Thursday, April 24, 2014

Where's Where's My Glow??

I have a pet hate in the blogosphere. It almost trumps undisclosed sponsored content and a lack of spell check. Almost. It's when Bloggers go away for a bit for whatever reason and then apologize for being away.

What are you apologizing for? Having a life? For having multiple interests and responsibilities? Tell me what you've been doing, I'm interested, but if you start it off with a sorry my first reaction is to roll my eyes.

So. I've been away for a while. Not sorry. Just busy.

I'm not busy doing. I'm busy being. And right now, it is exactly what I need to be doing. Err, being. Whatever. Confused yet? I am.

I'm focusing on having two kids, which, suprise, surprise, takes up more time than I imagined now that both are mobile. I had visions of doing a quick tidy up when Bobbin sleeps, or popping on a load of nappies. HA! That's Tricky time. Or me time. Or buy bread time.We've all been struggling to adjust to the different amounts of attention being received and everything else comes second to family. Everything.

My mood continues to lift. I catch myself singing and noticing a beautiful flower or gorgeous weather. It's been a long time since I've wanted to crank up the stereo and dance along, and I find myself doing it a few times a week now. Perhaps it is the reason behind Tricky saying he would prefer they sung Macklemore at kindy instead of Incy Wincy.

My anxiety is still an issue and all my OCD tendencies are coming back with some new ones thrown in for shits and giggles (hello, CLEANING AT MIDNIGHT). I've never been anxious without being low so this is new territory for me. Sometimes I scream at my head "YOU'RE HAPPY, YOUR LIFE IS PERFECT, WHY ARE YOU STILL TERRIFIED?" And it replies "Dude, you know you're talking to yourself right now, yeah?". Good point, mind, let's pretend this never happened.

A friend who noticed I hadn't been blogging asked how I expected my blog to expand if I wasn't "doing" any more. I haven't tried to expand this blog for a couple years now; I like to plod along without a specific purpose other than oversharing and recording memories I can embarrass my children with at their 21st birthday parties. It's not an unmanageable empire, it's not a full time job, it's a hobby, and a bloody fun one at that.

But, just being feels pretty damn awesome right now. And if I keep doing it, remember to actually take my meds, and keep going to therapy (oh therapy, I love you), then I think this being thing will do me good.

Are you a do-er or a be-er?

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