tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post6506365162446654070..comments2023-07-12T22:49:14.635+08:00Comments on Where's My Glow? : Of Death, Census and ResourcesGlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08156015996147898156noreply@blogger.comBlogger48125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-33309568174062154782011-08-13T17:20:40.654+08:002011-08-13T17:20:40.654+08:00Thank you for such an honest comment, Martine.
It...Thank you for such an honest comment, Martine.<br /><br />It's a tough situation to be in. I would have said the exact same thing (if I'd been old enough) when my grandmother passed away. I would have ranted and raved that they had to do anything and everything to keep her with us. Now, I can see how much she and the family suffered. I see it all happening again now and I feel so powerless. Maybe that's what it all boils down to? I'm a control freak and am most definitely not in control of this.<br /><br />Thanks again,<br /><br />Glowless<br /><br />* <br />www.wheresmyglow.com<br />www.facebook.com/wheresmyglow<br />www.twitter.com/glowless<br />*Glowlesshttp://www.wheresmyglow.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-81584108988921268982011-08-13T15:53:00.634+08:002011-08-13T15:53:00.634+08:00Wow. That's a tough one!! Kinda like Euthanas...Wow. That's a tough one!! Kinda like Euthanasia is. The way I look at it is that it should be an individual choice. Surgery at an advanced age is a very different kettle of fish to operations when you're younger. A much, much greater risk of dying. But, just as I couldn't take away someone's choice to die, I couldn't take away someone's decision to try their hardest to live, no matter what their age. Mrs Catchnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-36928357307865213412011-08-13T09:37:00.449+08:002011-08-13T09:37:00.449+08:00I am terrified of death. I'm caught between n...I am terrified of death. I'm caught between not wanting to know when it happens, and wanting to be able to say goodbye. Neither are appealing thoughts for me. It's always difficult to be faced with death. Take care.Laney @ Crash Test Mummyhttp://www.crashtestmummy.com.aunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-37805371721511853172011-08-13T08:04:11.408+08:002011-08-13T08:04:11.408+08:00I guess all your questions are natural. The timing...I guess all your questions are natural. The timing of when to ask could be better, but we seldom think about such things till they are upon us, do we? Maybe we should. Even when you are not close to someone, death can be so confronting. I have only been with someone once at the time of their passing (my FIL) and though I was not close to him, it was still a very sad and sombre moment. And I did shed tears. It's one of those life experiences that stays with you. All the best to your and your family at this difficult time.Veronica @ Mixed Gemsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-8467110115013207852011-08-12T22:24:16.109+08:002011-08-12T22:24:16.109+08:00if i'm totally honest and blunt, i'm very ...if i'm totally honest and blunt, i'm very surprised that at his age and stage of illness that they offered him the surgery - the unwritten rule is that the older the patient, the sicker they are and the less likely they are to make it through surgery or for the surgery to have a profound impact on extending their life, the less likely they are to offer the choice of surgery or even suggest it. <br /><br />i remember when Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. they offered him treatment which would extend his life from 12 months to 18 months, so not a long time in the grand scheme of things. the 6 months before his diagnosis, he had seen a childhood friend battle bowel cancer - her life for the last 6 months of her life consisted of driving an hour to the hospital everyday for treatment and then coming home and collapsing in bed - the treatment extended her life by 6 months but honestly, what life? it was not a quality life she was leading for those 6 months. <br /><br />Dad had one session of chemo. it made him as sick as a dog and he decided there and then not to have anymore - mum really struggled with his decision at first but at the same time understood it, i totally understood it but of course was painfully aware of how little time we would have left with him. we lost him within 5 months but you know what, up until the last 2 weeks of his life you wouldn't have even known that he was dying - he DID have quality of life basically right up until the end.<br /><br />it's a tough one. people naturally want themselves or their loved ones to be alive as long as possible and so will grasp at any opportunity offered to them in order to keep them here with them but it must be asked, at what cost? not only for the "patient" but also the family and yes even for the healthcare system. it's a slippery, dangerous, judgmental slope that's hard to navigate at the best of times.<br /><br />i'm so sorry about your Grandfather xxxstink-b0mbnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-50249945314426255162011-08-12T21:48:49.179+08:002011-08-12T21:48:49.179+08:00Hugs xxxHugs xxxmissyboonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-71675679262764977072011-08-12T16:19:38.685+08:002011-08-12T16:19:38.685+08:00Sending hugs.
