Monday, February 11, 2013

Can morning sickness be glamorous?

It's no secret that I have been insanely sick this pregnancy. I've complained about it enough that I think most of the developed world has heard my whingeing. I had mild morning sickness when I was with child last time and managed to throw up three times, all whilst driving because I'm classy like that.

This time around though I've been heaving my guts up all freakin' day long. And all bloody night, too - I have a weird internal clock that has me waking up to spew at midnight at least three times a week.

My old tag line when I created this blog used to be "unbrushed hair, bags under the eyes and the faint scent of baby spew". If you remove the word baby, I'm right fucking back where I started! The result of all this, other than my long lost collar bones making an appearance, is that I look haggard.

So, because the whole Glow thing is quite obviously avoiding me yet again, I thought I'd ask the question... can constant puking  be made a little more, well, glamorous? And I figured for my experiment that accessorizing was the way to go:

I covered my spew bag with stick on diamontes because you can never have enough bling. I found this perfect for a night out, particularly when I matched the diamontes specifically to to my earrings and necklace. No need to keep this little baby tucked away in your handbag, when it looks this good, spew bags on the table at all times!

Considering that standing up in a shower makes me feel like I'm about the faint, the ol' hair is looking a tad neglected. In the morning it's scraped up in to a bun and by afternoon half of it's fallen out and I can't be arsed putting it back. So I whipped out a headband - but not just any headband, one with a giant flower on it. I took my cue for this from the massive range of maternity wear that has frills and shit on it - because apparently a preggo belly isn't feminine enough without prissy bows and bloody flowers.

If you have to suck back on Maxolon or some other anti-nausea tablet every five hours then you have to have them with you at all times. Now a blister pack just isn't on trend, is it? I have chucked mine (pun intended) in to my faux leather purse and Wonder Woman tin which may or may not still smell slightly of tobacco leaves from when I was a smoker. If your tin still smells of tobacco, I suggest you wash it thoroughly less you vomit every time you open it from the arsey scent of stale five year old leaves.

So after all this *ahem* highly scientific research, I can safely tell you that no amount of bling, flowers or funky pill holders will make morning sickness glamorous... but fuck me, a blingin' spew bag gets so much attention!

Gimme your morning sickness cures. Anyone who says give birth gets a high five in the face with a chair.


  1. Oh bless you! I totally sympathise as was puking at least six times a day till 24 weeks when I was expecting G - even on my wedding day. Second time round I took maxalon and couldn't believe the difference it made. It is hard going though, I hope that it doesn't last xx

  2. Reflux meds were my saviour last pregnancy when the double dose of twin hormones was making me vomit all the things. I went to the chemist armed with a script for Zofran and a script for Omeprazole to ease the heinous heartburn. I woosed out on the Zofran (holy mother fuck that shit is expensive!) but the Omeprazole did double duty. Kicked the heartburn to the curb and by some miracle had me down to just 1 vomit a day, sometimes none!!

    I hope you find something that works for you soon, it's hell :(

  3. Oh you poor thing, morning sickness is the worst. When I had it I used to throw up so hard that the blood vessels around my eyes used to pop very glamorous! It didn't last long for me thank goodness hope it gets better for you soon

  4. I figure it wasn't bad enough to put me in hospital ala Kate Middleton so I should just shuddup... I won't, but I should. Meds for reflux? I didn't even know you could get them, I thought it was Rennies and that's it. Damn my last GP!

  5. OH Catherine! Up to 24 weeks?! Shiiiiit you poor thing! Maxolon has stopped my weight loss (though it was never a dangerous amount) so I love the stuff.

  6. As I've never exactly been pregnant (to the point of morning sickness) I can't give you any tips, but I have to say, that blinged up spew bag is amazing. You need to ASAP! Just think of the amazing airline spew bag line you could expand out on!

  7. Oh I have my own scientific research for you; You are having a girl.

  8. Ahhh really?! Most people are telling me that - will be very interesting to see!

  9. Having 'nice' biscuits with me at all times helped - you know those dry arnotts biscuits covered in sugar... my mum swore by eating small pieces of mandarin. Just so that there is something in your tummy.

    I'd also like to give a high five in the face with a chair to those people who told me I was pregnant not disabled and to stop making a fuss whilst I was riding the porcelain bus all day and all night at the beginning of my pregnancy.

  10. Oh my I would really believe you blinged up your puke bag. I wouldn't listen to anyone and get your hopes up on the gender. I didn't puke with my first two girls. I had only nausea for a week or two and no other symptoms. the last two were different and I actually puked and pee'd my pants at the same time. Had to borrow Sil' clothes too. So i was puking in my last two pregnancies with my last girls

  11. With my first pregnancy (boy) I puked 3 times a day until week 20ish then daily until week 32 when it eventually left. Second pregnancy I puked at least 5 times a day...with some pants peeing (damn useless pelvic floors!) but the morning sickness only lasted until week 26. I remember my very last spew - on my hands and knees in the toilets at Wynyard train station....GROSS.

    It took me ages to work out but dairy is a big trigger to my morning sickness. If i had yoghurt, milk or icecream, within 30 minutes I'd throw it all back up again so avoiding that did help. But I still did spew so it didnt cure it.

    With my second pregnancy I had about 4 weeks grace when my morning sickness finished before the reflux started...and that was beyond hell. I'd rather morning sickness any day. At least once i spewed i felt ok again...reflux i just felt like i wanted to spew but couldnt so it was non stop - it was awful.

  12. The combined spew pee is just so glamorous! I'm sure that will be visiting me in the not too distant future!!!

  13. Ain't nobody got time for non-blinged spew bags! I kinda did forget about it and pull it out to use and few people unsurprisingly gave me some weird looks.

  14. Ugh I hear ya, Shari! Map Guy was feeling nauseous the other day and was a bit whingey... I gave him a death stare and said "TRY IT FOR ELEVEN SOLID WEEKS!!!" I may have been a bit cranky.

  15. Don't worry - my husband woke up the other morning complaining that the baby had kicked him all night as my tummy was resting against his back. Did he not understand that the baby is kicking him through me - I felt every single one of those kicks (and all the kicks I get throughout the day ... super active baby).


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