An A-Z of Infants Part III

Tummy Time – In order to help them develop strong neck and back muscles, the experts recommend you give your baby 'Tummy Time'. Tricky loves it and will do little mini push ups and raise his entire chest off the floor, and has done so since he was three weeks old. Strangely though when on his back his head control is still developing (lazy sod!).

Uncoordinated – If you would like a good laugh all you have to do is find a baby and watch it. The number of times they wave their little arms around and end up whacking themselves in the side of the head is amazing. They don't hurt themselves but if they're getting really worked up and manage to give themselves a bit of a smack, the look of surprise on their little faces as they try to work out what just happened is hilarious.

Vision – The distance a newborn can see is approximately 30cm, which is not coincidentally about the same distance between your boob and your face. The vision milestones that a bub has to reach all centre around if they look at your face and then if they track you as you move around. Now that Tricky has mastered tracking he can finally enjoy his mobile that hangs above his cot – he goes very quiet and stares at it – you can actually see the point where the toy goes out of focus and he looks for the next one coming round. There is a slight problem though because the mobile runs on a five minute loop and then shuts off, and he doesn't like that at all. He starts to kick his legs and flail his arms around, trying to make it move again. When that doesn't work he starts to whimper in short, sharp bursts as if he is telling it off, “Hey toys, keep it moving!” These little moans are my cue to run in to the room and start it again, assuring me another five whole minutes in which to finish doing whatever exciting thing I was doing (like folding laundry or preparing dinner).

Wriggly – Like a worm. You have to hold on to the little suckers really tight less they wriggle themselves free. Add to that their out of control heads. I'm amazed at how someone so small can be so strong – strong enough to head-butt me and give me a fat lip.

Xanthochroia – A big long word (thank you, Google) that means yellowness of the skin. However it does refer to patches of yellow and in newborns any yellowness tends to be most noticeable in the whites of the eyes but can be all over (you try and come up with one for X!). It's called Jaundice and is caused by an excess of Bilirubin in the blood. In hospital if I stood by the huge windows in my room with Tricky, in the brightness you could see the tinge of yellow in his eyes – he was my werewolf baby. If it's severe then the bub has to go under UV lights to help break down the Bilirubin, but if it's mild then it actually has a beneficial antioxidant effect.

Yawning – You know how yawning is 'contagious'? If you watch an infant soon enough it will yawn. If your baby is anything like Tricky it will be a big, long, stretchy, all consuming yawn. And then you will follow suit. But it can't happen the other way around. You cannot make a baby yawn because they don't understand what it is. They will copy you and open their mouth wide, but it's not a yawn.

Zzzz – Yeah so I cheated with the Z's (it was the same for the A-Z of Pregnancy) but hey, they do sleep a lot. At the moment Tricky normally sleeps for four hour stretches at night, but occasionally he'll go six. Out of the two I actually prefer the four hour intervals better because each time he goes for six, he will then wake up two hourly the rest of the night, as if to make up for lost time at the boob. Everyone tells you to “sleep when they sleep” but it's not that easy – it takes me an hour to fall asleep at least and during the day Tricky only naps so he'll be awake right when I'm about to drift off. Add to that the endless “I'll just put on a quick load of washing/have a shower/start dinner/cry and rock in the corner” and that siesta just never happens.

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An A-Z of Infants Part II

Kicking – Little babies are so much stronger than you think! You haven't seen strength until you've seen a twelve week old in a Jolly Jumper going for it like there is no tomorrow. Chubby legs kicking with all their might while their body remains bolt upright in the supports. When Tricky is old enough to do this I'll film it and play it to the music from Riverdance.

Looks – As soon as your baby is born you, and everyone who visits or sees a photograph, will try to figure out which traits are from which parent. It thought by some that bub will look more like dad in an effort to confirm their paternity. Whilst I have no idea if evolution has found a way of increasing the chances of a guy sticking around to help raise his offspring, what I do know is that Tricky is a carbon copy of Hubby. I put a picture of Hubby aged three next to one I took of Tricky last week and you would swear it is the same child – same eyes, same nose, same smile and coincidentally they even had a similar outfit on!

