OH! If only we knew then what we know now. Hello 40+6 and still a-cookin'.
The photographer, Michelle at Dainty Stills, asked what type of shoot I would like.
"Nothing too cutesie. I don't want to be holding booties. Nothing too butch though, either. I don't want to be holding a rifle or anything." So basically my brief to her was nothing that could land me on the pages of awkwardfamilyphotos.com. Something plain and simple.
I just wanted a record of what I looked like pregnant because I don't plan on being up the duff ever again. But if that record could have nice lighting and a backdrop that doesn't include my wardrobe or the edge of a toilet seat like my selfies do, then that would be tops.
Aunty Penny was meant to bring her white shirt for me to wear but she forgot. I told her not to worry about it, that I had one of Map Guy's and I would just do my best to rock the whole mens shirt look instead. But that wasn't good enough for Aunty Penny so she dropped in to the shops on the way there and bought me a shirt! We pretended she was my stylist and I was the model which of course meant we left the tags on and returned the shirt after the shoot. I think that means I'm going to fashion hell.
I spent half the time pushing my belly forward to look rounder because it was morning and my bump was one of those small in the morning, massive in the afternoon ones. My core muscles and posture would give out by around lunch time and all of a sudden I'd look a hell of a lot more pregnant than I did a few hours earlier. I certainly don't have to do that now. Now it is just ALL BELLEH, ALL THE TIME. With a waddle to match. Like a big ol' pregnant duck. Quack.
|Note the pristine white shirt, worn for 4 minutes then returned.|
Despite Michelle being awesome with him and really used to working with kids, no amount of sweet talking was working. He was having a shy day and didn't want anything to do with it.
"You can bring the truck with you. I'm sure a truck would look OK in the photo." -No.
"You can sit on Mum's lap." -No.
"You don't have to smile. You could just give Mum a cuddle." -No.
"You don't have to even look at the camera. Maybe just give Bobbin a kiss?" -No.
I decided to pull out the big guns.
"I'll take you to McDonald's after for a burger!" -Still no. Shit. We resigned ourselves to the fact that this would be a solo photoshoot.
It wasn't until right at the end, after Michelle had put down the camera (of course!) that he ran in, without any warning, and started kissing my belly. Frantically Michelle is lunging for the camera, I'm trying to get him to do it again, Aunty Penny is calling out encouragement, saying what a good boy he is, and he is moving around constantly like a fart in a bottle while Michelle is snapping away hoping for the best.
I am so, so pleased that we got a few that were usable. And I even really like that I'm cracking up laughing in the one on the right - where it kinda looks like I won't let him go because, err, I wouldn't let him go. True to form, after about thirty seconds he ran off and refused to come back. Then started asking for his burger.
Next stop, our first family of four shoot... when Bobbin finally decides to arrive!
Did you get maternity photos taken?