An Ode to Map Guy on our 5th Wedding Anniversary

You’re my tantrum tag teamer extraordinaire,
The ever patient stroker of my hair,
A tight jar opener and heavy thing lifter,
My wonderful Mother’s Day bacon rose gifter.

A cockroach hunter and scary spider killer,
My super awesome bedroom thriller!
With fabulous hands, you’re a top masseuse,
Plus you’re scrummier than a pfeffernusse.

My friend, my lover, my BFF,
Handy with the vac and a bloody good chef.
The dad that puts Mike Brady to shame,
And the man that sets my heart aflame.

The only one to whom I can tell all my stuff,
And the one who got me up the duff!
To find anyone better I’d be hard pressed,
Because these last five years have been the best!

How Not To Ruin Your Marriage: Lesson Two

Anniversaries

Later this week it will be four years since Map Guy and I tied the knot in front of our family and friends.

We're not really in to the whole gift giving thing for anniversaries, probably because we're both really stingey. Instead we like to do something nice for each other like cook a special dinner and have a candle lit bath.

To commemorate these four fabulous years, I've come up with some tips and tricks that will help you choose the anniversary gift for your significant other so that they won't be heading for the divorce lawyer's office the next day.

Tips for HIM

Do: Surprise her with a lovely night in a hotel
Don't: Surprise her with a lovely night in a hotel and not organize a babysitter

Do: Make a romantic dinner of her favourite meal
Don't: Make a romantic dinner of her favourite meal and leave her to do the dishes all alone

Do: Massage her aching shoulders
Don't: Massage her aching shoulders while digging your erection in to her back

Do: Get her something she's always wanted, like a charm bracelet or a pair of earrings
Don't: Get her something you've always wanted her to have, like the instructional DVD 'The Ultimate Guide to Blow Jobs'

Do: Give her a stunning pearl necklace
Don't: Give her a stunning pearl necklace and then waggle your eyebrows and say you'll give her another one later

Tips for HER

Do: Put out
Don't: Not put out

What do you get your spouse for your anniversary?

Mappy Anniversary

On this day three years ago, Map Guy and I became Mr and Mrs GlowMap or MapGlow. Or something.

We didn't have the traditional type of wedding because we're not traditional type of people. It started with having three bright yellow Ford GTs as our wedding cars and continued from there.

I wasn't walked down the isle by my Dad... I didn't want to be. It was not something I had dreamed of since I was a little girl; I had not imagined myself in a giant puffy dress, walking next to my Dad while he held back tears as he proudly escorted me to my waiting beau. No matter how much mainstream media told me I should want for it, I didn't. Not even once.

It didn't sit well with me to be given away as property - even if it is just a silly tradition that holds no weight any more, that's what it felt like for me. I would be a possession. An object. There was no way it was going to happen.

So instead, Map Guy waited at the bottom (or is it the top?) of the aisle for me to arrive, and we walked up (or is it down?) together, to symbolize to our friends and family in attendance that we had chosen to "give ourselves away" to each other.

Because I was acutely aware that my Dad might have dreamed of giving his daughter away, but would never have voiced his disappointment, a few minutes in to the ceremony BOTH sets of parents were asked to stand and "give away" their child - If I had to be given away then he bloody had to as well!

We continued on with the non-traditional by having a somewhat unusual choice of song for our bridal waltz, "Shut Up and Kiss Me" by Fiona Horne and Paul McDermott (yep the guy on Good News Week who always sings),  then the bridal party joined us and "Icecream" by Sarah McLachland played. It was definitely very "us". As was the fairy bread the bridal party had between ceremony and reception. What? You know all the best parties have fairy bread!

Photo by the divine Jen Regan of Anna Rose Photography

Happy anniversary, Map Guy. Because we always seem to gravitate towards music, I will quote Spiral Staircase when I say  "I love you more today than yesterday, but only half as much as tomorrow ". The past year has been amazing and I would be nowhere without you. I love you xxx

Did you do anything different to the norm at your wedding? Would you do anything differently if you had the chance?

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Glowless rocked the Aussie Bloggers Conference thanks to

HealthyChart and Baby Goes Retro and Simply Colors