Letter to Bobbin - ten years old

Happy Double Digits, Bobbin! You are TEN. A decade. 3,652 days old.

Smalls, I can't begin to describe what an amazing human you are. Your dry sense of humour cracks me up all the time, and it is very hard to keep a straight face if you've done something you weren't meant to and you come out with an on point, one line zinger. You balance caring, compassion, sass and fierceness. You are strong mentally and physically, and I often wonder how I got so lucky to have this badass, bird-flipping firecracker in my life.

You took up Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu this year on top of your usual Mixed Martial Arts, and you've really taken to it, learning all these new moves. You entered your first BJJ competition last weekend. I wasn't sure what the look on your face was because it seemed to me you were bored or didn't want to be there. Turns out, that was your game face, trying to psych out the other competitors into thinking you weren't going to try, because the second the match started you were ON. I told Dad about it and he said "Oh yeah, didn't you hear what she said as she walked on? No mercy".

You won each of your three matches by submission in the 7-10yo mixed category - and each with an arm-bar, your absolute fave to bring in when you see the opportunity. You were racking up points, and I won't lie, I didn't understand them very well. No one managed to score any points against you, and you won your first round in 23 seconds - which freaked me out because I thought it ended because you'd accidentally hurt your opponent. Nope. She was fine. You managed to see that arm bar opening early and she couldn't move, so she tapped out. You were thrilled to get the gold medal and stand on the podium.

Another martial arts thing you started is Leadership. You have been hanging out to be old enough to join! You are learning how to be an instructor and each week you are the assistant in the Ninja Ru program for three and four year olds. You were nervous to begin with, though you're really starting to get the hang of it now. Hearing you use strengths based language and using modelling and praise of attitude and effort to get these tiny tots to follow along shows such maturity and spirit. 

You started cello this year! We were so excited to hear you got accepted into the music program as the rest of us all play an instrument - but you're our first string instrument (I don't really count the one year I played cello because I was terrible at it). It was hard to get you to not play when you didn't know how to adjust the bow properly, and a string did manage to get snapped as you 'discovered' how to tune it. It just shows how eager you are to do everything. When you're focused, it's like a laser, and you can be there forever. You have put in SO much effort and practice a lot, producing a really lovely tone. You even got an A on your first report card! A testament to all your efforts.

A big hair cut was a change of pace for you. It started with wanting a super blunt fringe which you were so happy about, and then, after years of saying you wanted hair as long as possible and it getting all the way down to your hips, you wanted it above your shoulders. And you wanted it done NOW. You had to be patient for a few days before we could get there, but when we did you sat there, told the lady how short you wanted it, and closed your eyes to stop the few tears that were forming from rolling down your cheeks. She cut it below your shoulders to start, you opened your eyes, smiled, and said "shorter". You LOVE it. And you've asked to go shorter still - which is tricky because it still needs to be out of the way for sport, so we're looking at clips and different styles so you can get it cut shorter soon. The short hair accentuated your changing face, and you look all grown up all of a sudden. You're not a little kid anymore, babes.

The intuitiveness and compassion you have towards others is astounding. You wrote me a vision board on neon pink, heart shaped post it notes because you thought you could be a good mental health worker. You would be, actually. You accept everyone for who they are and strive to understand the people around you. You invited me into your office (the play room) and said you'd put lots of thought into this and I should quit my job because it was making me stressed. It also said I should eat more chocolate. And give you chocolate. So I've done all three. Because you are right. Life has been really hard for us as a family these past two years, and you helped me realise I wasn't prioritizing us. 

We celebrated my new found freedom (unemployment?) and took time to reconnect by staying at a hotel overnight - a girls mini staycay! I got you GOOD! You had NO IDEA. I took you around part of the city and showed you where Dad and I got married, and said "let's go inside and see if we can find the things from my wedding photos". You were a bit nervous, thinking we were breaking the rules... but you listened intently and recreated a photo of Dad at the hotel. I'd given you a special code to crack that would leave you with a three digit number and told you to find the door with that number. You found it, and whaddyaknow the key unlocked the door. We went inside and you said maybe we could stay for a few hours and relax? I invited you to look around; you saw the massive bath and said "I'm totally getting in there!" then you ran and jumped on the bed. When you looked in the cupboard and found your suitcase that I'd dropped off earlier, your face was priceless. So THAT'S where your missing pink bag went! Do you know how hard it is to keep a secret from you and squirrel away your belongings without you noticing? It was impossible! I had to lie to your face saying maybe you'd put it in the dress up box. We had a gorgeous time galivanting around the city, dressing in pink to see The Barbie Movie, meeting a friend for coffee, having the biggest bubble bath around, ordering room service, staying up late, and meeting up with Nanna and Pop for lunch. It was brilliant making memories with you, Babycakes, and I loved reconnecting with you.

You are still utterly obsessed with art and will happily spend hours hyperfixated on all things crafty. Whether it's creating polymer earrings, colouring in, painting, hydrodipping, digital art on procreate, or sculpting with clay, you want to be doing it at all times. You have filmed yourself, pretending to be a TV presenter or YouTuber, giving step by step instructions for others to follow. You get so into it you even forget to eat sometimes.

You have dealt with some grief these past twelve months with the deaths of two great grandparents with trips to Albany for their funerals, plus the death of my friend, who you'd met a few times on picnics and shopping trips. Each time you have written a beautiful goodbye letter for them saying you loved them and thanking them for being in your life. It has been beautiful and heartbreaking to watch you process grief for people that you weren't particularly close to, but meant something to you. Hearing you ask questions about death and life, meaning and connection, is astounding. I remember saying you were a brand new soul when you were little because you never stopped, you wanted to know everything and asked so many interesting questions. It seems like you're trying to learn the secrets of the universe - I think I'm the wrong person to ask.

Upside down or rolling around continues to be your default mode. You have so much energy and unless you're in art mode (or binge watching the same TV series over and over again on screen day mode), you never sit still. Nanna calls you a fart in a bottle. 

It's not been the best year for you at school, and you've been extremely bored, coming home covered in texta and pen up and down your legs. You tell me you do it there because it's mostly hidden and you don't get in trouble that way. That spicy brain of yours needs stimulating and if you aren't interested you just drift off into your own world. It frustrates you a lot, and you sometimes say your brain is broken. I wish you could see how brilliant it actually is. You've developed a great number of skills and techniques to help all by yourself and it really impressed me. You will turn anything into a fidget, and turn everything into art to keep your brain focused. You've come up with all these systems and structures to help with the areas you struggle in, and I'm just amazed. The things you do like about school this year are cello and art (and now your new classroom teacher that you've had for a week). You come home talking about art class and how much you love it, how you wish it was every day, and how great your teacher is - she thinks you're pretty special, too. I wouldn't be surprised if you followed in her footsteps and combined your love of art and teaching.

Pain is a major issue for you, and we're working with your specialist to find the right balance of medication and activity for you. It's tricky because you are SO competitive and sporty, but your body falls apart and you end up paying for it. We're working on listening to your body and stopping before it gets too bad... and it's a work in progress. You won the interschool throwing competition last year after breaking the school record, and this year you've been really disappointed in yourself for not being able to throw as far due to your shoulder subluxing. Your 'wings' pop out on demand, but also sometimes when they're not meant to, and combined with a default mode of 'push as hard as you can' this means trouble. We'll continue to work on it together, Babycakes. You went on an amazing camp for kids with chronic pain - away for seven days and loved it all with not a hint of homesickness. You made some great friends who get what it's like to have a body that doesn't always do what you want it to do.

