle them, squeeze them and of course jiggle them. He is obsessed with breasts. And I really hope you said that with the voice of Elaine Benes from Seinfeld.

I don't quite know what to do because we have tried everything we can think of. I had been pegging all my hopes on ignoring it, saying they were not for him any more because he's a big boy, telling him they were for Bobbin now etc.

It would even appear that physically stopping him and redirecting his attention elsewhere has done nothing other than introduce him to the fact that other women also have breasts. Luckily the groping has so far been constrained to family members, but I dread the day when he just lunges at a stranger and attempts to motorboat them.

Nothing has worked so far. Nothing! 

So help me, dear reader, what do I do?  Do I leave it and hope it is just his way of saying so-long to his old pals, or do I put my foot down? If you have any toddler weaning advice for me, my oft grabbed breasts would very much appreciate it.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Balloonatics!

 This is a S3 post
For full details please see my disclosure policy

On a scale of one to completely freakin’ awesome, my latest RedBalloon adventure was right at the top!

Given I am a RedBalloon Mum, I felt it highly appropriate that my next adventure should in fact involve balloons, red or otherwise. So now I’m a Hot Air Balloon Mum.

Aunty Penny and I decided that rather than get up at 3:45am and drive on pitch black country highways, we’d travel to Northam, just over 100km from Perth the day before. We declared it our Bridget Jones minibreak but, sadly, Daniel Cleaver was nowhere to be found. We checked in to a cute little B&B then went off to explore the town before heading to bed with alarms set for the ungodly hour of 4:45am.

The next morning I was the epitome of bright eyed and bushy tailed. I am NOT a morning person and that never happens, but it would seem my body made an exception knowing just how awesome the prize of a Hot Air Balloon Ride would be. We headed out to the airfield, checked in at 5:15am and listened to our briefing.

Pre-dawn filling of the envelope
A bus (playing flight related songs like Come Fly With Me, 99 Red Balloons and Those Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines!) took us to the launch site and the 18 other passengers, Aunty Penny and myself all helped set up “Rainbow Dancer II” … yep, 20 passengers and one pilot in total on one Balloon. If the average weight of the person was 75kg that is over 1.5 tonnes of weight… then you have the basket, and the burners, and the gas tanks, and the GPS equipment AND the little fluffy koala pilot mascot. All held up by hot air. Mind boggling! Yay for physics!

Hot Air Ballooning is the oldest form of passenger flight. In the days of the first Balloon flights in the late 1700s, they believed it was smoke that was doing all the work so they would build a fire in the basket and burn whatever they could (but hopefully not the silk and paper Balloon!) that would create the thickest, blackest smoke they could – think rotting meat, wet straw and brandy. It would have stunk! Happily, they use propane now. Again, yay for science!

Just before the sun rose, we gently lifted off the ground and began floating peacefully up in to the air. I could barely feel the movement and because you’re going at the same speed as the wind, there is no breeze on your face – it was all just perfectly still and surprisingly warm.

Our shadow shortly after takeoff

The weather was perfect. Ballooning in bad weather can be extremely dangerous and flights can be cancelled with little notice if the weather changes or the pilots don’t think it is safe. The flights on the two previous days had been cancelled so we were very lucky to have such great conditions. I would have been disappointed if ours had been called off, but I’d much rather be disappointed than dead - there are no airbags or seatbelts in a Balloon!

We watched the sunrise from 3700ft above sea level and reached a top speed of just over 60km/h. We even had on-board catering in the form of a lolly jar passed around and I was amazed to see as I was taking pictures on my phone that I had signal… so of course I Tweeted and checked in on Facebook because, well, I'm a bit of a show off!

Sunrise from 3700ft
I wasn’t prepared for how much control the pilot had – he was able to take us close enough to trees so that we could reach out and grab a leaf, then climb us high over the hills, drop us down over the Avon River and then soar us over the town, all so gently and smoothly, like a giant rainbow bubble floating through the air.

Our reflection in the Avon River

After an hour of cruising from one side of town to the other it was time to land. As we got lower and lower it looked like the pilot was going to try to land on the trailer the basket is transported on. I leaned over and whispered it to Aunty Penny and we both watched, completely gobsmacked as the pilot guided us perfectly on to the trailer for the softest landing. It was amazing not only because it required great talent, but it also meant we didn’t have to help lift the basket up on to the trailer after! And we all know I'm allergic to hard work.

It was all hands on deck, or paddock, rather, to pack up the balloon (think stuffing a gigantic sleeping bag in to a really small carry bag) before we headed off to a gorgeous champagne breakfast with pastries, cereal, fruit, bacon, eggs, beans, mushrooms and hashbrowns in a local restaurant. I couldn’t partake of the champagne but in keeping with the French theme, made up for it with extra croissants.