Great post, and important issues. I ...Sending hugs.<br />Great post, and important issues. I guess hope is such a powerful force that while there is still some breath in a person's body, some chance of extra time, many of us cling to that hope and support whatever action is available. Just in case.<br />My grandmother died last year and my heart broke several times every hour for my pop, my mum and her brother and sister, and for my younger cousins, as well as for myself. Such an awful time, no matter how close you are to the patient. Thinking of you.Desert Ramblernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-16349484528113662922011-08-12T12:10:22.451+08:002011-08-12T12:10:22.451+08:00I write a long reply before and stupid Windows Upd...I write a long reply before and stupid Windows Update rebooted my laptop in the middle of writing it, grr. Basically what I said was I am sorry you are faced with this :( I have a lot of empathy for any family faced with this decision. We made the decision to not continue to treat my 92 yo dad (yes he was an older dad :)) 18 months ago after he went into hospital after a fall, and went downhill fast. he was living with Alzheimer's disease, which meant he was incapable of making his own healthcare choices and my mum had enduring power of attorney. It got to the point where he was incapable of speech, and he would have to go to a nursing home-which would have been akin to being in the 9th circle of hell for my father :( So we made the decision to cease treatment and allow transfer to a palliative care unit. He died 5 days later. It's an impossible and agonising decision, because either way, the outcome is never going to be good :( But we didn't think he had much chance of quality of life, so the decision to let him go, while not made lightly, and carrying with it a huge amount of guilt, I still believe was the best one.<br /><br />Much love to your grandparents and your family. My thoughts are with you. Jaynehttp://www.nondomestikgoddess.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-8305186231787752282011-08-12T11:53:13.014+08:002011-08-12T11:53:13.014+08:00Such a hard one :( I am another who has experience...Such a hard one :( I am another who has experienced this. My dad (who turned 92 the week before he died-older dad :)) had been living with Alzheimer's disease for 5-8 years (5 years of diagnosed Alzheimer's). He went into hospital after breaking his pelvis and basically started to go downhill very fast. He caught pneumonia and we were told not to expect him to recover, but he did. He was a fighter-stubborn old bugger too :) However, it had gotten to the point where my mum was worn out from being on 24/7 carer-the dementia had made him very hard to live with and she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. The hospital spell was a relief for her, but I also believe it took dad's will to live. Within 4 weeks we had to make the agonising decision on whether to try and treat him-and then probably send him to a nursing home (which he would have despised with all his heart) or to transfer to palliative care. At the age he was, with little quality of life left, we chose the palliative care. He died within 5 days. It was a heartbreaking decision, and not one made lightly. Dad was not in any mental capacity to make his wishes known, and by the end had lost the ability to talk. I still feel incredibly guilty on one level-but dad, a once proud, highly intelligent man would have hated the way the disease attacked his mental ability. It's impossible to know what he would have chosen-but I don't think he would have wanted to keep going in that state-and I know for sure he would have fought going to a nursing home with every fibre of his being.<br /><br />Sorry for the essay :) I really feel for your family, and any family forced to make this heartbreaking choice. Jaynehttp://www.nondomestikgoddess.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-33573705336045606492011-08-12T11:15:14.376+08:002011-08-12T11:15:14.376+08:00I went through the same thought process last year....I went through the same thought process last year.... Mr's nanna was hooked up to every machine possible and it was the worst thing to be in that room. I didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do.... It had only been a few months since pop had passed and all I could think of was "it isn't fair we are going through this again"!! WE?! I have never felt so selfish in my life, and I still feel guilty about it. But I have been told that it is a natural thing to think and feel.<br /><br />I'm so sorry that you are going through all this. <br />Much love you you and your fam.<br />xxAsh Ahttp://twitter.com/WondersOfAllisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-87679617970693405672011-08-12T09:39:13.428+08:002011-08-12T09:39:13.428+08:00Could have written an exact replica of this late l...Could have written an exact replica of this late last year Glow. I didn't have a close relationship with my Pop either, but to see my Dad and his siblings go thorugh weeks of 'you better come in, he hasn't got long left' was heart wrenching. Whatever happens, all you can try and hold onto is that the family was together and no one had to be alone at such a hard time :-)Skyeleehttp://skyelee76.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-58347789605786396482011-08-12T07:49:30.560+08:002011-08-12T07:49:30.560+08:00It's so hard. I was in a similar position this...It's so hard. I was in a similar position this time last year, sitting there, 8.5 months pregnant being told my nan wouldn't last more than a few days. What the Doctors didn't realise is that my nan is strong and stubborn. She was determined to see her first great granddaughter born and today she's in the best health she's been in for years. <br />But it's hard. And heart breaking. Watching people you love (your dad, aunt, uncle) suffer can be so upsetting.<br />Hugs to all the Glowless family, know that 'this too, shall pass'<br />XAly @ The Mummy Hathttp://themummyhat.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-81967918666679609472011-08-12T07:33:07.871+08:002011-08-12T07:33:07.871+08:00*sigh*
Life and Death.
