Baby Jane Makeup Tutorial

{alternatively titled: look, I made myself super ugly}

On Saturday I put the call out on my Facebook page for advice. Because that is what Facebook is for these days since it obviously isn't for promoting blogs to real people any more, not even when you pay *grumble grumble*. I was meant to be going to a murder mystery party as Bette Davis and didn't know whether to go young and glam (like Bette in Jezebel) or old and insane (like Bette in What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?).

My initial urge, the one felt deep down next to my foofu valve, was to go old and ugly just because it would give me a chance to whip out my makeup kit again. It's been a while since I stopped taking on makeup clients but I still have all the cool stuff. Plus if I make myself look ugly with makeup, when I take it off I look fucking gorgeous in comparison.

You lot came to the party with the vast majority voting for old and ugly. I love youse guise!

An hour is all it takes to turn me from a 30 year old to an old and insane Baby Jane. I had a head start on the insane, obviously. I put these photos on Instagram (follow me for more fugmo pictures) and managed to scare a few of you. You're welcome.

I practiced the facial expressions for ages, so can we all just appreciate the grumpy I'm-batshit-crazy-and-am-going-to-run-you-over-with-my-car glare for a moment?

So how do you turn yourself in to Baby Jane Hudson? In 9 simple steps! (Click on the pics for larger, scarier pics - do so at your own risk).

1. Start with a blank palate. This is also called your face if you're not a wanker. Pin your hair back

2. Put a metric fucktonne of full coverage foundation on in a colour that is a few shades too light - Baby Jane makeup is packed on because that bitch was crazy. It didn't come across too well in my selfies but my new found ability to raise one eyebrow did so it's still a win.

3. With a brown liquid makeup (I used Ben Nye wet/dry theatre makeup but you can use brown eyeliner or even a matte eyeshadow & water), start drawing in some lines with a fine brush to create shadows. To know where they go, pull faces and draw in the lines you create! Lift your eyebrows, BAM forehead wrinkles, scrunch your nose, BAM eyebrow wrinkles, squint, BAM crows feet. You are guaranteed to look like a tool while you do it.

4. Make the lines even darker then stop to Instagram the shit out of your new look. Poke your head around the corner where your husband is cooking dinner and say "Have a sneak peek at your future, honeybuns!"

5. Add a shed load of black eyeliner to the top and bottom lids. I used Ben Nye wet/dry theatre makeup again but any eyeliner will do. If it smudges, that's OK! This bitch is cray cray and it will just help the look.

6. Add false lashes. I used the biggest pair of black lashes I could find on the top because I was going for a caricature look. Falsies on the lower lashes are perfect for this look but if you don't have them, draw some on with black liquid eyeliner.

 

7. Add a bright blush to the apples of your cheeks only, as if you're dressing up as some aging cupie doll... oh wait, you ARE! Then grab a red lip liner and give yourself exaggerated lips - yes, draw outside the line, it will feel gross but it is for the greater good - smoosh on some red lippy over the top for good measure and don't forget your beauty mark (even though it isn't visible in the stock photo above it is in the film).

8. Get wiggy with it. Pin the sides back slightly to create the bouffant mullet look that old Jane preferred.

9. Add extra crazy for good measure.

VOILA! You are now Baby Jane Hudson and will harbour the urge to overshadow your sister!

As an extra step, when you get to the party where you've only met three of the other guests before and 90% of the people have never even heard of the character you're dressed up as, be sure to loudly declare "I'M NORMALLY MUCH LESS UGLY!". If nothing else it means they'll back away and leave you next to the food table alone.

Do you go all out for fancy dress parties?

Party! The Ultimate Kids' Birthday Party Book Giveaway

I have always loved cake books and party books. Since the I-must-make-my-kid-an-awesome-birthday-cake gene switched on (not to mention the I-must-make-naughty-cakes gene) I've been devouring them.

Under the whole you break it, you bought it rule, I own quite a few. It's something to do with the fact that when I pick them up in the shop, I just start drooling all over them.

I was sent a copy of Party! The Ultimate Kids' Birthday Party Book from Pan MacMillan and it's now ruined. Too much drool. Ahhh bugger. Perhaps I should wear a bib from now on? Or cover them all with contact before hand?

It is impossible to look at this book and not feel inspired. Ten awesome themes for all ages translates to pages upon pages of awesome party themes - not just cakes! It includes everything from the games to play, the decorations, the invites and the party food too.

My favourite part though, without doubt, is that it's all really hands on, do-it-yourself and budget friendly. There's no buy seventeen metres of bunting, hire a clown and a petting zoo crap. It's cardboard boxes, scrap material and a trip to the $2 shop combined to make a memorable party.

Whether you want your kid to have an amazing theme party because they'll love it, or because you want the other mums to be a bit jealous (oh COME ON, you know that's part of it), and don't want to spend a fortune, then this is the book for you.

I have four drool-free copies to give away, hooray!