You are ten going on sixteen, my strong, determined, tenacious, fierce one. You're determined to start your dog walking business this year (because I've been saying no for two years now), and I have visions of you spending all the money on Squishmallows and slime. It's a tricky time with a teenage sibling, and your own world expanding into tween-hood and discovering who you are. You still absolutely must do our special kiss when we're separating (I kiss your left palm then right palm, you kiss my left palm then right palm, we rub noses, kiss and cuddle), and I can see you're starting to not want to do it in front of others, feeling it is too baby-ish. But I know you'll get through these hard years of change ahead and focus on the connection and joy around you. As you say, you've got this, girlfraaaand.

I love you.

Mum x

Letter to Bobbin - nine years old

Happy Birthday Bobbin!

Another year around the sun, and another year of being a super cool kid.

It's hard not to lead with the coolest brag ever: you managed to become the youngest Black Belt our dojo has ever had at the age of 8. You absolutely nailed the grading; you were SO ready. I was anxious watching your katas because in the mock grading you got a bit nervous and you forgot some of the moves (that you could usually do in your sleep!). The Shihan reminded you that it's not about getting everything perfect, it's about how you recover from a mistake - funny that I can say it and it doesn't count but when the dojo crew say it, it does! Doesn't matter which way the message gets in, it helped take some pressure off, and on the grading day you sailed through the katas.

Your pushups were on point and your sparring was an absolute joy to watch. You dominated against people older than you, but the moment I was most proud of was when you pulled back a bit. A boy your age who was going for his brown belt was a bit intimidated by you; you advanced and connected some great shots, and it was a bit much for him and he cried and wanted to stop. You downshifted your momentum, made sure you didn't connect any more head shots, and moved to be more defensive than offensive, giving him an opportunity to rise. I was lucky enough to be filming you when it happened and I've rewatched it so many times - both to see how focused and determined you were in the first half of your bout with him, and to watch that gentle shift and see your compassion shine through in the second half. 

You even came away with two nominations for gradee of the day, which for a tiny little eight year old is impressive! Well, it's impressive to your mum at least. After over two hours of hardcore grading you went to a trampoline centre for a party and then spent the afternoon playing... your energy level is mindblowing.

You've always had a wicked sense of humour but your wit has developed so much in the past twelve months. I am forever laughing at the funny things you say; always using a biting wit with a touch of sarcasm to get your point across. Some of your one liners are so fast that it won't be long before I won't be able to keep up. The other day I said "Wow, what did I do to get such an awesome kid?" and you raised an eyebrow and said, dryly, "You had sex." I nearly keeled over laughing so hard.

Upside down continues to be your natural go-to position to be in. Handstands and bendbacks galore, and since you perfected your splits you usually do some combination of all of them with a flourish at the end. You're such a performer, singing and making up dances with your friends (or just in front of the mirror- half your time is in front of the mirror). I know you're getting a microphone from a friend this weekend, and I cannot wait to see you light up when you unwrap it. You're having a Dance Party that goes until 10pm and I can't decide whether I'm a cool mum or an idiot for doing it! You've asked for a Party Llama cake and have helped me create the Llamas party hat, and want to have a go at doing some of the icing. I'm so excited for you to give it a whirl.

You've been filming yourself creating all sorts of things, pretending you've got a YouTube channel. Sometimes it's you teaching people how to make different shapes with magic sand, or your own cooking show, or dance academy. The commentary is absolute gold to listen to. Recently you spent a weekend in Albany and used the GoPro to film yourself on the bike track with full commentary including a "oh crap, yeah careful on that corner, nearly fell off there". You have a passion to share knowledge and whilst you still talk about becoming a police officer, teacher is now firmly up there when you're asked what you'd like to be when you grow up.

I received the most amazing feedback from one of your teachers. She approached me to say you were an amazing human, wise beyond your years and a fantastic role model to your peers. She said you are the instigator of brilliant conversations and have educated your classmates about the LGBTQIA+ community. She said you inspired her. I was so blown away. I've always thought you were sensational, but I'll admit I'm biased so it was genuinely lovely to hear such glowing feedback. Your strength as an ally and advocate to your sibling makes me ridiculously proud. So much compassion and kindness in a tiny little package.

You helped create a placard and marched alongside Tricky and I to fight for LGBTQIA+ rights earlier this year. It wasn't your first protest, and I'm sure it won't be your last. You've created signs and posters to hang around the house and an 'all genders welcome' sign that you've proudly hung on the front door. It's fitting that your birthday falls on Wear It Purple Day this year! You make everyone feel welcome and that Social Justice streak in you is mighty strong.

Alfie is never far from your sight and you continue to smother him in cuddles at every possible moment. He still lets you dress him up and play, and even snuggles on your lap for a "bottle" (a spray bottle that he loves to drink from) that makes you melt. A few reminders to leave him be are needed because we all need personal space, even The Floof. You're desperate to grow up so you can walk neighbourhood dogs and even dog sit... maybe start by walking your own dog more often though, babes?

You continue to amaze me at all times. You never, ever stop, and are bouncing off the walls, cracking your knuckles constantly, talking a mile a minute, and can never sit still. That brain of yours works super fast and it's both beautiful and chaotic at the same time. You're an intriguing mix of confidence and reluctance, smart and silly, competitive and compassionate, strong and vulnerable. You're a beautiful imperfect whirlwind and I love you just the way you are.

Have a brilliant year, babycakes, it's double digits next time.

Love Mum x

Letter to Bobbin - eight years old

Hey Smalls,

It's your birthday! EIGHT YEARS OLD! How did that happen? In my mind you're about four years old, and when I look at you I honestly don't know where the years have gone.

You continue to be ridiculously independent and love to do everything yourself. You like making snacks for yourself and for Tricky and his friends when they come over; you're a great little host. Your favourite thing to eat right now is two minute noodles, and even though you are a bit scared of using the stove after a little burn on your arm, you use really long tongs and stand a bit further back. I can see how proud you are of pushing through that fear of being burned again.

This morning you woke up and the first thing you did was run to Alfie. Yep, we got a new dog. After the pain of losing Sprocket last January, we surprised you and Tricky with a puppy in April that you had already named Alfie. You had already created a bed, too. You'd already done everything, actually, in preparation for a dog that you didn't know about. It was love at first sight. You squealed and later even cried because you were so overwhelmed with happiness. You and Tricks immediately introduced him to Sprocket's portrait and ashes, and you're both very careful to say that he's your favourite living dog, or favourite Groodle, to honour that Sprocket still has a huge place in your heart. In fact, you still bring flowers to a little shrine you created, and a few nights ago I found you sleeping with his ashes wrapped up in a furry jacket, secured with his collar. He's still so much a part of your life, and I love that.

Alfie is very patient with you (most of the time) as you dress him up in outfits and tiaras, play vets and groomers, and constantly pick him up and snuggle him. He's an excellent snuggler and you love it when he's on your bed, curled up with you. You asked for a wedding outfits for both of you so you could get married, and baby girl I delivered. A white fluffy dress for you, and a prince outfit for him, complete with crown. So now you're planning a wedding.

You absolutely nailed your brown belt grading! You powered through the katas and your sparring was excellent, I was so proud. But what made me even prouder was the way you were with Tricky, who attempted his black belt grading on the day but didn't get to finish. You were a gracious winner, and whilst we all still celebrated you with a special dinner, you didn't rub it in, and were always checking that he was OK, knowing it would be hard for him. The maturity you showed was astounding.