It's is the arse end of...*sigh*<br />Life and Death.<br />It's is the arse end of the wonderful end of a journey that begins with "it's a BOY" in your case...and to Pop "Look after your Mum"<br /><br />As I write, I have no idea of his survival or not.<br /><br />But I stand firmly in your camp.<br /><br />Surgery to "come home" to care for his wife is such a wasted resource.......<br />I am not being a cold bitch here.......<br />my mum found she had brain tumours which "may" be able to fix surgically but they were secondaries, and no-one, MUM herself, wanted surgery.<br /><br />The neurosurgeon was pleased that our mum, dad, and with us, her two kids talking about it, that Mum underwent no further intrusion. She died some 6 weeks later in comfort.<br /><br />Love D XXXDenyse Whelanhttp://www.denysewhelan.com.aunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-53399061053716996962011-08-12T07:08:04.205+08:002011-08-12T07:08:04.205+08:00Big love to you gorgeous xBig love to you gorgeous xBianca Wordleynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-72925918368180751932011-08-12T05:29:27.417+08:002011-08-12T05:29:27.417+08:00I remember when my daughter was in intensive care ...I remember when my daughter was in intensive care and I was bringing my best friend in for a visit she said "it's not fair her being in with all these old people, they have all had their lives, they should be concentrating all their resources on your little girl". 2 years later however when I was in the same situation with my nan, I remember thinking, and even saying to the doctors, " just because she's old you can't give up on her....she is still desperately wanted and needed". it is such an awful hideous situation no matter what the circumstances.Martine@themodernparentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-68369844363542166662011-08-11T22:14:57.191+08:002011-08-11T22:14:57.191+08:00You do have to pay for the coffin, even though it ...You do have to pay for the coffin, even though it isnt burnt, because it has had a body in it. I dont know what they do with it after though. Disinfect and sell it again?sparklepandanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-61970585721811508822011-08-11T22:11:04.635+08:002011-08-11T22:11:04.635+08:00Hard questions. Hard for the person who knows they...Hard questions. Hard for the person who knows they are dying & hard for the family, for the wife that doesn't want her husband to leave her and will cling at any chance.<br /><br />This is where you need an advanced directive, so you can make your decisions about the extent to which you will go to prolong your own life when you are not knocking at death's door. Make the decision with a clear head, using logic and not emotion. When death is in the room, there is no logic.<br /><br />For me, the gross waste of resources is on those who end up with smoking related illnesses and then go back to smoking, only to need more treatment. There has to be a line, some responsibility for one's own actions.<br /><br />When the time comes, I hope your grandfather leaves this world without pain, in peace, with his wife by his side. xxSsparklepandanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-23836821974631173852011-08-11T21:08:41.065+08:002011-08-11T21:08:41.065+08:00Hubs faced a very similar situation a couple of we...Hubs faced a very similar situation a couple of weeks ago. His Grandfather was on his way out and he doesn't know him. It was quite hard for him too, as all other family was away so he was the only relative there. And he too was talking about his wonder about the waste of resources. His Grandfather was an alcoholic who ruined his own health, and yet there were so many medical people working so hard trying to give him a bit longer? But I think a life is a life, and we just do what we can to give people life. It doesn't always work, but it's the kind of thing that can't be judged properly, so is better to just work to save everyone.Slightly Deephttp://slightlymoredepththanateaspoon.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-7278129205051019082011-08-11T21:05:19.113+08:002011-08-11T21:05:19.113+08:00Oh wow. Two thoughts your post has triggered:
1. T...Oh wow. Two thoughts your post has triggered:<br />1. This is why I friggin hate hospitals2. I hate watching the people I love get old and sufferI wish there was a more dignified way for people to say "you know what, it's my time".Kelly Exeterhttp://twitter.com/kellyexeternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-2429524385960342412011-08-11T20:58:43.583+08:002011-08-11T20:58:43.583+08:00Big hugs. This side of life sucks the big one.