To enter, be a follower of Where's My Glow and fill out the entry form below. For more chances to win, enter through the Facebook app too - you'll get bonus entries for sharing the love!



This is not a sponsored post, but I did receive a complimentary copy of the book from Pan Macmillan- I wonder if they'll send me another one that isn't covered in drool? Full Ts and Cs here.

I turned 30 and all I got was this awesome weekend

So I'm 30 now.

And it totally rocks my socks.

On Friday I went with my Twitter ho Kim to Lord of the Skins in Joondalup to get a tattoo. I'm told, by a certain 20 year old who shall remain nameless, that I'm not allowed to call it ink, that it's akin to an oldie saying LOL and thinking it means lots of love. It shits me when that happens and I don't want to be lumped in to that category. It's like the time I saw on Facebook how my friend's mother in law wrote on her wall "We have to put Fido down today, the cancer has returned. LOL."

Because cancer in dogs is just fucking hilarious, obviously. But i digress, back to the ink tattoo.

I wasn't nervous seeing as it is my second tattoo (having a tramp stamp), but i was afraid of flinching. Needn't have worried, I didn't even realize Brizzy had started - see that, we're on a first name basis now. All I could feel was the vibration and I was waiting for the scratch only to be told he'd nearly finished the first letter. Which is of course proof that I have super human pain threshold levels obviously... and all of a sudden I want to say "Save the cheerleader, save the world".

Sitting in a chair for 45 minutes would have been boring with out Kim and the fact that he brought along a birthday present for me, opened it and started playing with it. And by playing with it I mean shooting me.

My first ever Nerf Gun at 30. Awesome!

 The tattoo! I'm in love with it!

Fast forward through a few boring bits like making sushi and cakes and blah blah blah and hey presto it's the next day. My 30th birthday! Tricky, as usual, woke up around 6am for a feed but then I handballed him and went back to bed - my birthday present from Map Guy was a sleep in and it was AWESOME! Well my real present was our holiday last month, so he wasn't allowed to get me anything else.

I only decided a few weeks ago to have a little party and decided a sunset BBQ at the beach would be perfect. Good friends, a kick arse outfit, sausages, kebabs, salad (that no one ate - because you don't make friends with salad) and an amazing view. What more could I ask for?

The birthday outfit. Am now a fashion blogger.

Well, a cake a suppose. It's not called Cake Day for nothing, right?

What happens when one of the Ps from your

Happy Birthday candles snaps? You improvise!!!

One of my friends commented (nicely) that the cake was quite plain with it's stark white fondant and a rim of coloured chocolate bits around the edge so I nonchalantly said that I only wanted a plain cake, didn't want to make a fuss... then I cut it open and the ooohs and aaaaahs were amazing. I could feel my domestic goddess points going up and up and up right then and there.

The Rainbow Cake of Awesome!

 Wait, let's see that a little closer:

Oooohhh yeaaaahhh. Not so plain now!

It was a brilliant day, an amazing night and it's going to be a great year! Thanks so much for all the wishes, I feel spoiled!!!

P.S. Happy 2nd Blogiversary to me!
P.P.S. GO ENTER NOW!

Hullo Eurovision!

Hullo Europe! Don't yew look bewdiful this evaning!

Have no idea what I'm going on about? Last night was the 2011 Eurovision Song Contest.

I love everything about Eurovision. Tacky costumes, mostly crappy songs, and gimmicky acts - what's not to love? This year didn't disappoint, there were giant pointy hats (Devo on steroids?), dresses so short they were belts, bizarre back up dancers and a fairy playing a clarinet whilst riding a unicycle. I say again, what's not to love?

Because of the time difference the result was actually known by the time we woke up yesterday so there was a self imposed media black out - in past years they've announced it on news websites as "Germany wins Eurovision" which has pissed me off so much. Is it that hard to say "Eurovision Winner" and let someone click through to know the result? Huh? No. You just had to go and spoil it didn't you.

It's tradition for Map Guy and I get together with a group of friends to watch the show in all it's gaudy costume and wind machine glory. But you can't just watch the show, you have to dress up and support one of the countries in the final.

Which is why a bunch of very strange looking people turned up at Casa de Glow:

Mr Moldova (camera and internet shy)

Mrs Ireland and Baby Ireland (with spikey Jedward hair!)

Mrs Germany and Mr Russia

Mr Ukraine

Baby Germany and Mrs Switzerland

Yes, even babies dress up for our Eurovision parties! I made Tricky's lederhosen using GIMP and iron on transfer paper - it's the most creative thing I've ever done, the detailing in the middle is actually our family crest. So I get top points for my efforts and then lose them all because he was in bed asleep before anyone arrived. 

So who won? There was a big upset and Azebaijan took the title with their soppy love song and 'get a room' face touching. Hey, at least it wasn't Jedward.

Do you watch Eurovision like 400 million others worldwide? Do you dress up like an idiot too?

