5 things I love about our Hyundai Santa Fe

Not sponsored at all. I just fucking love my car.

We've had our new (to us) 2013 Santa Fe for a year now, and I am still head over heels in love with it. Our old car was cool, but whenever I get in to this one, I feel like I'm living in the future and spontaneously break in to song.

So here are the things I absolutely love about it

Inbuilt sun shades on the rear windows
Duuuuude. DUUUUUDE! These are so freakin' cool the way they stow away in to the door and then pull up whenever you want. Gone are the days of the "wind sock" or the stick on things that meant you couldn't open the window, or the other slightly better stick on things that mean they only sometimes get caught when the window opens. I'd get it on with these things if I was in to the whole Objectum Sexual shebang.

Reversing camera
I've had the sensors before, but never the camera. It is so bloody awesome for reversing in to a space and knowing just how close you can get. On the dashboard it lights up if the object is left/right/centre and the colour it is depends on how close you are to it. Handy. I'm paranoid about kids in driveways, so this has given me so much peace of mind. But I mainly use it to double check I'm parked straight in a car park bay, this is how it goes: pull in, put car in reverse, see the lines, see that I'm smack bang in the middle, give myself a high five.

Sat Nav
I've never had Sat Nav before - I have Map Guy, the human Sat Nav instead. But I use it all the time and map obsessed Tricky loves it if I leave it on. The lovely "Jennifer" (the name of the Australian female voice - there is Aussie and British male and female) tells me where to turn and the little screen shows me the map, which lane I should be in, what the overhead signs are going to look like, even the speed limit or if there are hazards ahead. I usually talk back to her, which is a bit weird, but hey, we all need to talk to someone, right?

Speed warning
I hate speeding. I try my hardest not to do it and I hate it when other people speed near me. When someone hoons around all I think is "Clark! I don't want to spend the holidays dead!". But the afore mentioned Jennifer lets me know if I'm going too fast. "You are over the speed limit" she says in her sultry radio tones. The only issue is that sometimes she gets it wrong because the limit has changed recently, at which point I usually tell her off along the lines of "Eat a dick, Jennifer" or "Fuck off and die, Jennifer". No, I'm not proud of myself.

Third row seating
Seats go up, seats go down, seats go up, seats go down. I'm Homer Simpson on that cloud every time I get to use the third row. It's like magic: it's a boot, no it's a seat! We've used it more times than I thought we would and it's no doubt going to be used heavily when we're ferrying kids and their friends around.

There are heaps more things I love, but those are definitely my top five.

5 Things No One Told Me About Getting Fit

Every day I'm shufflin'. I hope you have that song in your head now, because I do. Doo doo do doo do doo doo. I don't run. I do a part jog, part walk, part stumble "shuffle", hence the song. It's a signature move of mine, a result of having no idea what I'm doing and being in quite a fair amount of pain.

It's week four of my new fitness regimen and I'm doing pretty well. I'm slower and less fit that the average people in my fitness group, but the way I figure it, I'm not trying to be better than them, I'm trying to be better than me. And pretty much anything is an improvement on couch dwelling, sundae eating, chocolate chugging, Glow.

There's been a few things that have come as quite a shock to the system this last month. You know, other than the actual full body shock that is exercise when you're terribly unfit. I wish people had told me this:

1. You'll be jogging along, knackered but feeling like a bit of a super star at the same time, and a child, possibly your own, will effortlessly overtake you. Little shits.
2. You will have more washing to do. If you're doing proper workouts there is no "oh, I'll just air it out and wear it again tomorrow", you have to wash everything right now. You'll start showering in your bra to keep it in good condition. A whole extra outfit a day, sometimes TWO! 
3. You will hurt every day. I seriously thought it would get less painful. I was so wrong. So very, very wrong. I'm only now, a month in, moving from "it huuuuuuuuurts" to "ooh, I really worked those muscles". It's not hurting less, but I'm getting (a bit) fitter. I didn't think it would happen, and for all I know it might turn back around next week because, well, I'm pretty whingey. I'll let you know.
4. You will go through SO MUCH SHAMPOO. Because sweaty hair is disgusting. Blergh. My pink sections are so faded because I just keep stripping it out every day. 
5. You will worship good fitting shoes, Epsom Salts, Deep Heat and the pain killer of your choice. My choice is Tramal because my body is pretty fucked. They'll become your own little essentials kit and you will guard them with your life. 