Moro Reflex – The cutest of all the reflexes. This is the startle reflex and a baby's legs and arms will fly out if he hears a loud noise or feels unsupported – it would appear even in his dreams. My favourite part about it is that it looks like he's doing 'jazz hands' or 'spirit fingers' and so each time he does it we say “Ta daaah!” Yes, this kid is going to grow up with a complex. Either that or become a dancer.

Nappies – When he was first born Tricky was put in Huggies newborn nappies that the hospital provided and they had an 'indicator panel' that went from yellow to blue when he needed to be changed – the was no opening up the side of the nappy to check. Then when he was about five weeks old he was big enough to fit in to his funky and environmentally friendlier, modern cloth nappies. The only downfall is that they most definitely do not come with a fancy indicator panel. Unless you count the wet patch on his pants the couple of times they've leaked?

Odours – This alone puts many people off having children in the first place. I had been told that if breastmilk goes in the top end, the stuff that comes out the bottom end doesn't smell (babies who have to have formula have been known to make the wallpaper curl). I didn't believe it at all. But I'm delighted to say it is sorta true – it does smell a little bit, but it is a very sweet smell and isn't offensive at all. I wouldn't go so far as to put it in a perfume and spray it on myself, but it's not bad. When Tricky starts on solids though, it'll be pegs on noses time.

Palmar Grasp – Another reflex, the one responsible for the oh so cute way a bub will grab your finger and NEVER LET GO. And even though it's a reflex I still feel loved when he does it.

Questions – Hundreds of questions a day zoom through my head but they all revolve around one thing: Is that normal? Am I supposed to do this? Is he meant to do that? What did parents do before Google? But how many questions must be going through a baby's head? What is that? Who is this? Is that smell coming from me?

Rooting Reflex – This is where you brush their cheek they will turn that way and open up their mouth, ready for a feed. In the earlier days when we had no idea what each cry meant (we only have half a clue now), it was a great way to see if he was hungry because if he was he wouldn't just turn his head, he'd lunge violently in that direction. We call it 'gobbing' and sometimes Hubby will bring Tricky over to me and say “Here, you take him, he's gobbing my shirt.”

Smiling – According to some research it is no accident that babies start smiling at the six week mark. It is right when the sleepless nights and endless nappy changes are getting on top of you and voila! You are rewarded with your bub's first true smile and it melts you. The bags under your eyes just became worthwhile.

An A-Z of Infants Part I

Accidental discovery – This is how babies learn. The first time Tricky rolled over from front to back at three weeks old it was an accident – he just lost his balance and toppled over to his side then wriggled to be on his back. But it obviously started something in his brain because then he did it again... and again... and again. The ability to control his arms is his next accidental discovery – he has started swatting in the general direction of the toys that hang on this bouncer chair. He manages to connect with one about 10% of the time but each success makes him a bit more excited and his little legs kick furiously in delight!

Blinking - Or more accurately, lack thereof. One of a newborn's reflexes is to blink... can someone please inform Tricky that it is rude to stare please? I'll never win a stare-off at this rate.

Crying – You should expect a lot of this if you have a newborn in your house. Tricky is considered an 'easy baby' and doesn't really cry very much, but he does whimper. It's a sad and pathetic sound, but because he's mine I naturally think it is absolutely adorable. In the middle of the night it is these whimpers that wake me up, letting me know I have about five minutes to get up and get him before the proper crying starts - such a courteous young man not to wake me with a piercing scream.

Dummies – No, not referring to myself, I'm talking about the ones that you stick in their gob to shut your kid up. You could use nicer terminology and say they are there to soothe your agitated babe, but that's just being pedantic. Some people are for, some people are against. We didn't buy any dummies to start with, having heard that they can interfere with breastfeeding due to 'nipple confusion'. Other than trying not to laugh every time I heard that term, I didn't think any more about it until he was born and wanted to nurse every five minutes but was obviously not hungry. So we bought some and haven't looked back since. It's his plug.