You're now only a few months away from going in to black belt prep classes! It will be interesting to see if you can keep up with pushup requirements for black belt because of the way your muscles and joints are. I have no doubt of your sparring, and when you remember to practice you can get the katas, but the fatigue that sets in with your bendy body will be a challenge for you. So you might be a black belt this time next year, we'll have to wait and see!

You've recently started tennis lessons on a Saturday morning and are loving it. Though you do appear to enjoy going around and picking up all the balls more than hitting them. You use the racquet to see how many you can do at once, a competition of sorts, and end up with so many you can only shuffle forwards without spilling them.

I'm surprised you didn't pick dance as your second sport. You are always singing and dancing at every opportunity. You make up songs and medleys and sing, sing, sing as much as you can. You spin and twirl around the place in leotards or fancy dress whenever you get the chance. Sometimes you'll be out the front on rollerblades and wearing a tutu, making up a song and dance routine on the neighbour's driveway. There's always time for a performance with you.

You are super creative and the craft trolley is always out while you create all sorts of lovely drawings and art work. Your favourite thing to do is to make personalised cards for people; your current teacher, your pre primary teacher, the neighbours, friends, me, Nanna and Pop... the list goes on. There's always a card or letter being written. You love playing teachers, too. You get out the whiteboard and line up your teddies to teach them. I even heard you recording in funny voices of your teddies saying "Good afternoon Miss Bobbin" so that you could have a more authentic classroom. You still want to be a police officer, but a teacher, a mum and a dog walker have made your list now.

Your Lego skills have shot up sharply these past twelve months, and you've started creating your own pieces; some from instructions that you find then modify, and some that you make up yourself. I'm so impressed with your NPU - nice part useage in Lego Speak. You love creating dioramas and, ofcourse, they always have dogs in them. You got a doggy daycare lego set today from your Albany Nanna and Pop and you flipped!

You have adjusted well to not having me around as much as I'm studying and working six days a week this year. It's tough on you when I'm not home to tuck you in to bed, but luckily two nights that I work you're allowed to stay up a bit later for mum cuddles in bed while we watch cute dog videos on Instagram together. I do love our cuddles, and our special not so secret handshake/kiss when I'm leaving or dropping you at school: I put a kiss in each of your hands to take with you, you do the same to me, then we touch noses, a kiss, and a hug. If I'm dropping you at school you then say "see you in the window" and you go to the front passenger window and make a loveheart with your hands, kiss your hands and then blow little thumb and finger hearts to me. It's been our routine for years, slowly having more bits added, and the heart hands are brand new this year. I have visions of it being ten minutes long by the end of primary school!

You are such a joy to be around, my girl. You're fabulous, funny, smart, creative, adventurous and sporty. You are exhausting in the best possible way. Keep planning your mammoth yes day that has been postponed yet again, and hopefully we'll get it and your birthday party organised and done soon.

Love you, cupcake.

Mum x

Letter to Tricky - eleven years old

Hey Bigs,

Happy birthday, my gorgeous kiddo.

What a year, hey? I wasn't sure if I was going to write this letter or if I was closing it off after ten years, but here I am. I think this might be it though? Rounding out your last year of primary school with your last letter? Who knows? It will be a hard tradition to give up because I love reading the old ones before writing the new one; adding another chapter to the book of you.

You've been a very independent kid for a few years now; roaming the streets on your bike, getting to and from school yourself a few days a week, and so forth, but the last six months in particular, you've increased this and taken on responsibility of taking Bobbin to and from school a few days a week, while I'm studying. It's been mostly good because, well, you're siblings, and sometimes you ride too fast for her!

I love the little messages you send me from your watch or Messenger Kids. Sometimes we'll talk in just silly emojis, but most of the time you're saying how you love me and think I'm an awesome mum. It makes me feel so good that you think so highly of me. I think the absolute world of you and your poo emojis.

Your black belt grading was rather contentious. You were runner up gradee of the day for your brown, and we knew you could kick butt for your black. You were super nervous though and didn't have that same energy from the last time. But you still did OK, or at least we thought so, until they sat you down. We were all so confused. We couldn't understand why you were being sat down when you were doing OK, and doing better than some others who were still going. I had heaps of video footage and even showing your instructors they did not understand why you'd been sat down. 

It was really hard for you, and the half dozen or so other kids that were also sat down. Your sister graded to brown that day and you did a bloody marvellous job of still celebrating her even though the wind had been knocked out of your sails. There was celebratory dinners booked, and I was so impressed with how you were able to balance your feelings.

All the kids that were sat down were from our dojo, and being graded by another dojo... that seem to be not on the greatest of terms. A bit sus. Even the organisers thought it was an unfair decision and instead of making you wait three months to try again as is the norm, you all were allowed to try again during that week. That's unheard of.

You felt really sick on the day; I thought it was just nerves and sent you along, even though I'd been a bit sick and wasn't well enough to come watch, I still thought it was nerves for you! You did a massive spew during your grading and that's not unheard of so we STILL didn't think it was sickness. But when you were sick as a dog for the next two days we realised you'd just done your black belt grading with gastro. Unbelievable! My ten year old black belt.

You've also started doing the leadership class at the dojo. You were asked to join years ago when they didn't know how old you were, because you would be focused and follow the class really well and they hoped you'd be able to guide others... but you were too young! We forgot about it a bit and then a few months ago we realised that hey, you're old enough now, and finally you stepped in. It's still new for you but you're getting the hang of being an assistant instructor. You like to help the orange and blue belts with their katas the most, and you're getting better at projecting your voice to award badges.

Grade six is an interesting year. You like your teacher, though you miss your teacher from last year terribly. You've got a nice group of friends and when you all get together it's fabulous, fun, and loud. Things are progressing and we're sending off high school applications! You were encouraged to apply for the GATE music school but decided you wanted to go where your friends were going, and since change is really hard for you, I think you made a great decision.

You're still loving trumpet, and we all swelled with pride hearing you sound The Last Post at dawn on Anzac Day on the driveway (those Covid hiccoughs have mostly gone away for our state, but there are a few here and there, and we were all in lockdown over that long weekend). You are still teaching yourself more and more songs on the piano, and have started creating music electronically, too. You have such a gift for hearing something and then playing it! Getting you to practice is not always easy though, mister.

In the last school holidays we got a new furry family member, Alfie. I surprised you with him and though you loved him instantly, it did take a while for you to adjust to having a puppy in the house. You are very protective of Sprocket's memory, and within about 20 minutes of having him home, you and Bobbin introduced him to Sprocky's portrait and ashes, telling tales of his "big brother". You are very cautious to say "best dog right now" not "best dog ever" because you worry about hurting Sprocket's feelings. When Alfie laid in the same spot in the garden that Sprocket loved, you asked me if maybe Sprocket's spirit was there? That maybe Alfie could feel it and was drawn to that spot because of it. I love how your brain is working and you're figuring out your own spiritual path.

You've dropped Muay Thai and taken up skateboarding instead. You spent your own money on a cool board and have been going to a nearby club to learn a few tricks. You were very timid and wouldn't drop in at the skate park; you would stand near the edge for ages, contemplating, weighing up the pros and cons, and then you'd step down, really annoyed with yourself. But after your second lesson you shouted "Hey, mum, watch me drop in" and suddenly you can drop in and do all sorts of things. You don't like some of the tricks though because you watched one kid break their board attempting it and you're convinced the same would happen to yours, so you just flat out refuse to give it a go. Not chancing a broken board that you worked so hard to save for.

