Four (other) things you can do with your ben-wa balls

It is not news that I have a Kegel exerciser. I told y'all about it and did a giveaway. A giveaway that over ONE THOUSAND people entered. Here I was thinking I'd be hearing crickets when I started talking about lady parts, but you lot are very pro-vagina and came in droves to get your hands on those awesome pink ben-wa balls.

Quite often since that day I've wondered what you could do with a ben wa ball when you no longer have a use for it? Once you have your vag of steel it's a bit sad for 'Ben' to just sit in your naughty drawer gathering dust so I took it upon myself to find out and let you know - think of it as a community service announcement if you will.

So here you have it. Four things you can use your ben-wa balls as when you're finished with them:

1. Earrings. They might be slightly heavy, but now that you've got a super strength vag, it's only right that you get super strength ears. This shit will be all over Etsy soon I just know it.

2. Bespoke Keyring. Particularly effective when you are at a swingers party - c'mon, you know that gal has been exercising!

3. Christmas Decorations. 'Tis the season to be jolly, and jolly you will be with these on your tree. In fact, I believe ben-wa is actually the ancient word for "inappropriate decoration".

4. Cat Entertainment Device. I have it on good authority that cats adore ben-wa balls and will go off like someone has spiked the catnip.

Doctored under CC license - cheers, HortenseJones

If you're going to use them again afterwards, I suggest a high quality cleaning substance. Or bleach if you're allergic to cats.

How do you use your ben-wa balls when you don't need them any more? Do you name your toys?

*No cats were harmed in the making of this blog post. I tried, but no one would let me borrow their cat for a sex toy photoshoot.

50 Shades of Teddies {NSFW}

"Make a square cake," she said.

"Have teddies on it," she said.

"Choose your own theme, be original, and make sure everything on it is entirely edible."

I wondered what I could possibly create. It's my beginner's class but be buggered if I was going to create a picnic scene like most of the other students. I had to do something a little bit different. Something funny. Or stupid.

The looks from the other students when I took this in to class were priceless. Behold, the entirely edible 50 Shades of Teddies:

What is a cake without a ball gag, gas mask, handcuffs, whips, restraints, discarded underwear and a threesome?

Would you serve this at a naughty party? Could you eat it? 

Don't forget the Omrah Wine giveaway

50 Shades of Torturous Writing

*let's play spot the typo - I'm leaving it in, it's too funny to mess with*

I read Fifty Shades of Grey. A friend was so insistent I read it that she went out and bought it for me (no, seriously).

I have to admit, I was happy to receive it because I was curious to find out if it really was as bad as I’d heard it was without having to wait forever on the library loan list, because sure as shit I wasn't spending any money on it. I had my fingers crossed that it was going to be one of the "so bad it's good" books... I was wrong. It’s pretty shit. Actually it’s quite painful to read. BUT… I’m going to defend it... well a bit.

A lot of people have written how the book encourages abusive relationships because Christian admits he likes to control everything Ana does and even says he likes to hurt her. Well, I have to admit, barely a few pages in and I wanted to seriously hurt her and her bloody inner goddess too.

But calling it the end of feminism is going a bit far. Hello, it's a Dominant Submissive relationship… control and pain is what BDSM is all about. Consenting adults are allowed to have sex however they want and yes, some have fantasies involving inflicting pain and others receiving pain. A huge chunk of Feminism is about women having the right to sexual freedom and if a woman chooses to enter in to a relationship with full knowledge that it’s gonna be full of kinky shit then power to her.

As far as full knowledge goes, a contract with negotiable limits clearly defined certainly checks that box. If she doesn't want to leave that relationship (as she is encouraged to do), despite not liking part of it because "she'll miss him" and believes she can change him, that's not proof it's anti-feminist, it's proof the female protagonist is a horny dickhead.

BDSM is nothing new and has graced (or disgraced, depending on how you feel about it) the pages of thousands of erotic novels and novellas, I don’t understand why all the fuss is being made now and never before, particularly when this one pales in comparison to some I've read. Perhaps because this one claims to have more of a storyline and is not just sex, sex, sex? From the reviews out there all I can guess is that a lot of people are having trouble differentiating between a Dominant and a misogynist prick. Christian happens to be both but they’re not necessarily mutually exclusive.

Swathes of reviews mention that it's entirely unbelievable. Ummm, yeah, it started as Twilight fan fiction. You know, VAMPIRES. What did you expect? I don't see anyone banging on about that shit being unbelievable and yet the main characters are mythical creatures. That aside, this is no less believable than any of the shite “romance” novels out there. Girl falls for boy, he wants sex, she wants love, tries to change him, yaddah yaddah yaddah. The only difference is that there happens to be a couple of whips and chains thrown in.

If your problem is that the characters are insanely attractive then how about you show me a movie or TV show where they aren’t? No, really, show me. Don’t point out Shallow Hal because that movie used skinny, beautiful Gwyneth Paltrow in an attempt to make the point that skinny and beautiful aren’t important.

If your issue is that Ana goes from inexperienced virgin to insatiable, multiple orgasming, sex machine in a matter of pages you won't be alone. But show me a Hollywood sex scene that portrays sex, particularly fist time sex, realistically and you may have a point. 

So, should you read it? If you like good books with proper storylines and character development I’d steer clear. But if you can handle reading the thoughts of a chick who quite obviously needs to see a doctor about her serious vascular condition and has a penchant for rolling her eyes, biting her lip and "hitching" her breath on every. single. fucking. page, then go for it.

It might perk up your sex life, it might give you a laugh, or it might make you want to poke your eyes out with a swizzle stick. Or, like me, a bizarre combination of all three. It’s free from the library and only $10 from the shops. With the amount that have sold worldwide, maybe the author can pay for some writing lessons and a much needed fucking thesaurus. 

As I said, it’s incredibly painful to read… but since it’s about BDSM maybe that’s the point?

Have you read it? What did you think?