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Glowless rocked the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to

HealthyChart and Baby Goes Retro and Simply Colors

A baby shower to remember

This weekend I experienced one of the rights of passage of new motherhood – a baby shower. It consisted of ten women, cupcakes, some wine and a LOT of laughs!

Because I'm a massive control freak I'd already gotten all the games and activities ready weeks ago, much to the disappointment of my best friend who was itching to do it all. But what else is a gal supposed to do when she's finished work and has long days to herself? There is only so many times you can clean the bathroom well enough to eat off every surface (so far I'm up to three times a week). But it made me happy that she could actually participate in the games and have a fun time too. Aunty Penny was the hostess with the most-ess and had everyone introducing each other, getting in to teams, making up team names and ready for action!

We had six rounds that ranged from guessing the nursery rhyme from cryptic clues, naming the animal baby, old wives' tales, a general pregnancy quiz (including the best question ever - what is the name of my blog?) and of course the classic 'Guess the contents of the nappy' game. The looks on some of the women's faces as others actually tasted the contents was priceless! The overall winners of the day were my Mum and a friend from my work who called themselves Team Pub (maybe because that's where they'd rather be than in my lounge room sniffing nappies) and like all good parties the prizes were lolly bags.

Then it was present opening time! I was so amazed at the generosity of my friends - I am so lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful people. From cute little jumpsuits, a nappy cake to books and toys galore! Tricky is going to be the best dressed, most entertained bub around.

Some lovely presents waiting to be unwrapped

The beautiful 'Barnaby Bear' in the awesome alien walker

What a fantastic haul - Tricky is a very lucky bub

Some of the fantastic decorations supplied by Jen at Party In A Box
a fab little party supply business launching this month 

Cheers!

I was at a party once and getting up to get everyone drinks. I turned to a pregnant friend of a friend and asked “Can I get you a drink?” only to met with a rude glare and the response “I'm PREGNANT!”. I hadn't offered her a scotch on the rocks or a Bacardi Breezer, simply a drink, which as far as I am aware includes water, soft drinks and even, if you're lucky, fruit juice. That was my first impression of a pregnant woman and it turned me off the thought of having kids for a long time.

From mid December through to mid February I have at least one event on every weekend; engagement parties, hens nights, weddings, 21^st birthday parties – you name it, I've got it pencilled in. And so far, luckily, there has been no double bookings! I have chosen to not drink any alcohol during this pregnancy, much to Hubby's delight as he now has a live-in designated driver.

So what happens when you're accustomed to being a (big) social drinker and now can't partake in your favourite unwooded chardonnay? And what do other people think about me drinking or not? There seems to be three distinct groups – those that leave it up to the individual and don't pass judgement, those who think a little bit won't hurt and those who are very anti-alcohol (the latter being the most obvious because they have to pick up their jaws' from the ground as you stumble past with a pint).

Its Your Choice

At work on Friday afternoon drinks I was offered wine by three different people, all who knew I was pregnant. I was quite surprised, especially when one of them, on seeing me pick up the cheese based dip, smacked my hand and said “YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT, YOU'RE PREGNANT!”. In the dip there was a chance that there could be listeria, but I'm pretty sure the wine was guaranteed to have alcohol in it – my co-workers wouldn't stand for non-alcoholic wine at Friday drinks!

Just a Little Bit

At New Years I drank only soft drink and water, and got approving nods and smiles from friends whilst Hubby got congratulated on finding the secret to being able to drink and get a free lift home. However when I was offered a rum ball and politely refused due to the rum part, I was met with a look that said “Surely its not enough to do any damage?”. I'm sure they are right and the amount of alcohol in them would have been almost negligible, but I just felt better in myself to say no.

Jaw Droppers

At lunch with a friend of mine, E., (a pharmacist who knows practically everything worth knowing) we got on to this subject. She is a teetotaller and was very happy with my decision to not drink plus she assured me the half glass of wine I'd had before I found out I was pregnant wouldn't have done any harm. So anyway, E confessed to being a inadvertent jaw dropper! She told of how she had seen a pregnant woman at dinner recently with a glass of wine and how her first reaction was to think how irresponsible the woman was being (whilst picking up her jaw from her plate of spinach cannelloni). This of course immediately made her feel guilty for judging her not knowing any of the circumstances. Maybe it was the one and only glass she'd had all pregnancy? Maybe it was just one or two that night for a special occasion? We shall never know. But there is possibly some comfort for drinking pregnant women that the Jaw Droppers' do feel guilty for falling in to that category.

Even as a big social drinker, known for frothing at the mouth at the mere mention of a Goundrey's, I've not actually had any trouble abstaining from drinking. It doesn't feel like a burden or something that needs constant vigilance. And I haven't felt left out socially either. I think it was all in my head that I'd be 'the only one not drinking'. So now a decision has to be made; when Tricky is born will I resume drinking? You Betcha!