You are still obsessed with games and aren't very happy with me that you're only allowed to play them twice a week. What can I say? I'm anti-screen. But you get online and play and chat with your friends; I love that you can use it to connect with the boys from your old school, and the bond you have with them is so strong.

We are still discovering how amazing your brain is and I can't wait to see what's next. You have some challenges ahead of you in the next six to twelve months, my gorgeous boy, but I promise I will be right here, helping you, advocating for you, pushing you along when you need it, and being your soft place to land when you fall.

I love you with every fibre of my being. You're my favourite Tricky ever ;)

Mum x

A Vuly Good Backyard Makeover

Hasn’t it been the absolute weirdest year? Like so many people we have been spending more time at home, and even now with restrictions almost completely gone in WA, we are still little homebodies. It’s my socially anxious idea of heaven. Ahhh.

Staying home so much and looking at my tiny little boring, dust bowl of a backyard was a bit depressing though. It was brown and sandy with a few pot plants about the place. A little makeover was necessary.

MG ripped up all the old, very dead grass, injuring his wrist in the process. He plays a full contact sport and injured himself gardening. Top effort, mate. He had to rest it for a few weeks and then compacted the ground and laid some pavers while still in a splint - shh, don’t tell his doctor.

I chipped away old mortar from our back fence with a chisel and hammer, and spent eight hours scrubbing with acid and a wire brush before I re-pointed the fence. I’m extremely thankful for podcasts and YouTube instructional videos! Saving money and sanity one DIY tutorial at a time.

Annoying delays by the company laying the grass were sending me batty (seriously people, measure, don’t eyeball things!) but were all but forgotten though when it was finally time to set up the best trampoline for a small yard. 

She's a beauty!

We were extraordinarily lucky to be gifted a Vuly Ultra trampoline. We chose a small to fit perfectly in our little space. Even though it’s the smallest in the range it’s still big enough for two kids under 10 to play on. I fit on easily, too, able to bounce away with the shade in place since it’s 40cm taller than the nearest competitor. Yes, I jumped on it, why are you laughing? MG being over 6 foot tall hits his head on the shade if he bounces too high, so he’ll have to be a reserved jumper or take off the shade and bounce in the sunshine.

I love that the net has an envelope opening instead of a zipper that could accidentally be left open for someone to tumble through. There’s no calling out “close the flap!” and worrying someone is going to fall off. It’s also a very tight weave, meaning the kids can’t poke their fingers through. Because we all know that the second they put a finger through it becomes a larger hole and within a few days they’ll be seeing if they can fit two fingers and then a tennis ball. No chance of that happening here at all.

The kids haven’t gotten off it since it arrived. When she was absolutely exhausted from bouncing, Bobbin ran inside and reappeared with an armful of toys and a picnic set. Trampoline tea parties are the absolute best. It was a really hot day and the trampoline made the perfect setting with the shade cover over top and the breeze coming through underneath.

Physical fitness is really important for my two. They are both eyeing off new belts in martial arts soon so some extra cardio work is needed to get them through a gruelling 1.5-2 hour grading- bouncing on the trampoline provides a solid workout without the pounding of joints that running can bring. Plus it’s MUCH more fun!

Hearing that a friend has had a Vuly in their yard for eight years that looks almost new makes me think I have many, many years of sending the kids out to play ahead of me. Thank you Vuly!

Vuly Play is a leading designer of outdoor play equipment. From swing sets for kids, to monkey bars and trampolines, trust Vuly when it comes to quality and safety.

For a list of our TOP 5 Games on a Trampoline visit us at Perth School Holidays

Letter to Bobbin - seven years old

Hey there Baby Cakes,

You are waking up to $2 from the tooth fairy and another year older today. In the future when you're looking back, I think the first six months of 2020 will stand out as a pivotal part of your childhood. 

But let's go back a bit first and get a few highlights. You came first in all three of your events in the ISKA tournament, sparring, sword fighting, and sumo. There were only three competitors in each event so it was a round robin style and you won each of your bouts. On paper it makes you state champion yet again, which I will never not find hilarious. You went on to absolutely nail your green belt grading, being one of only a few who knew it all on the day and didn't need the instructors giving hints or demonstrating. You're now up to your last tip on your green and will be heading for coloured tips next - I wonder if you'll be a brown belt for Christmas? Maybe the new year? You might be grading on the mats at the same time as Tricks!

Or maybe you'll take up a new sport? You've been getting in to rollerskating and rollerblading lately, after being gifted the coolest pair of pink sequined rollerskates from our friends. You will be having your first out-of-the-house birthday party at Rollerdrome on the weekend with a few of your friends and you can show off your new Rollerblades then, too.

You attended your first official concert with us as family at the ACDC Highway To Hell Tour extravaganza along Canning Highway. It was proof that bogan pride can in fact be genetically inherited. You. Did. Not. Stop! We joined in on smashing the Guinness World Record for the most air guitarists playing along at once, so don't forget to add that to your trophy cabinet - it's an air trophy so it won't take up much room. As the trucks rolled by with each new act you were on someone’s shoulders singing at the top of your lungs with your horns up, rocking out HARD. You got SO in to it that I could see flashes of your future (it was a bit scary). I thought you might get tired or bored but you did not stop the entire night, and partied all the way home too.

You started year one and it’s been a bit hit and miss. The work is easier because your last teacher saw how much you liked to be challenged and pushed you to go far. This year the assessments for IEPs only happened half way through term two and by then you were already bored and had gone backwards, and then a lil thing called Covid happened. 

We did some awesome homeschool activities, went on mini adventures (before everyone else pulled out of school - so we had Perth to ourselves!), and played a lot. You and your brother came up with the most creative games. A favourite of mine was when your house was the swing set and his was the driveway - he came over, knocked on your door and asked if you'd like to hear about god! I guess you guys overheard me singing Book of Mormon songs.

You really quite liked isolation. You wrote letters to your friends and we delivered them on bikes. You and Tricks made rainbows on the driveway with chalk like every other kid in the world, and then spotted teddies on the 168 walks around the streets we did each week to escape the house. You found great amusement in watching your grandparents learn how to videocall, and of course, the whole Nanna throwing chocolate off her balcony to you shenanigans that I wrote about in Tricky's birthday letter.

There were many other things, but they have all been dwarfed by the death of our beautiful Sprocket. You two were inseparable from the moment he noticed you as a strange new lump of flesh in the house when you were barely 24 hours old. You are driven towards all animals, but Sprocket, although technically a family dog, was yours. You were the last of us to meet him and yet he became yours, and you his.

As his pain grew you would write him endless get well soon cards and shower him in even more attention (if that was even possible). There were a few times in the last 18months that he had been unwell and we thought it might be close, so you and I had many conversations about death and dying.

We all went to the vet to ask how much longer they thought he had, and the vet said if we were thinking of it enough for us to have all gone in together, it usually meant that the time was right. I had said we were just going to talk to the vet and then all of a sudden it was happening in a few hours - I regret it. I feel like I lied to you, even though I genuinely didn't think it was something they would just do. He was in pain, and it was the right thing to do. I'm so sorry.

You used your pocket money to buy a little yellow dog charm for Sprocket and we put it on his collar. It tinkled as he walked and you were so happy to see it there. Your favourite colour, your favourite animal on your favourite pet. We set about creating and cementing in memories in the few hours we had left with our boy. You walked him around slowly as his legs were very sore. You sat and cuddled. You shook hands. You fed him a naughty final meal, his first ever cheeseburger. You laughed. You cried. You would smile and then a sadness would wash over you as you realised these were all 'lasts' and you were about to lose your shadow. Your best friend.