Eyes – Because he's not blinking I get to stare at Tricky's baby blues all the time. All Caucasian bubbas are born with blue eyes that can change colour anywhere up to a year. Because he is currently a clone of his father, everyone thinks they'll stay blue. I'm not sure since my eyes are brown (I tell everyone they're hazel because if I'm looking directly in to the sun or other massively bright light, they are a beautiful green colour) and that's a dominant gene.

Feeding – The fastest we ever grow in our lives is in our first year. In order to do all this growing a baby needs a lot of food. In the first two weeks Tricky wanted to feed every hour or so and because his sucking action wasn't developed yet he would take almost an hour to have his 'meal'. It was one hour on the boob, one hour off. It's not surprising they got sore! Now that he's older he goes approximately four hours between feeds and is only on for fifteen minutes at the most. Phew.

Giggles – Little baby giggles are, in my opinion, the most amazing thing I've ever heard. A sound of pure joy. The snort that can follow is not quite as gorgeous, but still kinda cute. However they are quite elusive... Tricky has only managed to giggle once when awake but twice whilst asleep! He must have some very funny dreams.

Hands – At around three weeks old, Tricky found his hands. As a result they are now constantly in his mouth. Sometimes he tries to get both of them in there at once which is quite the spectacle – they may only be teenie weenie fingers but it's only a teenie weenie mouth too and he's yet to figure that out so keeps trying. Because he still isn't in full control of his arms he will move them from his mouth and get a little bit upset that 'someone' has taken them away.

Immunisations – OUCH! Having a baby means taking them to get immunised. Whilst it's not compulsory, it's pretty hard to get your child enrolled in a school without them... and I'm not up for home schooling. Holding your child still while someone jabs them in the thigh is hard enough, but holding them still for the nurse to do the second thigh, all whilst they are screaming the roof down, is even harder. I don't know how I managed to not cry when Tricky's face turned bright red and he let out the loudest scream he's ever done. Sorry, my angel.

An A-Z of Pregnancy Part III

Touching Belly Etiquette – Pregnant women are public property. No longer is there a bubble of personal space surrounding me with any touching done on the upper arm as per cultural conventions. Its all belly touching and rubbing like I'm a Buddha statue at a Lotto kiosk. So far I haven't had any strangers come up and just grope me, although they've told me their life stories (see J), but friends have told me horror stories of being at the local Woolies and being harassed by elderly ladies who just can't seem to control themselves around a swollen tum. I'm not too sure what I'd do in the situation, other than probably put my own hands protectively over my belly so that theirs couldn't fit on... or I could just snarl and bark at them – I'm sure they'd run away quick as a flash.

Umbilicus – Am I allowed to request an 'inny' or an 'outie' belly button for Tricky? Hubby has the best of both worlds with a 'flattie' due to being born with an umbilicus hernia that needed surgery. I have an inny at the moment – the deepest inny you have ever seen. In the past few weeks a laparoscopic surgery scar that was hidden far inside my belly button has become visible. When my belly button pops it is highly likely that someone could lose an eye. You've been warned.

Vitamins – Folate this, iron that. Women have done this for thousands of years and their babies have turned out fine – yet I have a shelf that closely resembles a pharmacy and rattle when I walk due to all the multivitamins and supplements that we all simply must take. A pre-natal for at least three months before falling pregnant or you're irresponsible; an ante-natal during pregnancy to make sure bub develops as healthily as possibly and hopefully makes up for all the champers you drunk before finding out; fish oil for brain development and also to keep those ugly (read completely natural) stretch marks at bay; and then an iron supplement because the baby is stealing all yours and leaving you tired.