M...Big hugs. This side of life sucks the big one.<br /><br />My 88 year old dad, who is completely with it and lives with my Mum - next door to me - is having both of his knees replaced in a couple of weeks.<br /><br />He had to be assessed by a seemingly never-ending round of doctors in order for them to come up with a number that represents the number of years that he is likely to live. And because that number (4) seemed to be acceptable, he is "allowed" to have the surgery. <br /><br />And of course, all I could think was... "How will he feel if he was rejected because some jumped up 12 year old with a medical degree doesn't think he's going to live long enough to make the cost worthwhile?"<br /><br />He needs the surgery. The pain is unbearable and he treasures his mobility enough to put up with the agony that the surgery, and recovery, will entail.<br /><br />Being him... (he is amazing)... he called in the funeral home and organised everything. The lot. <br /><br />I've been accepting for a while that the downside of having my lovely parents live to ripe old age is that losing them might be a long, slow, complicated, drawn out process. Filled with awful decisions.<br /><br />Fingers crossed that those decisions are still a long way away.<br /><br />Fingers crossed that your grandfather comes out of his medically induced coma and does well.<br /><br />(((((hugs))))))Fiona Lumsdainenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-19303465821564987382011-08-11T20:34:48.291+08:002011-08-11T20:34:48.291+08:00I don't know what to say to this. Hugs.I don't know what to say to this. Hugs.MummyKnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-4743874374640945792011-08-11T19:53:33.512+08:002011-08-11T19:53:33.512+08:00What a terribly moving post. My Father, 82, has be...What a terribly moving post. My Father, 82, has been in hospital with Pancreatitis. He is home now, but not well. I have always believed in not prologing the inevitable. It is our own selfish feelings of grief and loss that will allow us to watch our loved ones endure pain and suffering when their time has come.<br />Having said that your grandfather is still quite aware of what is going on, so yes it should be his decision.<br />Peace and love to your family during this time and hugs for such a brave post xxJodi Gibsonhttp://www.jodigibson.com.aunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-56750609634344064482011-08-11T19:49:59.213+08:002011-08-11T19:49:59.213+08:00You are totally awesome for being honest that your...You are totally awesome for being honest that your mind wandered to the Census.<br /><br />My husband came home from a funeral today. His father's Uncle, aged 91. He is being cremated, and his body was in a casket at the funeral. I was thinking to myself, "So, do you have to pay for the coffin if you're being cremated? What happens to the coffin? Do they sell it to the next guy?" [Lucky my empathic, sensitive self stopped me from asking.]<br /><br />In intense times like these, don't judge how you feel or what your mind does. Just feel what you feel and think what you think. There's no right or wrong in this.<br /><br />You are totally the best. So not surprised you're going to be a paid writer soon.Lina@MothersLoveLettershttp://MothersLoveLetters.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-19320258741074669652011-08-11T17:55:29.352+08:002011-08-11T17:55:29.352+08:00x hugs x. beautiful that you could see the love th...x hugs x. beautiful that you could see the love that your grandparents have for each other. such an incredibly difficult question, about prolonging life. I am grateful that we live in a country where there is actually a choice about whether to have surgery or not. My thoughts are with you and your family. xSusannah Maddennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3739118490318763551.post-8313666028921446612011-08-11T17:39:52.886+08:002011-08-11T17:39:52.886+08:00xxxxxxxxMegan Blandfordhttp://twitter.com/MeganBlandfordnoreply@blogger.com