Map Guy, Tricky and I rocked up at Jandakot Airport after a forty minute car trip filled with “I see p’anes? I see p’anes now, Ma?”, ready for me to get airborne. Turns out I wasn’t the only one looking forward to it.
And then I saw it. Oh gawd, what the fuck have I done?
It was an impossibly small Cessna aircraft and I was mean to not only fly in it but take over the controls of for my first flying lesson. Suddenly I wasn’t so excited any more. Instead I was wondering how it is even possible for something like that to fly and also, how the hell was my ass going to fit in it? I believe shitting bricks is the appropriate expression.
My pilot, Greg, was awesome though and allayed my fears. He’s had blokes weighing almost twice as much as me and is not too fussed by being sandwiched next to his students. I do believe he was a sardine in a former life.
We went through the pre-flight checks and I learnt all about Romeo Whiskey Quebec, including how to manually check how full the tanks are, how to see if the fuel is clean and how to trip over the wheel chock. At that point I wished I was with Romeo, drinking Whiskey in Quebec and not about to get in a flying tin can.
We put on our required flight wear – headsets and sunglasses. But not aviators, Greg and I agreed aviators just make you look like a wanker. Then we both channeled contortionists and folded ourselves in to the cockpit at which point I said a silent prayer of thanks to whomever it was that invented deodorant.
|You can call me Captain Glow|
He handed me some ‘Sic Sacs’ and I stuffed them in bra. What? There's no seat pocket in front ya know! Remind me again why I decided to do this? That's right, to prove I could.
Things got serious after that because I was in charge of the throttle for takeoff. Yes, I know, I freaked out too. It was hard to hear Greg over the over the roar of the engine, and I was petrified I was going to do something wrong so I pushed it in really slowly.
At this point he asked me to do it faster since we were going to run out of runway if we kept going at 20km/h. I pushed it in and we lifted up in to the air. I can only assume I did it right because no alarms went off and we didn't crash.
It felt bloody amazing. I was flying!
|Heading for the coast|
We got up to 15,000 feet and the controls were handed over to me. Despite Greg being right next to me with his own set of controls to grab if I did something wrong, it was at this point I kinda wished I’d worn brown trousers. Light aircraft controls are really touchy. It was sorta like Mario Kart except when you fall from the sky a little dude on a cloud doesn’t pick you back up. I suck at Mario Kart.
The nose dipped a bit before I got used to keeping us level while turning and I felt like my stomach was going to fall out. I flew up the coast and back around for half an hour, though it seemed like five minutes. I didn't see any of the view after we got up high and I was in charge - Godzilla could have been rampaging on the ground and I wouldn't have noticed since I was concentrating so hard on keeping the Cessna steady.
We were only five minutes from landing and I’d almost lined us up to the runway when I was pretty sure I was just about to yack. I had to relinquish the controls to concentrate on my breathing and the fasten seat belt sign. Except there is no freaking fasten seatbelt sign in such a teeny tiny aircraft! GAH!
I looked around and spotted a Tiger Moth stunt plane just in front of us, getting ready to land too. I swear it hadn't been there a second earlier.
My shoulder angel told me to focus on it's bright yellow wings... my shoulder devil started screaming "What the fuck, why are we so close to another plane? WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!". At about that time the angel executed a perfect roundhouse kick and quickly shut that devil up. But needless to say, little planes fly really bloody close to each other.
We followed it down and had the smoothest touch down less than a minute after it landed and I had not been violently ill or responsible for crashing a plane. Winning.
|My "hurry up and take the damn photo, I still might hurl" face|
|You can fly this baby too. UPSIDE DOWN! Tiger Moth Scenic Flight|
It’s just over two months til Christmas and a joy flight would make an ideal Christmas gift (just ask my dad, I got him this exact experience for his 60th!). You can get receive $30 off any RedBalloon experience over $129 by entering the promo code REDMUM05 at the checkout.
Would you fly a sardine can with wings?
Disclosure: Thanks to the team at Digital Parents Collective for inviting me to be a part of the RedBalloon Experience program. I will be sharing my awesome experiences with you over the next 6 months. Stay tuned! As always, all opinions are my own however the experiences are complimentary.