She said she liked it better than Pirates of Penzance

This is a C2 post. Opinions are my own.

#C2 for full details please see my disclosure policy

Coming home from martial arts the other night, MapGuy asked if I'd had a good training session.

"I liked it better than Pirates of Penzance" I said. 

He looked at me blankly.

Turns out his aptitude for pop culture references is not as advanced as mine. Shame. 

But the Pretty Woman fans amongst us will know it was a sly way of saying I trained so hard I almost peed my pants.

Last week my friend and I we were talking about me flipping MG to the ground in a take down defence, and kicking butt and I said I was going to try my hardest because "I'm not wearing a sports bra and a liner for nothing!", adding "TENA should sponsor me!". We laughed the way only girlfriends who have both had gigantic babies can.

The last time MapGuy ever hugs me from behind! From standing to flat on the floor in 3 seconds.

So when this info from TENA arrived in my inbox, I thought perhaps my house was bugged, then had a giggle. I didn't PMSL, but if i had of, it would have been OK. 

I have the habit of oversharing. But what happens when I do it, is that most of the time, whoever I'm talking to will chime in with a "me too" story. And you guessed it, needing to wear a liner for sports is almost always a "me too" moment. Despite us all doing pelvic floor exercises, sometimes it still happens. Just look at all those Cross Fit wee photos. 

Most of my mum friends are a tad nervous when it comes to physical activity like jumping or lifting weights. For those who have no idea, and are lucky enough to have no issue, I'm not saying we wet our pants the way a kid does. We're talking droplets.

But those droplets can freak you out and, well, they just feel awful.

So I never go to training without a liner. Screw the stigma. 

Incontinence (yep, I used the real word) is more common than you think, affecting 1 in 3 women and 1

in 10 men within Australia.

TENA has created infographics to help simplify it for us. Because everyone loves an infographic.

See the bit down the bottom? It's only tiny, but it says free samples are available. They'll send you out a pack with a couple different ones to try. Oh, and it's a plain envelope, by the way, so if you're not down with smashing the stigma just yet, that's cool, too! 

Goodbye, breastfeeding

It's World Breastfeeding Week and Bobbin has chosen this time to self wean. The irony is not lost on me.

She has been in the process of weaning for many months now, at times going a full week without a feed. But this time we are at two weeks, and it feels like it is forever.

I've been pregnant, breastfeeding or both for seven years straight.

I could see our breastfeeding journey was coming to an end soon, or, more accurately, I could feel it was nearly over.

Bobbin's latch has been changing. Some days she would be fine and other days she would treat my nipple like a straw and not surprisingly, would get very little milk as a result. If it had been a few days between feeds, she would take a few tries to get her latch right, as if she was forgetting how to do it.

We have been down to one feed a day, just first thing in the morning to allow us all to sleep a little longer, for a long time now. There's been a few random day time feeds when she has been sick or upset, but it's not her go-to.

I'm surprised how similar the two weanings have been despite the different circumstances. Tricky weaned at around two and a half years because when I got pregnant my minimal supply dropped off and it freakin' hurt every time he latched, so I started refusing some feeds and he would shrug his shoulders and have a drink of water instead. Then he just stopped asking. It was all very painless, at least for him. I, on the other hand, felt like someone was slicing my nipples off with razor blades for those last months when pregnancy made them so sensitive.

Bobbin is just shy of three, so she has fed a few months longer than her brother, but the gradual, no fuss weaning has been almost identical. When she would hurt me with the incorrect latch I'd take her off and she'd quite happily take water, "Bobbin's milk" (soy in a bottle), or go and play. Then she stopped asking all together.

I'm glad they have both pretty much weaned in their own time, with only slight encouragement from me. It's been a gentle process and we've all adjusted well.

I always pictured myself breastfeeding my children, but at the beginning I never saw myself as a full term feeder. I guess because I'd never seen it before. It was only the blog world and the interwebs that taught me it was even a thing, and when my kids hit twelve months and were still very reliant on their "mum cuddles" (Tricky) and "mum milkies" (Bobbin) the idea of forcing them to switch to the milk of a different mammal seemed bizarre. So they kept nursing and I just went with what they wanted.

