Bad blood

I have learned a few things from the antenatal classes Hubby and I have been attending these last few weeks and right up the top of the list is that if you have an opinion that differs ever so slightly from the midwife who runs our group, you are looked down upon like an unfit parent.

This week in class we were learning about cord blood banking – where the blood in the umbilical cord is harvested after birth and the stem cells within it are kept in a cryogenic bank for your own use later down the track (should your child or their siblings have a disease needing stem cell therapy) or donated to the public cord bank for whomever needs it (although WA doesn't have a public cord blood bank yet). So I put up my hand to ask if you could get enough cord blood if you were planning on delaying cord clamping after the birth (not clamping until the cord had stopped pulsating). Well, I was not Miss-Popular, I can tell you! I was met with a self important chuckle and the response “In short, yes you can still do it. But do you really want to make your baby so sick? Have him put under lights? And you can't breastfeed him you know!?”

Woah! What just happened there? Did the midwife who earlier had told us her job was to help and encourage you to make informed decisions just tell me off for being informed? I could feel my face flush with embarrassment and guilt. A young bloke in the class asked at this point what delayed cord clamping was and rather than explain to him the possible benefits and risks (see I'm not delusional, I know there are risks to everything), her answer to him was “Delayed cord clamping is when you delay clamping the cord”. Thanks, Captain Obvious, pretty sure he could have worked that out by himself. With a smirk she added “It causes jaundice which is very dangerous” and apparently that was the end of the discussion.

I'll point out here that delayed cord clamping has been associated with jaundice due to the extra red blood cells the baby's immature liver has to try to break down. According to the World Health Organisation the benefits of delayed cord clamping (increase in blood volume, lower mortality rates in cases of infant haemorrhage, increase in iron stores protecting from childhood anaemia) far outweigh the risks, especially in developed countries where jaundice (which most babies get to some extent anyway) is easily treatable. One of the main reasons immediate cord clamping was introduced in the first place was because of the injection of drugs given to speed up the delivery of the placenta, which can't be allowed to get to the baby – that's right, speed it all up so the doctors and nurses can go home early and not have to wait around for Mother Nature to do her stuff – she is such a bore you know.

So back to the class where I'd just been told off: The couple sitting next to Hubby and I leant over and said excitedly “We'll speak to you after OK?” So I spent the rest of the night half listening to the midwife telling me horror stories of how my body just won't cope and half wondering what the other couple were going to say.

At the end of the evening, we turned to the couple and found our birth soulmates! These people were not falling for the scaremongering and had conducted their own research too! We sat there chatting about what interventions we did and didn't want and why, which journal articles we had referenced and so on. These were two well educated, reasonable people and together we were being frowned upon as 'the hippies' bucking the medical system and endangering our children's lives. At the point where we were discussing birth plans the midwife walked over and interrupted us saying that it was stupid to have a plan, that you can't plan for these things because “it goes wrong all the time” Yep, her exact words. Gee thanks for the pep talk. What's so wrong about having a birth plan? I know that writing it down doesn't mean its going to happen, but it will help me and Hubby concentrate on our goal and lets the midwifery team assisting the obstetrician (who had told me to write one and has already signed off on mine saying he supports our wishes) know how they can best help us on the big day.

As they say, there is strength in numbers, and together the four of us managed to tell her we would still be having birth plans and yes we knew that birth was unpredictable. More remarkably was that the four of us also managed to restrain ourselves enough not to punch her in the jaw. We excused ourselves from the after class supper and carried on a clandestine conversation in the carpark where we learned that while we agreed on almost everything there were still a few points where we had very different opinions – but that was OK too, and it was nice hearing a different, strong opinion voiced by someone who knew what they were talking about, as opposed to those in the group who get all their information from cranky midwives and Today Tonight and are therefore understandably shit-scared.

When we parted to go home (after promising to swap phone numbers next week) I couldn't stop smiling – we weren't alone! Meeting them gave me new resolve to stick to my guns and assert my rights when I needed it most, because if you're around such negative 'you can't do it' attitudes you begin to believe them. I plan on trusting my body to do what it was made to do - what women have done since time began. I know things can and do go wrong, thats why I'm under the care of an obstetrician and will be giving birth in a hospital setting - not quite ready to go full-hippy home birth just yet.

Baby Teresa

Want to change the world? How 'bout changing a baby? Well not in the dirty nappy sense, more of a change the baby's world kinda way. Sammie Appleyard and Kirsty Dunphey figured they could do just that sort of thing by creating Baby Teresa. A company that rates right up there on the 'Where's My Glow list of super cute logos'.

