I had IPL and found my glow

This is a C2 post: I received a complimentary treatment.

#C2 for full details please see my disclosure policy

When I started this blog seven and a half years ago (!) I asked the world/the two people reading: "Where's My Glow?". I was preggers with Tricky and the movies had promised an ethereal pregnancy glow, but all I got was a sheen of sweat and heartburn. This illusive glow was how I became known as Glowless, which in time got shortened to Glow. Because Straya. We shorten everything, even when doing so completely reverses the meaning.

But now, I've found my glow, and can well and truly be called Glow without any hint of irony. 

I was approached to have a consultation at Skin Resus, a premiere Perth cosmetic medicine clinic and review it if I liked the results. Which seemed like a pretty sweet offer to me! For half of last year self care wasn't even something that entered my mind let alone practised, so things like washing my face and even putting on sunscreen (that I am usually hyper vigilant about) didn't happen.

If you follow me on Instagram, you'll know I haven't stopped raving about it, so I figured I'd put it all here to make it easier to compare the videos.

Consult

I had a no-obligation, free consultation with Nurse Katie, at Skin Resus last month and at that appointment we discussed that I'm not a fan of the whole Freckles McGee thing going on.

"We can leave your beauty spots alone, too, if you like." 

"Oh bless! You called them beauty spots, I've always just said MOLES."

I was told my uneven pigmentation could be helped in a number of ways including peels and IPL, and I was told the processes, side effects, and costs for each.

I was hesitant to even ask about Botox/Dysport because my only experience of people using it, as far as I knew, was frozen faced actors. I didn't want that at all, I still wanted to look like me, and be able to silently tell off my kids with my eyes in public! Ha! But my grumpiness is etched on my face so I asked what could be done about my frown lines. Katie put my mind at ease, telling me exactly how it all worked and what I could expect - no new lines for the next few months, but it doesn't fill old lines that are there, and that I would not look plastic at all.

FYI Botox and Dysport are the same thing, Botulinum Toxin, but they are different brands. By Australian law, prescription medication cannot be named on a clinic's website as it would be considered advertising. I'm not advertising, I'm just telling you about my own experience, so I can legally name it, but I will use the generic term "wrinkle relaxer".

After I left with my recommendations and paperwork, I put out my feelers to ask if others would consider having wrinkle relaxers. There were a whole heap of answers and reasons, and I loved hearing all the different ways we approach this whole ageing thing. I even found out a few friends already use them and I had no idea!

I had to think long and hard about whether to get it done or not. I was all for the IPL, but I was conflicted about the wrinkle relaxer initially, so it took me a while to get back to them and let them know that yes, I was going to give it a go. Spoiler alert: very glad I did!

Treatment

On the day of the treatment I was both excited and nervous as I headed in to my consult with Dr Paula Barrie, as by Australian law, wrinkle relaxers do require an actual physician to prescribe it and a doctor or nurse to administer it (so be wary of beauty salons offering injectables!). She ran through all the information for me and made sure I understood exactly what I was getting done.

"You will look like you have sunburn for an hour or so." 

"That's OK, I don't have anywhere special to go... ever." 

After the formalities I was placed in the capable hands of Nurse Donna for the treatments. 

IPL

First up was IPL which stands for Intense Pulsed Light which targets pigmentation and redness, and stimulates collagen. Donna covered my face in goo not dissimilar to ultrasound goo, and placed shields over my eyes to protect them, then it was go time.

It feels like a teeny tiny hot rubber band slapping your skin, but it is so quick that the feeling is gone as soon as it registers. I wouldn't say it was painful, but it wasn't pleasant. It did sting a little bit around the more sensitive areas (under eyes/upper lip) and that did make my eyes water. But my eyes water when I get my eyebrows waxed!

They were right; it does feel like sunburn. My face felt hot and puffy, and a bit raw. Donna reassured me again that it would only stay like this for a little while, and most people are fine by the time they get home. I'll admit that in that moment, as I felt my pulse in my face, I didn't really believe her, but sure enough by the time I was half way home it had stopped stinging, and by the time I was in my own suburb, my face only slightly warm.

Wrinkle Relaxer

After the goo was wiped off it was time to get the wrinkle relaxer injected. As I made some frowny faces, Donna lifted the skin gently and injected straight in to the muscle... well I assume she did because I actually didn't feel it through the post IPL sunburn feel! Winning! Three little injections took about 15 seconds? Amazing. 

The results

Shall we let the videos speak for themselves?