We had spent many hours talking about death in the months leading up to this, so you knew what was happening... yet at the same time, you didn't. You pointed out that it was good we sat where we did because when it was time to go, the car was right there and he wouldn't have far to walk on his sore legs... but he wasn't coming home, my love.

You patted and snuggled him gently as he drifted off to sleep and you told him how much you loved him. When his heart stopped you climbed on top of him, sobbing, leaving tear stains on his fur.

After a while you sat up and started shaking his head, slowly at first then more insistent, as if trying to wake him. You jiggled his legs; checked his eyelids; lifted his face to yours and examined him. When he didn't respond, you climbed back on top of him, wrapping your arms and legs all the way around and would not move.

Dad and Tricks left, and it was you, your Perth Pop and I still there for a while; stroking his soft fur and trying to commit everything about his physicality to memory. After half an hour it was time to go. As long as I live I will never forget how tightly you held on to him. As soon as I'd get one arm off you'd cling back on, not wanting to leave your best friend behind. I had to physically pry you from him as you wailed. With your legs wrapped around my waist and your arms reaching over me for him, you screamed for him as we left the room.

In the car park you had what I can only describe as a panic attack. You were clawing at your throat and gasping that you couldn't breathe. I held on to you and cried with you, sheltering you from some of the comments being made by another person there.  I showed you a photo of Sprocket on my phone and you calmed. In the tiniest voice you sang "Sprocky Sprocky ding ding". It was barely audible. Over and over again you sang it. You didn't say much else other than some yes and no answers; it felt like the only way you could communicate right then, so I just sung it back to you.

You created a shrine with pictures, cards and letters, all saying how much you love him and wish he would come back. Every single craft item you made was a dog. Every game you made up was about dogs. You made him from cardboard and brought him back to life in endless puppet shows. You made him from stacked kick shields and attached his lead. You wore his collar for weeks afterwards, sometimes even on outings, the little yellow dog charm you'd bought him tinkling as you walked. And you kept singing your soft, mournful Sprocky Sprocky ding ding song.

When his ashes arrived home you placed his collar around them and would not let them out of your sight. You fell asleep hugging them many nights and I still find them in your room sometimes. To this day he features in all your art work. You have asked me if you'll ever forget him and I can't imagine you ever will. You have a bond that not even death can break, my love. You carry him in your heart at every moment and I think you always will. Your heart has a dog-shaped hole in it, and you really want it to be filled. One day, baby girl. I promise.

You are smart and sassy, and much more sensitive than you make yourself out to be. You are as loud as can be and go one million miles an hour. You can’t stop talking, can’t sit still, and are distracted by anything and everything, particularly your own reflection! You make the silliest faces and half of our photos of you are so ridiculous it’s fantastic. You astound us daily with your vocabulary and understanding of the world around you. You are strong and resilient in the face of complicated medical issues that cause you to be in pain every day. You are confident and headstrong, kind natured and laugh-out-loud funny. You push all of my buttons and you make the world a better place. Happy seventh birthday, my pocket rocket missy moo.

Love Mum x

P.S. You're probably wearing glasses or contact lenses right now when you're reading this because with your genetics it's practically a given. They're annoying, right? I need you to know you chucked a little tanty the other week when you had an eye test and got 20/20 vision. You have worn fake glasses on and off  for years to do important work and reading, and lately you've been wearing them as much as you can. You were so envious that Tricks was getting some and you weren't!

Letter to Tricky - ten years old

MATE, YOU ARE TEN!

Two whole hands. Though it's been a few years since we've counted in hands, isn't it? You're a tween now and as I look back on photos, it is so hard to believe we have spent an entire DECADE loving you.

The last few months have been very strange. By the time you're reading this you'll probably go "oh yeah, that was the Covid19 year". We isolated early to protect you, your grandparents, and the community. You were sad to leave school as your teacher this year is amazing and has been the first to ever "see" you.

We had three amazing weeks of homeschooling. I genuinely adored it. You became pen pals with your friends down the road, baked, learned all about climate change, did amazing art, AMEB music, and went on socially-distant adventures. You rode your bike, played make believe, read books, did martial arts, and never have I been happier that your Dad and I have strict screen rules. You barely touched a screen (outside of education things like Reading Eggs and Mathletics) the whole time, instead using your marvellous imagination.

Our school holidays were unlike any we've ever had. Instead of going out every day to do an activity, we stayed home. And much to my surprise, you said you like it better. So I am keeping it in mind for next time. After a few more weeks it was time to go back to school... and you didn't want to go. Which was weird because your home teacher was very sweary and a bit shouty and your school teacher (your favourite teacher EVER) is never like that ;) But it was a lot safer now, and, well, after seven weeks with us all crammed together, I was hitting my limit. You and your sister can be annoying as fuck sometimes, either besties or bickering and picking on each other - but that's your job, you're a tween (but seriously, stop picking on your sister).

I hope you remember this strange time fondly. There has been some real shitty moments - being home all the time, in each other's faces has put a strain on everyone, and martial arts online has been VERY hard for you (and me). But there has been so much good. Like secret adventures, camping and bonfires in the backyard, picnics in the park and tying string to a bag and hoisting up presents to your grandparents on their third floor balcony. I really hope you remember Nanna saying she'd throw some chocolate down and us all shouting out no... only for her to do it and it land on the bloody awning below (a nice man got a ladder and rescued it!). 

You have gotten in to body boarding - and it seems like we're at the beach every week now. You used your own money to buy a lime green board, even splurging for quick shipping (are you even my kid?). When you found out one of your besties body boards too, well, it was even more fun then. You are unrecognisable from the kid you were a few years ago. The kid who refused to get water on his face. Who screamed at every hair wash. Now? You're getting in the waves, getting dunked and loving it. A few times you've gotten out of the water and I've asked you "Hey, where did that kid go?" and you positively beam with pride. BEAM.

Your hair is past your shoulders (this week you were proud to have it long enough for a man bun). When people meet you for the first time, most of them call you a girl. "Girls, can you bring your books here" or at Christmas time "Did you want a photo of your girls with Santa?". You've shrugged it off. You and your sister have been raised as feminists and know that gender is displayed in myriad ways, and sometimes people make assumptions.

This time last year I said you were near your brown belt and now you are over half way through and nearing your black belt. You have four tips on your brown and despite this hiccup (the afore mentioned online classes being awful for you), it's likely still on track. Your Muay Thai grading is all over the shop thanks to continual administrative errors, and different people telling us different things – it has thrown you, but as it’s not your main discipline, you’ve been able to move on pretty quickly.

You entered two events in the latest ISKA tournament, coming first in traditional katas (Lull Before The Storm) and second in sparring - it was controversial, quite a few people thought you should have won, but things have fallen in your favour before when it came close to the line and this time it didn't. So we chalked it up as experience and focused on the fact that holy shit, you came second in a field of twelve in your "weakest" area, against a kid who had a good 10kg on you. You nailed that second and deserved your place on that podium.

You were chosen to be a part of the music program at school and selected trumpet, just like your dad. You wanted cello but I didn't want to lug one around - you can do that one later. For Christmas Dad passed his trumpet down to you and it's really cool to have it in the family. I always feel so proud when I hear you play, but dude, I’d love to hear it more. You HAVE to practice, mister! You've taught yourself piano... a friend showed you a piece he'd been learning in his piano classes and you copied him. So, that was, um, interesting. You watch YouTube, learn the pieces you like in a day or two, and commit them to memory. I'm astounded. You have musical genes, but bloody hell, mate.