I'm not sad that it's over, though. I don't pine for those moments, though I look back on them with such fondness. Tiny hands grabbing at my shirt, little fingers exploring my face, that milk drunk face. Then as they got older, that immediate calm that would come over them when they fed, no matter what was happening around them - immunisations, blood tests and even removal of stitches. They were super boobs and could solve any problem.

It has been the cliche honour and privilege to be able to breastfeed my children and donate milk to premature babies. It hasn't been easy (nipple staph infection anyone?) but it has been worth it for us.

But I'm done. And I'm happy.

Contraception Conundrum

Image via CC Hey Paul Studios

It seems like all my friends are pregnant right now.

Every time I turn around there is an announcement, baby showers, the purchasing of miniature clothing that costs more than it's full size counterpart, and scrummy newborn pictures. 

And I feel... absolutely nothing.

I can get caught up in the excitement of their pregnancies and I genuinely coo over their beautiful babes, but there is no "ooomph, my ovaries" or "maybe just one more?" questions. 

It's pretty bloody nice, I have to admit.

I feel done. I gave away all our baby stuff, but so many people tell me that it's transient, that the next squished up, hollering, poo machine I see will instantly turn me to mush and I'll be asking for all that plastic crap back.

But here I am. Still feeling nothing. Still enjoying feeling nothing.

I felt done with two even as I was still pregnant with Bobbin. I soaked up the (relatively few) enjoyable parts of the pregnancy as "my last" from the moment I knew there was a little blob of cells there. I'm not sure what it is, I just don't see myself with more than two. Perhaps years of watching 'Outnumbered' on the ABC? 

I've been seriously considering getting sterilised despite feeling like I'm talking about a pet and wondering if I have to wear the cone of shame after surgery whenever I say it. So a tubal ligation is on the cards. Hell, I'd totally consider the whole hysterectomy while I'm there, thankyouverymuch.

I don't like this implant in my arm, ain't no chance I'm having an IUD (so many of those fuckers migrate or cause MAJOR dramas - calm down those who love them, I'm glad they work for you), I barely remember to brush my teeth so taking a tablet every day isn't reliable, and whilst I don't mind condoms I'm petrified they'll break. 

MG and I are in a very enviable position for a lot of people. We've tried for a baby three times and conceived first time, every time. Our first was ectopic and I lost my tube (I should totes get a discount on a tubal ligation, yes? Half price?), then Tricks, then Bobbin. In my mind, a broken condom = instant baby. No really, I have nightmares where we have sex (OK that bit isn't the nightmare part, that sounded bad), then in the dream I wake up the next day ready to give birth.

With so many struggling with fertility, IVF, miscarriages and the like, I feel almost guilty for our "problem", I know people who would swap places with me in a heartbeat, and I've struggled with that. Fertile guilt, if you will. Pathetic, I know, but my Catholic upbringing has enshrined in me a deep seated guilt over everything and anything.

However it doesn't take away the fact that I'm done having kids and in the almost two years since Bobbin was born (wait, what?), that feeling of completeness in our family size hasn't wavered. I'm done. I'm happy. I have two great kids. 

But tubal ligation is just so permanent. I change my mind about what I want for dinner, how can I know I won't change my mind about this? When I umm and ahh about chicken or steak I'm not vowing to never eat the other one ever again. EVER AGAIN. Ah man, I don't know what to do. Help?

How are my reproductive organs like a Madden Brothers song?

I'm retiring my uterus.

In the words of the Madden Brothers in their little earwormy tune, we are done. Done, done, done, done, done, done, we are done. 

She has done me well. It has held two children for a total of just over 82 weeks, then pushed them out when their lease was up. It needs a golden handshake or a watch, or whatever it is you get when you retire these days.

It feels like the right thing to do. I feel finished. It isn't because I have the often hoped for "pigeon pair" (I saw myself with two boys in my dreams), it's because that urge to procreate is gone.

I don't yearn for more babies, though I reserve the right to coo over newborns in the future... then hand them back. I don't feel sad that I'll never be pregnant or give birth again, on the contrary, I don't think my hips could handle pregnancy again, so I'm actually glad.

Over the long weekend I packed up all of Bobbin's baby things, ready to pass them on. Some were Tricky's too, so there are lots of memories attached to them.

Instead of feeling sad that this chapter is ending, I was overjoyed to be getting so much junk out of my house. For such tiny creatures their stuff takes up so much bloody room. 