Balloon selfies were mandatory

I could not fault the experience at all, it was breathtaking and the view was simply stunning. The only disappointing thing about it was that there was supposed to be a wedding on board and it had been changed to another day – I would have loved to have been a guest! 

If you want to think outside the square for Mothers’ Day gifts this year and surprise your mum with a RedBalloon voucher instead of a box of choccies and some slippers, head to the website and see the amazing experiences they have. Use the code REDMUM05 to receive $30 off when you spend $129 or more.

Aunty Penny and I have ticked Hot Air Ballooning off our bucket lists. What's on your bucket list?

Disclosure: Thanks to the team at Digital Parents Collective for inviting me to be a part of the RedBalloon Experience Program. I will be sharing my awesome experiences with you over the next few months. To read all of my experiences so far, click here. As always, all opinions are my own however the experiences are complimentary.

Monday, April 8, 2013

The 2013 Glowgie Awards - nominees


You lot are amazing! The time I've spent huddled over a spreadsheet and hunting around the interwebs for URLs has been completely worth it because the feelgood feedback on Twitter when people were getting involved was exactly what I was hoping would happen. All around Australia I could hear people saying "You love me! You really love me!".

I was calling The Glowgies a love in. Some called it a circle jerk. Either way, I'm cool with it. People felt happy to nominate and be nominated and if being nice is considered a wank fest these days, well then, call me a wanker. In fact, the Wanker Glowgie goes to me.



I've been nominated for a few competitions and though it feels really cool to win them (well "it" actually, saying "them" implies there was more than one), the fact that someone nominated you in the first place is always such a thrill. And I absolutely loved that people nominated themselves for Glowgies too, because hell, if you can't blow your own trumpet in the blogging world, then what are you doing here?

I sadly had to skip my own red carpet ceremony for the Glowgies and instead spent the time laying in bed in a B&B over 100km from home with my foot up after being stung by a bee. But it's OK, I still wore my pre-prepared outfit of flanno jarmies with bunnies on them.

But without further ado, let's get to the good stuff. Here are the nominees... because there are no winners except for me and my Wanker Glowgie, obviously.

The Noni Hazelhurst Glowgie - for the blog/blogger that makes gardening and crafty stuff look easy and fun, who never ever kills their plants off or burns their fingerprints off 


The Martha Stewart Glowgie - for the blog/blogger who rocks housekeeping/organization or home cooking (thus making us mere mortals realize how far we have to go)


The Brangelina Glowgie - for the blog/blogger who makes having multiples/lots of children look dead easy and makes you think about maybe having more kids


The Bono Glowgie - for the blog/blogger who is making a difference in the world (thus making me look like a black hearted mercenary) 


The Dawn French Glowgie - for the blog/blogger who is keeping Tena Lady in business because they make all their readers piss themselves laughing 


The Michelle Bridges Glowgie - for the blog/blogger that inspires you to get up off your arse and exercise/cook healthy food 


The Collette Dinnigan Glowgie - for the blog/blogger with so much style that it oozes out their pores (and can make even tracky dacks look alluring) 


There you are! Fingers crossed I got everyone - if by chance you were nominated and don't see yourself on the list because it was just me trawling back through twitter and I missed it, please firstly forgive me and then secondly let me know so I can pop you on.

And there was actually one winner! The winner of the $50 giftcard just for voting was Alison Dennehy from Oculus Mundi.

Hopefully it has introduced you to some new, obviously highly recommend, Glowgie nominated blogs that you can now become addicted to. Happy reading!

Friday, April 5, 2013

The 2013 Glowgie Awards

So here's the thing. I had this whole tongue-in-cheek yet elaborate blog competition worked out. There would be no prize, it would all be for shits and giggles. 

I had a nomination form. I had a voting form. I even had a badly photoshopped picture to act as my Glowgie. Because if I can put Glow in to any word, you bet your ass I will. It's a compulsion and almost as bad McEverything.

Then two weeks ago my hard drive died and took it all with it. I back up nightly so it was the only thing lost, so as far as catastrophic hard drive events go, it was nothing. But still, I'd done all this work and on thinking of redoing it all, well, a serious case of CBFitis took over. I know, I'm so professional.

Now instead of having my Glowgies as a two week competition, I'm turning it in to a this weekend only shindig to coincide with the actual Logies.

I've even re-made a picture, though this time in 2 minutes instead of the elaborate hour job I did last time. Whatevs, sometimes you just gotta roll with the punches.