Your perfectionist tendencies are still there, stronger than ever, and whilst they reflect very positively on your report card (almost straight As except for the C in sport which is hilarious since you're a brown belt), it causes you a great level of anxiety if you mess up. You like things to be right and pick on your sister if she gets things wrong, even though she hasn’t learned what you’ve learned yet. The mantra we say together now is “does it matter?” and you are getting better at thinking whether this grievance actually matters in the moment or if it’s something you can let slide (again, stop fucking picking on your sister - and don't you worry, I say this to her, too). 

Our old boy, Sprocket died in January and it was an incredibly sad time. You were so brave. You patted him and said your goodbyes despite wanting to run away as far and as fast as you could. I was so proud of you for making the choice to stay in the room so he could be surrounded by his favourite people as he took his last breaths. Sprocket was older than you and you didn’t know a world without him in it. You weren’t besties with him like Bobbin, but you loved him, you loved him being around, and you miss him.

I wonder, as you’re looking back on this (are you 18? 19? when you’re reading this?) if you remember your toy giraffe Jeramy (yes, that’s how you spelled it). Jeramy was lost. You were absolutely devastated. You made him years ago at a school holiday bear workshop and had celebrated his birthday every year since. He was the only stuffed toy you ever paid any attention to, and when you realized he was gone we moved heaven and earth to find him. We pulled the house apart. Three times. I emailed local shopping centres and put out the call over Facebook in case anyone had found him. But he couldn’t be found. You wrote him a letter and it was the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever read. You hoped he was safe; on an adventure instead of wet or burned or laying in the dirt somewhere. You apologised just in case you had done something to make him leave. You wrote about how he brought you comfort and held your secrets, and signed off saying you were his dad, that you’d always love him and that you’d never give up hope of finding him. You knew he was a toy and yet he was so much more. We still celebrated his birthday with a cake. It was a bittersweet day. After four months of him being gone you asked for a new soft toy and chose a Zebra, because it was the type of animal to hang out with giraffes. You called him Smartie. He sleeps in your bed and has brought you comfort as you’ve transitioned through these periods of grief and isolation stress.

Your resilience, in light of your struggles astounds me. Getting back up after the falls is what true resilience is, and whilst you might see it as being knocked down more than others, I see it as getting back up more than others. Many things are not easy for you, and you keep trying. It’s amazing. You’re fucking brilliant and I’m in awe of you. I know that you will continue to try and I will help you along the way as much as I can.

The next year will no doubt bring just as many highs and lows as this year. You’ll probably be roaming the streets with your mates, zooming around the bump tracks with Dad with your brand new bike (it’s red, it goes faster). Playing Rocket League and asking for more screen time. Kicking your way through the tips and ranks at martial arts. Powering through school and trumpet. Reading like there's no tomorrow and engineering some wild and creative construction with Lego. I am so privileged to be able to watch you grow. My kind, funny, thoughtful, smart, sensitive, sporty, focused, beautiful boy. I love you more than you could ever possibly know.

Mum x

Letter to Bobbin - six years old

Hey Smalls,

Another year around the sun! You are six years old today. Another year stronger, smarter and taller.

It's been an up and down year for you (but that's usually the way for everyone, so that's ok).

You have developed a perfectionist streak. Your mother's daughter, hey? You are very focused on doing everything right and getting upset when you spell words wrong. I adore phonetic spelling, it shows that you understand sounds and we can all figure out what you mean - plus English is a stupid language where cough, through, plough, though and hiccough don't rhyme. So we've all been working on making it OK to make mistakes. I mean, you're on an IEP (Individual Education Plan) (yeah, your mama just used her blog to brag a bit then) along with a few others in your class because you're streaks ahead of where you should be for your age. You're reading proper books and you're not even in year one, mate. You're nailing it, kiddo, we just have to always remind ourselves that we don't have to be perfect.

Martial arts has been both amazing and scary for you. You're a blue belt and very close to green. You got a black tip in class today and now you only need your red tip to graduate. It would be very tricky to get that in the next two weeks, so you'll probably grade in December. Your pushups are killer - knuckles and toes, and you're very proud of the six pack that is starting to develop. You want to be strong and you are, always volunteering to lift things (including your friends).

You participated in the ISKA tournament (International Sport Karate Association) twice. The first time you took home a first in sword fighting making you the state champion for your age group... there were only two of you in the category but it sounds good! You ended up with two trophies at that one. Then the next tournament you got first in sword fighting again - defending your title! Again, only two people in your category but back to back state champion sounds better haha! You ended up with five placings over those two tournaments and proudly stood for photos with your trophies and medals.

Earlier this year, just after Mum was having a hard time with her brain misbehaving, you got very scared of going on the mats at the dojo. You didn't want to perform your kata in front of the group and the parents. It terrified you. No amount of convincing you that it was just like the tournaments would placate you. You would get on the mats and be fine until the end when you had to perform. You refused to get up. This transitioned to refusing to get on the mats and the beginning of class. You cried a lot. It took instructors, Sempais, Senseis and even a Renshi to get you on the mats. It was the same every time for almost two whole months, refusing to get on the mats. You even hated in the in-house tournament and took a lot of convincing to get on. You did, and I was so proud of you. You didn't place, but you did your absolute best that you could on the day, and that's why I was so proud.

The struggles continued at the beginning of class, but once you were on the mats, you were completely fine and would smash out the session, trying so hard and nailing it. And you even filmed a pep talk to yourself after one lesson because you would come off the mats beaming. I started filming and it was like you were a TV presenter - straight in to it! I laughed so hard. If I'm honest, I think the tears became a habit for you. You worked hard with your instructors and you got through it. You're back on the mats now without issue... but you don't want to do the next ISKA tournament in a few weeks. And that's OK. Life can be tough and we don't always have to win... we don't even have to enter!

You continue to exert your independence. So much so that one day earlier this year you decided to walk to school. By yourself. You usually wait at the bottom of the bridge for me when we walk, but you didn't this time. You kept going. The thing is, I didn't know which way you'd gone. I looked everywhere for you. Up and down the small streets, and then the bigger street. I was so afraid I'd find you squished by a car as sometimes when you're excited you forget to look both ways. We did finally find you. One kilometre away. In your classroom. By then I was crying and you didn't know what the fuss was about, but when you saw my tears you cried too, giving me the biggest of hugs and promising you wouldn't do it again.

You love to make your own food. Whether it's sandwiches, wraps or just cutting up fruit, you insist on doing it yourself. Up until recently you were scared of being burnt on the frying pan, but you got past it and flipped your own pikelets - the look on your face when you did it was just brilliant. You were unbelievably proud. I admit to still worrying that you'll slice your hand open, but so far so good.

Crafting absolutely anything is your go-to activity. Give you paper, scissors and sticky tape (lord, so much sticky tape!) and you are happy. In fact, you got sticky tape as a birthday present and you were SO HAPPY! You make me the most random creations and they are divine. Giant posters with bits stuck on. 3D castles with entire packets of stickers over them. Then you head outside, jump about playing "Jumanji", zoom up and down the street on your bike, climb the nearest tree, flip up and down on monkeybars, and climb on the roof of any playground structure, terrifying other parents watching. I just shrug and know you'll get down safe because climbing is what you do.