I watched Bumbos, walkers, rockers, toys, hammocks and stretchy wraps being loaded in to my brother- and sister-in-law's car, ready for their babe who is still a'cookin' and it was brilliant. I'm excited for them, and I'm over the moon to have a niece or nephew. Because aunties rock.

I've known quite a few people who got rid of everything and then unexpectedly fell pregnant as if the world was waiting for them to sell so they'd have to buy all that crap again. So right now I'm shit scared. Going by our track record of getting pregnant first try, every time (which is enviable to anyone struggling to conceive but terrifying for us when we don't want any more), one mistake and the pitter patter of tiny feet will be heard once more. So as I handed them over to SIL I told her they were a looooong term loan just in case the universe was listening, ya know?

Now comes the hard part. Convincing MapGuy to get the snip. Any and all advice to convince a bloke to willingly let a doctor come towards his crown jewels with a scalpel is much appreciated.

Are you "done"? Or do you still feel the urge to create tiny little poo machines? How did you know?

10 things I can't live without: the toddler and baby edition

I had it in my head that having a second baby would be really hard. And it was and it wasn't at the same time. Helpful, aren't I? Parts of the last six months have really kicked my butt, and other parts I've swanned through as if I was an old hand.

So I've created a list of the ten things I couldn't have lived without with a toddler and a baby these last six months (even though in the last couple months he's technically been a pre-schooler!). Some of them are so superficial and first world that I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it, but some are all earth mother zen shit, so it evens out:

10 - Washing Machine
Seems obvious, right? Well ours broke recently and was out of action for a week. A week is nothing in the scheme of things, but oh boy, did I feel it! Soiled Wondersuits, singlets and CLOTH NAPPIES in addition to the grime filled clothing of an adventurous pre schooler that I couldn't just throw in the wash did my head in.

9 - Social Media
Having a new baby can be really isolating, and not being able to get a bit of sleep when the baby does because there is threenager running around means you're not always up for visitors or going out. Though I am trying to be a social butterfly right now, having that online interaction with other adults on the days I can't get out has been super, even if it is just flicking through Instagram and seeing other people who are tired but have cute kids.

8 - Gro Clock
Tricks has slept through the night without waking and getting in to bed with us or and calling out for us to get in to bed with him ten times. In his whole life. He used to always come in to our bed and it was the only way for all of us to get any sleep and that's cool, I'm down with the whole cosleeping thing, it's our preference... but he's a kicker and I wanted him to be in his own bed by the time Bobbin came along for safety and because sleeping with only one child kicking you in the face is preferable to two. We tried our own version of the gro clock first (a lamp that would turn on at 6am - didn't work) but eventually splashed out on the gro clock and it has helped a lot. He still wakes multiple times most nights, but when he manages to sleep through or put himself back to sleep he is SO proud of himself and comes rushing in "the sun is up on my clock!".

7 - Smart Phone
For late night feeds to keep me awake. Nothing worse than falling asleep whilst breastfeeding to wake up half an hour later to find a hickey on your boob after bub has moved! Though, erm, I may have dropped it on her head once. Oops. But my phone is used mostly as a camera and I upload pics to my family every day using the Tinybeans app. And play Words with Friends whilst successfully avoiding Candy Crush.

6 - Thermomix
Yup, the big guns. I love being able to whip up something really fast and I'm a bit addicted to the custard and also the cacao hazelnut spread I make. Dipping strawberries in either is heaven. I also quite like how it looks like I've put in lots of effort when I haven't. It helps me in the sanctimummy stakes, you see. Mmmm, wanker food.

5 - Unity Transport System
I didn't realize just how much I would use the Unity as a click in click out system. I didn't have one with Tricks, so I wasn't entirely sure how much I'd use it, but it has been fantastic. It is so handy for a quick trip to just grab the Unity out of the car rather than bother with a pram or a carrier and the inevitable wake up on transfer. I found it particularly helpful in car parks and think it would be even more valuable when there is a smaller age gap between kiddies and they were running around and what not.