Waddle – Life as a duck is approaching. My bump is getting bigger now and soon I will start to waddle when I walk. Its a strange hip swinging movement half due to the size and placement of the massive tum, and half because of the loosening of all the ligaments in your hips to accommodate the impending birth. This is another reason why I don't fall for the “pregnant women are the sexiest thing on earth” concept – “waddle over here, baby, yeah!”

Xrays – Do you remember the posters at the Xray places that have a cartoon of a baby in a uterus with the little speech bubble saying “Mum, don't forget to tell them I'm here”? Thats exactly how I imagine Tricky. All cute and completely human looking, swimming around in a giant circle with an umbilical cord for modesty. When he comes out and is all squished, covered in crap with a conehead, I might ask for a refund.

Yoga – I've been looking in to ante-natal yoga classes after hearing so many women sing their praises. And as long as I don't have to wear lycra, I think I'm going to join up. With the pictures of birth positions I've seen, a bit of limbering up should do me the world of good. Plus I'd totally win the next game of Twister.

Zzzzz – Everyone with kids keeps reminding me how much sleep I won't be getting pretty soon. I wish there was a way that I could build up a sleep 'account' now and just snooze all day adding to it, so that when Tricky arrives and wants to feed at 3.12am there is plenty of reserves to call on. I know it doesn't work that way, but its a nice thought. Or I could express and bottle feed so that Hubby gets up at night.. ooh I like the sound of that!

An A-Z of Pregnancy Part II

Kicks – Tricky is an active little bub, but I really have no idea if what I feel are kicks, punches, general position changes or what. So I prefer to think of him as playing skippy with the umbilical cord, doing a work out routine (possibly using my kidneys as free weights to shed that baby fat) or playing air guitar.

Linea Nigra – This is the name of the dark line that women can get during pregnancy, that runs from the belly button down to the pubic bone. Mine is starting to get darker now and looks like someone has taken a brown texta and drawn on me, perfectly cutting my abdomen in half. It serves no purpose other than a nice reminder that our bodies will never be the same again.

Mothers' Day – This year Mothers' Day falls on May 9^th, a few weeks before I'm due. Do you think I'll get a present from Hubby? Hrmmm?

Nutrition – If I ate the amount of food recommended by the guides and nutritionists I'd be looking like Augustus Gloop from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Six serves of this, five servings of that every day. I've always had a healthy appetite but this is ridiculous! I don't know anyone who can ingest that much food without having to go to hospital for emergency stomach pumping. I might be eating for two but Tricky only weighs 500grams right now, its not like he's wanting a rump steak all to himself.

Obstetrician – My Obstetrician is a lovely old Chinese gentleman. And that is not a term I throw around willy nilly, he is truly a gentle soul. During visits while he is waiting for the ultrasound machine to come out of sleep mode, or for the blood pressure monitor to beep its result, he hums. Hubby has no idea what they are but thanks to twelve years of Catholic education I can recognise them as hymns. I'm not a religious person but knowing that he believes in a God as opposed to thinking that he is one, is reassuring.

Public Transport – I get to work via bus and train every morning and get a seat pretty much every time. Coming home is a different matter... only very occasionally will I get a seat after standing up all day at work. I lamented to a heavily pregnant friend that I couldn't wait to be a bit bigger so that people would actually see that I was preggers and offer me a seat, but she said that everyone just looks down and pretends they haven't seen you – and its TRUE! Passengers will pull their books up to their noses or get out their mobile phones and ignore not only me but the frail elderly woman who is eyeing me off, figuring out if she can get to the seat quicker than me or not, and if its safe to whack a pregnant woman in the shins with her cane. So far only one person has offered me their seat and she was on crutches! I couldn't take her seat off her though, but together we gave 'evil eyes' to the teenagers on the next bench.

Queasy – I still feel sick every now and again, mainly when I can smell food cooking. I've always had an “iron stomach” when it comes to seeing icky things but that seems to have gone along with my girlish figure. Walking from the train station the other day it was obvious someone had a rather big weekend by the trail of vomit they'd left behind – I had to hold my breath and run with my hand over my mouth to stop myself being sick!