Your obsession with all creatures great and small continues. You've gone off your original Spiny Leaf Insects (they are apparently too spiny to touch now so you don't), but you don't mind their babies that are small. Other than those, you pick up or pat everything you can. Catching frogs is your favourite thing to do so sometimes we go down to the local lake at night with our headlamps on and see how many we can find. You are quick at catching them, hold them for a moment then release them, usually after naming them.

You are bloody funny. You make me laugh so much with your weird antics. Whether it's quick retorts with the beginnings of sarcasm (that's my girl), a raised eyebrow, or a silly story, your sense of humour is developing rapidly. The fart jokes are still popular, as is you introducing your farts. As in you say "Here comes Frank" and then you fart loudly and laugh your head off. It's a different name every time.

That Queen Bee tendency is still there, but you have such an empathetic soul that it has balanced out to a nice assertive quality. You like to get what you want, but you also take care of your friends. And I'm not gonna lie, that's been a weight off my shoulders. Not to say you can't be a little turd sometimes when you don't get your way, but you're not mean. PHEW!

You care deeply for your family, and you express it bringing flowers, cards and any trinkets you've found as gifts. You are thoughtful, and always share willingly with Tricky, even halving your own things with him (y'all fight a lot, too, it's not all rainbows). When I was bed-bound after my ankle surgery you would come and check on me, give me a cuddle each time you walked past, and bring me food just because you were hungry and thought I might be, too.

I was trying to explain Harmony Day to you, and how racism exists and I did a really poor job of it... so for a moment there you thought it was a day to exclude your friends according to their skin colour. You were very upset at me, saying you didn't want to not talk to your friends that day because they were darker than you. A quick explanation later and you were so relieved- and I could not have been happier.  Every day we talk about what's important, and you always reply "it doesn't matter what you look like or what you do, as long as you're kind". Because we've repeated it to you daily and it's a Pavlovian response now! Ha! I hope that stays with you. Both for how you treat others and how you treat yourself.

I hope you have a brilliant year of being six, my chickadee. I promise you'll have your mermaid party soon, when I'm back walking properly. Your sass is still there, just sometimes hidden under a thin layer of self-doubt. We'll keep working on that. You'll make some amazing mistakes this year, and over your whole life, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Love Mama x

Letter to Tricky - nine years old

Hey Bigs,

Your mama doesn't blog anymore, but the idea of not writing you a birthday letter just did not sit well with me. So here goes.

You are nine. You are so big, and wise, and worldly, and yet, at the same time, you're small, meek, and naive. It has been fascinating watching you navigate this inbetween stage. Giving you more and more independence and watching you navigate the world by yourself. You're not a little kid anymore, but, well, you are, actually.

Martial arts continues to be your passion. You have dedicated so many hours to it, training eight times per week right now, getting each tip on your green belt at the first possible opportunity, and you've now progressed to Grading Prep Group to get you ready for your brown belt grading in September. It's gonna be big, and you're very nervous, but you have the support of us, your instructors and your dojo family. You have started Muay Thai to improve your sparring confidence, and each class you get in there and try so hard, despite being absolutely terrified. We haven't managed a class without tears yet, and I am amazed at how much resolve you have, to keep getting back in there. I think this time next year I'll be writing about how you've started preparing for your black belt.

You entered the ISKA tournament again, participating in three events; extreme weapons, traditional katas, and traditional weapons, taking home a first, first and fourth respectively. You've qualified again for the national championships - we didn't go last year but we'll see what we can do about getting over to Sydney this year since you placed first.

Our house continues to be the place to meet for the kids in the street and each time the doorbell rings I don't even bother getting up because it's almost always for you, and when it's not, it's for your sister. It's a ragtag bunch of kids with different age groups from different schools, but you all seem to get along pretty well; whether you're riding the streets, doing tricks on the ramp in the front yard, or playing computer games.

You are a voracious reader and are zooming through anything Paul Jennings at the moment. You love going to the library with your Dad, but most of the time he ends up picking the books while you play with the retro gaming machines and smart board. You love to play all the Retro Rewind games, Minecraft, Lego City Undercover (against Bobbin), and whatever else the games are called. You even play Race Day against me and you manage to hide your frustration at how bad I am pretty well. The one time I beat you, you were so happy for me. If Bobbin beats you, that's another story. We'll work more on losing this year, bud.

You are doing well at school, being awarded Aussie of the Month by your peers for being a kind and approachable friend, nailing NAPLAN to get in the pointy triangle for most of the sections and band 6 for the other one. You've taken to music with much enthusiasm and have played countless pieces on a tiny electronic keyboard that you got ages ago as part of a science wiring kit. Oh, and let's not forget that fucking recorder. Hot Cross Buns at any time after 8am. I don't want to stifle your musicality or creativity, but sweet jesus I will if you play a loud instrument when I'm barely conscious. Today you were given a big electronic keyboard and your face just lit up. You want piano lessons but you're not willing to give up a martial arts day just yet, so we'll see how we go later in the year after you've graded.

There just isn't enough hours in the day to do all the things you want to do! Skateboarding, scooting, bike riding, martial arts, gaming, drawing, music, LEGO, reading... and let's not forget annoying your sister. That takes dedication, too.

Anxiety can kick your butt sometimes. You are your mother's son, after all. So we have worked hard on growth mindset talk, and I bring in cognitive behavioural therapy tricks at every opportunity - I figure you learning these now can only be a bonus. We sought professional help as I was very worried you'd end up just like me, but they were pretty good at allaying my fears, letting me know that yes, you are a bit or a worrier and a huuuge perfectionist, but that doesn't mean you will go down the same path as me, mental health wise. You have a strong sense of self and a strong connection and trust with me, so you have a much better starting off place than me.

I am trying my hardest to model making mistakes and pushing through the tough times, and I really hope the message gets through that you are enough no matter what you do. We are celebrating your failures more than your successes right now to emphasise the message. "You went to martial arts and cried and got back on the mats even though it was tough? YEAH! WELL DONE!". Of course I'm proud of the times you do great, but I know just how hard it is for you to push through those self doubts, so that is what I'm focusing on. The strength and bravery you show to keep pushing through your doubts and anxieties is truly inspiring.

You are responsible, caring, goofy, resilient, silly, smart, creative, strong, dedicated and amazing. I can't believe how lucky we are to have you in this family. You bring so much joy to my life, and whilst I roll my eyes that I still sit with you for you to go to sleep, I know one day I'll miss you asking for "mum cuddles" every night. I hope I continue to be your safe space and soft place to land.

Love you, bud.

Mum x

19 Resolutions for 2019

I haven't done any New Year's Resolutions for what seems like forever. Nothing official, anyway. There's always the same ol' "do better" bullshit that lasts a few days, but I'm going to toy with the idea of writing shit down to see if it magically keeps me accountable.

But my Resolutions are not going to be the type that shame the current me (or you, which I ridiculously have to say because INTERNET - just because I'm saying I want to do something doesn't mean I'm automatically judging you for NOT wanting to do it. OK? Are we clear? Because the hate mail that comes with a blog is a HUGE reason why I don't update this very much).

So, where was I? Ah, yes. Resolutions. Things to hopefully tick off as another year zooms by.

19 Resolutions for 2019

1. Stream of Consciousness Journaling
I have done this before years ago and recently restarted after a little mini yoga retreat. It was confronting, cathartic and empowering. Setting the clock for ten minutes and just writing out all the rubbish in my head.