You can nominate your favourite blogs/bloggers in seven categories and the "winner" will be the blog/blogger in each field with highest number of nominations...so that might be one nomination only, and it might be me because I'm the only one who bothers to do it and of course I'm going to vote for myself because nobody else will.

The seven categories are:

The Noni Hazelhurst Glowgie - for the blog/blogger that makes gardening and crafty stuff look easy and fun, who never ever kills their plants off or burns their fingerprints off

The Martha Stewart Glowgie - for the blog/blogger who rocks housekeeping/organization or home cooking (thus making us mere mortals realize how far we have to go)

The Brangelina Glowgie - for the blog/blogger who makes having multiples/lots of children look dead easy and makes you think about maybe having more kids

The Bono Glowgie - for the blog/blogger who is making a difference in the world (thus making me look like a black hearted mercenary)

The Dawn French Glowgie - for the blog/blogger who is keeping Tena Lady in business because they make all their readers piss themselves laughing 

The Michelle Bridges Glowgie - for the blog/blogger that inspires you to get up off your arse and exercise/cook healthy food

The Collette Dinnigan Glowgie - for the blog/blogger with so much style that it oozes out their pores (and can make even tracky dacks look alluring)

You can vote three ways:
  1. Leave a comment below "I nominate {blog name & URL} for the xyz Glowgie"
  2. Post on my Facebook page  "I nominate {tag the blog} for the xyz Glowgie from {tag Where's My Glow}"
  3. Tweet "I nominate @______ for the xyz #Glowgie from @Glowless http://bit.ly/10BysQn"
You can nominate as many times as you like and nominate as many blogs as you want (including your own!). Anyone who nominates correctly will go in to the draw to win a $50 Coles/Myer giftcard.

What does the "winner" get? Absolutely nothing but some lovin' and maybe some new readers after seeing you pimp them out. The nominees will all be listed here and we can fawn over them, throwing roses petals and feeding them grapes. Or not. Because this doesn't mean anything. AT ALL. Shit and giggles, people, embrace it!

Well, what are you waiting for? Get voting in the blog competition that means nothing!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Letter to Bobbin - 20 weeks

Hi there, Bobbin!

I'm your mama. Right now you only know me as that chick you kick and make puke, but that's OK, we'll meet before you know it and I'll become the chick with the milk.

All of a sudden, I'm just over half way through this pregnancy and I'm not entirely sure how it happened. Sure I could count back the weeks or look at a calendar but I'm more inclined to believe that there is a rip in the space time continuum. It's the only possible explanation, I'm certain. Perhaps your babydaddy is Dr Who and not Map Guy?

Time is flying by so quickly and there are a million and one things to do before you arrive, including give you a name. I've been calling you GlowBaby but you are hereby blog-named Bobbin. 

On a side note, naming a baby is the hardest thing to do ever and I have to do it twice! Bobbin was the first name I thought of when I first found out you were there, and I keep going back to it, so Bobbin it is. 

In some ways this pregnancy is very similar to when I had your brother. You are a now you see it, now you don't, baby. Some days I'm all tummy and others it's still in the food baby territory. Tricky didn't make himself obviously visible until after half way, and you seem to be the same.


But, wow, did you ever make yourself known in ways your brother never did! You sure do know how to make your mama feel sick, little one! And the flutters? You have been wriggling around so much that I could feel it very early on. After a few nights of feeling the teensiest of flutters I leaned over to your Dad and whispered "if I didn't know any better, I'd swear I could feel the baby moving already!".

The flutters from 13 weeks have progressed to full on thumps and kicks now, and your Dad can feel them easily - with Tricky it was hard for anyone to feel them but me because his super squishy placenta cushion was in the way... yours is in the way elsewhere and mama has placenta previa. I'm a bit bummed, but we don't know what will happen so there is no point worrying.

I got to hear your heartbeat a few weeks ago and last week I got to see you... well, I'm told it was you. I could kinda make out some bones and what I thought was a fish, so I will just have to believe the sonographer that it was you. It made me so happy to see you wriggling around in there that I found it really hard to talk and choked up a bit. Mama's hormones are most definitely in a whirl.


The very good news is your heart looks amazing and the sutures in your skull are all open at this stage... they'll have to be checked again before you're born and for a while after too, but I'm sure you won't mind, and I'll make sure it doesn't hurt. We found out your sex, too, but I'll see if I can keep that a secret a bit longer... though we did tell your grandparents because they were dying to know! I'm rather terrible at keeping my own secrets so I don't know how long that will last - a week, maybe?

Keep on kicking and keep on cooking, my little Bobbin. I'll see you in August.

Love Mama xxx

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...