Sunday, November 28, 2010

The Blind Leading The Blind

Recently Aunty Penny has been dipping her toe in the dating pool... actually dive-bombing in to the deep end is probably a better metaphor.

Because she is much stupider braver than I am, she's even gone on a few blind dates.

I don't even know how blind dates work. Is it like the movies where the man carries a folded newspaper and the woman wears a yellow ribbon in her hair? I must remember to ask Aunty Penny if she has ribbons.

So each time one of these blessed events have occurred, for safety, Aunty Penny has emailed me the information of the bloke she's about to meet. You know, so I can point the police in the right direction if she goes missing. And always, at the bottom of the email is "Use my bridesmaid photo".

Yes, we have arranged what photo to give to the media in case she goes missing.

This isn't a new thing. Oh no, not at all. We've discussed this for years. In the event of one of us going missing the best, most prettiest photo of us will be used - under the belief that the amount of effort put in to searching for someone is directly proportional to how attractive they are.

This idiosyncrasy, this quirk, is just us. We are a little bit strange.

But I don't think it's bad to talk about things like this, and the pretty photo instructions are just a nice way of lightening the mood when you're talking about awful things like going missing.

We are very open when it comes to our family policies. Some people would say it's morbid that we have a prearranged "Switch Me Off" policy if one of us is ever on life support and we already know that at my Mum's funeral the main song will be "I Still Call Australia Home" by Peter Allan and the rest of the songs will all be John Farnham numbers - if the group isn't up and bopping by the end of it, then a little bit of Cher should fix that.

But I like it. I find comfort in the ability to control one tiny little bit of the uncontrollable.

Does your family have any policies? Or am I the only weird one?


  1. Its not just you - i've already told my family about my wishes should i be in a coma and not likely to live etc and have discussed the music i would like played at my funeral too. I dont think its morbid at all....i think its realistic to want to have a part in what is the final stage of your life...

  2. My MIL has written letters to everyone explaining everything including the photo to be placed on her coffin.

    God knows what my letter will say!

  3. Oh I love this post. So going to go and choose my missing photo now xo

  4. Oooh that's a great idea... but yeah, I'd be wondering what my letter would say from my MIL.

  5. I'm thinking of getting glamour shots done every few years, just in case.

  6. My best friend has given me very strict instructions for when the time comes for her - her ashes are to be mixed with glitter and scattered at the beach. It makes me smile :)

  7. My mother has told me, in no uncertain terms, that if she ever loses her marbles I am to keep buying trendy clothes for her. She has especially stipulated nothing with an elastic waist. I also have to make sure her make up matches and the colours aren't gaudy. And she still wants her roots done...

    Totally agree re everyone paying more attention to an attractive woman going missing.

  8. you are deffor the first person I've ever heard of who has a photo ready for that - :0-)

  9. It's more of a vanity thing than a prepared for the worst thing. But then they'd be looking for attractive chick with makeup & hair done and go right by me with bags under my eyes & unbrushed hair.

  10. I am now in mad panic to choose a youthful photo of self in case I go missing! Had not thought of that one. I have for years been making meticulous notes about my life for the Farmer to give the Darlings when I'm gone. These notes include the history of all the things my Mum left me when she died. Like where the ugly vase covered in sparkly roses came from or the significance of a tatty old book of poetry. I've told the Farmer some of these stories, but (ahem) I'd rather the Darlings get it straight from the horse's mouth...

  11. I really like that idea. I plan on printing out the monthly 'Letters to Tricky' and giving them to him when he's older but I hadn't thought of stuff about me - but I'd love to know about my mum's life so I might start doing it! Thanks!


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