Saturday is my check in day. I have to do a benchmark fitness test, weigh myself and take all my measurements. I'm a bit scared, to be honest, because I haven't got a clue what the difference will be in the numbers and I don't know what is good and not so good. What I do know, is that the couple of times I've shuffled on the treadmill these past four weeks, the machine tells me I've burned few hundred calories. And I'm all THAT MUCH EFFORT FOR A TIM TAM?! Fuck this shit.

I'm trying not to worry about the number on the scale, because it's just a number, but if it's not really changed that much... I admit, I'll be disappointed. I've never been this motivated before, and I guess I'm just afraid of losing my mojo.

Fingers crossed tomorrow's results spur me on and don't make me crash and burn. Wish me strength, resilience, fitness, determination, pain free running, and all those good things.

What your fitness essentials? Did anything shock you when you first started?

5 tips to survive renovating with small children

We have been renovating our house for nearly seven weeks. It has been seven weeks of early starts (who knew tradies could be on time?!), lots of banging, old walls going down, new walls going up and us trying to make do living in one bedroom, a jam packed lounge room, and half a kitchen. Our small house is getting smaller before it gets bigger!

It is frustrating at times, and I readily admit to bouts of insanity and an overwhelming urge to cry, but seeing it all happening around us has been amazing and Tricky is absolutely loving it - especially having cement mixers, cranes, pump trucks and skip bin trucks coming and going.

But the five main things that have kept me (relatively) sane during these weeks are:

1. Babywearing all the time

Our house turned in to a construction site when Bobbin was four days old and from that moment on, as long as she was in the Hugabub, she has slept through sledgehammers, circular saws, nail guns and more. Nuzzled in to my chest she is oblivious to it all. And let’s be honest, if you were that close to my awesome rack you’d be oblivious to everything else, too. At this rate the girl will not learn to sit or crawl before she’s 12 months old, but hey, the floor is currently covered in sand so I figure that is probably a good thing.

Dirt level after just two days without vacuuming

2. Learning to go with the flow

My house is usually clean but not 100% tidy (hello, toddler on premises). But right now, our lounge is home to Tricky & Bobbin’s furniture – it looks like a second hand store with everything rammed in against each other. Add the dust and sand (dear lawd, THE SAND!) that comes with a build, and the mountains of hair from the injured dog who isn’t allowed outside and the place is feral. No, really. It is pretty disgusting right now. But you know what? There isn’t too much that can be done about that and the moment I let go of how things “should” look is the moment when it all became so much easier. I’ve even had friends over! I keep reminding myself this is only temporary and the house is going to look amazing really soon.

The littlest team member

3. Utilizing the grandparents

My parents live about five minutes away and we visit them pretty much every day we don’t have a planned activity. It’s a triple win: they get to see the grandkiddies, Tricks gets to run around without tripping over all the furniture that has been shoved in to our one usable room, and I get to relax and do nothing. Sometimes we’ll go get a coffee or some lunch and usually my Dad insists on paying. That makes it a quadruple win! Free lunch FTW!

4. Having fantastic builders

We’re using Perth builders Exactus and I couldn’t be happier. I’m blogging some of our renovation story for them over on their website – which is paid but unedited. I could prattle on about site management, deliveries being on time and blah, blah, blah, but the thing that has made this less stressful are the blokes on site. Tricky loves them. He excitedly announces when each of them arrive every day and runs out to talk to them, showing off his latest toy/skill/joke – and they’re all so lovely to him, asking him questions and telling him what the different tools are. If this build runs over time it will only be because Tricks is interrupting them. I don’t know how he is going to go when this is all finished – he’s grown so attached to them all that last week he cried because they left before he got a chance to say goodbye!