40 minutes post treatment

A post shared by glow (@glowless) on May 12, 2017 at 11:25pm PDT

5 days post treatment:

A post shared by glow (@glowless) on May 17, 2017 at 1:27am PDT

My eyebrows evened up by themselves, which is why any free touch ups that I was talking about in the video are done after ten days. The stronger muscle side (a result of me raising one eyebrow 1000 times a day to say WTF?) took a day longer to fully immobilise which you can see in these later videos below.

10 days post treatment:

A post shared by glow (@glowless) on May 22, 2017 at 8:48pm PDT

A post shared by glow (@glowless) on May 23, 2017 at 9:15pm PDT

Where's my glow? RIGHT HERE, BABY! I look like I'm airbrushed! But that's ME! I suppose it's lucky that little zit popped up or I would be thinking there was some serious Instagram filters happening.

It feels sooooo soft and smooth. Whenever I put on moisturiser I must look a little strange because I end up stroking my own face. The IPL encourages collagen so it's all dewy, plump and delicious.

I am so blown away by the results of just one treatment. Seriously scroll up and look at the before video again and compare. There is still some pigment left, such as the spot under my right eye, but it has faded considerably. Generally, three treatments are recommended and I'm ready to sign up for the rest.

I'm also testing out some of the Dr Aspect skin care range available at Skin Resus, but I've only just started that so right now all I can say about it is that it goes on lovely and smells so good I want to eat it.

I'm so thankful to the team at Skin Resus for the opportunity to try this out. The whole experience has been wonderful not only because of the results, but because each staff member is extremely knowledgeable and genuinely kind, which made the experience relaxed and fun. Now excuse me while I go stroke my own face some more.

100 thoughts everyone has at the Day Spa

I had a relaxing spa treatment when we were on holidays. Well, it would have been relaxing if my freakin' brain had shut up. The only child free hours of the whole holiday, where I could have just blissed out, but no. Stupid brain.

My head sounded more like this:

1. Oh, man, I am SO looking forward to this.
2. A bit of "me time" is just what the doctor ordered
3. A full body scrub, massage and a facial?
4. Yeah, why not. I've earned this.
5. Hrm, lets try the rub samples: chocolate, green tea, or citrus?
6. Stupid question. It's always chocolate.
7. Salt, cacao and even hazelnuts in it.
8. It smells divine! Good choice, me!
9. Would you look at this room.
10. I wish my bedroom looked like this.
11. Mood lighting and candles, warm towels, oooohhhh.
12. Where do I put my clothes?
13. Should I hide my knickers within my clothes?
14. Surely they know I wear knickers, why would I hide them?
15. Yeah, Ima hide them.
16. Disposable knickers, not terribly attractive.
17. Not uncomfortable though.
18. I could get used to these.
19. Then I'd never have to wash knickers again.
20. Do I lay on my front or back first?
21. Go with front so you can lay on your boobs.
22. I'm ready, let's do this.
23. Still ready. Hello?
24. Aha, here she comes.
25. Ohhhh wow that scrub smells even better than the sample
26. OMG I SMELL LIKE NUTELLA
27. I want to lick my shoulder.
28. I wonder if this stuff is edible?
29. That feels awesome.
30. Um, that's my butt. 
31. She just exfoliated my butt.
32. Huh, wasn't that bad. 
33. Ohh yeah, on to the legs.
34. Roll over. How do I do this without falling off the bed?
35. OK got it.
36. Ew, laying on the crunchy salt feels weird.
37. More legs. Yes.
38. Are they hairy? Should I have shaved?
39. Legs done, now what?
40. OK I no longer have a towel over my top half.
41. Um, eep.
42. She's exfoliating my breasts!
43. SHE'S EXFOLIATING MY BREASTS!
44. This is bizarre.
45. I wonder if she think they're nice boobs?
46. She probably doesn't care, seen one set, seen 'em all.
47. Shower time.
48. What cute little soaps.
49. Which way is hot?
50. THAT WAY. OUCH.
51. Much better.
52. It just looks like dirt coming off me.
53. Heh, it's all a big scam, she just rubbed me with sand from outside.
54. Fluffiest. Towel. Ever.
55. Massage time, let's do this.
56. Oh yeah.
57. OH YEAH.
58. OH DEAR GOD YEAH RIGHT THERE
59. Holy shit, did I just moan out loud?
60. The people in the other rooms will think I'm having a happy ending massage!
61. Keep quiet. No groaning and/or moaning.
62. Ooooh but it's soooo goooood.
63. I have never been more relaxed in my life.
64. Please don't let me be so relaxed I fart.
65. How can one tiny person create so much pressure?
66. I want to marry this masseuse. 
67. Wow.
68. So good.
69. So sleepy.
70. Shit, I'm drooling a bit.
71. What?
72. Wait, did I fall asleep?
73. I hope I didn't snore.
74. Rollin' over again.
75. She won't massage my breasts, will she?
76. Aaand yes. Yes, she will.
77. This is in no way erotic, it's just weird.
78. It's not erotic for her is it?
79. Only if floppy, lactating breasts are her thing, I suppose. 
80. OK enough with the boobies, lady, let's move on.
81. Yay, facial time!
82. Why do the cucumber slices have to be that cold.
83. I'm paying someone to wash my face.
84. This stuff smells nice, I wonder what it is?
85. It's probably expensive.
86. I hope she doesn't try to sell me some, I ain't buyin'.
87. That bit between my nose and lips tickles!
88. Right up in to the hairline, guess I'll have to wash my hair later.
89. A décolletage massage! More boobs!
90. Obsessed with breasts.
91. Ooooh hot towel.
92. Yesssssssssss.
93. I feel so hydrated.
94. My face is so plump it's practically FAT!
95. Sad panda, it's almost over.
96. Now, which piece of clothing did I fold my knickers in to?
97. Super relaxed, I wish I could go have a nap now.
98. BRIGHT LIGHTS of reception. Eek!
99. Woah, all that pampering comes at a price.
100. Can't wait to do it again!

