I couldn't vlog so I redesigned my blog instead

Oh well looky here. Bit of a nip, bit of a tuck. What do we think?

I've been looking in to blog redesign for a few months now. I asked around, got some recommendations, some prices and even flirted with the idea of moving to Wordpress for all of three minutes (before freaking out because everyone keeps getting hacked) then ran back to my precious Blogger platform to stroke it like a kitten. "It's OK baby, mama won't leave you. I love you."

After all that research, tonight I sat down, slightly despondent that The Weekend Whine had to be postponed for yet another week (because I'm not well and still don't have a voice) and with a "fuck it, I did the first one myself and it wasn't entirely terrible" attitude, created this.

I've said so long to my little stork. Farewell to the little baby. Auf wiedersehen to the light blue background with squiggly swirls. And goodbye to the baby spew tag line since, you know, there is no baby spew these days.

Bye bye, bloggy baby

Yes, there's still a lot of blue. I like blue. And green. My mother always said "blue and green should never be seen" and I'm going to go against that because, well, because I can.

But I gave you BLACK writing on a WHITE background so there will be no more grumbling that my blog isn't white enough mmkay?!

I gave myself a Facebook page makeover and new button too! You want one? It's over in my side bar, just waiting for you to take it home and make it yours. Just remember, a Glow Button isn't just for Christmas, it's for life. Or until you update your sidebar. Whichever comes first.

There's still a few bugs about the place - there is a weird floating invalid app thingy happening on the front page and a bizarre colour change thing going on that I can't fix and will need to pay someone to do for me. But hey, it's not too bad, it's still a work in progress and it only took me a few hours.

Thanks to those who threw words at me the other week when I asked what the first thing that popped in to your head when you thought of me or this blog. Because of you, words like 'eyebrows' and 'hairtastic' are now plastered all over the place for all to see. Just as they should be.

Whatcha reckon? Has my blog grown up?

This one time, I went to Sydney just to go to a party

It would appear that I'm making a little habit of whirlwind trips to other states. This weekend I threw off the confines of the SAHM title and partied like it was 1999. Well, actually, more like it was 2000 because I was 17 for all but two weeks of 1999 and sure as shit someone will send me an email saying I'm a terrible role model encouraging underage drinking if I don't spell out exactly what I mean.

My partner in crime (which is JUST A SAYING) was the inimitable Real Jive Turkey. The Jive and I had never traveled together before and I wasn't sure what to expect. It was suggested I vajazzle my vajayjay as one must be prepared for everything, including body cavity searches by airport officials, but I stopped short and just threw a handful of glitter at my crotch instead.

The red-eye flight over was uneventful, that is unless, of course, you consider inhaling other people's farts, singing along to our respective iPods and a dismal attempt to vlog at 35,000 feet to be a highlight.

We touched down in Sydney at 6am, having not slept, and decided, since we couldn't check in yet, to hit the ground running and do all the standard cliche touristy things like eat McDonalds for breakfast, take photos of a bridge and a building we'd both seen many times before and sit in Starbucks charging our phones like wankers.

Starbucks, nuts (!!!) and ironing RJT's shirt using a GHD - highlights in anyone's book

The delightful Mrs Woog offered to leave a key out at her house for us to go and crash but I became so overwhelmed with which room I would snoop through first I felt strange to visit someone's house for the first time when they weren't even home, so we declined. This was a huge mistake and the dark rings under my eyes grew two shades darker in protest. Though apparently if I say they grew fifty shades of grey darker all the mums reading this will spontaneously orgasm.

I hit the wall at about 11am, having been awake for 27 hours, and decided that a giant can of carbonated caffeine and paying someone to rub my body would be the only way forward. I sat in the massage chair at a place called Unwind in Erskine Street and had THE BEST massage of my life. I had to restrain myself from groaning in pleasure as she pummeled my muscles in to submission and when she was finished I felt like I should kneel down and worship her. I didn't because it would mean getting down and getting back up again and, really, who has time for that when free drinks are waiting for you?

We pressed on to Bungalow 8 for a fab, slightly liquid lunch with some Bloggy friends. The Jive's list of female blogger friends has just increased ten fold because despite the fact that the conversation veered towards vaginas for a while, he appreciates how dedicated we are at pretending we don't have kids and getting drunk partying.

Liz, Zoey, Kristie, Rah, Me, JJ, Fi, Salz, Alyce, Nicole, Denyse, The Jive, Lily & Cassie

We couldn't keep our eyes open any longer we headed to our "hotel" at the official check in time. I was in charge of booking the hotel and it's safe to say that that responsibility will never land in my lap again as it became glaringly obvious I had booked us in to a dingy backpackers with convent-like rooms. The shower screen was broken, the shower head was broken, the windows didn't close (and it was FREEZING) and the beds were actually lumps of concrete covered in a blanket so thin I've seen layers of dust that have been thicker. But it was clean, it was cheap and it was central.