The company was launched in late 2009 and sold gorgeous little baby onesies. Nothing special there you say? Well each time you purchase a little outfit for someone you know, a second outfit is given to someone you don't – a baby in need. Originally the second outfits were given to benevolent organisations in Tasmania that assisted women with newborns in need. As the company expanded more and more people got on board and volunteered to take the gifted outfits overseas to babies in need in Egypt, Uganda, Tanzania, the Philippines and Vietnam, with the goal to clothe a needy baby in every country in the world.

Whilst the name might suggest a religious affiliation, there isn't one. The company founders were inspired by the Mother Teresa quote “If you can't feed 1000 people, then feed one”. Their website is full with inspiring quotes from people who managed to change the world for the better.

The adorable striped suits come in both long and short versions and are available in two styles; a funky orange/pink/brown/white stripe combo called 'Lan' and a cool aqua blue/yellow/white stripe delight called 'Hieu'. Lan and Hieu are two Vietnamese orphans helped by the work of organisations such as Foundation Lotus Child and Baby Teresa.

If you know someone having a baby and would like to buy them a gift that gives twice, visit Baby Teresa , it's sure to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

A pain in the ...

For the last couple of weeks my right hip has been really sore to the point where I limp when I walk. After a quick consult with a physiotherapist at the antenatal classes I decided to go and have it checked out properly since it didn't appear to be going away on its own accord. So today I toddled off to a physiotherapist that specialises in antenatal and postnatal issues, partly because the woman I spoke to at the antenatal class worked there and partly because these hips have a lot of work to do soon and I don't want anyone screwing them up any further!

My pain started in my sit bones... that's right people, its basically my bum. Typical. I would be the one to get bum pain. I'm reminded of Sharon Osborne who, after being diagnosed with colon cancer said “Why'd they have to find it in my bum, of all places? It's embarrassing. I mean, why couldn't I have a cute little heart shaped polyp on my vagina?” Not that I'm comparing hip pain to colon cancer, but you get my point – why there?!

The pain has been getting worse and has now moved around the front too, and instead of a dull ache its more of a sharp shooting pain that makes it look like I've just stepped on a piece of glass. On the upside, the limp disguises the waddle marvellously. It is also starting to aggravate my previously broken coccyx – broken, I might add, by Hubby's knee one night about two and a half years ago while he was having a particularly violent dream. To make it worse, he didn't even wake up when he did it!

The diagnosis?

Pelvic instability and more specifically a rotated Sacroiliac joint in turn causing Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (whomever named that really liked the letter Y, I think). Which basically means my hips are moving in directions they shouldn't be.

The cause?

Well I have always had really lax ligaments (meaning that if they gave them out, I'd get a gold star at every yoga class for most resembling a pretzel) and if you combine that with the Relaxin hormone getting me ready for birth you have a pretty good chance of sore hips.

The treatment?

About half an hour of excruciating “massage” of my hip followed by the application of strapping tape. Yes, dear readers, my ass is taped up. It looks highly amusing, like I've accidentally sat down on someone's discarded ankle strapping. I'm tempted to drop my dacks just to show people how silly it looks. “Excuse me? Hi, you don't know me, but check out my butt, isn't it hilarious?!”

I go back in a few days time to have the whole thing done again, but until then I have some exercises to do and the instruction to not put my legs at a right angle to my body. This is simple to fix, I just sit on cushion to elevate my hips above my knees – but cushion sitting does make look like I've got haemorrhoids. I guess its the price I'll have to pay.

The prognosis?

A few sessions and taping is apparently all I'll need to get my hip in working order... funnily enough the lax ligaments that have caused the pain in the first place mean it will be quicker and easier to fix! Hooray for me.

Did you or your partner have any pregnancy ailments? Did you have to have your bum strapped too?

From here to paternity (leave)

Working as a casual has it's advantages – for example, I can have time off (without giving much notice at all) when I get a freelance client. It does have its disadvantages too though, and at the moment they're being felt in the lack of maternity leave way.

