Monday, November 24, 2014

Can we talk about genitals for a minute?

There are a whole lot of words you can call your junk. Instead of listing the ones from my own personal Dicktionary, I asked on my Facebook page late last night and you lot helped me create something pretty from words like foof-fa and schlong. See, if you follow me on facey we talk about dicks. You should totally put that on your to do list. Following me on Facebook I mean, not talking about dicks. Though you could do both, I'm not stopping you.

So here we have it. Genital word art FTW.

Genital Euphemisms BOOYAH!
But I want to talk about the words we use for gentials around our kids - and as I type this I'm already scared of the awful search results this post will bring. And straight from the get go I am going to say I don't care what your family does; I don't think there is a right and wrong with parenting, just what works for your family, which is possibly different to my family. I don't think I'm better than you, that you're better than me, whatever. As long as you don't give your kids crack and have them wallowing in their own filth, then you're pretty tops in my books.

Anywho, Casa de Glow has a "real names" policy. It's not a formal policy in that we don't have a document stating the correct pronunciation of body parts is required at all times, but it's just what we do. Although, now that I think about it, I'd like to create that document and hang in the entrance just to see how awkward I can make people feel. I'll do it in Comic Sans just to make people really uncomfortable.

Tricky has a penis. OMG SHE SAID PENIS. We call it a penis. OMG SHE SAID IT AGAIN. He calls it a penis. OMG CAPSLOCK IS BECOMING REDUNDANT. Bobbin has a vulva. She can't say it yet.

MG and I chose to use the correct terms in age appropriate ways for a number of reasons; the abuse prevention aspect, empowerment, self-esteem and what not. I was not brought up this way (we were a house of doodles and wee wees) and since a large chunk of my parenting strategy is to not make my kids end up like me, I tend to turn everything I was taught on its head and go from there.

Calling a spade a spade, or a vulva a vulva and a penis a penis as the case may be, seems to be pretty uncommon amongst my circles and it has led to many an embarrassing situation - for them. The words have about as much effect on me as other body parts like elbow, wrist and leg (but not foot, that makes me squirm).

In the checkout line recently I told Tricks that we'd just pay for our groceries then I'd take him to the toilet, to which he replied "It's OK, Mum, I don't have to go. My penis changed its mind". We got a mixture of giggles, red faces, death stares and looks of abject horror. For the record, I giggled because those things sure do get a mind of their own young.

Would we have had a better reception if he had said bladder? Urethra? Don't be shy about the penis, y'all, it's just a word.

I remember my mum coming to me wide eyed after hearing Tricks say it for the first time, checking to see no one was within earshot then whispering "He told me he needed to tap his peeeenis after he went to the toilet!". I'm sure she would have been less taken aback if he'd dropped an F bomb. When they hear him say vulva there may be a coronary event. I'm not even certain they know what a vulva is, to be honest.

Speaking of which, he doesn't actually say vulva properly... most of the time he says Volvo. As a car aficionado I can't blame him, but it's bloody hard to keep my mouth shut when the jokes about it being "a bit boxy" are just dying to come out.

My only concern with teaching my kids anatomical names for their body parts is that when others say willy or fanny or Mr Foofy or whatever that they'll be confused. But I figure there are so many different names going around already and they all kinda know what is going on. Either that or they'll hear me call someone a dick or a cockhead and figure it out.

So I'm curious. What do you call genitals? Was it a decision or it just happened?

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