I closed my eyes and laid there, in the cold, trying to will myself to sleep for two hours before I decided it was pointless and that Twitter would be much more interesting than the insides of my own eyelids. I was right. Y'all are very entertaining.

Fast forward through what seemed like hours of serious hair styling from The Jive and we rocked up at the party that we were in town for. StMurphy's 40th. The atmosphere was electric and it was so exciting to meet people I'd been chatting to on Twitter for ages (like McDimples!), a whole bunch of new people that I'm now actively stalking, catch up with my faves Mrs Woog and SawHole, and, of course, give the birthday boy a hug and an awesome (if I do say so myself) card.

Card created using MoonPig.com.au

Mrs Woog started introducing me as one of Australia's best mummy bloggers to all her celeb friends who were there and despite me telling her she was full of shit, she continued. So I did what any self respecting new media junkie would do and let her carry on safe in the knowledge that the darkened room would be enough to camouflage my flushed cheeks and the massive headswell that was occuring.

Celebrity whoring it up (with a super bright nose removing iPhone flash) with StMurphy, Julie Goodwin,
Mrs Woog, Saw Hole, McDimples, Charlotte Dawson, The Jive, Natarsha Belling and Jo Thornley

I managed to embarrass myself by discussing the pros and cons of female urinals with Jo Thornley, complete with actions, and reverted to very similar miming tactics when my voice, which had been failing all day, completely gave up around 1:00am (after over 40 hours awake). A development that left me with the rather unenviable moniker of *ahem* "cock throat" for the rest of the weekend shenanigans.

A sleep in a concrete bed, a walk around The Rocks and a meet up at the pub with some new friends topped off an amazing weekend in Sydney and I was home by 11:00pm on Sunday night. And much like The Jive's luggage, my voice still hasn't returned. But it was so worth it.

Mega Giveaway Winners Announced!

Well you lot certainly like a giveaway!

I had all these plans about running the giveaway, drawing the winners the next day and having your details to the company to send your prize the day after.

In the words of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, big mistake, HUGE!

The entries started pouring in and by the end there were over 700 to go through! To make it as fair as I possibly could, they were judged without seeing the name of the entrant and I had no idea who was who until it was all picked!

I went through them all and the stories you told were amazing. So many of you went the extra mile and wrote little poems which I absolutely adored and there were so many brilliant memories of Women's Weekly cakes, and few hilairous stories to boot.

There were magicians that made you cry, hugely expensive cakes that tasted like crap, toddlers knocking over cakes, biting goats as presents, dancing in the rain and even parties that went ahead after being told no parties!

My absolute favourite entry was this funny poem from Kristie about her 12th birthday party:

When I turned twelve
I thought I was cool
had a party
invited friends from school
We played and squealed
and had so much fun
But I had to do better
showing off to everyone
I climbed the highest tree
in our small backyard
and squealed from the top
made everyone laugh
but then it happened
I lost my grip
and with the speed of light
I started to slip.
My thighs either side
of that great big tree
I slid down the trunk
and I let out a scream
I got to the bottom
my thighs red and rare
a great big bark rash
across my you-know-where
I was bleeding and sore
and could barely walk
but one thing was accomplished
around school they did talk
They whispered and giggled
behind the scenes
of the time I climbed a tree
in a skirt not jeans..

Ouch. I don't know about you, but I'm squeezing my legs together right now.

The other winners are:
Duplo pack - Melissa Puli
McCormick pack - Kristie Tatton
Bosisto's pack - Katie Lintner
Kellogg's & Be Natural pack - Fiona Charlton
Coles vouchers - Trish Taylor, Lela Brown, Lee Jenkins, Kellie Anderson
Smiggle packs - Kellie Blanden, Kez McGugan, Chantel BossyMummy
Tinyme vouchers - Alison Unwin, Kate Young, Melissa Okimoto
Rascal Rumps pack - Shelly Anne
Natural Transition pack - Alyson Bourne
Moonpig voucher - Katrina Hill
Eartopia earrings - Jen Whitehead, Vija Leitis, Heather Coutts
Rosylou Handmade voucher - Julie Nitz
Crafty Mummy pack - Ann Trebeck

You will all be notified in the next few days to obtain postal addresses, and those that already supplied them can keep an eye out on the post for your prize!