But children aside, I thought they’d be a nice bunch of blokes when in the first week, when I didn’t even know their names yet, I heard them all singing along to the radio, belting out “What’s Up?” by Four Non Blondes with gusto. Yes, I completely judge people by their ability to perform karaoke at work, don’t you? If you don’t sing along to that song then I don’t want to know you. It was topped off when ‘Grubby’ showed Miley Cyrus how sledgehammer licking should really be done:

That's not a sledgehammer lick, THIS is a sledgehammer lick

5. Embracing my inner craft nut

As much as he’d love it, it isn’t really safe to let Tricky play in the backyard when half of it is a building site. I had grand plans to go to the park a lot but the weather has been unseasonably wet so we have been stuck inside. In the one room. With all our furniture. And the dog. GAH! But a daily raiding of the craft drawers has been brilliant. Tricks loves craft and we normally do it once or twice a week but now it is once or twice a day. We’ve been making egg carton caterpillars, toilet roll birds, pipecleaner spiders and now we're on to Halloween craft. But nothing beats painting all over the temporary walls - let's just hope he doesn't paint the new walls.

My craft activity is better than your craft activity

Have you built/renovated with little kids? What kept you sane(ish)?

5 things not to say to a parent (and by parent I actually mean me)

The pants are out again! Can I get a woot woot?

When my parenting skills are called in to question I can go from zero to Cranky in 1.39 seconds. A quick glance at the news will show you children who aren't being cared for properly and you're going to tut tut at me based on the fact that there is some dried weetbix spot welded to the side of my kid's face? Priorities, people!

Prepare for rant in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1....

Five things not to say to a parent

(and by a parent I quite obviously mean me)

1. You made your son a toy kitchen? But he's a boy...
Really? You're that narrow minded that you're going to feel awkward when my son pretends to cook? A dude can't enjoy cooking? Are you afraid I'm going to feminize him, is that it? Geez, you're gonna totally flip when I show you his Jemima doll and pink teddy. Take your archaic views and fuck off.

2. Oh you're still breastfeeding? Umm, errr, that's, ummm, great... you're gonna stop soon though, right? I mean, it's not beneficial anymore.
Not beneficial? Tricky's needed medication for a cold ONCE in almost two years. Plus I can comfort him instantly when he's hurt, and manage an extra hour of precious sleep every morning thanks to continuing. Besides that, what's it to you? Pretty sure the decision to wean my child has absolutely nothing to do with you. If I want to feed him until he graduates highschool, I will.

3. You don't let your kid eat chips, yet you eat them in front of him? You're so cruel!
Is it also cruel that I drive a car in front of him and don't allow him to take the wheel? That I cook and bake with sharp knives and a hot oven yet don't let him near them? No. I'm the adult, he's the child, he doesn't have to do everything I do. Therefore your reasoning is bullshit and I'm not listening to you.

4. He doesn't talk much... he's lazy.
Lazy? LAZY? Toddler and lazy do not belong in the same sentence. We have gone from a deformity that has the potential to cause developmental delays to a kid hitting milestones just fine and 'normal'. I can't even begin to tell you how awesome that is. Just because he isn't doing the exact same thing at the exact same time as you/your kid/his dad/his second fucking cousin doesn't mean anything. Kids do things when they're ready.

5. He's very skinny... what are you feeding him?
A range of nutritious, home prepared meals, thanks for insinuating asking. This child is eating us out of house and home before the age of two, I dare not think of how it will be when he is a teenager, but it's likely we'll have to take out a second mortgage. He is a clone of his string bean father, blame his long, lean frame on genetics not the fact that he doesn't get junk food. Does he look healthy? Is he running around constantly? He's fine.

What is the one thing someone can say about you/your parenting that instantly makes your blood boil?