Research – Like most first time mothers'-to-be I've been looking up websites, trawling the local library and getting my hands on every journal article I can find about pregnancy and birth. I'd say its because I'm trying to be a responsible parent and whilst that is partly true, its mainly because I know nothing and am freaking out a bit. There are so many options and even more opinions. I was reading one book about birthing the natural way and the author made so many valid points... until she wrote about how her moments old daughter remembered the umbilical cord being cut and how traumatic it was. My bullshit detector was making big woop woop woop noises at that one!

Stretch Marks – I have little white stretch marks already on my body from being a curvy gal, so I'm assuming that its like a stretch mark party and more are invited. But these suckers will be the big, fat, angry, red and purple ones. More stuff to look forward to... great. Can I buy shares in Bio Oil?

An A-Z of Pregnancy Part I

Ante-natal Classes – Hubby and I are signed up for ante-natal classes in March and I'm half dreading it. My only point of reference is the movies, so I expect to be taught how to breathe Lamaze style “hee heee hoooooooooo” and feel like a total idiot. Plus the inevitable birth videos which can also be called “horror porn”. So much to look forward to.

Breasts – I've always been rather generously endowed in the breast department, and since falling pregnant my cup definitely doth spilleth over, and I'm only just over half way – what will these suckers look like when I'm actually breastfeeding? Meanwhile Hubby is more than pleased with developments and I can't fit in to any of my button up shirts.

Cravings – Get pregnant and you'll crave icecream and pickles is what I was told. So far though I haven't really had what you could call cravings. There has been no insatiable urges that could only be quashed by sending Hubby on a midnight run. My tastes have definitely changed though, a toasted cheese and tomato sandwich really hits the spot, and where I previously didn't like McDonald's I could now eat a cheeseburger (or two, or three) a day!

Daddy – Hubby's role hasn't really changed yet, and according to the old saying “a women becomes a mother when she is pregnant, a man becomes a father when he holds his child” it won't for quite a while yet. But I do love it when he leans his ear to my round belly and listens to hear the movement, then talks to him... its normally something along the lines of “So hows things in amniotic world?” and its a rather one sided conversation.

Expanding – Is the medical world entirely sure that babies grow in bellys? Because my bum is getting enormous. Even when taking in to consideration the cheeseburgers it seems bigger than it should be. The average weight gain up to this point in a pregnancy is just over 6kg and I've so far put on 2kg... and its all in my bum.

Feet – Those suckers are getting harder and harder to reach as my increasing girth prevents me from bending down completely. I can still see them... for now.

Grandparents – Tricky is the first grandchild on both sides for our families and the reaction to his impending arrival has been very different. Hubby's parents were first to know and were enthusiastic but trying not to get too thrilled as it was still early days. Nowadays Mother-In-Law is getting very excited and was the first to purchase anything for Tricky, a beautiful blanket, while Father-In-Law is understandably blasé about something he can't see yet. My parents found out when I was twelve weeks because they were away overseas. My dad was almost bouncing off the walls at the announcement and my mother looked horrified – she was to be a Grandmother! Thats for old people!

Hormones – There are a lot of these suckers surging through my body at the moment, and they all seem to have really interesting names; you've got your standard progesterone and oestrogen but then there is Lutenising hormone, Oxytocin, beta Human Chorionic Gondatropin hormone. Some of these increase by up to 1000% while you're pregnant which makes for a great excuse for when ever you're in a bad mood/forget to do something/accidentally kill your husband!

Ignorant – I've never really been around infants before. I've held some of them, sure. But not for more than a few minutes after which I heaved a sigh of relief at being able to hand them back to their mum or dad. So I'm wondering if I'll be actually able to care for Tricky 24/7? I have no one to off load him to when I get tired/grumpy/bored. I'm not completely ignorant though, I'm pretty good with toddlers because I like playing and colouring in is one of my all time favourite past-times.