Thanks again for entering and for helping me share the competition through social media. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't pinch myself at how lucky I am to be part of this amazing community. And one more soppy thank you, this time for the fabulous birthday messages for Tricky - you all made it an awesome experience.

Health Insurance for the Single Income Family

Image Credit

This is an advertorial written by Choosi

I was asked to write what I know about choosing health insurance... I know absolutely nothing other than I've never been without it and will never be without it if I have anything to do with it. Mine has paid for itself over and over again, especially after a stay in hospital a few years back that would have cost me $35,000.

So since I know nothing, here's what Choosi have to say:

I have some friends who are the only wage-earner in their family who have a hard time understanding what to do for their healthinsurance. It can be hard to provide the right hospital cover and extras cover for themselves and their kids, as a lot of the laws relating to family health insurance are different compared to those where both parents are in employment.

Paying for your family’s health insurance can be tough, especially with the global economy being in its current state. However, it’s possible to try and save money on your policy. You could compare health insurance costs of different insurers to get the best deal possible without paying too much. Websites like Choosi canhelp with comparing different policies.

Single Parent Families

Something else you need to be aware of is the Medicare Levy and income thresholds. Any single parent family which has an annual income of over $168,000 has to pay a 1% Medicare Levy, with those earning more than $194,000 paying 1.25% and 1.5% for those on over $260,000. Thankfully, you save yourself the trouble of having to pay the Medicare Levy if you earn less than $168,000 providing that you have the right amount of health insurance.

As well as being exempt from paying the Medicare Levy if you’re privately insured, you might also be surprised to learn that single parents can receive other benefits from the government. You might be entitled to the Family Tax Benefit, which will make paying for insurance a little bit easier. Also, there’s the Baby Bonus, which you can get if you have a new child. Payments can exceed $5,000, which is handy when trying to save for a rainy day.

You might think that health insurance for parents, especially single ones can be too much to cope with. Thankfully, as some of my friends have found out, with all the benefits they receive and finding the best deals available, they can easily afford to cover themselves and their kids if they felt ill or had an accident. 

Single Income Families

There is help available for single income families as well; Family Tax Benefit Part B is available for families where the primary (or sole) earner has an adjusted taxable income of $150,000 or less per year. An income test is used to work out how much Family Tax Benefit Part B you can get. The maximum rates of Family Tax Benefit Part B as from 1 July 2012 are:

Age of youngest child	Maximum rates of payment
	Each fortnight	Each year
under 5	$144.34	$4117.20
5–18	$100.66	$2978.40

There is an online estimator tool available on the government’s Department of Human Services website which you can use to estimate or compare the Family Tax Benefit you may get, based on your current or proposed income.

The government is also bringing in a Single Income Family supplement which will be available from 1 July 2013 for families with one primary earner whose income is between $68 000 and $150 000. For more details Google the Department of Human Services.

Kickin' it old school - toddler style

Tricky has been going to Jump 'n' Jive for half an hour most weeks for the last school term. It's the exact same thing as Laugh 'n' Learn, Romp 'n' Stomp, Wiggle 'n' Giggle and Dance 'n' Prance. In fact, in order to hold a successful toddler dance program it appears that all you need is alliteration, rhyming and a disproportionate number of apostrophes. Oh, and a Hi5 CD.

Every week I go along and every week I feel like the biggest dick in the world as I jump and/or jive along to the music pretending to be a rocket ship, a robot, a clown or whatever the hell it is this week.

As I fall over my own feet and almost crash in to people pretending to be pirates I look around the room and notice that all the other mums and grandmothers not only know all the dance moves, but all the bloody words to the songs, too. I mean it took me six whole weeks to realize the monster had six dirty ears not six thirty ears. I don't even know what six thirty ears means and yet I could swear that is what the song said.

If the class was split by skill level then then I'd be put in a group by myself. Maybe they'd put the nanna who has emphysema and can't shake her groove thing without knocking some kid out cold with her oxygen cylinder with me. You know, to bring down their liability insurance.

Now don't get me wrong, I can sing along to and do all the actions of the Flippy Floppy Scarecrow like nobody's business. Ditto for Miss Munchausens Miss Polly and the rest of the old school songs. But as soon as The Wiggles or Hi5 come on I'm lost and find myself muttering 'kids today' under my breath. I can't even have Hi5 on in the house without thinking that someone spiked the channel 9 water cooler with crack.

So Tricky and I prefer to kick it old school with our nursery rhymes. Plus some of our toys. Yes, I know, I know, it looks like I shoved a toaster on my kid's head but I promise you I didn't. He bloody loves his robot hat, and, just quietly, he does the best robot dance you've ever seen... along to a Hi5 song!

Are you old school with your kids? You know, when you put the iPad down?