Monday, April 15, 2013

I wanna play with your boobs

This is the line I hear at least ten times a day.

Some will be surprised that the words are not uttered by my husband or even a passing pervert, but an almost three year old boy. 

Tricky weaned about two or three months ago. We were down to one very short feed most days but when Bobbin popped on the scene what supply was there dropped right off and every time he fed it would hurt. It felt exactly like feeding newborn Tricks back when I had no real clue what I was doing and lovely case of golden nipples. We returned to cracked nipple central where my toes curled every time he'd ask for milk. Something had to give.

Despite being of the "never offer, never refuse" school of thought for weaning and a supporter of full-term breastfeeding, I started offering milk in a cup more and more. Under my breath I was shouting have-your-milk-in-a-damn-cup-and-leave-my-boobs-alone. It took a week and it was all over red rover. Or red nipples. Whatever.

For thirty-two(ish?) months, my breasts were used as a source of nourishment and comfort. In the later stages they became less about nutrition and, much like the flotation devices they are, more for when the day needed to be saved. Think ass-crack-of-dawn wake ups, the occasional cranky bed time or near-meltdown for a grand total of about five times a week. So basically any time when we all needed some sleep lest we go insane. Hooray for boobies.

Breasts as a source of nourishment... kind of.
These days though? They have transformed (back) in to fun bags.

If my chest is in sight, I hear it. "I wanna play with your boobs". Usually after he has plunged his hand down my top and grabbed a fist full of flesh.

He likes to cuddle them, squeeze them and of course jiggle them. He is obsessed with breasts. And I really hope you said that with the voice of Elaine Benes from Seinfeld.

I don't quite know what to do because we have tried everything we can think of. I had been pegging all my hopes on ignoring it, saying they were not for him any more because he's a big boy, telling him they were for Bobbin now etc.

It would even appear that physically stopping him and redirecting his attention elsewhere has done nothing other than introduce him to the fact that other women also have breasts. Luckily the groping has so far been constrained to family members, but I dread the day when he just lunges at a stranger and attempts to motorboat them.

Nothing has worked so far. Nothing! 

So help me, dear reader, what do I do?  Do I leave it and hope it is just his way of saying so-long to his old pals, or do I put my foot down? If you have any toddler weaning advice for me, my oft grabbed breasts would very much appreciate it.


  1. maybe find him a knitted pair he can play with? I'm sure that somebody's grandma would find knitting/crocheting them a hoot!

  2. 1. I have no human specific advice, but my 3yo cat is obsessed with kneading my boobs, which concerns me because at some point soon milk will come out and she might feel like she finally has a pay-off from all the kneading and then will never leave me alone again. My only tactic with her is to cover myself with a blanket and let her pretend it's boobies.

    2. Thank you for saying full-term breastfeeding! It's only extended breastfeeding if you do it until they reach puberty.

    3. Mmm. I wants a donut!

  3. Sorry - he's not going to grow out of it. Even my three year old girl (P2) is fixated on mine. As an A cup who finds bras unnecessary I guess I should be flattered that someone is interested.

  4. I think Map Guy would steal them off him! I remember knitted boobs in my antenatal classes :)

  5. My 4 yr old hasn't bf since she was 4mths old she still walks up to me and rubs my boobs. So embarrassing when she does it in public.

  6. That is just it, I don't actually mind - figure it is all about the comfort and what not - but in public when he yanks down my top I'm a bit embarrassed. And I fed in public in for ages so I don't know WHY I'm embarrassed now?!

  7. LOL! That's one way to look at it :D

  8. Mmmm donuts! Also, I have the funniest/most disturbing visual right now that involves a cat and leaking boobs.

  9. Becky from BeckyandJames.comApril 15, 2013 at 4:29 PM

    Jasper hasn't fed since he was self weaned at 12 months but he still sticks his hand down my top or grabs at me all the time. And, it's his go-to way of introducing himself to other women, kind of like "Oh, hi, Mum's friends from school, let me stick my hand down your top!" And, as I have a tendency to stick his dummies in my 'booby pocket' I often have him trying to put things in there or feeling around for whatever he thinks he left last time.
    I am hoping he will grow out of it and try to gently redirect, but find it doesn't seem to change a thing. So, I have no advice, sorry!

  10. My 4yo son hasn't fed for some time now, but he still sticks his hand down my top. They're boob men Glow. Go with it ;)

  11. I've got no advice for you on this one sorry... but I totally can sympathise with you on the pain returning when you fell pregnant again... argghhh.
    Hannah turned 2 a few weeks ago and I'm hoping to wean her so that my boobs get a small break before it starts all over again with the next bubba due in August. The battle that I'm going to have on my hands is making me procrastinate about it though :-/
    Well there you go.... she's just managed to slide up onto my lap and sneak some booby time as I type and I was too preoccupied with this comment to even notice!!!

  12. Mine is the same, at home we can laugh it off but a bit embarrassing when shopping & he decides to pull my top down & flash everyone (more so because usually wearing my comfy bra) If we see a lady with a low cut top when we're out he usually points & shouts boobies loudly & repeatedly also


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