4 - A Relaxed Attitude
OK so it might seem like a cop out but this is so important, especially to someone like me who can be quite highly strung (who, me?). I don't know how but I've always been more relaxed about parenting than anything else - natures way of making sure my kids don't end up needing too much therapy perhaps? But rolling with the punches and picking your battles is a must for me as is cutting myself some slack - like when I didn't put Bobbin in to her cloth nappies for the first four months because with renovations, and crap everywhere it was just something I couldn't face. When I'm feeling the tension rise I call on the other things on this list and a bit of me time to help calm down. A bath and a cuppa tea. And by cup of tea I totally mean glass of wine. 

3 - Baby Wearing
This gets a high ranking because of the amount of things I can accomplish when wearing Bobbin. Not just the whole vacuuming and cooking thing, but playing with Tricky, too. I played a game of soccer with it the other day and I've also rocked mini golf. It's the most sport I've played in my life, actually. But most importantly, it is where Bobbin feels the safest and gets the most cuddles and kisses. I might just be addicted because I've got two Hugabubs, an Ergo, a Breeze Baby and an Olives & Applesauce one. I also have a Baby Bjorn in the shed, but I think they suck so that's where it belongs.

2 - Family
My parents, my sister, my extended family of aunties and cousins plus the whole clan of inlaws are awesome, and I know I could call on any of them for help because I have. They each have a wonderful relationship with Tricks and though Bobbin is an attention seeker and will happily lunge herself in to anyone's arms, I'm sure she does actually love them.

It is so handy to have my parents live five minutes away and it definitely helps that they are very hands on grandparents who are happy to host sleep overs, take the big kid on outings one day a week, meet up for coffee or pop over for afternoon tea. And my mum always does my dishes when she comes over, and sometimes she'll take a basket of washing home with her. My family rock my socks.

1 - MapGuy
Yeah, you can roll your eyes, I would if I was reading this on someone else's blog. It might seem obvious to put my husband in the number one spot, but I've heard horror stories about some partners not doing anything. MG keeps his cool, cooks, cleans, feeds the dog, puts up skylights, climbs through the ceiling to fix the TV for me, fixes retic, installs the outdoor movie screen (OMG I HAVE AN OUTDOOR MOVIE SCREEN), you name it. The man is a legend. He's Mr Perfect. He'll come home from work and start dinner or take the kids off my hands so I can sit down for a minute. I cannot fathom how single parents or solo parents make it work. I get scared when I have to put them both to bed by myself if he works late, how do y'all do it every single night?

So there you have it. Some of the things on the list cost money, others don't.

What couldn't you live without when you added another munchkin to the brood?

FYI: none of this is sponsored in any way, shape or form. I've had previous PR dealings with some of the brands but this is just me sharing what I love.

Did you know swaddling a baby tightly can cause hip problems? Me neither. {giveaway}

This is a C1 post

For full details please see my disclosure policy

The number one question most mums are asked when they have a baby is "is s/he a good sleeper?".

I usually say yes because Bobbin sleeps like a baby. She wakes a few times a night to feed, and when I hear her stirring I pop her in bed with us and she feeds to sleep (oh, my!). And after nights when she has woken six times because she is growing like a weed, I still say yes, because she's a baby and that is how babies sleep. Though I will admit to saying it less enthusiastically on those mornings.

We've been road (bed) testing the Joey Pouch and the Joey Swag from Australian owned and operated company, Bubbaroo, over the past few months.

Bobbin started out in the cotton waffle (mmmmm, waffles) Joey Pouch and I really liked it because it let her legs move which is really important for clicky, developing hips. Whilst we didn't need to brace Bobbin's clicky hips, the Joey Pouch is the best swaddle for a babies' hips because it allows the natural frog leg position and is roomy enough to fit in baby and brace if needed. I didn't even know that tight swaddling can lead to hip problems until Bobbin was being checked out at the hospital. Cue enormous amounts of mother guilt for not knowing and wrapping Tricky up in a straightjacket for his first six weeks. Oops.

Bobbin preferred her arms held a smidge tighter when she was very new so she actually wasn't a fan of the pouch at first. She liked it more as time went on and she did end up sleeping in it right before she started rolling - when you can't use a swaddle any more. Typical!

She graduated to the Joey Swag, a baby sleeping bag that won gold in the 2013 Mother & Baby magazine awards. Since it was a graduation, there was a ceremony with mortarboards and certificates. No, not really. By this stage she was wanting to fall to sleep with her arm over her eyes (the cutest!) so having them out was a must. The swag is lovely and we've been using it a lot because I've got another kicker on my hands. The moment a sheet touches her, up go the legs and within seconds it's gone. I may or may not put her in the sleeping bag and go "AHA! Try and kick that off, sucker!!". Ahem.