What does your brain do when you go to the Day Spa?

Shakin' My Beauty Booty

Did you notice my new side bar bling? That little image over there that says "I write at The Shake"?

I know, I'm as shocked as you are that I'm over there with all those absolutely fabulous women, and to be honest, more than a little intimidated. But you know what? I'm so freakin' excited about it. My first article, The Top 5 Lies Your Beauty Therapist Tells You, went up the other day and I think a few beauty therapists might be a bit pissed at me for it.

{I might also write non-beauty stuff for The Shake when I'm a bit ranty. Case in point: Other Peoples' Kids}

I'll be writing over there once a fortnight or so about all things beauty and make up. Yeah, slightly different to my normal shits and giggles. So what gives me the "authority" to write about all the fancy beauty shiz? Well, lemme tell you a story... fair warning, it involves me showing off a bit:

In 2005 I was sitting on my mentally ill, obese, disability pension-receiving arse with Map Guy by my side wondering what the fuck I was doing with my life. Despite loving it, I didn't feel like going back to uni to complete my degree that I had put on hold a few years earlier - I wanted to do something completely different and having always been interested in beauty therapy and seeing that there was an open day at the campus down the road I decided to go and have a look.

Map Guy came with me, we got the official tour and were told about the course. The facilitator mentioned a student of the year award and I decided, on the spot, that I would put all my efforts in to this. I turned to Map Guy and said "I'm going to win that award". He smiled at me, squeezed my hand and replied with full confidence, "I know".

Fast forward twelve months and I was being presented with the 2006 Student of the Year award, receiving a scholarship to attend the International Dermal Institute, being nominated for WA Vocational Student of the Year and being head hunted and employed by a top salon (who would approach the top student every year from our campus).

And I have to say, I was so, SO freakin' proud of myself to go from relying on a disability pension to student of the year to sought after employee in the space of twelve months. I went on to complete my diploma and in the following years worked as a beauty therapist and makeup artist for thousands of clients (read: saw a hell of a lot of labias).

So there you have it. I know what the big words on the back of a bottle of moisturizer mean though I can't always pronounce them. I know what effect they have on the skin. I know a few tips and tricks to either achieve or fake your own Glow and that the absolute best thing you can do for your skin is to wear an SPF 30 sunscreen when the UV Index hits 3 or higher (and reapply it!).

Now that I've successfully shown off, tell me, whaddya wanna know? Any questions I can answer for you over at The Shake?

Can morning sickness be glamorous?

It's no secret that I have been insanely sick this pregnancy. I've complained about it enough that I think most of the developed world has heard my whingeing. I had mild morning sickness when I was with child last time and managed to throw up three times, all whilst driving because I'm classy like that.

This time around though I've been heaving my guts up all freakin' day long. And all bloody night, too - I have a weird internal clock that has me waking up to spew at midnight at least three times a week.

My old tag line when I created this blog used to be "unbrushed hair, bags under the eyes and the faint scent of baby spew". If you remove the word baby, I'm right fucking back where I started! The result of all this, other than my long lost collar bones making an appearance, is that I look haggard.

So, because the whole Glow thing is quite obviously avoiding me yet again, I thought I'd ask the question... can constant puking  be made a little more, well, glamorous? And I figured for my experiment that accessorizing was the way to go:

I covered my spew bag with stick on diamontes because you can never have enough bling. I found this perfect for a night out, particularly when I matched the diamontes specifically to to my earrings and necklace. No need to keep this little baby tucked away in your handbag, when it looks this good, spew bags on the table at all times!

