What's in a name?

I'm a bit of a spelling freak. Nothing amuses me more than professionally made signs with spelling or grammar mistakes, and one of my favourite books is 'Eats, Shoots & Leaves' by Lynne Truss (which shockingly has several dozen punctuation errors itself!). But what does this have to do with babies? Well its a bit of a story...

Today I went out with my mum to visit her work friend, Sally and her two month old bundle of joy, Noah. Oh how sweet and precious he is! But could I relax while holding him? No. Simple thought of “you break it, you bought it” running through my head meant that I held on to him for dear life for about five minutes before I offered my mum a hold. She thought I was being nice, giving up my 'turn'... but it was pure and blind panic that motivated me.

So we were chatting about the usual things a new mother would talk about to a pregnant woman – just how freaking tired she was, but how it is all worth it – when we got on to the subject of the announcement. Sally asked to be put on our official 'text list' for when Tricky is born but suggested we don't tell anyone until the next day so that the initial bonding stages aren't interrupted by people coming to see the little guy (I'm a realist, I know they wouldn't be coming to see me). At this point Sally's husband David started laughing and said I should make sure to spell Tricky's name correctly in the text message. What? I didn't quite get what he meant, so he continued...

David had sent a group text to approximately 20 people and had used the predictive text function on his phone, which didn't have Noah stored in the dictionary. Without noticing he announced the happy arrival of his new son 'Mobi'. Texts flooded back congratulating them and commenting on the name choice (I'm sure Moby fans would have thought it very cool). David sent a second text immediately correcting the mistake, and finally Noah had his name. Oh well, not so bad, a few people thought he had an unusual name there for a few minutes, nothing to worry about... or was there? In the short time between the first and second texts one of the recipients had jumped straight on the phone to purchase a gift... and that is why the Fremantle Dockers now have a junior member called Mobi.

Hear ye, hear ye... shhhh!

According to an article by Laura Wattenberg on US site The Baby Name Wizard, as an expectant parent I have two big naming decisions to make. The first one is pretty obvious; choosing a name. The second decision is whether or not to reveal the name before the birth. Apparently people will fall in to either of two categories; broadcasters or keepers.

I've known people from both camps, those who announce the name as soon as they know the sex (or have a girl's name and boy's name ready), and those who keep it a closely guarded secret. I fall somewhere in the middle.

I've told a few select people our 'top names' just to get some feedback because once its on the birth certificate its a lot harder to change. My own fears prevent me from being a keeper: I have visions of Granny wrinkling up her nose saying that was the name of the old pervert down the street and will then forever only say the name virtually dripping with disdain. Or what if my friend names her child, due a few weeks earlier, the same thing? Do I have to find a new name then? If I tell her my name ideas now do I get first dibs even though she'll give birth first? Is there a legal precedent for these things?

There was even a few noses upturned when mentioning possible 'in-utero' names. Originally it was going to be 'Cletus' (as in Cletus the Foetus) but that was quickly shot down as it reminded my sister too much of the irritating Simpson's character. When a friend mentioned Tricky (a combination of the letters in mine and Hubby's names) it seemed to fit and didn't have any negative connotations. So Tricky it is. Plus its much cuter than Cletus, too.

I've been told that babies are born with a name and I'll know Tricky's name the moment I see him. Now I'm assuming it doesn't come stamped on his head, so how will I know? If I choose to have a drug-free birth will I be so delirious with pain that I don't recognise his name? Or alternatively I might be so drugged up that I want to immediately name him after the lovely anaesthetist. Similarly I could name him after my first impressions of him, and accordingly he shall forever be known as 'Slightly-Squished-And-Covered-In-Crap' which will be awfully hard to fit on forms and even harder to find on a personalised toothbrush or pen. I have a terrible feeling that for months he will be simply known as “Baby Glow-less” and I'll end up choosing by pulling a name out of a hat, just so I can register the birth and get my baby bonus.

Baby Naming 101

Without knowing the sex of the baby, Hubby and I are compiling a very long list of possible baby names that changes on an hourly basis. I have visions of our child's crib at the hospital reading “BABY GLOW-LESS” because we still haven't come to a decision.

My problem is I really like the names in the 'top twenty'. The top boys name, Jack, is a lovely name but doesn't really go with our surname so I'll use it as an example. The likelihood of there being at least two or three other Jack's in his school class is high, so he would always be referred to as Jack F or (lets be honest, we're talking about children who are especially skilled at being mean) Smelly Jack or Lanky Jack. Will I burden my child with a Smelly Jack moniker?

As I grew up I was the only one with my name (Glow-less being quite unique), so whilst I didn't have to share it with anyone and be defined by my surname or a trait, I did have trouble with always having to spell my name to people (hyphens make it difficult). It was so hard to get anything with my name on it; sticker books, those little number plates for your bike – I wanted them so much! To this day I still look through the racks of items to see if I'm there, and get a little thrill and the urge to buy it if I find it - the Holy Grail of a personalised pen or toothbrush.

I'm not sure if today's kids are going to find it hard to get their pen's and toothbrushes personalised or not. Maybe the industry will grow with the increasingly weirder names that are coming out? Maybe poor Jack won't get anything with his name on it because all the J's will be Jordan, Jayden, Jackson, Jakson and Jaxson?

It seems today if you're name isn't weird, then you're destined to be a normal, boring person. Parents are naming their children after the rich and famous with the hopes their spawn will follow in it's namesake's Chinese Theatre footprints. And lets not forget the celebrities' poor children, currently assaulted by the “come up with the weirdest sounding name possible that will haunt your child until it's old enough to get it legally changed” trend. Some of my favourite (that is, the worst) of just this past year include:

Boys

Sophocles Iraia - Jermaine Clement & Mirandda Manasiadis

Bronx Mowgli - Pete Wentz & Ashlee Simpson

Atlas - James Tupper & Anne Heche

Sparrow James - Joel Madden & Nicole Richie

Girls

Petal Blossom Rainbow - Jamie & Jools Oliver

Mars Merkaba - Jay Electronica & Erykah Badu

Seraphina Rose - Ben Affleck & Jennifer Garner

Jagger Joseph Blue - Jason Goldberg & Soleil Moon Frye

Mind you, with some of those parents' names, I suppose naming your child something strange might be genetic.