2. Weekly Scheduling
It is boring AF but I want a washing day. A clean sheet day. I want it all planned out and I want to tackle it in a no excuses way. We have sports days and library days already, so it isn't a lofty goal. The issue is my champion procrastination skills getting in the way. A super pretty calendar will help, yeah?

3. Meditate and Breathe
I've been using Headspace and Kardia a little bit over the last few months and I want this to continue but in a more regular fashion. I introduced it to my little stresshead Tricky, too, so perhaps we can set aside time each week to do it together. With Bobbin in full time school in 2019 (wait, what?) I can do it solo too.

4. Yoga
I have dipped in and out of the Yoga pool over the years, doing it through pregnancies and in between, and always found that because I'm so bendy I tend to overstretch to feel anything. So I'd like to start doing Yoga, even if it's just joining in with the Cosmic Kids Yoga I make Tricky and Bobbin do, and listen more to my body as it is happening. Don't over do it just because I can.

5. Martial Arts
I have been doing Freestyle Martial Arts for 18 months now. Woah. Did anyone think I'd stay at it this long!? Not I! I had a few months off with a torn calf muscle (OUCH!) that saw me on crutches and off to physio for a while, and I'm out right now with torn ankle ligaments but I am aiming for my green belt this year. The belt is more psychological for me than anything because I still don't feel like I deserve to be a blue. I'm not a great blue belt, but I have passed every test to get there and train twice a week, yet I can't shake this imposter syndrome. Not giving up, training harder... that's gotta help, right?

6. Buy Less Shit
I'm a frugal gal by nature. I don't buy expensive clothes or shoes (my sandals are seven years old), because I'm just not in to fashion. I can look at the beautiful people and appreciate their aesthetic, double tap to like their frock, but I generally don't go out and buy it. I find it such a waste of money. My downfall is cheap shit. Bargains that I don't need. I'm aiming to make more conscious spending choices this year, which may end up meaning the things I do buy are more expensive but higher quality and will last.

7. De Clutter
I haven't gone through the kids' wardrobes since we moved house. Bobbin has a bunch of crop tops that look on trend, but are actually just two sizes too small. Getting to this before winter is a must.

8. Organise The Garage
There isn't too much in the way of storage in our house and that's a good thing because it means less crap. We have had to be ruthless and I love that we don't have as much "stuff" anymore. I've added a little storage; some shelves here, a hook there, but I want to tackle the garage. I need shelving for the long term no touch items - like Christmas decorations, seven years of tax receipts and that sort of thing. I have a drill and I'm not afraid to use it. It will be done. There will much Instagramming of me holding said drill.

9. Sleep
I let y'all know that I had a sleep study recently and the results were absolutely atrocious. Well, the good news is I've got a sleep apnoea machine now. My Continuous Positive Airway Pressure or CPAP machine sits next to my bed and I am vowing to use it every night. The only night I have missed so far was when I didn't actually go to bed, so that doesn't count. I have so much more energy, and my circadian rhythms are even starting to even out. I do have about twenty years of sleep debt to catch up on, so I'm still a little bit tired, but waking up feeling refreshed is EARTH SHATTERING AMAZING. After the first night I said to MapGuy "I can see in colour now" and I meant it. Everything is brighter. I am hoping it continues to improve from here too. I'm still embarrassed, but I need to keep going.

10. Get Closer To Nature 
The past twelve months I've been booking the kids in to nature camps and trying to facilitate their love and respect for the environment and as a result it has encouraged MapGuy and I even more. We've always been big recyclers, but now we are better recyclers (making trips to the local recycling centre to take all those things that don't go in the general recycling bin), have two thriving worm farms, and of course the beloved Spiny Leaf Insects. But I want more! I really want to head out to the lake more often, to cycle around it and just see what is there; how it changes over the seasons. Visit the beach and watch the sunset just because. The kids play outside a lot, but I'm always inside. I need to get out.

11. Less Phone Time
I have my head buried in my phone too much. I use it as a distraction tool when I'm feeling overwhelmed, which is fine, but then it becomes habit to pick it up. Randomly scrolling through Facebook turns in to clicking an article, then another, and another. Looking at Instagram is no big deal... but then I'll log on to my work accounts to check them and get distracted doing work things when I should be present in the moment. My phone is usually always on silent and most notifications are off - only text messages get through, so I just have to PUT IT DOWN.

12. New Pet
I don't know if this really counts as a resolution, but I definitely want it to happen! I have had my eye on a new pet for about twelve months. It's a Bearded Dragon. They are the cutest little things and I was lucky enough to hold one recently and it absolutely cemented my love. They are cute and quirky, which puts it right up my alley. I have to get a license, so that is the first step. It's pretty down there in terms of priorities, so if it doesn't happen it won't be awful, but it is on the list.

13. Finish The Home Office
Our master bedroom in the new house is a big one with a small walk in robe, so to better use the space we added a wall of wardrobes and I've turned the walk in robe in to a little office. I have a desk and some drawers, plus some organizational tubs just crying out for new stationery, heh.

14. Become More Active In The Buy Nothing Community
I'm an admin on my local Buy Nothing page because I love the concept so much. Making community bonds stronger while clearing my house of unused bits and pieces. Win win! I want to put more things on the page to give away after the big de-clutter works.

15. Go To The Dentist
It's been a few years. Oops. With all the dental work MapGuy needed after his bike crash, then finding out this year that after zero issues with his baby teeth that Tricky's adult teeth are coming in without enamel and will need ongoing work (and has already been under GA to have a crown to stop any further deterioration of one tooth, the poor thing), I put myself on the back burner. Because mum life amiright? I WILL GO THIS YEAR. Just as soon as I save some money.

16. Eat Less Meat
I'm not becoming vegetarian by any stretch of the imagination, but eating less meat is great for the environment so I want to do that. We generally try for Meatless Monday, but I think we need to throw in a few extras, too. I'm not the head chef here, so this suggestion was MG's as he's the one who will be doing it. I am boring with food and he likes it a little more exotic, so he cooks!

17. Shout Less
I am a shouter, I admit. I can keep my cool, and very nicely discipline my children most of the time, but at least once a day I can get a bit shouty. I parent a lot with sarcasm, which is probably not fabulous either, but let's focus on one thing at a time. I'm hoping the meditation can help with this, and the CPAP machine is already helping because a tired Glow is a shouty Glow. I went to a parenting seminar last year and it was very reaffirming in that I'm doing a pretty good job in the non-shouty times.

18. Eat More Mindfully
I'm not going to promise myself to eat less sugar or carbs, or just less food, because hello it's me. I did give up sugar once and the results were fab, but food is also a huge tool for me when I'm stressed so just saying I won't eat xyz anymore is not an option. I want to eat more mindfully though. Recognize when I'm stress-eating or binge-eating and instead of beating myself up, perhaps bring in a more appropriate coping mechanism. A bad day will end in me eating an entire block of chocolate, so this year I'd like to have a bit of chocolate, then stop, recognize the thoughts, whip out the journal, flick on the meditation app, have a bath, do something other than finish the entire block. Even if that means only having half that will be a win.

19. Cycle More
We are so lucky to live less than 2km from the kid's school and whilst we can't cycle every day due to needing to go straight from school to sport after school, but we can do it twice a week and I'd really like to make that a priority. Tricky rides his bike all around the suburb to his friends' houses but Bobbin is too young to go out solo, so I need to lift my game and go with her either on the bike or the scooter.

So there we have it. 19 for 2019. It's a challenge but also very doable. I figure if I can get through the shit of the past few years then I can get through at least some of the things well, and maybe even half arse the rest.

Do you make resolutions?