To Vitamin or not to Vitamin

Let's for a second ignore the fact that some of you may have said VIT-amin thus making my skin crawl, and carry on to more important things.

Original image by Erix, modified by moi under CC license

When I worked as the makeup chick in a pharmacy I would spend a lot of time with the naturopaths being told about all the marvelous things these tablets and potions were meant to be able to do for me. I often wondered whether it was all pseudo science and rather than part me with my symptoms it would just part me with my cash. I decided to try out a few out anyway because a) I had an income and b) I got an employee discount.

I swallowed giant horse tablets of spirulina, fish oil, iron, a multivitamin and, because I was duffed at the time, some super duper folate. I was taking so many different things that upon opening my cupboard a multi coloured foul smelling deluge of digestible plastic would descend on me. It was so stressful being covered every morning that I considered taking a stress remedy then decided cleaning my cupboard would probably be cheaper and more effective in the long run.

I was on my 'prescribed' regime for a year or so and other than having significantly less money in my bank account and wee that looked decidedly radioactive, I didn't notice anything different when I was on them. Though that could have been thanks to the eating chips constantly while preggers then not sleeping at all thanks to a newborn who fed freaking hourly. Apparently they negate all positive effects.

So here I am, a month in to my new health regime and I'm curious about it all again, but obviously not curious enough to actually buy any. And really, aren't blogs just avenues for getting advice?

Do you take vitamins? Should I? How do you pronounce it?

EDIT: 01/12/12 I've been taking a multi for a month now and OMG my nails are so strong. They've never been this strong before - they were always chipping and splitting. Now they're really long and painted blood red. Talons FTW!

Pregnancy has turned me in to an old man

If I was standing next to an old man its quite possible you would have trouble telling us apart. The belly could be mistaken for a beer gut, so if it wasn't for the enormous pregnancy-enhanced breasts I'd be offered a senior's discount wherever I went. I've morphed from being a normal 20-something in to a geriatric within a few short months.

Another mummy-to-be and I were discussing this phenomenon at yoga the other day. The old man symptoms have crept up on us but are now full blown:

Walking pharmacy
I take so many different tablets now that my local pharmacy has increased it's profit margin by at least 200% on my sales alone. Whilst I'm not your standard old geezer meds like panadol osteo or warfarin, I too, rattle when I walk
Heart burn & indigestion
On top of all those pills inside me that sound like someone playing the maracas in the distance, I always have a stash of Quick Eze or Rennie's on hand for when Tricky starts playing with matches again. At yoga a few of us even have them sitting next to our mats ready for an attack during 'downward dog'
Slow and steady
Walking pace is a subjective concept – for me its more of a 'hobbling pace' and then only when supported by a handrail. I'm considering investing in a walking frame mainly so that I can have a seat with me at all times for when I get tired
Complain, whinge, moan
I'm generally a patient person... not any more. I catch a bus and train to and from work and the number of bloody teenagers that stare at me through their long emo fringes from the comfort of their seat while I stand, glaring back at them, is astounding! The little buggers on their 50c fares... As you can see, I get a little worked up about it. If it's not 'kid's these days' then its the weather.
Dither dother
As I explained earlier, the mumnesia has hit me hard. I liken it to early stage dementia
Strange obsessions
Like most preggos suffering baby-brain when it comes to baby related things I'm sharp as a tack. Old men may prattle on about trains and the war, my talents lie in being able to tell you the fibre content of that muffin you're eating, the names of all the pain relief drugs available in birth (by both their manufacture name and brand name) and can also reel off a list of statistics on birth interventions. Yes, I'm that boring.

I'm prepared to acknowledge that I've just listed the qualities of a stereotype, but hey, stereotypes are based in fact a lot of the time. Just look at the pregnant woman stereotype – fits like a glove!

An A-Z of Pregnancy Part III

Touching Belly Etiquette – Pregnant women are public property. No longer is there a bubble of personal space surrounding me with any touching done on the upper arm as per cultural conventions. Its all belly touching and rubbing like I'm a Buddha statue at a Lotto kiosk. So far I haven't had any strangers come up and just grope me, although they've told me their life stories (see J), but friends have told me horror stories of being at the local Woolies and being harassed by elderly ladies who just can't seem to control themselves around a swollen tum. I'm not too sure what I'd do in the situation, other than probably put my own hands protectively over my belly so that theirs couldn't fit on... or I could just snarl and bark at them – I'm sure they'd run away quick as a flash.

Umbilicus – Am I allowed to request an 'inny' or an 'outie' belly button for Tricky? Hubby has the best of both worlds with a 'flattie' due to being born with an umbilicus hernia that needed surgery. I have an inny at the moment – the deepest inny you have ever seen. In the past few weeks a laparoscopic surgery scar that was hidden far inside my belly button has become visible. When my belly button pops it is highly likely that someone could lose an eye. You've been warned.

Vitamins – Folate this, iron that. Women have done this for thousands of years and their babies have turned out fine – yet I have a shelf that closely resembles a pharmacy and rattle when I walk due to all the multivitamins and supplements that we all simply must take. A pre-natal for at least three months before falling pregnant or you're irresponsible; an ante-natal during pregnancy to make sure bub develops as healthily as possibly and hopefully makes up for all the champers you drunk before finding out; fish oil for brain development and also to keep those ugly (read completely natural) stretch marks at bay; and then an iron supplement because the baby is stealing all yours and leaving you tired.

Waddle – Life as a duck is approaching. My bump is getting bigger now and soon I will start to waddle when I walk. Its a strange hip swinging movement half due to the size and placement of the massive tum, and half because of the loosening of all the ligaments in your hips to accommodate the impending birth. This is another reason why I don't fall for the “pregnant women are the sexiest thing on earth” concept – “waddle over here, baby, yeah!”

Xrays – Do you remember the posters at the Xray places that have a cartoon of a baby in a uterus with the little speech bubble saying “Mum, don't forget to tell them I'm here”? Thats exactly how I imagine Tricky. All cute and completely human looking, swimming around in a giant circle with an umbilical cord for modesty. When he comes out and is all squished, covered in crap with a conehead, I might ask for a refund.

Yoga – I've been looking in to ante-natal yoga classes after hearing so many women sing their praises. And as long as I don't have to wear lycra, I think I'm going to join up. With the pictures of birth positions I've seen, a bit of limbering up should do me the world of good. Plus I'd totally win the next game of Twister.

Zzzzz – Everyone with kids keeps reminding me how much sleep I won't be getting pretty soon. I wish there was a way that I could build up a sleep 'account' now and just snooze all day adding to it, so that when Tricky arrives and wants to feed at 3.12am there is plenty of reserves to call on. I know it doesn't work that way, but its a nice thought. Or I could express and bottle feed so that Hubby gets up at night.. ooh I like the sound of that!