Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Dear Meddlesome Shopper

Toddler Tantrum
CC Rafa2010
 It's that time of year yet again,
The shops so full they'll burst.
I'm here lugging 'round a toddler,
This child I've loved and nursed.
But today the spawn is misbehaving,
He's at his all time worst,
He's screaming bloody murder,
Diving to the ground head freakin' first.

Instead of smiling or walking past,
You choose to stop and stare,
To make a bitchy comment,
Then tut at me and glare.
My child never acted up”
You say with mocking air,
But I don't believe your bullshit tales
Of your perfect little heir.

I'm sorry, lady, you've got it wrong,
You think your shit don't stink?
Yes my kid is acting up,
And I could do with a fucking drink.
Your words aren't helping anyone,
With this narrow way you think,
And now that I'm pulling you up on it,
Your cheeks are turning pink.

Sometimes this is how kids act,
When they're hungry and overtired,
Or maybe there is something more,
And the parents should be admired,
For not throwing in the towel,
And surviving what transpired,
Maybe they need a bit of support,
Or a wine could be required.

So don't judge me or my kid,
From the two minutes that you see,
Instead think for just one second,
“Tomorrow that might be me”.
Yes I'd like him to shut up,
On that we sure agree.
But berating us in public can't stop,
This one-toddler jamboree.

And if you've already had your go,
Maybe you're older and quite jaded?
But I guarantee your kid's done this,
And that your memory had faded.
You've forgotten all the times,
Days when you would have traded,
Your darling little shithead,
Who could not be persuaded,

To just be quiet and sit still,
And not be such a showoff.
While you scowled in their ears,
Promising lollies as a tradeoff.
So go on, go about your day,
And have your little scoff, 
But seriously woman, from all of us,
You can fuck right off!

Have you gotten stares or comments mid-toddler-tantrum? Did you want to fight back or did you wish the ground would swallow you up?  


  1. Oh I absolutely love this!!! It is spot on - last week I was manoeuvring my mid tantrum three year old out of the shopping centre (I had given up and decided the shopping would have to wait until daddy go home) and surprisingly managed to keep my calm amid kicks, punches and screams. A lovely old couple smiled as they walked past and she softly said, "hang in there dear, it gets better". I do get the stares too but I just stare straight back. Good on you!

  2. Loved this, Glow! On the whole I tend to just ignore those looks, but sometimes I give a big smile and say 'oh don't worry I'll beat them later' or words to that effect! :-)

  3. Yes, yes and YES!!! (And I don't mean in the perverted sexual way :)) x

  4. LOL yes! Give 'em something to really stare at!

  5. I've never had as many people stare as they did yesterday, he was VERY loud. I gave up trying to reason and shoved him under my arm and headed for the exit very quickly hoping I didn't see anyone I knew!

  6. Coulda nailed the kid to the floor he was being so psycho. FFS!

  7. Reminds me of when my daughter was almost 2 and I was heavily pregnant with #2 - she used to scream "I want a 'olly" all over our local shopping plaza - my reply used to be "I want a gin and tonic, but I'm not getting one of those either". Today I had to drag then fireman hold my lad (the #2) out of the same shopping plaza after extracting him from Chickenfeed. such fun.

  8. G&Ts all round! The fireman hold, ahhhh yep, know that one. On a side note though, I'd kick and scream if I was taken out of Chickenfeed - we don't have it in WA!

  9. I can definitely sympathise with this one today! People need to mind their own damn business and keep their nasty judgey words to themselves.

  10. absolutely brilliant!!
    one tantrum my darling decided to throw, involved sliding all the items off the shelves at aldi
    dear god, i wished some one would stop to help
    nope - all i got were scowls and glares
    i have never wished so many evil things
    at least it got my mind off the disaster unfolding!

  11. My Miss 3 does this frequently. On a recent holiday we swam in the hotel pool and every single day the meltdown upon my request for her to get out was epic. Normally there was nobody around, but on the last glorious sunny day the pool area was packed and her meltdown went to another level. As I bundled her up in a rugby hold, and didn't even bother to get a towel, dripped through the hotel, despite all the signs saying not to, marched with my thunderous uncovered thighs down the hallway and tossed her into the elevator to muffle the screaming. I did not look back to see the judging looks. I just wanted the earth to open up and swallow me whole.

  12. Oh it's fun isn't it?

    I remember the first public tantrum my now almost 17 yo daughter threw just before she was two. Christmas, wanted to see Santa, wouldn't go see Santa, chucked it when I said we needed to go. I wanted the earth open up and swallow me whole.

    By the time I got to Aston throwing public tantrums I had developed a thick skin. Would pick him up in a football hold, him kicking and screaming, and tell him that he would have to do better then that, as your sister set the bar high, and keep walking.

    Have never understood why complete strangers feel that it's ok to sit in judgement. Actually scratch that, I have actually had friends and my mother (yeh!) have unasked opinions thrust upon me!

  13. I tend to see all the kids at their worst at my job. I always direct the parents to the nearest BWS.


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