Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Shakin' My Beauty Booty

Did you notice my new side bar bling? That little image over there that says "I write at The Shake"?

I know, I'm as shocked as you are that I'm over there with all those absolutely fabulous women, and to be honest, more than a little intimidated. But you know what? I'm so freakin' excited about it. My first article, The Top 5 Lies Your Beauty Therapist Tells You, went up the other day and I think a few beauty therapists might be a bit pissed at me for it.

{I might also write non-beauty stuff for The Shake when I'm a bit ranty. Case in point: Other Peoples' Kids}

I'll be writing over there once a fortnight or so about all things beauty and make up. Yeah, slightly different to my normal shits and giggles. So what gives me the "authority" to write about all the fancy beauty shiz? Well, lemme tell you a story... fair warning, it involves me showing off a bit:

In 2005 I was sitting on my mentally ill, obese, disability pension-receiving arse with Map Guy by my side wondering what the fuck I was doing with my life. Despite loving it, I didn't feel like going back to uni to complete my degree that I had put on hold a few years earlier - I wanted to do something completely different and having always been interested in beauty therapy and seeing that there was an open day at the campus down the road I decided to go and have a look.

Map Guy came with me, we got the official tour and were told about the course. The facilitator mentioned a student of the year award and I decided, on the spot, that I would put all my efforts in to this. I turned to Map Guy and said "I'm going to win that award". He smiled at me, squeezed my hand and replied with full confidence, "I know".

Fast forward twelve months and I was being presented with the 2006 Student of the Year award, receiving a scholarship to attend the International Dermal Institute, being nominated for WA Vocational Student of the Year and being head hunted and employed by a top salon (who would approach the top student every year from our campus).

And I have to say, I was so, SO freakin' proud of myself to go from relying on a disability pension to student of the year to sought after employee in the space of twelve months. I went on to complete my diploma and in the following years worked as a beauty therapist and makeup artist for thousands of clients (read: saw a hell of a lot of labias).

So there you have it. I know what the big words on the back of a bottle of moisturizer mean though I can't always pronounce them. I know what effect they have on the skin. I know a few tips and tricks to either achieve or fake your own Glow and that the absolute best thing you can do for your skin is to wear an SPF 30 sunscreen when the UV Index hits 3 or higher (and reapply it!).

Now that I've successfully shown off, tell me, whaddya wanna know? Any questions I can answer for you over at The Shake?


  1. Is there really a cream or anything that can help with pimples? I'm nearly 41 & have maybe 1 week a month where my skin is reasonably clear. I have tried everything from proactive to medication. Medication was ok but your skin gets sensitive to the sun. I have been known to not go to things because it horrible going out with a terrible skin. Only time my skin was good was when I was pregnant.

  2. Best fake tan and how to apply makeup to my labia.

  3. Oh my goodness, I was sitting in a cafe on my own whilst reading this and snorted iced coffee out my nose when that comment about the labias jumped out at me - thanks! Hhhmmm, beauty to avoid the inevitable sunglasses suntan mark??

  4. I love it when you talk beauty to me. Seriously, it shows that you know your shit, you are always looking fabulous.

  5. That is a fantastic story, Glow. What a wonderful turnaround. My question would be about night cream. I'm all up on spf30 moisturisers and BB cream doing their thing daytime, but would really love some advice on the best cream for overnight for 40+ skin threatening to dry up :(

  6. Wow. I had no idea! I've recently become utterly obsessed with all things beauty (It makes me sound so shallow, I know. But I balance it out with taking myself and my reading too seriously, so I'm sure it all works out).

    I'd like to know a few things, actually. I have been putting SPF foundations on. I read yesterday though that that's bad for photos as it reflects light (or was it the opposite. Crap. Can't remember) so will look terrible in photos. Is this true?

    Do you apply foundation with a brush, a sponge or your hands? I'm looking for a good foundation brush because I can't stand using my hands (though I do). But what foundations are best suited to what type/age of skin.

    BURNING QUESTION. Is there any type of make up that can survive how much I sweat in summer? Or most of the year here in Brisbane. I know that sounds gross. But the thing is, I almost only sweat from my head. So my face is sweating when most of me is ok. And I hate that, because I've been trying to wear make up most days (It makes me feel better, somehow) but I am so embarrassed to be sweating it off. Am I missing anything important, or am I just gross?

    And do beauty therapists ever do Brazillians (Speaking of Labia - what is the plural? Labi-ii?) on 'bigger' people? I want to go so badly but I'm so embarrassed. Do they see many 18/20s?

    And have I just embarrassed myself in front of the entire country?

  7. BB cream. I don't get it. Do you use it as well as a day moisturiser? Can you use it under foundation? I know it's tinted but sometimes you want more than a tinted moisturiser y'know? Or am I supposed to have BB cream for everyday, and a normal day moisturiser if I'm going a bit harder on the ol' makeup?

    Is it a lot harder to wax an obese woman (bikini), or am I much more embarrassed than the situation calls for?

    And why do waxers think it's acceptable to point out the black hairs on my chin and laugh at them? So I forgot to Nads last night - STOP LAUGHING AT ME!

    Ahhh, I feel better now ;)

  8. I remember having a fake tan conversation with Parental Parody. The best she found was from a discontinued "bargain bin". I suggest you don't go down that path because alas, she can never find that awesome tan again!!!

  9. There are SO many beauty therapists who think that because their job is to pull out unwanted hair that they have to point out all hair! I go by the "don't say anything until they mention it" policy. Yes I've waxed a few eyebrows and thought "ooooh lemme do your mo" but if it doesn't bother them, why should it bother me?!
    Awesome questions and I'll definitely cover them, especially the waxing one - had a few come through now on DM the same :) x

  10. Awesome questions, Melissa, thanks! A quick reply on the brush/sponge/hands - depends where I'm going and what type of coverage I'm after. So not helpful, really! Sponges tend to hold more bacteria BUT that's only because most people don't care for them correctly. A sponge (and FINGERS) can hold just as much if you don't care for them. I'll start work on a Brazilian post - had a half a dozen questions about them, all to do with size :)

  11. Cheers, Twitchy, I'll get right on to it x

  12. Don't wear sunglasses? Hehe couldn't resist, sorry! I'm talking about sunscreen this week on The Shake, but just quickly: it's hard - all sunscreens let some UV through whereas the physical block of sunglasses let much less through meaning a tan line. So a big hat is probably the best (unless you're skiing or on the water in which case it won't matter with all the reflective surfaces bouncing rays your way).

  13. Oh you had the pregnancy GLOW! I'm a bit jealous, Karen ;-) There are things that can help, and apparently hormones aren't the huge devil when it comes to this. I'll work on an article for you (and for me - I need to listen to my own advice sometimes!). x


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