I've had sleeping bags before but I've never had one with the seatbelt hole to allow you to strap them in safely when they're asleep - super handy! Nor have I had one with the double ended zip to allow easy nappy changes - super duper handy!

The Newborn Pack contains the Joey Swag and the Joey Pouch and retails for $99.95 - a 20% saving compared to buying them separately. I have three $99.95 vouchers to use online at Bubbaroo - so you can buy the Newborn Pack or use it toward something else in store if you're past the newborn stage (well you're past the newborn stage, but your baby, youknowwhatimean)! To win, tell me below what is the best thing to do while your baby sleeps in their Bubbaroo? If you don't have Facebook you can leave your answer as a comment, but please make sure you leave your email address so I can contact you.

Talking about my boobs again

So guess who got another writing job?! Thanks blawg!

I am super excited to announce that I’ll be sharing a few of my breastfeeding stories at the how2breastfeed website in the coming months! I have a lot of feeding stories – when you feed for this long that’s what happens. I see this as a massive win/win situation - I can pass on the knowledge I’ve gained to those who might need a bit of a hand and I get another forum to talk about my boobs in! HOORAY!

I thought I’d prepared for breastfeeding as much as possible by researching everything while I was pregnant. I figured that in the sleepless few weeks of new parenthood I wouldn’t know my ass from my elbow so best get as much info as I could before that happened. 

The start of my breastfeeding journey (because you always have to use the word journey) was shaky. All the books I’ve read, all the midwives and all the lactation consultants I’ve ever had experience with told me “if he’s latched on properly, it won’t hurt”.

I have one word for you. Bullshit. That's not always the case.

My nipples obviously did not get that memo. You know why? Because I was busy being filled with conflicting information about how long I should leave Tricky to feed as a newborn. It seemed every book, and every specialist had a different set of "rules".

My midwife told me to leave Tricky to nurse an hour, which did turn out to be true for us ONCE MY MILK CAME IN. It was definitely not the way to go when all I had was colostrum. Her advice (based on the fact that she assumed Tricky was five days old rather than 12 hours old) led to some rather nasty damage and a truck load of pain despite the fact he had latched on well.

With a start like that I sometimes wonder how on earth we managed to come this far. Then I remember I’m stubborn and have been known to take on proving people’s assumptions of me wrong as a bit of a hobby.

Was he really ever this small?

But even with my arsenal of knowledge, I still felt like I needed someone to tell me I was doing OK, to answer my questions and assure me it would get easier. I would have loved to have the how2breastfeed DVD. I would have watched it at 2am when I was awake with a starving baby who was screaming the house down as I figured out how exactly I was meant to hold him.

Hold his neck not his head? What? Won't that hurt him?! GAH someone just tell me what to do!

To see real mums, watch them feed, hear their stories and know that it does get better, right in your own lounge room... worth it’s weight in gold.

Did you have a shaky start to breastfeeding?  Where did you get your support from?

This post is not a standard sponsored post, but is part of my ongoing work for how2breastfeed which is a paid position.

This one time, I pissed myself laughing {with giveaway}

This post is about vaginas and balls. Hooray! I wasn't entirely sure if I should post it or not but after a discussion with my mothers' group about taking away stigma and making people feel less alone, I decided this was a community service thing. So here we go...

Childbirth isn't too kind to a gal's pelvic floor, ya know? Actually, even if your bub came out the escape hatch you're not immune because it's the act of carrying a watermelon for forty weeks that puts the most pressure on it.

Once you start showing a bit of baby bump it seems everyone wants to drill it in to you to do your pelvic floor exercises. From midwives to OBGYNs and passing motorists, they all seem to shout "Squeeeeeeeeeze! CLENCH!" the second you're within earshot. And now, it would seem, I'm getting in on the act, too.

If your pelvic floor is weakened it can mean light bladder leakage. LBL. Or, as it's known in my circles, PMSL. Now we don't want LBL or PMSL when we're on a night out in the CBD wearing our LBDs (with no VPLs!) while we drink UDLs. OMG, who drinks UDLs anymore? I mean, WTF?

