You just don’t bloody speak up. And we all know what can happen when the hiding and the bottling up gets to breaking point.
But I’m not talking about the mental health side of things, I’m talking about the physical body and how anything wrong is kept quiet. Out of embarrassment or machismo or sheer stupidity. If it’s Man Flu you don’t bloody shut up but if it’s anything more? Silence.
When my Dad was in hospital after his open heart surgery, he fell squarely in to the sheer stupidity section – He was experiencing unusual tingling in his left arm and didn’t say a thing for almost 24 hours. We all know what that tingling can mean, even he did.
But he chose to stay silent; Didn’t want to hassle the nurses, didn’t want to make a fuss. Dickhead.
The only way we found out was when he whispered it to me when my Mum left the room. I yelled at him and paged the nurse.
This morning it has come to my attention that the entire time I was with him yesterday he was experiencing severe chest pains. He mentioned it in passing to my Mum last night. So let me just reiterate in case you missed it; Dickhead.
So, Dad, I’m going to make you read my blog for the very first time, and this bit right here, well it’s just for you:
At what point does it become acceptable to ask for help? Must you be lying on the floor gasping your last breath and clutching your chest? Cos if you ask me, that’s a bit fucking late. Or is a grave marker how you'd like your grandson to remember you?
totally get this! Mr Glowless I hope you are listening!
ReplyDeleteDear Glowless' Dad,
ReplyDeleteYou sound JUST like my own father. You're not going to help anybody. You're not going to save them from concern. All you're doing is making them stress over whether something else is wrong, and you're not telling them what it is. They'll lie awake at night waiting for 'that call' because you didn't tell anyone something was wrong with you.
Please - for yourself and for your family...just SAY it, already!
Jodie
* * *
Glowless: Hon, good for you for writing this post. Men do this a LOT. xxx
Bloody men. Seriously. Speak up. You are NOT being an inconvenience or a worry when you talk up, more like you are being an extreme worry when you don't!
ReplyDeleteTALK LOUD!
You are worth your health as are your family.
My Dad was EXACTLY the same. He didnt want to hassle anyone, thought he was a bit faint from the heat and ambulances were just for sick people. And that is where he had his major heart attack. And had to be revived by a defibrillator. We were so close to losing him it still scares me to think of it, 9 years on. So keep hassling your Dad, it will eventually sink in...
ReplyDeleteYes, yes and more yes. I think you can safely say that your first paragraph is quite correct and ALL men are like this. They are STUPID! The "I didn't want to worry anyone" excuse is such a cop-out because even in their stupidity they must see that not saying anything causes a lot more worry (just slightly delayed). I hope your dad is OK (I assume he is getting these chest pains checked out?!) and that he learns something from reading your blog! (And if so perhaps he could then go and explain same to my dad).
ReplyDeleteYeah, bloody men... Then there is the ones that complain about various ailments, but never do anything about it...
ReplyDeleteI hope your dad gets the message and gets well soon...
I feel your emotion here glowy - my dad is one of these dickheads too and the thought of my kids not knowing their grandfather brings tears to my eyes. I never knew my dad's dad just like he never knew his dad's dad because they were all dickheads who didn't look after their health and didn't ask for help until it was too late.... if you won't do it for yourself, do it for your family because we love you and don't want to have to face life without you. I want my kids to have real memories of their grandad not just some old photo to look at and wonder what kind of person he was....
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jodie. You're so right, the stress of finding out after the fact is just as bad if not worse because it's combined with anger and worry over what else goes unsaid.
ReplyDeleteBloody Men!!!
ReplyDeleteI would much rather drop everything and be 'inconvenienced' by having to take him to hospital than hearing about it later... everything else can wait.
ReplyDeleteHe's never read it before, he knows it exists but doesn't have internet access. I'll print out this page for him - feel free to do the same and shove it at your own Dad. And yes he'll be getting it checked out today - if it turns out it was only indigestion I'll still be cranky at him.
