Gender Stereotyping: Too Cute To Be A Boy?

If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook (wait, what? You don't, go do it now!) you would have seen me say:

"Today at the shops the bag-check woman fussed over Tricky then said "You're too cute to be a boy" - Gender stereotyping now at a Kmart near you!"

Most people assumed I was saying that he had been mistaken for a girl and I was upset. She knew he was a boy because she'd already asked his name (quite possibly to figure out that very fact). I don't care when he gets mistaken for a girl, it honestly doesn't bother me... it has happened a few times, even after people have asked his name, because it sounds very similar to a girl's name.

Now I won't lie, a little part of me immediately swells with pride because my genetic material is partly responsible for creating a child who has been deemed 'attractive'. I will use his cuteness as proof that there is good in me somewhere.

But the rest of me, a much larger portion, is a little sad that even at age one he can't escape gender stereotyping. Society is already telling him how he should look and how he should act in order to be a boy. It's a little tiny pigeon hole that potentially takes away a lot of great experiences for him.

A few people on Twitter realized what I was saying and joined in with stories of friends/strangers/family members saying annoying, gender stereotyping comments. The ones that made me cringe the most were hearing that Tattoo Mummy's boy should get a haircut because only girls have blonde curls, and  Cloud Love Baby who was told "with a squeal like that, he should've been a girl". Really? Boys don't have blonde curls? They can't squeal?

Well he is cute...

Map Guy and I were quite conscious of not buying gendered toys for Tricky, even though we knew he was a boy from his anatomy scan. We instead focused on bright coloured toys, blocks and books, LOTS OF BOOKS!

When he did receive a 'boy toy' car as a gift, I felt I should even it up a bit and brought out one of my dolls. He plays with them equally and I love it; making vroom vroom noises with the car then hugging his dolly. He is developing in to a sweet little boy who is rough and adventurous sometimes, coy and cuddly at others.

I'm not the first to talk about gender stereotyping, not by a long shot, but I hadn't yet experienced the effects of it myself until yesterday, and it just makes me more focussed on assuring that Tricky grows up to be who he wants to be, not who society tells him to be.

I will do everything in my power to make sure he has a balanced view on the world and doesn't learn that there are things just for boys or just for girls. At least not from me.

Do your kids have gender neutral toys? All toys?  Do you mind when they get mistaken for the opposite sex?

Gender Bender

According to a highly scientific gender prediction quiz on www.childbirth.org I have an 82% chance of having a girl.

The quiz is made up of 23 old wives' tales including such gems as “A baby girl steals her mothers' looks” (which would explain the lack of Glow) as well as some I'd never heard of before like “If you pick up a mug by its handle you'll have a boy, pick it up by the body of the mug, you'll have a girl.” I went and picked up a mug to check and I pick it up from the rim – does this mean I'll have an intersex baby?

Its the question I get asked on a daily basis (the gender, not if it'll be intersex). People want to know two things; when I'm due, and if its a boy or a girl. At the moment I'm still two long weeks away from being able to tell, but my answer of “its too early” is met with “are you going to find out?” This is the bit I'm struggling with. The thing is I can't decide if I want to know or not. I'm the type of person who has to know everything, and I hate surprises (birthdays and Christmas bring a mixture of emotions for me) but I'm seriously toying with the idea of not finding out.

I'd like to think knowing wouldn't affect the way I decorate the nursery or dictate the colour of the jumpsuits I buy. Gender-neutral is becoming a buzz word in this household because of my belief that a child should be able to grow up in to the adult it was meant to be, not what society forced on it. And yes, I know painting walls pink or blue has almost nothing to do with the adult psyche, but it has to start somewhere! So by not knowing I'm forced to stay gender neutral and I'll be less likely to be swayed by the 'adorable frilly dress' or 'oh so cute sailor outfit' (do they actually exist?).

I've already started referring to Tricky as a he, purely for ease of conversation, and I'm afraid if I have a girl, for the first three months I'll refer to her as he, just through force of habit.