So yes, for the record, if I've been coughing constantly or I'm a little *ahem* intoxicated and laughing with my girlfriends and I have a full bladder, then I have to clench like no one's business to prevent it happening.  Do you have three friends? Well one of you more than likely has LBL because 25% of women do - when coughing, laughing, sneezing, jumping or sometimes just because.

For the handful of men that may happen upon this, don't panic, when we tell you we might piss ourselves laughing it's not like we empty our entire bladders as soon as you say something bordering on witty. It's different for everyone but it might just be a drop or two which, after discussing with Map Guy, feels exactly the same as when you put it away "a shake short". Not the nicest.

20c piece for comparison

Anyway, back to the laydeez. This little Ben Wa-ish ball will help strengthen your pelvic floor muscles to help with bladder control. It's called a Laselle Kegel Exerciser from Intimina and yes, it goes inside of you. There are different weights you can try (it's like resistance training for your vag!) and you can connect more than one together depending on if you've read 50 Shades of Grey how advanced you are... do you have an advanced vagina?

"Beneficial to all women, Kegel exercising is recommended to reduce the risk of incontinence, prepare for a healthy pregnancy, help regain pelvic strength after childbirth, and maintain vaginal tightness"

This little sucker makes it less likely you'll be avoiding jumping up and down since the exact same muscles are used to have a really great time in the boudoir it can have a positive effect there too... which is sorta just jumping up and down of a different nature, really. In short, it can make your sex life a-maaaay-zing. 

If you freak out every time you're going to sneeze, cough or laugh then you'll benefit from this. If you've always wanted to try one and have been too embarrassed to buy one, then now's your chance.


I have eight of these fab little things valued at $19.95 each to give away and no, I'm not going to make you comment publicly or share it on your Facebook wall in order to enter.

Complete the entry form below to go in to the running to win one of the beginner balls - your name will not appear anywhere. Then think about emailing this post to your mothers' group, your sisters, your mums and your friends... 25% of them will be effected.

This competition is now closed.

Thanks to the 1038 people who entered!

This is not a sponsored post. However an admin fee was charged. Full terms and conditions can be found here.

Bubba Glow

No, I'm not pregnant, you can all exhale now.

I've been looking through stacks of albums and piles upon piles of shoeboxes at my parents' house recently for my own baby photos to attach to the bio I can't write for the project I can't tell you about (are you keeping up? No? Me neither). If you wanna help me pick, the top six are here to be voted on.

Anyway, tucked inside the album was one A5 page of milestone notes (third child, the novelty of note taking had worn off) and I had a good read and here are the best bits about the perfectly average little ol' me:

___ . . . ___ . . . ___

17.12.81 - Born at 2:11pm, weight 4.35 kg (9.6lb), length 53cm (BOOMBAH BABY!)

3 days old - Fully bottle fed (And I turned out fine. No really, I mean it. Stop laughing.)

Six months - Can sit by herself for about a minute

Seven months - Crawls in a fashion elbows first then moves along (Commando baby)

Nine months - Took her out of the walkers as she fell face first on to the floor. Cracked her lip. Crawls properly. Can say "Dad Dad" and wave bye bye. Has four teeth.

Ten months - Glowless now pulls herself up on all the furniture, has five teeth, can say "Mum Mum" and "Hello" but it's more just a singing sound. 

Twelve months - Glowless now walks fully by herself

Fourteen months - Can say "Nanna" "Bye bye" "chasey". Climbs on everything. Gets up to mischief. Brat. (What a loving mother)

Eighteen months - First trip to the dentist - broken teeth. Very good at going to bed at night, wakes up once or twice

Twenty months - First sleep in her new bed - hates it. Takes Jimbalyn (my doll) with her. Hassles.

Two years - Had two year old test - is advanced in talking - mother's side - clever (and I haven't shut up ever since!)

Two years - Have had second opinion on Glowless' teeth. Two front teeth must come out because she has abscesses.

Nawww I was cute!

___ . . . ___ . . . ___

Ahh, isn't she lovely. And now you know where I get my sense of humour from.

And I wonder why she just rolls her eyes at me when I complain about Tricky climbing on the coffee table and dancing.

And for the record, I was waaay slower at reaching milestones than Tricky and I turned out awesome. STOP LAUGHING!!!

Have you looked through your baby notes? Were you a brat?