Gender Stereotyping: Too Cute To Be A Boy?

If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook (wait, what? You don't, go do it now!) you would have seen me say:

"Today at the shops the bag-check woman fussed over Tricky then said "You're too cute to be a boy" - Gender stereotyping now at a Kmart near you!"

Most people assumed I was saying that he had been mistaken for a girl and I was upset. She knew he was a boy because she'd already asked his name (quite possibly to figure out that very fact). I don't care when he gets mistaken for a girl, it honestly doesn't bother me... it has happened a few times, even after people have asked his name, because it sounds very similar to a girl's name.

Now I won't lie, a little part of me immediately swells with pride because my genetic material is partly responsible for creating a child who has been deemed 'attractive'. I will use his cuteness as proof that there is good in me somewhere.

But the rest of me, a much larger portion, is a little sad that even at age one he can't escape gender stereotyping. Society is already telling him how he should look and how he should act in order to be a boy. It's a little tiny pigeon hole that potentially takes away a lot of great experiences for him.

A few people on Twitter realized what I was saying and joined in with stories of friends/strangers/family members saying annoying, gender stereotyping comments. The ones that made me cringe the most were hearing that Tattoo Mummy's boy should get a haircut because only girls have blonde curls, and  Cloud Love Baby who was told "with a squeal like that, he should've been a girl". Really? Boys don't have blonde curls? They can't squeal?

Well he is cute...

Map Guy and I were quite conscious of not buying gendered toys for Tricky, even though we knew he was a boy from his anatomy scan. We instead focused on bright coloured toys, blocks and books, LOTS OF BOOKS!

When he did receive a 'boy toy' car as a gift, I felt I should even it up a bit and brought out one of my dolls. He plays with them equally and I love it; making vroom vroom noises with the car then hugging his dolly. He is developing in to a sweet little boy who is rough and adventurous sometimes, coy and cuddly at others.

I'm not the first to talk about gender stereotyping, not by a long shot, but I hadn't yet experienced the effects of it myself until yesterday, and it just makes me more focussed on assuring that Tricky grows up to be who he wants to be, not who society tells him to be.

I will do everything in my power to make sure he has a balanced view on the world and doesn't learn that there are things just for boys or just for girls. At least not from me.

Do your kids have gender neutral toys? All toys?  Do you mind when they get mistaken for the opposite sex?

The Ugly Truth

I've had a lot of friends have babies recently. And a lot of friends of friends. Through the power of Facebook you can see those babies in all their newborn glory within a few minutes of popping out.

The comments below the pics are always along the lines of "Congratulations she's beautiful!" "He's adorable!" and "OMG soooo cute!".

The thing about these comments is that the person has had time to filter what they really think before saying something. That luxury doesn't exist when you go to visit them at the hospital or at their home. So I have been known to prepare myself with some good lines, just in case, ya know?

Newborns tend to not be the most attractive creatures. Sometimes it has to do with their mode of delivery (be it via the escape shoot or the emergency hatch), and sometimes because Mother Nature can be a bitch with a dark sense of humour.

Every mother and father think their child is the most wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous creature to ever scream it's lungs out. It's hard wired. A lot of the time the extended family and friends think it too. Sometimes our perception of the parents influences our view of the child. A case of either rose coloured or shit-stained glasses.

Before Tricks was born I wondered if he'd be fabbo or fuggo. I even blogged my thoughts, in one of my early loooong paragraph posts with no pictures and actual research behind it. A friend remembered it when Tricky was born and wrote "Congrats, you didn't get a fuggo". Best.Compliment.Ever.

To make it fair, here's one of Tricky's more fuggo photos from when he was a newborn. I think he looks like a cross eyed Shar Pei - you know the dogs that don't fit their skin? Yeah, I just called my son a dog. I used to call him my Shar Pei-by until he grew in to those folds on his forehead. Be sure to write that on my Mother of the Year nomination, won't you?

One day old Shar Pei-by

As usual I put it out to Twitter and the suggestions included:
A TV catchphrase - "Breathtaking" - @Alexricia (quoting Seinfeld)
Pointing out the cute - "How cute are her little toes?!" - @MeganBlandford
Sticking to the facts - "She's so alert!" - @KerriSackville
Blatant lying to save face - "Cuuuuuuttttteeee" - @x0xJessikah
Size matters - "She's so big!" - @Glowless (yeah, that's me)
Genetic Questions - "Oh my gosh *pause* who does she look like?" @VaughnsMum

What do you do when faced with a less than gorgeous bub? 

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Glowless rocked the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to

HealthyChart and Baby Goes Retro and Simply Colors

Cute as a... um... monkey?

At a party the other night a friend was telling me about the ugliest baby he'd ever seen. So ugly was this baby that a mere description was not enough, he grabbed his phone and logged on to Facebook to share the horror. A few pictures later and we agreed that yes, this baby was not going to be in an Anne Geddes calendar any time soon... not that the parents know that. Oh no, they're blissfully unaware of the quiet whisperings of “looks like an old man” and “are you sure its human?” So naturally my next thought was “What if Tricky is ugly? Will I even know?”

I've been told the trick to know if your baby isn't calendar-cute is by the response of those seeing him for the first time. If they coo and mention his dimples, his eyes and general cuteness, then its likely they think your spawn is acceptable. If however, they instead focus on other features, chances are they think your kid is ugly: “He's so big!”, “Look how much hair”, “Such small hands” and the like are almost guaranteed to mean you've scored a fuggo. But that in itself isn't a great predictor because I know when I see a baby for the first time the first thing I think is always “Its sooo tiny! How can this be out of the womb yet?”

I know I'm getting way ahead of myself, seeing that Tricky isn't even born yet, but I'm pretty sure even if people do skirt around the cuteness factor and try to make lame comments to cover their awkwardness it won't matter – I'm unlikely to notice, it will just go over my head and I'll continue to be smitten... at least I hope so.

Research published in June last year on the PloS ONE website (an open access scientific journal – hey I never said I wasn't a nerd) suggests that whilst its been known for a long time that attractive adults are often more advantaged in life (from getting better jobs, higher pay and generally more opportunities), it apparently all starts in the cot. Pretty babies are loved more. This was only based on the results of 27 volunteers so its not exactly written in stone, but the results indicated that babies who were considered 'more attractive' were looked at more and from this they determined they were therefore loved more. What this research didn't consider was that the people looking at these babies were not their parents – I cannot imagine loving Tricky any less if he happens to come out with a cleft lip or birth marks all over him. He'll still be my little baby and therefore perfect in my eyes.

I've only had one friend tell me she didn't think her baby was cute. She was certain that when her daughter was born she must have had some genetic abnormality because she didn't look “quite right”. But what is right? Depending on how they come out they can look pretty alien! Squished heads, covered in cheesy vernix and blood, squinty eyes, even bruising from a traumatic birth mean they're not the most attractive things in the world - for the record my friend's daughter is now seven and looks like she should be in a catalogue she's that gorgeous! Babies need a few days (if not weeks) to get a bit cute in my opinion – but come and ask me on the day Tricky is born and I'll probably tell you he was instantly gorgeous.