Thursday, August 8, 2013

You know you're full term when...

Yes, I am still pregnant, thanks for asking.

No, it's not the longest gestation ever, and you implying that it is really starting to get on my nerves. It lost it's comedic charm about two weeks of sleepless nights ago.

The person who has asked me the most is, I believe, rather surprising. My Dad.

"Any movement at the station?" he says. Every. Fucking. Day.

Err, considering you're the one who is going to be looking after Tricky, you're the first person who is going to know when said movement occurs, trust me!

But rather than just whinge all day (whoops, too late), I've decided to just write down a list of ways you know you're full term. And for the uninitiated, full term is anywhere between 37 and 42 weeks. A massive 5 week window of "any time in here" with the official due date smack bang in the middle. Which, for a control freak who hates surprises, is really annoying.

So you know you're full term when:
  • You are getting so little sleep that you're sure you'll get more with a newborn
  • You pee at least five times a night, and during the day you need to go every seven and a half minutes
  • On the way back from the toilet you seriously consider turning back and going again already, just to save time
  • Rolling over in bed requires a system of levers and pulleys
  • You can tell people how pregnant you are not just by week and day, but by countdown to your due date... in nanoseconds
  • You spend half your dedicated online time researching how effective nipple stimulation is as an induction technique
  • You comment on each of your husband's lovingly prepared dinners with "It's nice, but you could have put more chili in it..."
  • Bouncing on a fit ball is your natural state
  • The only thing you drink is raspberry leaf tea
  • One Born Every Minute is on repeat on your TV
  • Rubbing clary sage massage oil in to your belly and whispering "Come on, baby" becomes common place
  • With every twinge you stop and wonder if this is it
  • You need to restock your birth bag because you ate all the mini Mars Bars already
  • You use every single piece of mapping software ever developed to compare routes to the Birth Centre at different times of day
  • You feel like slapping everyone who asks if you've had the baby yet
How did you know you're "full term"?

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