Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Christmas Period

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung at the end of each bed,
When Glowless had a visit from her old friend, Red.

Red! You're here! Who invited you?,
You've snuck up on me right out of the blue.
I knew you'd be back but just not today,
I was only expecting Santa, his reindeer and sleigh.

It's been fifteen long months since you went for a wander,
And the absence didn't make my heart grow any fonder,
Of the bloating and cramping and the ever present pain,
Plus the chocolate cravings are simply insane.

So off to the servo Map Guy and I drove,
To find it was a proverbial treasure trove.
Everything from milk to batteries and socks,

But all I needed was one little box.

I hunted the aisles like a woman possessed,

To find some items that could help my 'guest',
I passed the Pringles and the chocolate Magnums,
Even old Chisel and Farnsy albums.

There they are! What? They're nine dollars fifty?
That's a lot to pay for someone so thrifty!
I wanted to rant and cause a big stink,
But I didn't, I just paid, and the clerk gave me a wink*.

I returned to the car with my package in hand,
Another festive hiccup I'd have to withstand,
Why tonight, Red? Your timing's just shocking,
I'd rather a bracelet in my Christmas stocking.

I looked up at the moon, a bright silver crescent,
And reflected on my first Christmas present,
I don't like you much, you're annoying and icky,
But without you, Red, I wouldn't have Tricky. 

* Seriously, the guy who served me actually winked. I could understand winking if I was buying condoms, but c'mon, pads?!


  1. Awe, thats awesome... err.. the poem I mean :op.

  2. you is a funny bugger!

  3. wow! you're a poet and I didn't know it! ;)

  4. Thank you for clarifying that... would have been a little worried :P

  5. Nor did I, but I thought I'd try ;)

  6. Brilliant and sorry hope it wasn't too bad.
    The servo's know no-one is going to complain in public about the price of those little items.

  7. Deeeffffinitely think the wink is kinda creepy!

  8. I figure if I can complain in rhyming couplets then it can't have been too bad :)

  9. Map Guy reckons he was trying to hit on me. I think he was just weird.

  10. Bit of time on holidays to actually write something!

  11. Try a moon cup... always at hand :) But then there would have been no poem...

  12. Now that's timing for you...

  13. True, see I suffer for your enjoyment :P

  14. If you're not 15 minutes early, you're late...

  15. Is it bad that a 37 year old didn't realise who red was until the very end? *blush* LOL.

  16. Hehe not at all. Perhaps my personification needs perfecting.

  17. What happened to all the comments? Just letting you know that your link on the AMB carnival page points to your facebook page, not to this post. You might want to contact Candy about it.

  18. Switching domains has played havoc with the comments, they SHOULD be coming back.... but I don't know how long it will take. If they don't I'll cry :( Thanks for the AMB heads up, will check it out, haven't had a chance yet!

  19. Look on the bright side. At least you're not preggers!

    PS. Thanks for participating in the carnival. The link still points to your FB page, btw. I had to rummage through your FB archives to find the link as I am updating the links on the AMB page. You're welcome.=)

  20. Funniest thing I've read in ages! Love it!

  21. A very clever post. Horrible timing from old red hey

  22. My comments appear to be back! *Happy dance* :P


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