Thursday, July 23, 2015

100 thoughts everyone has at the Day Spa



I had a relaxing spa treatment when we were on holidays. Well, it would have been relaxing if my freakin' brain had shut up. The only child free hours of the whole holiday, where I could have just blissed out, but no. Stupid brain.

My head sounded more like this:

  1. Oh, man, I am SO looking forward to this.
  2. A bit of "me time" is just what the doctor ordered
  3. A full body scrub, massage and a facial?
  4. Yeah, why not. I've earned this.
  5. Hrm, lets try the rub samples: chocolate, green tea, or citrus?
  6. Stupid question. It's always chocolate.
  7. Salt, cacao and even hazelnuts in it.
  8. It smells divine! Good choice, me!
  9. Would you look at this room.
  10. I wish my bedroom looked like this.
  11. Mood lighting and candles, warm towels, oooohhhh.
  12. Where do I put my clothes?
  13. Should I hide my knickers within my clothes?
  14. Surely they know I wear knickers, why would I hide them?
  15. Yeah, Ima hide them.
  16. Disposable knickers, not terribly attractive.
  17. Not uncomfortable though.
  18. I could get used to these.
  19. Then I'd never have to wash knickers again.
  20. Do I lay on my front or back first?
  21. Go with front so you can lay on your boobs.
  22. I'm ready, let's do this.
  23. Still ready. Hello?
  24. Aha, here she comes.
  25. Ohhhh wow that scrub smells even better than the sample
  26. OMG I SMELL LIKE NUTELLA
  27. I want to lick my shoulder.
  28. I wonder if this stuff is edible?
  29. That feels awesome.
  30. Um, that's my butt. 
  31. She just exfoliated my butt.
  32. Huh, wasn't that bad. 
  33. Ohh yeah, on to the legs.
  34. Roll over. How do I do this without falling off the bed?
  35. OK got it.
  36. Ew, laying on the crunchy salt feels weird.
  37. More legs. Yes.
  38. Are they hairy? Should I have shaved?
  39. Legs done, now what?
  40. OK I no longer have a towel over my top half.
  41. Um, eep.
  42. She's exfoliating my breasts!
  43. SHE'S EXFOLIATING MY BREASTS!
  44. This is bizarre.
  45. I wonder if she think they're nice boobs?
  46. She probably doesn't care, seen one set, seen 'em all.
  47. Shower time.
  48. What cute little soaps.
  49. Which way is hot?
  50. THAT WAY. OUCH.
  51. Much better.
  52. It just looks like dirt coming off me.
  53. Heh, it's all a big scam, she just rubbed me with sand from outside.
  54. Fluffiest. Towel. Ever.
  55. Massage time, let's do this.
  56. Oh yeah.
  57. OH YEAH.
  58. OH DEAR GOD YEAH RIGHT THERE
  59. Holy shit, did I just moan out loud?
  60. The people in the other rooms will think I'm having a happy ending massage!
  61. Keep quiet. No groaning and/or moaning.
  62. Ooooh but it's soooo goooood.
  63. I have never been more relaxed in my life.
  64. Please don't let me be so relaxed I fart.
  65. How can one tiny person create so much pressure?
  66. I want to marry this masseuse. 
  67. Wow.
  68. So good.
  69. So sleepy.
  70. Shit, I'm drooling a bit.
  71. What?
  72. Wait, did I fall asleep?
  73. I hope I didn't snore.
  74. Rollin' over again.
  75. She won't massage my breasts, will she?
  76. Aaand yes. Yes, she will.
  77. This is in no way erotic, it's just weird.
  78. It's not erotic for her is it?
  79. Only if floppy, lactating breasts are her thing, I suppose. 
  80. OK enough with the boobies, lady, let's move on.
  81. Yay, facial time!
  82. Why do the cucumber slices have to be that cold.
  83. I'm paying someone to wash my face.
  84. This stuff smells nice, I wonder what it is?
  85. It's probably expensive.
  86. I hope she doesn't try to sell me some, I ain't buyin'.
  87. That bit between my nose and lips tickles!
  88. Right up in to the hairline, guess I'll have to wash my hair later.
  89. A d├ęcolletage massage! More boobs!
  90. Obsessed with breasts.
  91. Ooooh hot towel.
  92. Yesssssssssss.
  93. I feel so hydrated.
  94. My face is so plump it's practically FAT!
  95. Sad panda, it's almost over.
  96. Now, which piece of clothing did I fold my knickers in to?
  97. Super relaxed, I wish I could go have a nap now.
  98. BRIGHT LIGHTS of reception. Eek!
  99. Woah, all that pampering comes at a price.
  100. Can't wait to do it again!
What does your brain do when you go to the Day Spa?

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