She wasn't one for smiling in photos and for her happiness to be captured on film at my wedding meant so much to me.
We had a memorial slideshow at her funeral today. On Monday I had gone with my Dad and Uncle to the production office to drop off photos to be scanned and received confirmation that yes, my photo had been received via email and would be included.
Today I watched the screen and through my tears I saw my Nanna as a beautiful young bride cutting her wedding cake; as a mother with my Dad in her arms; as a grandmother with a chubby Aunty Penny in her lap; as an old lady with curlers in her hair.
Then it ended. And my photo was nowhere to be seen.
I keep trying to tell myself it's just a photo, but I'm so sad and angry that it was forgotten.
Her time in the nursing home, where Tricky and I would visit her every few weeks or so, has robbed me of my memories. I don't want to remember her like that, I don't want anyone to remember her like that, and yet visions of her wasting away in there are all I can recall right now. Today it's all I see when I close my eyes, as if it's been burned in to the back of my eyelids.
I need to be able to think of her and see this photo, smiling and happy on a special day, not the 26kg shell of a woman she was in her last few days.
As with life, there is no do-over of a funeral. There is no "sorry we fucked up, here's another slideshow". And I feel robbed all over again.
So after being let down by a company that took a sizable chunk of money from my family and didn't deliver, I'll use my crappy little corner of the interwebz to immortalize her. I'm pretty sure it's not in the "How to be a Mummy Blogger handbook" but right now I don't care.
Oh sweetheart. Remember her kisses xx
ReplyDeleteIt is a gorgeous photo of your Nanna and captures the joy of your wedding day perfectly. I am sorry the funeral home mucked it up for you. Really sorry. xox
ReplyDeleteOh honey - I am so sorry. Your memories are just as important as everyone else's.
ReplyDeleteGorgeous photo x
ReplyDeleteOh honey, I'm so sorry. You're right, there is no do over for funerals and you can't unfuck fuck ups. I'm so angry for you that this wonderful photo of such a happy memory wasn't included.
ReplyDeleteI understand not wanting to remember her in her final days. When my Nana died years and years ago, she had been suffering from Alzheimers for well over 10 years. I chose not to see her in her final years. She didn't know anyone, she didn't speak, she was barely existing no matter living and I didn't want to remember her like that. I was always [and still am] in awe of my Mum who went and visited her every week. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for her to see her own Mother like that, a shell of the woman she once was.
Sending you massive big warm love filled hugs tonight, be kind to yourself and remember, there is NO handbook or rules when it comes to grief, go with what feels right.
xxx
That is a beautiful photo. I am sorry the funeral home fucked up. I'll come to Perth and we'll rock their roof together. xxxx
ReplyDeleteit's a beautiful photo. xox
ReplyDeletemummy bloggers are grand daughter bloggers too.
So sad for you that you didn't get that comforting feeling your photo would have provided for you. It is a gorgeous photo.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful photo. I'm so sorry it was left out. It probably doesn't help today (and I don't blame you) but it really is such a special photo. Would look gorgeous on canvas, taking pride of place in your home. Remember your Nanna like this, so happy and proud of you. Much love, xx
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Glow. It is such a beautiful photo of the love the two of you shared. Look after yourself xxxxx
ReplyDeleteOh Glow.. its a beautiful photo and memory.. one you will have in your heart forever!!!
ReplyDeleteOh Glow,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your loss and that your beautiful photo was left out.
That photo is gorgeous. Your happiness and shared love is tangible. You have definitely imortalized her and your love for her.
That's so unfair that they messed that up. It is a great photo, you can see how joyful you both are.
ReplyDeleteBig fat xxx and ooo for you lovely
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, I know how you feel.
ReplyDeleteMy Grumpa's funeral was held during a normal Sunday mass and I was so SO angry because he deserved so much more than that.
your Nanna looks to be an amazing woman and she's lucky she has you so passionately remembering her. xxxx
I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteWhat a gorgeous photograph too - it really captures the moment.
Such a precious photo. So upsetting that it was left out, especially when you checked. I am so sorry for your loss and that this lovely memory was passed by. Sending love x
ReplyDeleteHugs , thinking of you as you grieve a very special lady xox
ReplyDeleteThat is a wonderful picture! I am so sorry it got left out of the slide show. Blow it up, frame it, and cherish forever.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful photo Glow. I totally get what you mean about seeing her as she is in that photo. I have one of my Pop that I feel exactly the same about.
ReplyDeleteLove & squishies xxx
I'm so sorry to hear yr anguish. I'd feel the same. Nanas are just do important. I loved mine so much, and still do in my heart. You won't always feel like this about the day, and it is an absolutely gorgeous picture. It captures so much.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry this happened-you have me crying in my cornflakes! It's a wonderful photo to treasure. Xlisa
ReplyDeletehug and love babe. Yes, blow it up, get it on a huge cavas thing and make it the centre of xmas to come. xxxxxx
ReplyDeleteOh Glow, I'm so sorry to hear that. After I lost someone very special to me last year, I made my own slide show of our images for the kids to watch at home. I've included all the pics that captured *their* time with her. It's all about reminding them if their special memories. Maybe you could create one for T and include that gorgeous image? Much love xx
ReplyDeleteOh Glow :-( I'm sorry, that is just horrible of the company.
ReplyDeleteIt is a beautiful photo of your Nana and I wish they had included it.
That makes me so angry for you. Really? You could have whipped up a slideshow and included all the photo's, why can't professionals do it. Especially when specifically asked to include a photo.
ReplyDeleteRemember her as you do growing up. She is that happy woman in your photo <3
So sorry for your loss, Glowless.
ReplyDeleteI know the feeling of being robbed of memories. Visiting my dad in hospital during his last day robbed me of memories of a strong happy dad and instead gave me the shadow I now see.
Find all the photos you can of happier times and allow your brain to cling to them.
I hope you are doing well, regards from me and Mum. XX