Considering that standing up in a shower makes me feel like I'm about the faint, the ol' hair is looking a tad neglected. In the morning it's scraped up in to a bun and by afternoon half of it's fallen out and I can't be arsed putting it back. So I whipped out a headband - but not just any headband, one with a giant flower on it. I took my cue for this from the massive range of maternity wear that has frills and shit on it - because apparently a preggo belly isn't feminine enough without prissy bows and bloody flowers.

If you have to suck back on Maxolon or some other anti-nausea tablet every five hours then you have to have them with you at all times. Now a blister pack just isn't on trend, is it? I have chucked mine (pun intended) in to my faux leather purse and Wonder Woman tin which may or may not still smell slightly of tobacco leaves from when I was a smoker. If your tin still smells of tobacco, I suggest you wash it thoroughly less you vomit every time you open it from the arsey scent of stale five year old leaves.

So after all this *ahem* highly scientific research, I can safely tell you that no amount of bling, flowers or funky pill holders will make morning sickness glamorous... but fuck me, a blingin' spew bag gets so much attention!

Gimme your morning sickness cures. Anyone who says give birth gets a high five in the face with a chair.

7 things I hated about being a Beauty Therapist

Image adapted from Sérgio (Savaman) Savarese via Wikimedia Commons

I was a beauty therapist and makeup artist in my time PT (pre-Tricky). After studying feminism at uni the decision to become someone who faffs about with skincare and makeup raised a few soon to be perfectly coiffed eyebrows.

Despite my lecturers almost having heart attacks on my transition to the beauty world, I never saw what I did as anti-feminist. Every day in my job I made women feel better about the skin they were in. I might not have agreed with everything they chose to do, but telling them they can't wax off every single hair on their whole body because I thought it made them look prepubescent isn't very feminist either. Each to their own and all that jazz. Or all that vajazzle as the case may be.

Making women feel beautiful was actually pretty awesome. I was good at eyebrow shaping and given virgin eyebrows could make you look like you'd had an eye lift with a bit of wax and some perfectly aligned tweezers. I was also good at speedy brazillians but that's a different and rather more painful story.

There were definitely downsides to the job though:

1. Forgetting client names/faces. If you spend 90% of the time with your client looking at their vag, it's bound to happen. I'd usher them in to the room, wracking my brain about who it was, come back, remove the towel and BINGO... "So, Janet, how'd your date with Stewart go?". I never forget a vagina.
2. Whiffy clients. Ladies, please, if you've been at work all day and popped in for a quick wax on the way home, you're not at your freshest. It's not hard to use the freshening wipes provided. You're paying for them after all.
3. Manky clients. Completely different to the whiffy clients because these ones just filthy all over. I once had a young girl come in for a massage and the grime around her neck made me want to puke. When she piped up with "if you see any ticks just flick them off, I've just come back from camping", a little bit of my soul died.
4. Cranky latecomers. I get it, shit happens and you're late. But when you arrive 20 minutes late for a 30 minute appointment then yell at me when I tell you we have to downgrade your treatment? Then I get shitty and the urge to not be so gentle with the wax on your labia. Seriously gals, don't piss off your waxer.
5. Unrealistic expectations. Having a client request a makeup style that you know will look horrible and despite trying to persuade them they'll look shit unless you tone it down, they are adamant they want the catwalk look. So you do it... and they hate it... and you have to take it off and re-do it all, putting you behind schedule. The urge to scream "I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO" is rather strong.
6. Feet. Having to touch someone's feet when you have podophobia brings on cold sweats and panic attacks. I went to therapy to help with my issues and I could focus and get through it but I would have to disinfect my hands afterwards. With bleach. I once did a pedicure on a woman who only had nine toes as a result of an "accident" involving her brother and a sharp axe.
7. Assumptions. People generally assumed that I was a Beauty Therapist because I was too stupid to do anything else. They always I assumed I was a high school drop out. I was a uni drop out, GET IT RIGHT! It was with these folk that I'd always use the big words and I'll never forgetting pulling the dihydrogen monoxide joke on one of those bitches clients.

So there you have it. There were more positives than negatives and a lot of that was to do with the girls I worked with who made it fun. I even liked them enough to invite them to my extremely-awesome-but-strictly-budgeted wedding, so that's saying something.

On a side note, if you have a weak constitution, turn on SafeSearch when you *ahem* search for images of a facial.

What do you hate about your job?