Whilst casual employees are entitled to 52 weeks unpaid parental leave (It's called parental leave since either mother or father can take it if they are to be the primary care giver) its only if they have “completed 12 months continuous service” with their employer – and that, unfortunately, is not me. I was feeling like a bit of a change in direction so handed in my resume to be the 'Makeup Consultant' at a pharmacy. I was interviewed on the spot (glad I wore a nice outfit!) and offered the job right then, pending a police clearance. Excellent! So I gave three weeks notice at the place I was working in and thought everything was perfect. The day before I was due to start at the pharmacy, I found out I was pregnant.

Legally I had no obligation to tell my new employer I was pregnant, especially since it was before the 12 week “She'll be right” stage. But I decided to tell them anyway, basically out of a sense of overwhelming guilt. They were shocked to say the least and suggested we all just play it by ear and see what happened. Phew.

So after six months in the job I've now left. Although they have asked me to come back after Tricky is born, I don't have a legal leg to stand on if they change their mind. I've even trained up my replacement, and there isn't enough work for two of us. But I suppose I'll waddle over that bridge when I come to it. For now I'm enjoying the extra time to nest and put my (swollen) feet up.

But what about Hubby? And all the other partners out there? What are they entitled to? Bugger all is what. It is up to the individual company to decide what leave entitlements the non-primary care giver is eligible for. It was a topic of hot debate at antenatal classes the other day with all the couples comparing. It was awful to hear the stories of the men in the group (our class consists of all heterosexual couples with the woman being the primary care giver) having to fight for time off.

Hubby works for the government and gets two weeks paternity leave straight off, no questions asked. Luckily for us his boss (whose wife is expecting her third at the same time as we are expecting Tricky) is very flexible and encouraging him to do what he has done each time (and will do again this time). That is, to combine his paternity leave with carer's leave and a little bit of annual leave, which all up is a grand total of six weeks off work! Hooray!

This not only means that I will get some help in those difficult first few weeks, but it will also allow Tricky to bond with his dad, an opportunity not every bub gets. Especially, it turns out, for teachers. One of the men in our class is a teacher and is allowed a whole three days off. Three days?! THREE DAYS?! That is disgusting! Worse when you consider his wife has to have a scheduled caesarian section for health reasons – she will need three days just to get out of bed – then what?! She'll get a kiss goodbye while her husband goes off to work no doubt feeling guilty for leaving, and she can struggle through. They had tried to get the caesarian scheduled in for the beginning of the school holidays, but turns out you can't pick and choose quite that easily.

Did your partner have time off?  Did he/she have to fight for it?

Cry me a river... or an entire flood plain

I've spoken about pregnancy hormones on Where's My Glow a few times already (here and here) and how they've been playing havoc with me. Whilst I'm still experiencing this phenomenon (which Hubby refers to as the “Psycho Bitch from Hell” phase) a new symptom has decided to rear its ugly head. The tears.

Everything, and I really mean that, no exaggerations here at all, everything makes me cry.

I have always been a bit of a crier and see it as a disability of sorts. If I get angry or frustrated, hot tears start to prickle at my eyes and WHAM I'm crying. This is fine if you're mid argument with someone, but in a work situation it makes me look like a silly little girl who can't control her emotions. Well you should see me now! I don't even need to get anywhere near anger or frustration because I start crying at “oh how unfortunate” and even “that's so adorable”.

The other morning I was getting my Weetbix ready and managed to spill the milk (can you see where this is going?). My interior monologue went something like this: “Oops. That was stupid. You're so stupid. You can't do ANYTHING right EVER AGAIN! You're going to be a TERRIBLE MOTHER.” I cannot say what happened in the nanosecond between oops and terrible mother – a strange force had taken over me. So the tears started. Just really small, almost cute tears until Hubby thought he would try to cheer me up by saying with a giggle “Haven't you heard the saying about crying over spilt milk?” Then the real tears started. Big, fat, slide down your face and plop on to the table tears. I swear I could hear a little splash as a giant pool started forming. At this point a rather shocked Hubby suggested very gently (quite possibly while protecting his manhood with a chopping board) that maybe I should go back to bed for a few minutes and try again soon while he cleaned up the 2ml of milk from the bench. So I plodded off down the hallway, wailing like a banshee to bury myself under the doona.

I think I could handle the crying if there was some sort of pattern I could prepare for. But it is totally unpredictable and so frustrating that it brings me to, well, tears actually. I'm not sure which is better, being a psycho who you don't want to mess with for fear of losing valuable body parts, or “that pregnant woman who cries all the time”. Either way I've started counting down to Tricky's birth not just because I'm looking forward to meeting him, but because hopefully it means the rollercoaster of hormones will be coming to an end.