ReplyDeleteYes the whinge and don't do anything brigade is alive and not-so-well. I'm part of the club too.
ReplyDeleteOh Rach, that's just it - why can't they get over themselves and just do it for their grandkids? A treasured photo is pathetic compensation for treasured memories.
ReplyDeleteWill be printed and used as wallpaper in his bedroom.
ReplyDeleteOooooooh deep breath (and I did, literally, just take a very deep breath). I completely understand this. I don't get it either! My husband has been walking around for over 5 months with the root of a tooth in his gum and he STILL won't go to a dentist. I'm under strict lock-down and not allowed to mention it. I don't get it. And he doesn't like it when I call him Festy Features now. But I'm at name-calling (breaking) point. However, at least a broken-off tooth is not life threatening like chest pains after heart surgery.....
ReplyDeleteSo, Dickhead it is!
:( I hope your dad learns to speak up before it's too late. When it's your health (mental or physical) you should ALWAYS speak up.
ReplyDeleteGlowy, I hope your dad gets well soon. I think it's not just men, my mum is like this and well, I'll admit it, I am, too. So far I've only had minor proofs of my stupidity (like $3000 dental bill when I could have gotten away with $300 a year earlier), but this post really drives it in for me how serious it can be.
ReplyDeleteToo true, I hope your dad understands where you're coming from and is more vocal moving forward. At least he has the opportunity to change his ways!
ReplyDeleteJust like a friend of mine who's father died from bowel cancer while living in a nursing home. He'd been bleeding from the bowel for months, but didn't want to be a bother so didn't tell anyone. When the bleeding was discovered it was too late and he died a week or so later.
ReplyDeleteOoops. That should be "whose"....
ReplyDeleteYou are 100 per cent correct. At first I thought you were talking about how they always mumble and speak in the opposite direction to you until you screech at them that if 'you are talking to ME and expect me to hear and respond you need to face ME and for god's sake open your mouth properly!'. But you weren't.
ReplyDeleteHowever, you are still right. Especially if the illness is serious. A male colleague of mine recently learned his arteries and liver are in a bad way. If he thought he was on the verge of a heart attack I doubt we'd have heard anything, but it manifested in a mild stomach ache, so we heard plenty. But as we had in fact heard all about him feeling crook, and taking several days off for doctor visits and tests, he couldn't very well get out of telling us about the test results. I noticed he still ate a couple of pies for lunch today though.
Apparently all of our dad are dickheads . . . must be something to do with taht generation! Use whatever tactics you have at your disposal to guilt him into dealing with it because DAMNIT you, your rmom and perhaps most of all Tricky need him to be around a long LONG time!
ReplyDeleteStop beating about the bush and get to the point woman! keep on nagging him and here's hoping it works
ReplyDeleteI have recently felt the impact of a Husband Bomb - he had kept some stuff bottled up for years and suddenly the pin fell out of the grenade and BOOOOOOOOM. Was it really worth keeping those thoughts to yourself for so long mate? Seriously. Let it out guys ... speak .... before it's to late.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Glowless.
Here here. Totally agree. But - in my immature way - also a bit of a high 5 to you G lady for swearing at your Papa! In this instance it is warranted, but I'm not sure I could do it unless my Dad was many oceans away, somewhere without mobile phone reception, or electricity.
ReplyDeleteIm hearing ya,My Nan has cancer and refuses to let anyone go to the doctors so we cant tell him how sick and sore she really is!! drives me up the wall.
ReplyDeleteMight sound harsh Dad of Not-Glowing Lady, but that tomb stone would look a little funny in the graveyard. Putting aside your ego temporarily is not so bad, compared to a permanent silly tomb stone.
ReplyDeleteGlowless' Dad - please listen! I also know how this feels and how FRUSTRATING it is. I can't wait to see a picture of these messages as wallpaper in your bedroom. xoxo
ReplyDelete