Friday, November 5, 2010

The Mother Load

This post is part of Blog This! Challenge #61: Share one thing that has made your life easier, and that you wish you knew about long before you first got your hands on it!

WARNING: The following post contains such excessive levels of schmaltz sentiment that you might want to have a bucket handy. Just in case, ya know?

When I was a little girl, so sweet and innocent (stop laughing) I thought my mum was awesome. She, along with my collection of Barbies, was the centre of my universe. But then I hit puberty and something happened... I could say that we didn't see eye to eye, that we had different goals but it would be simpler, and much more accurate, if I just said that I became a bit of a bitch. Actually, a lot of a bitch. I was horrible. So horrible in fact that I'm surprised she ever spoke to me again. I did everything she didn't want me to do - I went out with boys that were no good, got my tongue pierced at 16, a tattoo at 18 and was generally not very nice to be around.

Even after puberty had run it's tragic course we were never super close. Over the years we had periods of getting on really well followed by periods of estrangement, caused each time, I'm ashamed to admit, because of me. One of those barely speaking times happened during my pregnancy - and it took all my strength to swallow my stupidly large pride (would have been easier to swallow if I could have washed it down with a cocktail, but alas, I was preggers) and tell her, when I was seven months along, that I missed her and wanted to share this time with her, I wanted her to experience her baby having a baby.

When Tricky arrived we finally had a common ground - the shared experience of motherhood! I cannot describe how helpful having her close by during those first few weeks was. She understood exactly how I was feeling, and could empathize with the sleepless nights and painful boobs. Plus she was the only other person who could soothe Tricky (and me) when he was upset - a mother's touch perhaps?

But the thing that has brought us so close together has been Tricky's craniosynostosis because she knows exactly how it feels to have a child needing surgery; the constant back and forth to the specialist appointments, the different medications (that you can rattle off the names and dosages of without even looking) and the intense emotions that come with it all. She even knows how bloody uncomfortable the chairs to sleep in at the hospital are!

She has made my life easier by coming over and washing the dishes, bringing me lunch, folding the laundry, playing with Tricky while I have a bath or a nap, and by sharing hopes and fears with me. Where she got her amazing strength and how the hell she managed to keep her sanity all those years ago, with three children under three, one who was dying plus a sick husband to boot, I have no idea.

Where did this woman come from? Why didn't I know about her earlier? Why hadn't she shown this side of herself to me before? She could have helped with all sorts of things; been that shoulder to lean on, the sympathetic ear, the giver of sage advice. In a manner similar to a Punch and Judy audience shouting "Behind you! Behind you!" I can hear you all chanting"She did! She did! You just weren't bloody paying attention to it!" And you'd be right. She was there all along, I just didn't know it.

So even though Map Guy is a very supportive husband and father, if you ask me to name the one thing that has made my life easier, that I wish I knew about earlier, there could only be one answer. My Mum. I might have known about her, but I didn't know her and just how amazing she really is... can someone please pass me a tissue?

So what about you? Is there something or someone in your life that makes it easier that you wish you'd known about sooner?

31 comments:

  1. I'm sure your mum knew that the teenage years weren't going to be easy, and didn't take it all too personally!

    I was a bit of a pain too. I got caught up with the wrong crowd! :(

    It's great your Mum is such a big help now & you are both getting along well!
    It's just a shame it takes so long to realise that what you have always had, is the most important.

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  2. can that someone pass me a tissue too!
    What a beautiful post.
    One of the most wonderful things about becoming a parent is the humility we gain towards our own parents and the new relationship we are able to build with them because if it.

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  3. This is a fantastic read! I can relate to a lot of it, actually.

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  4. Gorgeous! Plus, loved the Punch and Judy "behind you, behind you" analogy. Very clever!

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  5. what a brilliant post. I was a pain to both my parents too. mine is usually centered around boys instead.

    after having my daughter, i now understand why she acted the way she did when I was growing up. I am starting to become my mom now. it's a little bit scary (because I vow never to be like her when i was growing up) and a little bit comforting at the same time.

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  6. Thanks for all your lovely comments. It's nice to know I wasn't the only not-so-perfect teen out there... if Karma exists Tricky is going to be a horrid teen :P

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  7. A Mum is worth her weight in gold! It's so nice having a great relationship, not everyone is so lucky.

    I too was a bit of a ratbag as a teen - I remember being so horrible my mum put my pillow and doona in the driveway...it stopped the attitude. :-P

    Great post.

    x

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  8. I have just found your blog. It's fantastic. I think this is a beautiful and thoughtful post. I think having your own family really makes you appreciate your parents.

    Enjoy your day.

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  9. I really loved this. I am so glad you discovered how amazing your mum is so you have her around to share your ups and downs. She sounds great and she's raised a lovely daughter. x

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  10. What a lovely post. How beautiful that you got to find this beautiful relationship with your mother.

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  11. There's nothing quite like a new perspective is there?!

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  12. I can't imagine this time without her, not just that she cleans my kitchen (although that is really awesome), but the conversations too!

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  13. Thanks Shantell, I wish I'd seen it sooner, but hindsight is 20/20 after all.

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  14. The wrong crowd? What a bad girl... bad girls have a lot of fun though :)

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  15. *passes you a tissue* I think I need shares in Kleenex now, when I re-read it I still cry! Bit of a case of walking a mile in someone else's shoes, maybe?

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  16. Thanks. Hope you're feeling better.

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  17. Is there obvious mother-daughter angst in Doha? Or it's behind closed doors where expats can't see?

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  18. Same here, Feli! I vowed never to be like her but now I think it's not such a bad thing :)

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  19. If I'm worth my weight in gold I'm gonna be RICH RICH RICH! :)

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  20. If you have a moment to spare I'd really appreciate it if you could vote for this post at Blog This! - There is a Challenge 61 drop down box on the right of screen, select 'Where's My Glow?' and hit Vote!
    Thanks!

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  21. Totally awesome thoughts - so reminds me of my teenage years with my mother {the enemy} and the on again off again relationship we had! how wonderful that you have been able to enjoy time together and develop a better relationship. Lovely. Naomi xx

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  22. Haha the enemy. I used to refer to mine as That Woman.

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  23. This post gave me goosebumps! What a lovely post for your mum. :D

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  24. Thanks Tanya, it actually took me a while before I could show it to her, guess I was a bit embarrassed I'd been such an awful teenager.

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  25. Thanks to all that voted for me, I'm happy to announce I was the winner of the blog competition! Yay!

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  26. A lovely post. How lovely that you are so close to your Mum. I am tryng hard to be closer with mine but we do not always get on that well. It is mostly my fault,. I could be so much nicer to her. It is complicated. It shouldn't be. I am going to make more of an effort x

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  27. Thanks, Jennie. It's taken a long time to get this far. I wish you all the best x

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