I got trolled and all I got was this feature in CLEO

The list of things Miranda Kerr and I have in common is growing. Exponentially it would seem. We've both married hot dudes, popped out a kid and breastfed it, we're both naturally brunette, um, we're both women, err, we're both Australian. OK so it's a pretty short list of the clutching at straws variety. But now I can add that we're both in this month's CLEO magazine.

Image: CLEO

She's on the cover. I'm on page 75. WE'RE PRACTICALLY TWINS!

You know how I hate it when people spell out acronyms? Well I'm gonna break my own rule here and say this:

OH.

EM.

FUCKING.

GEE. 

Image: CLEO

Yours truly is mentioned in an article about how to deal with online trolls. The article, as you can see with the little pink haired dude above (remember them?), is called "I stood up to my troll", and references my first proper Twitter troll who I managed to track down by going all CSI on his ass.

Image: CLEO

I know I should be all aloof and shit and make people believe that this is nothing, but if I'm honest, which is kinda the whole point of this here blog, I'm as happy as a chick with carbs, which is apt because I am a chick who is carb loading by inhaling vast quantities of choc macadamia cookies. How else would I celebrate seeing my name, my real name, in a national magazine?

Image: CLEO

The article is a bit longer than that and has a few different ways of dealing with trolls. My section contains an F bomb, albeit with a strategically placed asterisk, though this time it's not my potty mouth, it was the troll. If you're bored at the checkouts you should totally read it.

Now please excuse me while I go update my media kit with "as featured in CLEO". Do you think it's too much to get it printed on a t-shirt?

Anonymous trolls: Not just for blogs!

There has been much talk on the interwebz of late about trolls. Actually that's a lie, it's not of late, it's always. There is always someone unwilling to put their name to a comment for all sorts of reasons, not just to flame (though that's normally the case). But you're deluded if you think not putting your regular email address on a comment or blocking out your name in a tweet somehow grants you traceless anonymity.

The other day I met up with my Aunty Steffi (not her real name, except for the Aunty part), in the city on her lunch break. She has only just found her way to the world of Facebook and all she knows of blogs is that I have one and it's where I word vomit occasionally. She pulled out a piece of paper and slid it across the table for me to read.

"This was on my desk when I got in to work yesterday" she said, her face defiant.

Click for larger image

"Oh my gawd you have a TROLL!" I screeched. A totally appropriate response given our food court location.

As someone who has been teased for laughing too much and too loudly, seeing this cowardly unsigned letter made my blood boil.

Now this could have been an awful story. I could be telling you how Steffi was so upset by the letter that she now feels uncomfortable going to work. That she has let this cretin win... but that's not the case. Because all of the women in my family are of the kick-arse variety.

"That's terrible, Steffi! What did you do?"

"I stuck it up above the kitchen sink and wrote next to it: 'Can the person who left this on my desk please come and see me so we can discuss this like adults'"

Her colleagues have rallied around her in support and the ongoing "Shhhh you're breathing too loud" jokes that have started since the discovery of the note are made loud enough for whomever printed the note to hear. She won't go down without a fight... and she most definitely will not go quietly.

And just like all things on the internet, all things in an office are traceable. The IT department can, within minutes, find out which computer sent that document to the printer...

So, Steffi's troll, welcome to the 21st Century where there is no such thing as anonymity. Douche.

Have you been bullied at work?